Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The self-deluded divorcee

Dalrock considers the case of the divorcee who overrated herself:
Yes, I am lonely, and do love men, even though my husband hurt me deeply. But, when I look at the profile photos of the men on these dating sites, they turn my stomach, and feel these men have no idea just how bad they look, older than their years on their profile, fat, scruffy, and look like they have been road hard, put away wet, and don’t have a clue that most women who are my age, will not find them the least bit attractive, surely not to date. Most just look like they are narcissists, and self centered, and think us women want to go out with a fish, or boat or souped up car, because that is what these guys pose with and many don’t even smile on their profiles. Are their teeth rotten or do they just hate life? Not sure about any of this.

What I do know is I have more self esteem and want anyone I date to clean up their act too. These men, aver the age of 50, want us women to look good, even thin and sexy, but do they? Nope.

If you don’t believe me about these dating sites.sign up for one or two, create a profile, of yourself, and then sit back and watch and wait to see who sends you a wink or a message.  These men are also rude, crude and disrespectful of women, and think that we are devoid of having a brain, or carrying on a conversation. To even try and screen out some of the men that are NOT a fit for me at all, I put in my profile that I love the theater, the ballet, the arts, as most men on these dating sites wouldn’t know what a tutu is, or who Picasso is. LOL Too bad it’s so pathetic:(
The level of self-delusion is stunning. We are supposed to be impressed by her knowing who Picasso is, but ignore the fact that she doesn't know how to spell "rode" as in "rode hard". And let's face it, the chances that she actually gives a damn about the theatre, the ballet, or the arts is remote.

However, it does tell us how older men should be handling their profiles. Instead of pictures of fish, boats, and cars, a few paragraphs of nonsense about how one goes to the Bayreuth festival in even years, and La Traviata in odd years, will probably go a long way with both women like this and their younger sisters. Few women actually care about matters cultural, let alone philosophical, but they very much want people to think they do.

It's strange that college-educated men have forgotten this, when so many of them probably once BS'd a woman with pseudo-erudite discussions of The Catcher in the Rye, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and whatever the pretentious book of the year was back in the day. It's not like it's hard to fake it; the average woman discussing a book seldom involves more than repeatedly declaring how much she loves it, how much she loves the author, how wonderful the author is, and how terrible it is that all those lesser beings know nothing about him.

It's so easy that I've gotten women to tell me that they have not only read, but loved books that don't even exist. I'll bet you could do the same thing with fictitious painters too, but I've never tried it. Young men, there is your homework assignment. See if you can inspire one woman to tell you that she loves a fictitious book, author, or painter. Report back with how many times it took you to find a woman who would take the bait. I'm betting that at least one in three women will do so.

36 comments:

Rantor said...

Great challenge. Reminds me of a liberal, shallow acquaintance who got his MA in English with a dissertation on Jane Austen to impress women. He is 50ish, fit, and has no trouble getting women. I am sure he could discuss nonexistent books for hours and women would swear they had read it.

Crowhill said...

Just last night I listened to a girlwriteswhat podcast where she cited some study that women rank 80 percent of the men on dating sites as below average.

It's possible, I suppose, since men on dating sites are not necessarily a representative slice of men in general. It's also possible that men aren't very good at making dating profiles. More likely it's a problem of expectations. Or a reverse Lake Wobegon effect.

Mindstorm said...

It's easy to scare such women away when met in person. Just mention that you like turpism and the works of H.R. Giger and Z. BeksiƄski. Assuming that they have any idea what you talk about, heh.

Rek. said...

I don't think it's the case that the vast majority of guys on dating sites are butt-ugly, which is statistically improbable. The problem lies with women and their entitlement to Hollywood beaux.

Ref: Roissy: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/12/02/why-men-dont-need-to-worry-so-much-about-their-looks/
OkCupid: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

From Ok cupid blogpost: "Females of OkCupid, we site founders say to you: ouch! Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex."

Cataline Sergius said...

...they turn my stomach, and feel these men have no idea just how bad they look, older than their years on their profile, fat, scruffy, and look like they have been road hard, put away wet, and don’t have a clue that most women who are my age, will not find them the least bit attractive, surely not to date.

