Thursday, September 18, 2014

Why men prefer clean breakups

There is no lasting grief like that of a woman deprived of her drama:
So what is it about men that they can't end relationships with manners, dignity and, yes, some emotion? Why do they think it'll be easier for the woman if they don’t show their feelings, rather than shed a tear and at least come up with a lame excuse?

I've been subjected to many crass dumpings since I first kissed a boy 30 years ago, and I've no doubt my experiences are pretty standard

There are ways for men to dispatch a woman, and Rory clearly needs some practice. As does the spineless worm who dumped my sister after passionately courting her for almost six months. Literally all he said was ‘goodbye’ before walking out. No wonder she was left sobbing on my sofa for weeks.

Just last weekend, several years after the event, we had a ceremonial shredding of the love letters - great sheaves of them. And, still, she kept asking, 'Why?' During her emotional outpourings, my sister was lamenting not only the end of a long relationship but the fact there wasn't a reason for the ending.

The loss was bad enough but the not knowing why was worse. There must have been a why, it's just that the man - and, let's be honest, most men - found it nigh-on impossible to express it.

Women need closure, while men seem able to suppress their emotions and build impenetrable walls around unfinished aspects of their lives, as if those loose ends no longer exist.
Not that she actually wants to know, but the main reason a man simply walks away without an explanation is that he knows perfectly well that no matter what he says, it's not going to make any difference anyhow. He's still going to be the villain of the piece. After all, when a woman has repeatedly shown that she has no interest in anything you say and no respect for anything you believe, what is the point of telling her why you don't want to be around her any longer?

I've told women exactly why I'm not continuing the relationship and they don't react to it any better than when I simply stopped calling them or taking their calls. By the time a man gets sufficiently fed up to want to walk away, he doesn't want to explain himself or argue or fight, he just wants out.

And in many cases, the final straw sounds a little stupid. The man knows that it's going to sound ridiculous, but the point is that it is the final straw. It's not the singular reason.

77 comments:

Crowhill said...

Could another possible problem with giving a lengthy explanation be that the woman will interpret it as a negotiation?

therationalmale.com said...

It's called deductive pragmatism. Better her last impression of you is walking away on your feet than confirming her Beta impression of you by shuffling away on your knees.

I wonder how much mental effort she gives to the guys who had emotional breakdowns after she split with them?

vashine said...

Women will throw themselves into the drama with or without your reasons. Ofttimes they'll even respect you less if you're actually open and honest with them. Not only can many not even understand what you're saying, they don't want too, they're already too wrapped up in their solipsistic victimhood and woe-is-me rejection that anything you say will be heard as "I am an evil, evil, emotionless blah blah blah."

Note how here sister was lamenting, in her thoughtless outpourings of orgasmic drama, that there "wasn't a reason for the ending." Yes, there was a reason, and likely far more than just one reason. The most obvious one was that the man, which *newsflash* is HALF of the relationship, decided he no longer wanted a relationship with her. That is reason enough. It is obvious to anyone not ensconced in an internal tele-novela, who can step back and actually think for two seconds, think to put themselves in the other person's shoes, that the present and/or future cons outweighed the pros in his heart and mind. Case closed. There's your reason.

That he might have plenty of good reasons for not telling her all the freakin' details as to why he decided to end it, to include compassionate reasons, personal reasons, all other sorts of reasons that have NOTHING to do with her, that might actually be far more important than SHE *another newsflash*, clearly has not crossed her mind. That he may have saved her far more emotional grief and precious months or years of her life, has neither crossed her little mind either.

Oh those evil, evil men. And their kooties.

Feather Blade said...

Could another possible problem with giving a lengthy explanation be that the woman will interpret it as a negotiation?

Probably.

If the guy ends the relationship because of the woman's intolerable behavior, I would have though that it would at least be satisfying for him to say something like "Because you are a disrespectful, gossipy bitch," and then walk out.

Miguel D'Anconia said...

The other thing she's not taking into account is the high probability that the man doing the break-up doesn't give a shit? He simply realizes the relationship is a loss and needs to move on. Plan and simple. Like the old saying goes - "no sense crying over spilled milk".

jimmy-jimbo said...

Women initiate most breakups. I suppose they just want to do it in the most dramatic way possible.

It is weird that they want an explanation when a man breaks up with her. A man does not need to provide it since the women do not usually want to listen to the man while they were in the relationship. By the time it comes, the explanation was there all along. They refuse to listen. It is not one mere event, but many slights, confrontations, and refusals.

Feather Blade said...

To be fair, "Goodbye" and gone, is far kinder than (for example) a fellow who moves in with another girl and, for six months, pretends that he was always absent from his first girl's apartment due to work.

Krul said...

The loss was bad enough but the not knowing why was worse. There must have been a why, it's just that the man - and, let's be honest, most men - found it nigh-on impossible to express it.

Earlier in the article:

I went into the kitchen to talk to him as he plated up the main course. 'So, what do you think?' he said. 'Of what?' I replied. 'Of her,' he said, nodding in the direction of the dining room and the stunning girl in a tight Herve Leger bandage dress and with a veritable cascade of lush dark hair.

