- She won't admit she's dating him in public. That alone is a good reason to dump her; indeed, given that, he doesn't even owe her an explanation. If they're not in a relationship, then he can (and probably should) walk away in silence.
- She doesn't bring him as her date to social event. That's just a different facet of the first point.
- Okay, that's funny. But who wants to be with someone who dislikes their pet? I wouldn't have dated anyone who didn't harbor the appropriate admiration for my viszla.
- If you're not a woman's priority, she's probably having sex with someone else. Also a legitimate reason.
- Most men dislike women swearing like a sailor. This is a perfectly good reason for dumping a woman.
- This is also a good reason to decline a relationship with a woman. If she won't come clean, then the appropriate assumption is that she is a slut and the probabilities of a successful long-term relationship are lower than the norm.
Besides, it's a basic principle of Game to never explain your reasons to a woman. Reasons and justifications are ammunition. The more her mind is spinning and inventing various explanations for your actions, the better. The correct thing to do is to simply say, "I don't think this is working, I don't want to continue this anymore." Leave it at that. If she presses, just say, "No, I don't see any point in discussing it to death. It's done."
39 comments:
All fine points, except 'washing dirty laundry' in public. If a woman did the same, that would be rightly frowned upon.
VD,
Do you treat passive-aggressive gammas the same way or is a different policy suggested?
Mindstorm: "except 'washing dirty laundry' in public. If a woman did the same, that would be rightly frowned upon."
Except when this man sent the text to that woman, My impression is, he did so in private. She has gone public, and he is being ridiculed for the text he sent in confidence. By contrast, She is getting 'go girrrrl feedback.
Can't see any reason to mock the guy. His reasons are legit, and his tone level-headed.
So all 'credit' goes where is due, then.
Saw this text somewhere else and thought pretty much the same thing. Every one of the reasons struck me as rational and legitimate, which is probably why the woman and her friend felt so justified in taking to social media to mock the man. His mistakes were bothering to give her reasons at all, sending his reasons by text message, which gives her something to use against him, and presuming that rational standards would have any positive effect on the woman. All it did was to send her into a vindictive storm in which she was willing to air the public embarrassment of getting dumped all for the sake of mocking the man who dumped her.
As if all those other things he listed weren't reason enough to break up with the woman, her reaction to the breakup confirms that she and her friend are batshit crazy. Any man, having seen this, who'd touch this woman with a ten-foot pole is crazy, too.
Honestly this is coming across as pretty beta to me.
Reading both the article and between the lines, this is clearly about a a chick who didn't know she was in a relationship. start at 1:45. Now of course she shared it with the world to humiliate him. The reason being, although was she didn't know she was in a relationship, she became infuriated the second she found out she had been dumped.
You are rude to my cat and that makes me uncomfortable.
That was the only ejext he needed to send. Then dead silence. He could have kept her in orbit with that.
This needs further analysis.
If you read the comments it's very clear that no one is actually laughing. The men are all commenting that it seems about right, and the women are all commenting about how he must have been an abuser (because they all think abuse is so funny I'm sure).
First he calls himself Bobo. This does not exactly wreak of testosterone.
1. Complaining about an Un-updated Facebook status.
Complete beta move.
Complete.
He may as well have been following her around moaning, "where is this relationship going?"
Facebook is of course the enemy of the player. If you must have an FB account, keep it completely locked down. I suppose FB can be used to your advantage but I don't see how this was it.
2. Complaining about not being her date for a wedding.
Look wanting to go to a wedding reception is completely understandable. It is a target rich environment, honestly even better than a nightclub in most respects. It's way cheaper for one thing. But I am 95% certain it wasn't lost opportunity he was mourning.
This is the male of crying, "I had my dress picked up and everything!" He's starting to feel like Raj from The Big Bang Theory.
3. He's really starting to feel like Raj from The Big Bang Theory.
4. You do not share your time equally....
Not sharing your time equally is a good Alpha practice. Glad to know there was at least one man in that relationship, even if it was the one without a penis.
"...your boyfriend should be taking priority
Again, it was news to her she had a boyfriend. The beta is strong with this one.
