Men are crap at flirting. Or so the majority of women would have you think. An informal poll of straight female friends and colleagues indicated that men favour “calculated lines that you can see through or straight-up abuse because they've read The Game.” But a new study has thrown in a spanner in the supposition that the blame lies entirely with men.Can there be any doubt that if the numbers were reversed, the argument would be that women are more empathatic, which is why they are better able to detect flirting?
Research at the University of Kansas concluded that women are generally pretty clueless when it comes to detecting flirtation. Dr Jeffrey Hall and his team paired 52 heterosexual women with 52 heterosexual men and asked them to chat one-on-one. In separate rooms the subjects were then told they were participating in a study on first impressions and were asked to fill out questionnaires, with one of the questions asking if they had flirted with their partner and whether they thought their partner had flirted with them.
Whilst 36% of men were able to correctly detect when flirtation occurred, women were only half as likely to realise, with a mere 18% of female flirtees realising that a bloke was putting on the moves. Whilst we women may blame blokes for being bad at flirting, the study raises the question that perhaps men are not so terrible as first thought, but rather it's women who are just really bad at picking up the signals.
In any event, my observation is that most women are feigning this inability. I've listened to women deny that a man is interested in even after the man openly expresses his interest to her and everyone else. And we're not talking about doing it in an offhand or joking manner either. If a man doesn't measure up to a woman's belief in her own status, she is inclined to pretend that she isn't aware of his interest, because admitting it is tantamount to admitting that she might be in his lesser league.
24 comments:
she is inclined to pretend that she isn't aware of his interest
Plus, this way she can more easily keep him in the friend zone.
~ Stingray
This also demonstrates why pick-up Game is so important. It communicates a man's intentions in a very clear manner.
At least it isn't sexual harrassment if conveniently ignored.
Does the self delusion never stop?
Do they ever embrace the truth for any human measurable amount of time?
Will they ever realize their own complicity in their own destruction?
The longer I live, the dumber they get.
Will they ever realize their own complicity in their own destruction?
Wisdom is wasted on men.
That makes sense to me. If we assume that women tend to respond to a man's initiative, and that it's in a woman's interest to be very selective in choosing a mate, it seems that being somewhat insensitive to flirting would be in her best interest.
"It communicates a man's intentions in a very clear manner"
People can ignore what they chose to ignore, no matter how clear it is.
Wonder how much lower than 18% the number would be if it wasn't for those women who think *all* men are flirting with them.
I believe your conclusion to be correct, the notion that women are dull in this area is almost impossible. If we were talking remote controls, check. But this is their area. Just as, if it makes them feel good, happy, sexy, it's real. If it doesn't, then it probably isn't true, or they don't want to talk about it or think about it. Single women are the worst offenders.
Want to have some real fun? Trick them into flirting then go stone cold straight. Chickens and firecrackers... they'll do it over and over on visits through time, until they hate you. That's when you hit the stick. What a gas.
Oh, eh? Make sure their are witnesses, especially her friends.
If A is flirting with B but B doesn't realize it, it could be that A is bad at giving signals or B is bad at picking them up. As described, the study leaves it an open question as to which is the case.
she is inclined to pretend that she isn't aware of his interest, because admitting it is tantamount to admitting that she might be in his lesser league.
Or perhaps because if she admitted it, she would have to openly reject him, and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Not all women take pleasure in crushing the egos of gamma men.
In any event, my observation is that most women are feigning this inability. I've listened to women deny that a man is interested in even after the man openly expresses his interest to her and everyone else.
My first two questions on reading the study results was "what was the false hit rate (how often did men and women mistakenly think they were being flirted with)?" and "Did the women want the men to flirt with them?"
The false positive number would be particularly interesting. In my experience, women being "empathetic" is an exaggerated claim. Women tend to see drama everywhere. A lot of their "empathetic reading" of other people is just them projecting their desire for drama onto other people.
Meanwhile, this guy is telling you the five things you should never say to your wife.
It appears to give more credence that women are actually worse at communicating then men are. All my thoughts otherwise were put to rest when I got caught between my wife and my sister. Both were urging me not to tell the other something because it would "hurt their feelings" or cause disruption in the other's relationship with me. Yes, it was that convoluted. I refused their requests and actually passed on their concerns. It may not have solved the issue, but it did remove the excuse from either one of them regarding swearing me not to same something to the other about issues. Not to mention letting the situation fester and become worse over time.
Whilst 36% of men were able to correctly detect when flirtation occurred, women were only half as likely to realise, with a mere 18% of female flirtees realising that a bloke was putting on the moves.
I'm thinking that most of the women were not attracted to the men. There seems to be an epidemic of narcissism among females in the US. One of the most common symptoms that I am aware of is a highly overestimated view of their own attractiveness, which likely increases their own perception of who they can attract. So they set their sites ridiculously high and do not notice, or want to be noticed by, men below that inflated level.
Marissa said...
Meanwhile, this guy is telling you the five things you should never say to your wife.
June 20, 2014 at 1:59 PM
If these are a representation of husbands in the US, it's no wonder we are in the trouble we are in. What a bunch of wussies, especially the writer of the post.
What would they do if they were married to this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWuLVtH6vgM
Women weren't feigning. They were actually clueless. Men and women alike will read flirting where there is none if they are attracted to the other person. They will also miss flirting coming from someone to whom they aren't attracted. People would much rather live in the fantasy world of their own sexual interests than open up to someone else's world. Women, it seems, are guilty of this at a considerably higher rate than men are, but most men are probably guilty of it, too.
I also was reading to see if they correlated this with false positives.
Is it just me, or is that 18% suspiciously close to our proposed 20% of men are the ones getting 80% of the sexual interest from women?
It sounds much like a case of if the man is "invisible" to the girl she won't pick up his flirting.
That said, a girl trying to flirt - and failing miserably - is a terrible thing.
I would also suspect that the denial is to avoid acknowledging which kind of men they prefer. They'd much prefer saying there are no good men left (blame on men) than admit they aren't interested (blame on women).
dude:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax/2014/04/18/898e82ce-b9bb-11e3-9a05-c739f29ccb08_story.html
@ paul
Holy fuck, what a cunt. Sounds like a former alpha fucks girl looking for a beta bucks guy... hopefully he finds his balls and dumps her.
Meh. Cunt may be too strong of a word really, but nevertheless, it's clear that she doesn't like him as much as she liked her previous boyfriends. He knows this, and deep down she knows it too. That relationship needs to end so he can find a woman who will give him her best, and so she can find a man that she wants to give her best to.
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