I looked down at my flat shoes through my boyish bob. Suddenly it became devastatingly clear that this was his way of ditching me. Not for him a tearful break-up during a walk in the park, nor even a 2am phone call in which he'll pledge to be my best friend for ever.

Instead, unable to do the decent thing, he invited me around to show me the reason I was being dumped.


It looks like her ex had no problem whatsoever expressing the "why".

verusconditio said...

"It's not you, it's me", "I still want to be good friends", and "I still love and but am not in love with you" are ok, though.

~ Stingray

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

"I looked down at my flat shoes through my boyish bob"

Bingo!

Girls with short hair are damaged.

Ghost said...

When I was younger, and way more beta, I always explained why I was breaking up with a girl. It always ended with her thinking we were still together. Then I got dumped twice in a row with no explanation. The second time, I wasn't even mad, I just asked, "since young relationships are about learning, can you tell me why this didn't work out?"
Her answer, and I quote verbatim, "well, it's like... ya know?"

After that eye opening experience, when a girl asked me why it was over, I would simply say, "because I'm done" if I said anything at all.

Someone above mentioned negotiation, and I think that's because when a man makes up his mind, it takes empirical evidence to change his mind. When a woman decides to do something, it's based entirely on emotions, which can be negotiated into changing.

Owen said...

She wants it to be anything other than, "You are not worth any more of my time."

That's really what the walk-off breakup communicates.

The P has no more power. Her words are banging shutters on an abandoned house.

rjw99 said...

Wozniacki isn't that good looking, honestly. And Rory can surely do better. The more interesting thing about their breakup is that they are both performing better in their respective sport since they broke up.

And her sister got courted right up until he banged her, then he left because he got what he wanted...

cailcorishev said...

"Dignity and emotion"? What? Trying to maintain his dignity (and hers) is the main reason a guy holds back his emotions in the first place. What's dignified about crying about it?

En-sigma said...

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference

In everything confrontational, women only want their point to be heard. Not to know why, but so she can tell him what his REAL problems are.

Whenever they apologize, the "sincere" apology is followed by a "but you always" or "but I was only." Never try to explain to the ex - take your pride and go.

Trust said...

Of course, the female desire to avoid criticism is a factor. She may appear to be asking for constructive criticism, but if he gave her a reason it would quickly be torn apart and turned on him.

Men are at a disadvantage in dialogue, nit just because of a woman's natiral conversational skills, but the fact that she has probably talked about everything endlessly with her friends. That's why women always have a comeback.while men are often stumped by the most obviously absurd statement.

Of course, a woman has a desire to make sure everyone knows it is not her fault. Men on the other hand understand most people don't give a shit who is to blame.

Sean Carnegie said...

Sheaves of love letters finally getting shredded *years* after the event? I wonder how many guys she's negotiated with in the past upon their imminent breakup have their love letters kept for years?

de ti said...

“the main reason a man simply walks away without an explanation is that he knows perfectly well that no matter what he says, it's not going to make any difference anyhow. He's still going to be the villain of the piece.”

Pretty much. No matter what you say, you’re a jerk. If you explain that it isn’t working and that it’s very clear she doesn’t really want to be with you, you’re a perceptive jerk. If you just don’t want to date her at all; you’re a dissolute, confused jerk. If you honestly aren’t over your last girlfriend and have feelings for someone else and you need to work through them, you’re an immature, effeminate jerk. If you explain that she’s terrible in bed, you’re a shallow, sex obsessed jerk. If one of you is moving away and you don’t want a long distance relationship, you’re an insensitive jerk.

“After all, when a woman has repeatedly shown that she has no interest in anything you say and no respect for anything you believe, what is the point of telling her why you don't want to be around her any longer?”

It isn’t even that she isn’t interested and is disrespectful. It might be that you just don’t want to date her anymore for any reason, or no reason at all. The relationship might work out OK, but it just isn’t working. The reason is simply, and elegantly, “I don’t want to date/see you anymore.” It won’t matter. If that really is the only, the sole, reason, that you just don’t want to anymore, you’re a jerk.

The idea behind "closure" and "tell me why, why, WHY" is that a guy is supposed to care enough to tell her the real reason so that he can help her improve, help her get better for the next one, so that she won’t make that same mistake the next time. He is supposed to take his place as part of a chapter of her life, a journey, a story writ large, an odyssey of never ending self improvement and discovery. His failure to comply with her demands that she know “the real reason why” screws with her desire to close out the chapter in a way That Makes Sense. That’s why this DailyFail article was written.

manofsteal said...

I will say though, that a properly executed "lets just be friends" using the feminine script can leave it open for future breakup banging.

de ti said...

“His failure to comply with her demands that she know “the real reason why” screws with her desire to close out the chapter in a way That Makes Sense.”

Whoops. Sorry. My guy tendencies were showing. That should be:

“His failure to comply with her demands that she know “the real reason why” screws with her desire to close out the chapter in a way that Feels Good To Her and Doesn’t Make Her Look Bad.”

Krul said...

cailcorishev-"Dignity and emotion"? What?

The article is peppered with buzzwords chosen for emotional connotation rather than actual meaning. "Dignity" is one. "Coward" is another.