5. Is there Ladylike swearing? Well yes, I suppose, now that I think about it.
However if she is using "fuck" as a verb, adverb, adjective, command, interjection, noun and so on, you should probably think twice before you start fantasizing about making her the mother of your children. If you do make her the mother of your children, change your name and flea the country because it's your honestly best option.
6. Whoah! We hit paydirt! He is correct. Completely correct. He shouldn't have texted it but still there is hope for him.
Cataline's final verdict: A thirty year old budding Alpha who was raised by a very liberal single woman. Never was permitted to have a real man he could imprint on in adolescence. He can't accept that the lie is a lie. He is afraid of the loss of status this will bring him among his social circle. But he is ripe to take the Red Pill.
First he calls himself Bobo. This does not exactly wreak of testosterone.
Perhaps that was an "endearing" nickname the g/f gave him (if snapshot from her phone, that would be how she set up his contact info)? If it's from his phone, it's his name for her.
Honestly this is coming across as pretty beta to me.
It is. To be specific, low delta.
Turn this around though. If you're dating a chick and she dumps you and gives you a list of reasons, mock her on social media.
His complaints would be Beta if he sent them as demands, but these seem to be post-dump qualifications. As in, he didn't say "fix this or I will dump you," he said "this is why you're dumped." At least he's holding his ground and standards, right?
I'm calling this a game success. He probably reads a few manosphere blogs, realized her behavior was not matching up with his desired results and nothing was going to change that, so he bailed. Conventional wisdom tells him that it's his fault and he needs to change to "win her over" or something; game tells him to Next her. If you read her backstory she mentions she doesn't ever date guys who have a "job, car, and house," meaning she dates losers; combine that with her reluctance to admit her N count and I'm calling carousel slut. Guy dodged a bullet, good for him.
The public mockery reinforces a fundamental truth: in society's eyes, there is *never* a legitimate reason to break up with a girl.
So, in the end, what it was about? If they were just 'friends with benefits' and not 'an item' by any metric, then what did he have to complain about? There are other girls out there, he didn't need to make any drama about it.
Besides, it's a basic principle of Game to never explain your reasons to a woman.
What is the principle here and how does it apply to married men? With my wife, sometimes I explain, sometimes I don't. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it hurts. How can I know when to explain and when to forgo explanation?
I normally don't like dogs. But vizslas are totally cool dogs.
That was painful.
Yeah, I always just disappeared. If confronted I was busy, going somewhere, too tired to talk, or just told her to piss off... depending on what the deal was. I never could figure out what to talk about. It either was right or it wasn't, or I wanted her or not. I never contemplated why, mostly. Suspicion was enough, too little sex, or just because she was too dull. Didn't care. Still don't. Either it works or it doesn't.
He sounds like a bitchy metrosexual to me. Oh so in touch with his feelings and reasoning about a simple relationship? Today's men seem to be, more and more, whiny douches. Why he even kept things up with that kind of a relationship in the first place? Unless his balls drop, he is going to be some whore's bitch for the rest of his life. If like so many, he'll even be glad for it. Bleh.
These are all good reasons. And the feelings he has are all normal. Men who care for someone can get their feelings hurt by feeling disrespected, taken advantage of, not prioritized, etc. This is a human emotion. The mistake is to think she cares. If she shows she doesn't care by her actions, telling her how hurt you are won't change anything. Best to tune out, as women with no respect for you--once again, demonstrated by actions here--can be really cruel. That's the biggest take away I've gotten from manosphere: the unreality of relationship equity and the need never ever ever to show weakness.
His complaints would be Beta if he sent them as demands, but these seem to be post-dump qualifications.
The problem with that is that there's no distinction between the two, apart from his attitude. Officially they may be post-dump reasons, but if he comes off as at all open to the relationship continuing (or she perceives that he is), then it looks like a list of "Please change these things so we can try again." My first read of it was very BETA, very much a guy trying to explain to a woman how she hurt him and what he wishes she would do differently. Could be wrong, but that's how it looks when you offer extended explanations.
It goes back to the old saying: the opposite of love is apathy, not hate. Someone who doesn't care -- who's really done with the relationship -- won't feel the need to provide a detailed list of reasons.
If she shows she doesn't care by her actions, telling her how hurt you are won't change anything.
