Now that i am calm, i really need a starting point. At this point i don't care how painful it is. I just need to know what needs to be done no matter what, so i won't feel so lost. Where i should start, what should i study, what i should start doing, what must i gradually change etc etc. Those are the question i am asking here. You could say that i am asking for guidance here.
- Stop lying to yourself. Learn to catch when you are revising history and editing reality in order to make it more acceptable to yourself.
- Stop lying to others. Stop spinning every story to make yourself look better. Stop exaggerating your accomplishments and minimizing your mistakes.
- Stop the drama. Don't go overboard. Whether it is good or whether it is bad, tell yourself: "this is no big deal" and "this, too, shall pass."
- Start working out and lifting weights. Start getting your body accustomed to the endorphin release. Within three months, you'll start craving it the way you now crave sugar and carbohydrates.
- Don't run from confrontation. Fight or submit. That's what men do.
Saw an interesting ALPHA-GAMMA exchange at work today. The Gamma disagreed with the Alpha's approach to a problem, and the Alpha responded to the technical details of the Gamma's objections. They went back and forth a bit, and at this point, you could have agreed with either side (it was a problem where each solution had its strengths and weaknesses). But the Gamma apparently couldn't tolerate the disagreement and after a couple of minutes suddenly made a personal attack against the Alpha. He basically said "I don't understand how you can be so incompetent as to disagree with me" and then proceeded to talk over the Alpha's response.Notice the various elements of the socio-sexual hierarchy at work:
The Alpha perceived a challenge to his position (or at least an unacceptable level of disrespect) and suddenly his voice and demeanor took on massive edge. He is also a huge dude. Looks like an NFL lineman. It was really a rapid change, light-switch getting flipped sort of thing. The Gamma logged off his computer and immediately went home for the day, even though it was only mid-afternoon. He was literally unable to continue working after a confrontation which he himself had provoked.
- Alpha: doesn't mind straightforward conflict, will not tolerate disrespect, is comfortable with direct and physical conflict. The political is not personal.
- Gamma: can't tolerate disagreement or criticism, bitchy, cowardly, puts himself in situations he is not equipped to handle. The political is personal, the technical is personal, everything is personal. Runs from direct confrontation.
The Sigma, of course, doesn't get into that situation in the first place because he neither knows nor cares about the Alpha's problem, let alone his approach to solving it.