The author says this: "Man up and dignify us with a little honesty, will you? Tell us you’ve fallen in love with someone else, that you’re bored with us, can't abide our friends or whatever. That's how to dump a woman. Make it unequivocal and honest." That's what Rory Mcllory did, but the author still accused him of behaving like a coward.

Corvinus said...

You can't reason with women anyway, so if you want to end it, simply walking out is the only way.

Cataline Sergius said...

Oh. Dear. Lord.

Well let us take a good look at this.

So what is it about men that they can't end relationships with manners, dignity and, yes, some emotion? Why do they think it'll be easier for the woman if they don’t show their feelings, rather than shed a tear and at least come up with a lame excuse?

Manners, dignity...and emotion?!?!? The first two are mutually exclusive from the second. This is a ridiculous feminist wish list. Based purely on a need to salve a woman's damaged ego. There is no avoiding damaging a woman's ego during a breakup, it simply isn't possible. Get over with quickly and efficiently.

Although...

...If you have one that is very, very clingy, crying in front of her might be a way to make her reel away in disgust. Imagine if Rhett Butler had sobbed, "I will love you forever, Scarlett," as he staggered brokenly out the front door. Instead of turning Scarlett in to the ultimate Alpha Widow by stating, "frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

I've been subjected to many crass dumpings since I first kissed a boy 30 years ago, and I've no doubt my experiences are pretty standard.

Whoa, your experiences are not standard at all. As Jimmy pointed out, 80% of the time it's the woman that dumps the man. This woman isn't an Alpha Widow, she is an Alpha Black Widow. Even at 35 she can still attract cads who have no intention of being stuck with her.

After 20 or so dates in six weeks, each one more heart-stoppingly exciting than the last, I was pretty sure that Ben was The One. Good-looking, with the naughtiest twinkle in his dark-brown eyes, he was also smart, stylish and, most importantly, funny. I could tell how that one was going to end by the second sentence. An Alpha is not going to settle down with a 35 year old woman who has been relentlessly riding The Carousel looking for The One.

There are ways for men to dispatch a woman, and Rory clearly needs some practice. As does the spineless worm who dumped my sister after passionately courting her for almost six months. Literally all he said was ‘goodbye’ before walking out. No wonder she was left sobbing on my sofa for weeks.

Quick note, Alpha widowhood does run in families.

Just last weekend, several years after the event, we had a ceremonial shredding of the love letters - great sheaves of them. And, still, she kept asking, 'Why?' During her emotional outpourings, my sister was lamenting not only the end of a long relationship but the fact there wasn't a reason for the ending.

The loss was bad enough but the not knowing why was worse. There must have been a why, it's just that the man - and, let's be honest, most men - found it nigh-on impossible to express it.

Yes. We. Do. Don't blame us if you find it impossible to listen. Generally speaking when a woman breaks up with a man, her interest has been sliding for a while. On a scale of one to ten, a woman will be thinking about dumping a man when she has dropped to a 6, she will act on it when it reaches 4. But in the meantime, she will fake it and pretend she is still at an 8. When the dumping happens it looks like thisfor the average Delta.

Women need closure, while men seem able to suppress their emotions and build impenetrable walls around unfinished aspects of their lives, as if those loose ends no longer exist.

When a man dumps a woman, there is in fact closure. Move on with your life, its for the best, its over. You are free now. You can screw my best friend if you like, I really don't care.

When a woman dumps a man, she wants him to go home and start carving her name into his arm, until he starves to death. She never wants him to have closure, at all. She wants him to assume beta orbit forever.

Ben Cohen said...

I dated a woman for a few months who I had no interest in due to being hounded non-stop to date her by her father and a rabbi. The funny thing is that I tried to get in contact with her to explain why and she never returned my calls.

You don't have a problem just walking away? Word can get around and you might be known as an attractive jerk.

cailcorishev said...

Girls with short hair are damaged.

Yeah, I chuckled at that too. She instantly recognized that the other girl's "cascade of lush dark hair" was superior to her "boyish bob," but I bet she'd never admit it directly. I'm sure all her friends gushed over her short 'do too, so I hope they enjoyed nursing her through her drunken recovery.

As for the rest of her story, I just plain don't believe it. If he invited her over to meet his new girl, he had to think they were friends with benefits (she says the relationship was "passionate," which I'm assuming is euphemism for "banging like a screen door). Sure, lots of guys (people) aren't good at breakups, but that would be unnecessarily cruel.

My guess is that they met and started having sex without any commitment, and he figured that was awesome. He might have even said things to that effect, which she nodded along to while thinking to herself that it surely meant more. Then she started getting clingy, and he tried to give her signals that he didn't want to get exclusive, and finally went nuclear to make the point -- and to leave open the possibility that she might say, "Nice, I'm up for a threesome."

Just a guess, but very few guys would be as needlessly cruel at she's portraying him here.

Patrick Kelly said...

"a woman has a desire to make sure everyone knows it is not her fault. Men on the other hand understand most people don't give a shit who is to blame."

This is golden.

Endless arguments include:

Her: "So, you're saying this is all my fault !?!? boo hooo hooo.....you're so mean and selfish....(sobbing)"

Me: " I don't give a .......who's fault it is, this suks, I want to do something to make it not suk so much...blame it all on me, I don't care, let's just move on and make life better for both of us..."