Exactly. A man thinks, "Even if she doesn't care about me romantically, surely she cares about the way she appears, her conscience, her reputation, our friendship, etc. So if I point out her bad behavior, she'll change it (and I'll still have a chance with her)."
But the truth is a normal girl doesn't care about those things, not when even pretending to care about them would require that she pretend to care about a loser (as defined by the herd). Things like decency and kindness aren't for losers. In fact, jerking the loser around in a callous way raises her status in the herd. Any guy who's taken the red pill can picture this girl forwarding this text on to her friends so they can all have a giggle about how butthurt he was (again, in their eyes, whether he truly was or not).
At the link, the comments provide insight as to why women thought the text was hilarious. They don't regard the reasons as legitimate to dump a woman. All women are perfect and they cannot be defective in any way. A man dumping a woman based on these reasons is irrational and this means he is immature and not a good candidate for relationship. So he did the right thing and saved her from further embarrassment of being seen with her, which she isn't already. We are in a strange world where in some cases, a woman wants to be dumped. She already decided the relationship is dead man walking.
There's a word for someone you're sleeping with and not introduced as your boyfriend or girlfriend. That word is booty call.
My first read of it was very BETA, very much a guy trying to explain to a woman how she hurt him and what he wishes she would do differently. Could be wrong, but that's how it looks when you offer extended explanations.
It goes back to the old saying: the opposite of love is apathy, not hate. Someone who doesn't care -- who's really done with the relationship -- won't feel the need to provide a detailed list of reasons.
Yeah, it smells beta to me too, and also reminds me of Spreadsheet Guy.
everyone likes to pretend they are alpha. a beta would have stayed with her. he didn't. he nexted her as he should. those are all good reasons. she probably harassed him for a reason. "why???" & he answered so she would shut up. & now a bunch of you guys call him beta, when he isn't.
but it doesn't pay to tell girls why. i once got fired by some fat ugly misandrists. at the exit interview they asked if i had anything to say. nope. they asked again. they all wanted something that they could gossip about & use to ridicule me with. i denied them. i could see it on their faces, how desperate they were for me to say something.
First of all, the guy dumped the little wench, good for him! He could have done it better but, ah well, lesson learned.
On a side note I noticed (this was not planned but by learning) that when I dated a girl, sooner or later I would confess guilt about the girl I let go, she loved me and treated me like a King, (in my case she would later die which added to the guilt), to my surprise I found her saying things like "I'll make you forget her." It gave her something to aim for.
But if it didn't work our and I had to do the dumping, I could simply tell her "What can I tell you? I've been spoiled."
Now take a look about how women handle things, which is admittedly better than this guy's dumping:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr8HKRTavM0
For the most part, women do not bother with long goodbyes, and neither should you. Don't answer the phone, block various internet communications, and if need be, change the locks on your doors.
Now go an enjoy your life!
everyone likes to pretend they are alpha. a beta would have stayed with her. he didn't. he nexted her as he should. those are all good reasons. she probably harassed him for a reason. "why???" & he answered so she would shut up. & now a bunch of you guys call him beta, when he isn't.
If he was ALPHA, she wouldn't have been doing the things that he listed in the first place. Also, BETAs do dump women, either because she initiated the relationship but she's not hot enough to satisfy him, or due to frustration with how their girlfriends are treating them -- as in this case.
We can at least definitely rule out his being a Gamma.
Agreed, low delta behavior. Never, ever send buttuhurt messages, for any reason, unless delivered with enough snark or humor as to communicate that it doesn't really hurt. Because really, internally, as a real man, you should recognize that butthurt doesn't hurt, it's gay. You merely recognize the thought or vague desire to be butthurt and you say, "wait, no, that's gay".
Gays and girls get butthurt, not men. Literally and figuratively.