This is the typical reaction of a woman who finds any man unattractive. By that, I mean at any age when the attraction isn't there at all, that will be a woman's reaction. Complete rejection. In her unhappy case, this woman isn't just post wall, she is post fertility.

Without an economic insensitive most post fertile women just don't seem that interested in men anymore.

If you look back at that OKCupid chart that liberal manginas found so disturbing. Women maintain an age appropriate (their words, not mine) interest in men. The age that they are themselves, is the age of their preferred male. But this sliding scale, stops advancing when a man reaches age forty-five. Women still want a forty-five year old man until they are well into their own fifties.

Unfortunately for them, the kind of male who has reached the height of his market value at age forty-five...isn't going to be all that interested in a woman in her fifties. The Alpha always has other options.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

I knew a woman in her late 50s just like this. The level of self-delusion was incredible.

de ti said...

"It's strange that college-educated men have forgotten this, when so many of them probably once BS'd a woman with pseudo-erudite discussions of The Catcher in the Rye, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and whatever the pretentious book of the year was back in the day."

Spot on, steel on target. Except the books were The Great Gatsby and On the Road; and then later, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus; and The Five Love Languages.

Pathetic.

Gordon said...

Eh. I see the dividing line every day, in Minnesota. In the twin cities metro area, inside the beltway, pitch your erudition. Outside it, pitch fishing, snowmobiles and hunting.

Cataline Sergius said...

Young men, there is your homework assignment. See if you can inspire one woman to tell you that she loves a fictitious book, author, or painter.

Did that myself when I was much younger.

As most of you know it is the cruelest of life's ironies that a man tends to get the most sex in his life when he is broke as shit.

Young players are lucky today in that aspect. You can simply claim you are watching your carbon hoof print. Which why you eat minimally, walk or take public transportation and don't spend money on any conspicuous consumption...like housing. You don't have a choice about any of these things but you can at least pretend it's your choice.

This also leads to the critical necessity of the cheap date. Game stuff 101: a cheap date will get you to Closure a lot faster than an expensive one because a cheap date is very low pressure and that is relaxing for the girl.

And art galleries are a very cheap date and paintings are a great probing tool when you are trying to get an open ended response. "What does this mean to you? How do you feel about this?" It keeps her talking and it also keeps her talking about herself, from there you can direct the conversation.

But Cataline, you say, I know nothing about art!

Cataline replies; don't worry and don't bother to learn. No artwork this side of World War I is worth the effort.

When I didn't know any better I tried memorizing a few things from Cliff's Notes but I quickly had to start supplementing that with my own imagination, whenever a girl would ask awkward questions. Since I never, ever got challenged on it, I quickly stopped bothering with Cliff's Notes.

It is also much easier to direct a conversation when you don't let facts get in the way.

"The work of this artist is in the abstract expressionist school and in this work she is expressing her personal joy of yin fulfillment and feminine surrender. How do you feel about that, Jessika?"

Or depending on the girl. "The work of this artist is in the abstract expressionist school and in this work, the artist clearly fed her pet raccoon play dough and ex-lax, then expressed the poor critter all over the canvass. Does that sound like fun to you, Britney?"

APL said...

"And let's face it, the chances that she actually gives a damn about the theatre, the ballet, or the arts is remote."

Give her a break, she cares about being taken to the theatre, the ballet, not so much about the 'arts' because anyone can get into a art exhibition for next to nothing.

cailcorishev said...

Just last night I listened to a girlwriteswhat podcast where she cited some study that women rank 80 percent of the men on dating sites as below average.

It's true that the best prospects do tend to be taken, and are less likely to be found on dating sites. But we often say in the manosphere that 80% (as a rough guess) of men are invisible to women. Invisible until they're pushed into view by a dating site, that is, at which point she says, "Ew, no thanks."

jimmy-jimbo said...

Why would a woman want to tell a man she loves the theater and ballet? This is not an attraction cue, but a stay away warning. Either she wants to date a gay man or she wants to be alone. Seems like she is getting exactly what she wants.

"think us women want to go out with a fish, or boat or souped up car,"

I think most women don't care for fishing, but boating and nice cars do attract women and are indicators of wealth.

Crowhill said...