Her: "I don't want to talk about it any more.... you're angry and scaring me.....(more sobs, runs away to bathroom or something)

... or something like that..........I hope this sounds familiar...or I really am a mean, selfish SOB...and it's all my fault....


I need some fucking whiskey...

Patrick Kelly said...

"Manners, dignity...and emotion?!?!? The first two are mutually exclusive from the second"

Yeah, ya' know what women need to be happy. UNOBFUCKINGTANIUM !!

"But in the meantime, she will fake it and pretend she is still at an 8. When the dumping happens it looks like this for the average Delta."

Ah bloody hell, I was totally blindsided by this......hindsight is cruel.........


cailcorishev said...

The best part:

Perhaps, then, it's time we women radically changed our approach. To stop looking for reasons and to start being selfish. To be ruthless not wet, emotionless not soppy, to embrace the clean break rather than look for a made-up excuse.

Yes, by all means, double down on the crass behavior that probably accounts for the fact that guys like to have their running shoes on when they break up with you, not to mention the fact that you're single at 35 and getting desperate. That's the ticket.

Patrick Kelly said...

" Word can get around and you might be known as an attractive jerk"

I can only hope, isn't that the description of an alpha?

Sorry 'bout the comment spew, this one hit a nerve with me....

cailcorishev said...

"It's not you, it's me", "I still want to be good friends", and "I still love and but am not in love with you" are ok, though.

Oh, so she wants guys to lie to her, the way she did when she dumped guys. Fair enough.

de ti said...

Ladies, if a guy has broken up with you and he won’t/didn’t say why, or he is not returning your calls/not taking your calls, the reason is that he has decided you are no longer worth any more of his time, money or resources. It’s probably one or more of the following:

1. You treat him like shit.

2. Your sex life is shit.

3. You lied about something directly related to the relationship and he knows it.

4. He’s finally figured out that you don’t care about him.

5. He met someone else.

Trust said...

My wife got a taste of female logic recently. Her and her best friend grown apart since we had kids. She evidently was looking for an excuse, and she found one. Her mother died and my wife didn't go to the funeral. "I can no longer be your friend because I can't get part your choice not to be there for me."

Sounds reasonable, when she leaves out the part where her mother's funeral was over 500 miles away in a different country.

I guess that's the dignity women speak of. They don't mean it was we mean it, meaning we end the relationship like a mature adult. They mean their dignity, which means an excuse that pins it totally on the other party.

Men and women use the same words but mean different things.

cailcorishev said...

Manners, dignity...and emotion?!?!? The first two are mutually exclusive from the second.

On second thought, I figured this out. She wants him to get emotional and cry, so she can be dignified. As Deti said, it's supposed to play out like a chapter in one of her romance porn novels, where he tearfully admits that it's really all his fault because he's not man enough for her wonderfulness. Then she makes a dignified exit, setting herself up to say it was really a mutual decision -- and five years later, that she really dumped him.

cailcorishev said...

Deti, I'm trying to think of another possible reason to add to your five-point list, and I can't. Well done. There really are very few reasons that a man will break up with a woman he previously found attractive, especially without trying to let her down easy, and #3 and #4 are really part of #1. We're not complicated.

Krul said...

At one point she wants men to "Man up and dignify us with a little honesty... Make it unequivocal and honest". At another she wants them to "shed a tear and at least come up with a lame excuse". Okay, sure, I'll get right on that. You want me to draw a square circle while I'm at it?

xxxx said...

Since Deti has not used the hamsterlator, I will give it a try.

"PICTURE WITH THE CAPTION: Kate Spicer, 35, has had more than her fair share of unfair dismissals by boyfriends"

Pre-wall woman trying too hard to hide the ravages of time.

"After 20 or so dates in six weeks, each one more heart-stoppingly exciting than the last"

Carousel rider.

"I was pretty sure that Ben was The One."

After tasting hundreds of c_ks, if Ben seems The One is because he must be a 9.5. He is way out of her league.

"Good-looking, with the naughtiest twinkle in his dark-brown eyes, he was also smart, stylish and, most importantly, funny."

Waaaaaay out of her league.

"My 35-year-old head knew perfection wasn't possible, but my heart said something different. "

Way out of her league

"And, from the passionate nature of our relationship, I assumed he was similarly besotted with me."

Alpha's pump and dump that the hamster reinterpret as love story with The One. The tingles were glorious.


"Naturally, I was desperate to share my good fortune,"

Good fortune -> Way out of her league. Desperate to share -> Eager to brag about landing an alpha with the other hens. Dontcha hate me, b_tch?

"A few weeks later, the big night came when he invited me to dinner with a few of his friends... Inside there were two men and three girls, all a lot younger than me, and all unnervingly beautiful."

He was way out of her league.

"'So, what do you think?' he said. 'Of what?' I replied. 'Of her,' he said, nodding in the direction of the dining room and the stunning girl in a tight Herve Leger bandage dress and with a veritable cascade of lush dark hair."

He can do way better than her, as the stunning girl proves. Her inflated ego receives a huge blow after facing reality and knowing her place in the sexual market.

"Forget 'it's not you, it's me', this was 'it's not you, it's her'."

The hamster is hurting and cannot reinterpret something so obvious and clear. Poor hamster.