ANY man seriously complaining, after the fact, about how she treated his cat stinks of someone lost in the purgatory between gamma and beta, all depending on the day, his mood, or the hotness or relative strength and confidence of the woman he is dealing with. When she entered his domain, his kingdom, her respect for his cat should have been re-calibrated the first or at least second time she got catty with it. Ha, punny. This could have easily been done in a flirtatious manner, though accentuated with dead-serious undertones communicated by a blank-faced death stare, verbally ranking the cat over her in his worldview and domain, threatening the end of the entire relationship over any continued mistreatment of the cat, thereby DHV-ing not only the cat but himself over her. As we all know, this would have been veritable catnip to the woman. And would have been best served with incredulous pseudo-anger at her piss-poor, crass behavior towards his time-honored feline companion. Seemingly innocuous situations like these are also great way for her to realize that even though you were kinda joking, you can marshall a commanding, reverberating tone and communicate serious anger without hesitating. If you can do it when she merely mistreats the cat, on one of the first dates, she'll subconsciously understand that you can do it with more serious matters.
He clearly failed in this and had plenty of chances to correct her behavior. Women being corrected, without compunction or hesitancy, by a man for behavior the woman knows she should not be getting away with, produces the tingle. Every time. Even if she scowls or lashes out at the time.
He has not yet learned to hold frame nor to realize that certain things must never be verbalized nor communicated via text messages or email, especially if they could be taken as over-sensitive butthurtedness. Nice, I like that, "butthurtedness".
Treat text messaging like a pre-historic data input system. Prose does not fit into text messaging. They are two entirely incompatible things. Conversation and text messaging are two incompatible things. Anything more than a 3-5 word explanation should be expressed face to face, or not at all, depending on the situation. Text messages and minimalist poetry are closer to a good match. Do not try to fit normal human communication into text messaging. It cannot carry large loads of information. When you try to fit it all in, it comes out the other end like you just puked all over someone. Or better yet, like the water hose analogy. You're pumping too much in, and it shoots out the other side with a force you never imagined or intended. That's just the nature of the beast with texting, like it or not.
Gees Vox. This is sad, 2, 4 and 6 are red flags. the cat wailing is a lesser operating man.
His reasons are valid.
Thinking she gave a damn is where he erred.
Putting it in writing so she could humiliate him is where he really effed up.
If they aren't married or engaged to be married, then IMO they don't owe anything to each other. Neither would I marry or become engaged to marry a woman who demonstrates the utter lack of respect this woman is showing that man.
In fact I have an entire list of things that would disqualify a woman from being wife material, and most likely the majority of women in the US and the EU would not make the cut. I'm equally certain that I would not be on their list as well, and glad for it.
Beta Delta Gamma. It doesn't matter. The woman was stringing a guy along as a backup plan and he called her on her bullshit.
You guys spend so much time trying to label yourself and each other you forget the real problem. Women behaving badly.
You wouldn't need all that nonsense if women didn't act entitled.
explanations are beta
You wouldn't need all that nonsense if women didn't act entitled.
You can't make a leopard change its spots.
The only behavior you can change is your own. Other people do not change without finding the state of their current condition too painful to endure. This is why you have Alpha Widows, for instance. They've lost their beauty and decided to settle down because being alone is too painful.
Except when this man sent the text to that woman, My impression is, he did so in private. She has gone public, and he is being ridiculed for the text he sent in confidentiality.
Any man who thinks that a "woman scorned" is going respect something like "confidentiality" (to say nothing of the implied whininess of giving reasons for a breakup, no matter how valid they are) is a moron who automatically has moved himself into the "low Delta-minus" category.
Putting it in writing so she could humiliate him is where he really effed up.
Seems to me that she's humiliating herself, but I suppose she feels that she is humiliating him.
You can't make a leopard change its spots.
For the most part yes. However, I think powerful external forces at play could make these leopards change their spots. They can only act this way because of entitlements and privileges that have been foolishly granted to them.
The only behavior you can change is your own.
A good start might be "No rings for sluts!"
Oh well, there goes 90+% of the single female population in the US.
Will it ever happen?
Probably not.
So much for changing our own behavior.
My ex wife once told me "Letting you go was the worst mistake I ever made."
I replied "Yes, it was."
She then said "So does that mean I don't get a second chance?"
And my reply was "Yes it does."
Walked away at that point. She sent me a couple of letters that I threw away unopened, and left me a couple messages, but I deleted them all.
I think it's a put-on. Items #1-5 are ALL worded the way women write about these sorts of things. Item #6 was just added because women HATE being judged on the basis of the only thing anyone can be judged on -- past behavior.
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