@cailcorishev, who can blame them? Men are ugly. :-)

PhantomZodak said...

"Few women actually care about matters cultural, let alone philosophical, but they very much want people to think they do."

so true. they want to be taken to the ballet & opera so they can dress up & tell every other girl they know that they went & brag that their man took them. it's another status symbol.

Nova said...

Women still want a forty-five year old man until they are well into their own fifties.

Unfortunately for them, the kind of male who has reached the height of his market value at age forty-five...isn't going to be all that interested in a woman in her fifties.


and

I knew a woman in her late 50s just like this. The level of self-delusion was incredible.


Indeed. I also know a woman who is in her late 50s, fairly well-preserved for her age but still in her late 50s, and also will not date men her age or older and only wants to date men in their 40s. The OKCupid survey appears to be spot-on. Women "top out" in the 40s age range for male attractiveness, and it's pretty common for women in their 50s to want to date attractive men in their 40s. Obviously a dysfunctional expectation, because an attractive man in his 40s wants to date a woman in her 30s or younger. But it does appear to be consistent with the OKC information.

D Beguiled said...

"It's so easy that I've gotten women to tell me that they have not only read, but loved books that don't even exist."

Once you've achieved this, take it to the next level, and pretend a famous painter and painting are a book and its' author, and see if you can get her to pretend that she's read it.

Bob Wallace said...

I once looked at the 50+ women on a dating site and was horrified. Now I wonder what this woman looks like.

b1bae96e-6447-11e3-b6bb-000f20980440 said...

It's possible, I suppose, since men on dating sites are not necessarily a representative slice of men in general.

The betas and greater deltas all get soaked up quickly in their 20s. Leaving dating sites full of alphas looking for STRs, gammas, lesser deltas, and omegas.

Why would a woman want to tell a man she loves the theater and ballet? This is not an attraction cue, but a stay away warning.

I guess perhaps that is true. In my wife's FB feed only one of her single friends ever posts from theater, symphony, etc. And she is a super high maintenance feminist marxist.

I personally enjoy the theater, the symphony, and have been to more than a few art/history museums. Though I wouldn't consider myself well informed, but I can definitely see the value in it though.

Incidentally, it doesn't matter what your hobby is as long as a girl is interested in you. All 4 girls I brought back to my apartment in the year before I started dating my wife expressed that they were a closet Trekkie upon seeing the complete TNG series in my DVD collection. I didn't call them out on it because it was counter productive for the purpose they were over, but it did show to me how ... ah... versatile women's interests can in pursuit of what they want.

grendel said...

Maybe the 50+ single/divorced/widowed men couldn't care less about any woman who doesn't like cars and boats. Maybe they're tired of the B.S.

76a86186-641e-11e3-a4c7-000bcdcb5194 said...

Self-delusion doesn't cover the half of it.

What I've seen in several years with eHarmony is that women want Mr. Perfect Right Next Door. They are like the drunk looking for his keys under the streetlight. It's not where he dropped the keys, but the light is better there.

verusconditio said...

My husband once convinced a woman she was our of blinker fluid. Convincing a woman that she has read some fictitious book can't be that hard. We aim to please.

~ Stingray

Northern Hamlet said...

Vox, you may find this one amusing,

Recently at a party, a woman engaged me on the topic of running when it came up. I mentioned a technique I favored. Then she loudly proclaimed that her current average was a 2-minute mile. I chuckled and asked her if she found it difficult to maintain that speed. She quickly replied that she was working very hard to beat even that.

My wife, sensing I was amused, asked later if I was planning on challenging such a seasoned athlete.

rogerrrrrr said...

Women who love the arts? Ha. Find me one woman that ever puts on a Mahler symphony on CD by herself and sits listening for 80 minutes, forgetting to get up for 5 minutes after it has finished. No, it's all about putting on a cocktail dress and going along once or twice a year purely for reasons of social stratification, while knowing nothing about the music.

2870b918-77c0-11e3-b9bd-000bcdcb8a73 said...

We are supposed to be impressed by her knowing who Picasso is

That's not what she said. She's UNimpressed by men who don't know who Picasso is, since anyone with half a brain should know.

the chances that she actually gives a damn about the theatre, the ballet, or the arts is remote.