"Suddenly it became devastatingly clear that this was his way of ditching me. Not for him a tearful break-up during a walk in the park, nor even a 2am phone call in which he'll pledge to be my best friend for ever."

After the hamster is unconscious from the blow, she is hurting. If he can lie to her, she would be able to thing that she was of any value to him instead of a willing v_gina. So she reinterprets the a pump and dump as "it was not meant to be" to protect her fragile ego.

Furious because her self-inflated perception has received a huge blow, she resorts to write an article calling men cowards to soothe her pain. Of course, Ben is not coward at all. Although cruel, his move shows he has lots of guts.

de ti said...

Cail, I actually thought of another reason to add to the five point list.

6. You are no longer as physically attractive as you were. You are neglecting your physical appearance.

Though, for most men today, due to the extreme thirst most men suffer, that's only going to come into play in conjunction with one of the other factors.

jimmy-jimbo said...

"5. He met someone else."

This will definitely allow closure (if it works). You're still a rat though. The other reasons blame her and she doesn't accept them anyways. You're still a rat for letting her know.

You're a rat and that's all you need to know.

I'd rather a person breakup before marriage. That's the best time to breakup when there are no third parties involved like kids. Just do it. Don't drag out a bad relationship just to save her feelings.

Corvinus said...

@xxxx

I laughed.

My 35-year-old head knew perfection wasn't possible, but my heart said something different. "

Way out of her league


If Ben wasn't north of 50, I'd have put, "And on top of that, waaaaay too old to have standards that high."

It still beggars belief that women who are well into their 30s, and quite possibly already infertile, still have such unreasonable standards.

There's a traditional Catholic prayer that girls used to say to a certain saint that they'd find a good man. And normally, their standards would start out high when they were 18-20, but they'd sink into the basement by the time they hit 25.

Corvinus said...

If Ben wasn't north of 50, I'd have put, "And on top of that, waaaaay too old to have standards that high."

I meant, "And on top of that, *she's waaaaay too old..." Dernit.

One Fat Oz Guy said...

I always preferred to switch it around on them:
Me: I've noticed you've been wanting more time to yourself lately.
Her: yes, I've just been needing time apart.
Me: do you feel better when you've got that time?
Her: yes.
Me: does this mean you're rethinking the relationship?
Her: look I just think that we're better off apart... But we can still be friends...

It's worked twice for me and in both cases the girls still swear they broke up with me.

Single bass said...

As a corollary...women absolutely hate it when they initiate the break-up and the guy immediately accepts it without anger or questions. When the girl breaks up with you, remain absolutely unperturbed and say "okay" with an amiable nod and smile. Even better, then continue to talk to her, continue the meal or watching the movie, or whatever the context, with nary a ruffled feather. She will go apeshit. She will demand that YOU demand to know why. She will be enraged that you are not enraged. She will demand that you ask if she is seeing someone else. Don't fall for it. Your unruffled, amused nonchalance is a red hot knife slipped under her rib cage. Best revenge ever. She might even fuck you right there.
A LTR asked me to dinner where she promptly broke up with me. I said okay with a shrug and continued to nibble on my salad. I could feel her gaze of hatred burning into my forehead and looked up just as she hurled a dinner roll at my head. I ducked the bread, wheeled around onto my feet and out the door and was in my car and on the road before she even registered what happened. It will surprise no one that she angrily followed me home where we had grunting weasel sex on the floor in the entryway, after which I broke up with her. I don't always win, but I sure do sometimes.

de ti said...

Fat Oz Guy:

But... in the conversation, she did break up with you. That's the "we can still be friends" part.

Now if you don't care about the breakup, OK, but she's the one who did the breaking.

Krul said...

Single bass - She will be enraged that you are not enraged.

Precisely.

The thrust of Caroline Wozniacki's article is that men in breakups won't show emotion. She assumes that this is because they are "cowards", afraid to express the emotions that are secretly tearing them up inside.

She won't admit the truth: that in these cases the man doesn't express emotion because he has none to express. He simply doesn't feel that strongly about her any more, assuming he ever did at all. It's the most complete form of rejection.

The opposite of love, as they say, is not hatred but apathy.

de ti said...

When a guy breaks up with a girl, all he has to say is this:

"I don't want to date/see/have sex with you anymore."

That's all he has to say. It has the advantages of being short, concise, and accurate. As Vox already pointed out, any further explanations won't soften the blow and she doesn't really want to hear them anyway.

He: "I don't want to date you anymore."
She: "But why?"
He: "because I don't."
She: "There must be a reason why you don't. Why?"
He: "Because I just don't."

That's all you have to say. "I don't want to see you anymore."

The parallel situation is where girls tell a guy "Let's just be friends". Men, in my opinion, the only reason a woman breaks it off with a man is because she is no longer sexually attracted to him.

Michael Maier said...

"I appreciate there's never a good way to end a relationship - my preferred exit strategy is to let things get so bad that I can't help but finish things - but at least I end it with some explanation."

This c*** calls men cowards and expects decent treatment after admitting to this behavior? Wasting everyone's time and being intentionally awful is somehow dignified and mature?

Though my favorite breakup was a woman sort of doing this.

My girl was getting on my nerves constantly so I called her outt: "It feels like you're being obnoxious so I'll break up with you so you don't have to break up with me." She sheepishly admitted I was right. "So you want to break up then?" "....Yes." "OK, then." She looked rather shocked that I ended it so casually.

And I was actually okay with it, too. I was more annoyed when she dumped me the third time... on Valentine's Day.

Looking back, that might have been an attempt at deliberate cruelty / revenge on her part. But if so, it backfired. We still hang out and whenever I bring it up, she gets pissed. Then I get all "righteous indignation" because, hey! She was the heartless one. Makes her even more pissed.

Good times.

Glen Filthie said...

Correct.

Men (or, at least, us old world men) - keep a running mental spreadsheet on all our relationships. In one column go the 'pro's' of the relationship - and in the other column are the 'con's'.

If the pros outnumber the cons of the relationship we are happy. When the con's outnumber the pro's - we start to get quiet. When that final con gets added to the list we break with speed and finality that often leaves women incredulous.

It is my scholarly opinion that men should always break like men and treat the ladies as well as he can. You owe it to them to tell them why you are breaking it off - but you are not obligated to defend yourself or argue with them about it - and THAT is what pisses these alpha bitches off! Women like to feel like they are in control, that they call the shots and that their word is law...but things have to be good for everyone or it's game over. Sadly, around 50% of The Modern Women are sluts, bitches, or exclusively focused on their career. It isn't worth the heartache boys. Don't even THINK of taking up with these types. They will let you down and you WILL have to dump them at some point and they won't handle it well.

b1bae96e-6447-11e3-b6bb-000f20980440 said...

She must not be very good at mental gymnastics. Most women I dumped/declined advances from attributed it to either me being "intimidated by strong, intelligent, and independent women" or that I am a "closet homosexual"

Deti, I'm trying to think of another possible reason to add to your five-point list, and I can't. Well done. There really are very few reasons that a man will break up with a woman he previously found attractive, especially without trying to let her down easy, and #3 and #4 are really part of #1. We're not complicated.

I am presuming that #1 or 4 cover women that let themselves go once they get into relationships. I watch a lot of women bounce 10-20lbs in LTR vs. single.

Vox said...

As a corollary...women absolutely hate it when they initiate the break-up and the guy immediately accepts it without anger or questions. When the girl breaks up with you, remain absolutely unperturbed and say "okay" with an amiable nod and smile

This is true. A girl a few years younger once broke up with me because she was entering university and wanted to be "free". I refrained from pointing out that this was always bound to happen, and simply said, "all right".

She was quiet for a little while, then said, "you're going to go out with J, aren't you." J being a hot little model on the nightclub scene with whom I was very taken. I just laughed and said, "well, yes". After she left, I called J, and that was that.

Everybody wins.

cailcorishev said...

I am presuming that #1 or 4 cover women that let themselves go once they get into relationships.

In my book, yes. A certain amount of sagging and wrinkling is expected, of course, but wife goggles cover that. A woman who lets herself gain large amounts of weight, though, is treating her husband like shit. Odds are very good that she's also restricting sex, or making it so unpleasant that he rarely wants it. So the wife who becomes obese is hitting #1, #2, and #4, at least.

insanitybytes22 said...

That's fascinating, because I've observed the exact opposite. It is usually men who are unwilling to make a clean break. Women tend to throw your clothes out on the street, eat a gallon of chocolate ice cream, and be done with it. It is men that show up drunk and crying at 2 AM.

Trust said...

It really must bite to be that insane.

insanitybytes22 said...

"It really must bite to be that insane."

Trust, would you feel better if I told you there was a once a football player who snuck off with my best friend and left me stranded at a party? I suppose you could say he made a "clean break." Unfortunately even my football player tried to bounce back, for months. Men are quite capable of drama too, you know, it just looks a bit different.

Trust said...

Frankly insanity, that neither makes me feel better nor worse. I just don't give a shit. You say ridiculous shit, you get responded to in kind.

redpillpushers said...

Also remember,
that women always like to feel that they have total control of the accept/reject cycle. Part of their mating, survival, and ego strategy is to keep control of who they expose their womb to, and who they don't, and always ensure that they have their pick of men. They want to always be wanted, and move men in and out of their lives as they see fit, depending on what phase of life they're in.
Breaking up with her shatters that illusion of control into a trillion pieces, and is too much for her estrogen addled brain to process.

Best Alpha line is from Watchmen:
"My wife asked me if I was divorcing her because she was getting old. I said 'yes.' "

insanitybytes22 said...

"You say ridiculous shit, you get responded to in kind."

LOL, no, I get responded to with a great deal of verbal abuse no matter what I say. I'm sorry if I can't confirm your somewhat odd world view, but in my experience, men seldom make a clean break of it. Men are not quite the emotionally detached automatrons they like to perceive themselves as, and these boards are evidence of such.

Retrenched said...

Women usually play the role of dumper rather than dumpee. So when they get dumped it probably feels to them like they're getting cheated, like their role of the gatekeeper and the selector is being usurped from them. Relationships should always last as long as the woman wants them to, on terms the woman establishes, and then end whenever the woman is ready for it to end, and on her terms. How dare men try to set their own terms for love and relationships, and break up with women before women are ready to break up with them! Bastards.

insanitybytes22 said...