She pretty much says that herself. She just puts it in her profile to weed out the slobs.

One of these days I should go on one of those dating sites just to see what happens. Sounds like I'd stack up fairly well against the competition; I'm 65 but look no more than 50 (was told once that I could pass for 30 if I colored my hair), not fat, and can stay groomed just long enough to take a profile picture.

APL said...

Bob Wallace: "I once looked at the 50+ women on a dating site and was horrified. Now I wonder what this woman looks like."

Well exactly! Chances are it a reprise from that silly old bag a few months ago that spent the weekend with a guy who found her repulsive, but was too polite to say as much.

For that, she goes public.

Robert What? said...

As an older dude myself, I have to say a lot of guys after reaching 50 or 60 start to take on a look of "I don't care enough anymore to groom myself". Although they tend to be the married ones who have gone slightly mad from years of no sex.

2870b918-77c0-11e3-b9bd-000bcdcb8a73 said...

As an older dude myself, I have to say a lot of guys after reaching 50 or 60 start to take on a look of "I don't care enough anymore to groom myself". Although they tend to be the married ones who have gone slightly mad from years of no sex.

Ouch! I resemble that remark. . .

I should mention that the last time I encountered a group of women in their late 50's (my 40-year high school reunion), at least half of them were attractive and in good shape. Not 25-year-old-hardbody shape, but certainly I-wouldn't-kick-her-out-of-bed attractive. Of course there's a certain self-selection factor operating; the fat, frumpy ones might have chosen not to attend for that reason.

Note to Vox: now that you've got the extra level of spam filtering, could you go back to allowing comments by username? It's annoying to have to log into AIM every time and have it convert my name to that meaningless hex string.

insanitybytes22 said...

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Robert What? said...

@Semi-Anonymous-AOL-Guy: Ouch! I resemble that remark. . . I should mention that the last time I encountered a group of women in their late 50's (my 40-year high school reunion),

Tell me about it. I've been married over twenty years, the last five or more years of them completely sexless. Finally had to take on a mistress. Told the wife: "if you don't like it, leave". Unfortunately she stayed.

Salt said...

I've seen a few women eyeing the Porsche. Yesterday, one woman told me I'd be a catch, no matter I was scruffy, bleary eyed and in need of early morning caffein. Yeah, right! So, how's your divorce going?

2870b918-77c0-11e3-b9bd-000bcdcb8a73 said...

Unfortunately she stayed.

I don't know that I'd call it unfortunate, Robert. After 20+ years of marriage, the amount of your stuff she could take with her if she left is considerable. Be careful what you wish for.

My marriage is eerily similar to yours: 22 years, the last 7 sexless (and another 5 before that brief interlude). Fortunately, when we split up (next year or whenever the house sells), she's agreed to take just her half of the assets and leave my Social Security and pension alone. She's the one who took a lover; she feels bad about it and would rather punish herself than me.

Robert What? said...

I don't know that I'd call it unfortunate

You might be right. It might cost me a whole lot more to get divorced than to stay married on paper and do whatever I want. Thanks to blogs like this opening my eyes I am finally getting past being a supplicating beta orbiter to my wife.

That is great what your wife is agreeing to. May I ask what State you reside in? Did the agreement pass muster with the judge?

2870b918-77c0-11e3-b9bd-000bcdcb8a73 said...

I'm in California, though after we split I'll move to Nevada or Arizona. A judge will never see the agreement, because it will be strictly between us. We're going to stay legally married so we can file a joint tax return (and so I can never make the same mistake again). We trust each other not to play dirty, and she has a track record of not screwing a guy over in a divorce. She could have gotten a six-figure property settlement (in 1980 dollars) from her first husband, but refused to take a dime.

Also, I'll be the one in control. The income from our investments will come to me in Nevada or Arizona so we don't pay California state income tax on it, and I'll pass half of it on to her. (She wants to stay in California to be near her sister and driving distance from her boyfriend.)

Pritika said...

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Robert What? said...

a judge will never see the agreement, because it will be strictly between us

Interesting - I might end up having to stay married on paper as well. Ironically, while I am married I have few financial responsibilities to her.

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