Thanks, Retrenched. That rings true.

Matamoros said...

Corvinus: There's a traditional Catholic prayer that girls used to say to a certain saint that they'd find a good man. And normally, their standards would start out high when they were 18-20, but they'd sink into the basement by the time they hit 25.

Might I ask what saint, and what the prayer is?

Akulkis said...

I will say though, that a properly executed "lets just be friends" using the feminine script can leave it open for future breakup banging.

Yes, I have found that using many of women's most common platitudes can be quite effective.

Pissed off? Don't spend 15 minutes explaing why....

Instead, just say, "Fine!" and do whatever it is that you really feel like doing.

She'll go nuts trying to figure out how to get back in your good graces.

Akulkis said...

5. He met someone else. .... who isn't on the wrong side of 1, 2, 3, or 4 above.

cailcorishev said...

Might I ask what saint, and what the prayer is?

There isn't really an official saint or prayer for it, but the most common one for a girl looking for a husband is St. Anne (mother of the Virgin Mary and patron saint of wives and mothers). Search for "St Anne novena" to find various daily prayers to her. The shortest one is, "St. Anne, St. Anne, send me a man as fast as you can."

For a man looking for a wife, the most common would be St. Joseph, patron saint of husbands and fathers.

For either man or woman, people will sometimes pray to St. Anthony, patron saint of finding lost items (get it?). There's also St. Raphael the Archangel, patron saint of lovers, happy meetings, and the mentally ill (helpful for feral girls). If all else fails, there's St. Jude, patron saint of hopeless causes.

And then there's the 54-day rosary novena, where you pray the rosary daily for 54 days, the first 27 in petition for your wish (finding a spouse) and the last 27 in thanksgiving for God's response (even if you haven't seen it yet). That's the heavy hitter. The serious spouse-hunter could follow up a daily rosary with prayers to St. Anne/Joseph and one's own personal patron saint.

cailcorishev said...

Akulkis, that's a good point. Most men will not be looking for a replacement if they're being treated well and getting plenty of sex from a woman who doesn't belittle or betray them. Yes, some men are natural wanderers, but they're a minority. And a guy who's a 6 could be swept away by a determined 10, but why would a 10 be trolling for 6's? (Think Clark Griswold and Christie Brinkley in Vacation.) So a woman who takes care of 1-4 doesn't have to worry about #5 unless she married a guy of drastically higher SMV.

There's a stereotype of the guy who hits middle age and gets restless and tries to relive his youth by finding a young girlfriend. But I think in most cases where that happens, the true cause is that he's not getting laid enough at home, or his wife has become unattractive, so he's shifted back into the "gotta find someone" mode he was in before marriage. Take care of #1-4, and that won't happen.

Brave New Man said...

"opening up" would feed the woman's hamster. She would rationalise on why he is breaking up with her and why it is his fault, not hers. She didn't do anything wrong - bad, bad boy.
It would also provide the woman with a good deal of indignation, another well known hamster food.
To finalise, she would loose the tiny little bit of repect she had left for him, over that shed tear.

totenhenchen said...

"Why do they think it'll be easier for the woman...?"

Why does she think that this is a consideration?

paulmurray said...

"I don't wish to speak to you any further."
"But whyyyyy don't you wish to speak to me?"

Duh. In order to explain that, I would have to speak to you, which is precisely what I don't want to do.

Jim said...

"And a guy who's a 6 could be swept away by a determined 10, but why would a 10 be trolling for 6's? (Think Clark Griswold and Christie Brinkley in Vacation.) So a woman who takes care of 1-4 doesn't have to worry about #5 unless she married a guy of drastically higher SMV."

A male 6 (really any rank) can be easily poached by any interested woman who exceeds his current female by 2 points. No need for mythical 10s to drive by in a Ferrari, the waitress where he gets lunch who writes her number on his check, or the salesgirl at the running store who bumps into him at the park will do. A 1 point margin can also succeed if the wife has let herself go or is just a real b*tch.

cailcorishev said...

Jim, we could quibble over exactly how many points it would take, but the important thing is that a man isn't likely to stray unless his wife is treating him badly in some manner. Yes, many guys would stray for a woman out of their league, even from a good wife, but how often does a higher-value woman go slumming like that? Nowadays, it's more likely to work the other way: women who are 7's think they deserve 9's; they aren't hitting on 5's. (If pretty waitresses are writing their numbers on your checks, your SMV is probably higher than you think.)

My point was that the fear women have of their husbands leaving them for a hotter woman is largely unnecessary, as long as they don't do 1-4 on Deti's list. Stay reasonably fit, be loyal and kind to your husband, keep his dick happy, and he's not going anywhere. The exception would be the inveterate philanderer, and the woman who marries him usually knows what she's getting into, because it's what made him exciting in the first place.

Dewave said...

If men must dump her, they must be an undignified emotional crying wreck. This will make her feel better, and retroactively disqualify themselves and/or place themselves in orbiter status.

There are a lot of contradictory statements in her piece, but you can tell what she is really getting at.

"I no longer want to date."
"But why?"
"Just dont"
"No, tell me, there must be a reason what is it?"
"You ask too many questions."

Jim said...

Cail, (and let me say I'm a fan of both you and Deti) what I was trying to say is that the woman doesn't have to be a 10. A male 6-7 can be poached by a female 6-7 if his wife is a 4-5 even if she is taking care of the other points. As Deti appended:

6. You are no longer as physically attractive as you were. You are neglecting your physical appearance.

If you can 1-4 from a prettier woman, why not take the better deal? Physical attractiveness is the single most important value a woman has.

I agree that it is more often a women trying to trade up like you say, a 7 female chasing a 9 male. This brings up another point/idea that I seen pushed in the man-o-sphere, that the most stable relationship is when the man is 1-2 points higher than the woman. If, as a man, I go to the effort a making myself an 8 (for the purposes of discussion only), I'm then supposed to be satisfied with a 6 for a wife. F' that.

liberranter said...

There is no lasting grief like that of a woman deprived of her drama:

Guys, NEVER forget that women need drama for survival like other mammalian life forms need oxygen. Depriving a woman of drama (or depriving her of even a fuel source for it) will lead to her long, slow agonizing death, the drama that this induces probably being no worse than what she would create otherwise from ambient material at hand.

Remo said...

Right so what we have here is another stupid bitch demanding men treat women far better than women are expected to treat men because equality. Having been on both sides of this, being dumped without explanation and doing the same later in life, my position is simple. Me. No one else truly looks out for my interests therefore I will do what suits me best just as women are doing have been doing for all of recorded history unless forced not too.

cailcorishev said...

Jim, I see your point now. I agree with you on disliking the idea of marrying a couple points down, although I think the idea is more subtle than that. The important thing is that she sees you as a prize, as maybe a bit better than she could expect to do if she tried again. I don't think that means a guy who's objectively an 8 should marry a girl who's objectively a 6. It's more like a guy who's objectively a 6 should use some game to appear to be an 8 to a girl who's objectively a 7. Then as they age (assuming they marry youngish) and his SMV rises while hers drops (see Rollo's comparative SMV chart), they'll stay fairly close in rank. That's how I see the idea, anyway.

Sevda Gulea said...

Am Sevda Gulea i want to thank Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIBE for getting my lover back to me within 48 hours. When my lover left me i was so tired and frustrated till i search the internet for help and i saw so many good talk about Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIBE of (airehobhuanuagbontemple@yahoo.com) and i decided to give him a try and i contact him and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get my husband back. If you want to get your lover back contact Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIBE via email: (airehobhuanuagbontemple@yahoo.com) Dr. ODIAGBE AKHIBE the great man that is able to bring back my lost love.

Dexter said...

"I don't wish to speak to you any further."
"But whyyyyy don't you wish to speak to me?"


"Why would I want to speak to you if I'm not banging you? I'm all done feigning interest in your empty-headed prattle. Bye now!"

Trần Văn Quảng said...

Dịch vụ Check domain miễn phí. check domain nhanh chóng chính xác
Dịch vụ Tao web mien phi từ inet cho phép bạn tạo web bán hàng hoàn toàn miễn phí
Tin tức Bóng đá cập nhật 24/7. Nhận định trận đấu, tổng hợp kết quả các trận đấu bóng đá
CHuyên trang Tin tức cập nhật nhanh nhất chính xác nhất các tin tức nóng hổi
Cổng Tin tức online cập nhật tin tức trong và ngoài nước nhanh nhất, chính xác nhất
Cổng Tin tức trực tuyến cung cấp thông tin đời sống xã hội, tin tức tổng hợp
Blog Kiến thức seo cung cấp kiến thức seo căn bản cho người mới học seo
Blog Hướng dẫn SEO hướng dẫn học và làm seo

Pussy-ManiaGirls: http://goo.gl/w9Oepq said...

watching my collection, we have upload more video at here:

Collection Part 1:

Doggy Style and In Missionary Position

Hot Sex Anal With Amazing Girl Friend

Sex Under Hot Lights Bad Girls

Give Me The Cum

Cum In My Panties

Nude Amateur Teen Girls

Sexy Brunette Girls

Young Kinky Sluts

Busty Tattoo Chick On Car

Young Asian fucked anal

Latina Havana Ginger gets

Teen Threesome Porn

Hot Blowjob

Amateur Pulls Down Tanga

Sweet girl amazing hot

Sexy japanese babes getting their tight

TEEN BLONDE ANAL SEX ORGY




Collection Part 2:


Hot asian blowjob and pussy creampie

Sucking dick, Audrey put vegetables in all holes

Blonde love fuck

Naomi Russell And Her Royal Ass

Sexy blonde gives blowjob in the car

ASIAN XXX PORN VIDEO

JAPANESE XXX PORN VIDEO

ARABIC XXX PORN VIDEO

HARDCORE PORN VIDEO

GAY XXX PORN VIDEO

WATCH STREAMING PORN VIDEO

USA CELEBS XXX PORN

LATINA XXX PORN

LESBIAN XXX PORN

Hardcore Porn Celebrity

HOT TURKEY PORN MOVIE

INDIAN NUDES CELEBRITIES VIDEOS

UZBEKS Fuck PORN VIDEOS

HOT RASTA GIRL


100% MAKE you satisfy......








































Reply Delete

Post a Comment

NO ANONYMOUS COMMENTS.