Thursday, May 22, 2014

Alpha Mail: Letter to a Wayward Woman

A gentleman who is friends with a couple on the verge of splitting up addresses the wife, who is abandoning her Delta husband in her mid-forties. It's longer than this, but the only part I thought was potentially relevant was the part that deals with her future prospects:
Dear Wayward Wife,

Let’s take a moment to honestly look at your future as a divorcee.  It is both stark and bleak.  You are going to be chronically poor. Statistically, in spite of your hopes and dreams of new and better love, you are unlikely to remarry.  Even if you do, the man you marry will be of a lower quality than the man you’re leaving and will likely to be much older; ten or more years your senior is common.  But the more likely case is even worse: statistically your future will be increasingly hopeless as you age. You'll engage in a long series of sexual encounters with increasingly lower quality men gaining sexual access through feigned desires for a long-term relationship when, in truth, you merely serve as life support for your vagina. But this is only until your attractiveness wanes, when you’ll find it near-impossible to get even a one-night stand.  This is borne out by the facts and buttressed by my anecdotal experience.  Every single woman with whom I’ve dealt in such matters has become sexually active before the ink is even dry on the divorce papers and usually before they're even signed.  Every. Single. One.  After rationalizing an unbiblical divorce, it must be easy to rationalize adultery, even serial adultery.

You’ve embarked down a path that reliably ends in abject loneliness, estrangement from your children (usually caused by a new boyfriend who has no interest in the needs of your children), predictably ending in lonely old age with pets as your sole companions.  Even if you turn out to be the one woman in a thousand who finds fleeting felicity down this wayward path, it will not be with God’s blessing.  This is no path to either long-term happiness or eternal bliss.

In today’s sick and confused culture this decision is yours and yours alone to make but, if you do move forward and remove yourself from your husband’s protection, you will do so disabused of any ability to seek sympathy through honest claims of ignorance in future conversations or prayers.  To the contrary, you now divorce with the full knowledge that your and your children’s lives and circumstances will suffer in ways you will later come to severely regret.  The consequences are simply baked into the decision.

My strong advice is to work to restore your marriage and seek its betterment.  That’s your best path and God can and does work miracles when hearts are changed and when forgiveness is both sought and given.  The alternative now stands in stark relief: “This is the way of an adulteress: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’”
I don't know if this will even slow the woman down or cause her to at least think twice. I tend to doubt it; rational analysis has never been a female strength. But providing such a warning is the decent thing to do, to ease one's own conscience if nothing else.

Personally, I've never favored the notion of trying to convince a woman to stick around, there being no shortage of girls on the girl tree. Sure, there are factors such as kids, houses, and finances to take into account, but at the end of the day, why would you want to spend five minutes, let alone the rest of your life, with someone who simply doesn't want to be around you?

One cannot control the behavior of others, least of all those caught up in self-destruction. In such cases, the chief objective ought to be mitigating the damage to innocent others.

43 comments:

cailcorishev said...

If she only damaged herself, maybe there wouldn't be any point in trying to get her to stay, but it's likely that in divorcing she'll damage others: her husband and any kids and grandkids, of course, but also any other women who follow her lead after hearing her lie about how awesome it is to be free and single again, the men for whom she provides an occasion of sin, society in general as she becomes a financial and moral net drain.

So assuming her husband wants her to stay, it makes sense to try to convince her that's the smart move, for the sake of those innocent others. I wrote on my blog a while back about a woman I met who was having divorcee's remorse and trying to get her husband back. I don't know whether she convinced him, or if she did, whether she stayed properly remorseful and grateful afterwards. If so, I can see why he'd be glad about that, because although the future isn't as bleak for a man in that situation as it is for a woman, it's not exactly a picnic either -- especially if he's the delta type who probably never really understood how he attracted his wife in the first place, and isn't exactly prepped to go out pulling young hotties.

Bob Wallace said...

This is the way of the adulterous woman: "She eats and wipes her mouth and says, 'I have done nothing wrong.' - Proverbs 30:20

pel said...

Damn, I'd love for someone to send this to my wife, who's turned into a roommate by her own choice, has casually thrown out the D word, and has now concocted a whole, "The last ten years have been shitty, and I'm just finishing what you started" narrative that, rationally, seems very far afield of what actually happened.

But yes, I agree, I'm skeptical it would matter much, because irrationality seems to rule the day in these scenarios. At least it has, so far, in mine.

Unfortunately, Vox, I have to disagree with your prescription, in principle, because I've been down the divorce path with my parents, and we're both Catholic, and I don't believe in it. I mean, if she really went off the rails, and there was probable infidelity, or a truly acidic household, or rank abandonment, or theft of funds, or abuse, then I would consider it as an option for protecting the children and my means to care for them.

But short of that, I'm not sure I can countenance putting her on the barge and setting her adrift in these scenarios. Especially with little ones running around. At some point, I guess I have to set some boundaries on the bad behavior, but let her throw her fit, work on improving myself, take up my cross, and wait for grace to heal the marriage.

It sounds like a whipped husband, but trust me - divorce is awful with children. I firmly believe anyone saying, "They'll be fine" is putting a happy face on it.

My parents' divorce was rather amicable, but I sometimes think I'd rather have had the fighting, screaming household instead of knowing what smoking flights are like, and knowing every bus stop on the highway between my mom and my dad's place as we were exchanged every other weekend, holiday, and six weeks in the summer, and seeing my mom going through successive marriages and boyfriends before finally drinking herself to death.

b1bae96e-6447-11e3-b6bb-000f20980440 said...

Whether or not to want to keep her around depends a lot on circumstances. If she can maintain some level of civility, and you only need a few years to get the kids out of the house, they would be better off and you could be economically better prepared for the divorce.

cailcorishev said...

[She] has now concocted a whole, "The last ten years have been shitty, and I'm just finishing what you started" narrative that, rationally, seems very far afield of what actually happened.

Been there. She has to convince herself that the marriage was never good because you were false from the start, so making it work was never within her power. Then she'll feel justified in leaving.

de ti said...

pel:

If you're not willing to pull the plug, then all you can do is protect yourself and make the best of it. That will not, however, necessarily prevent her from pulling the plug. Cail is right: What she's doing now is rewriting history so that she can justify pulling the plug herself.

Batten down the hatches, set up a bank account in your own name, build up individual credit, get a go bag ready, start a private cash stash, document everything, and prepare for the coming hurricane.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Nice. These women get what's coming to them, I suppose. I frequently meet such females when I'm out on the town, and it's true they're good for a romp or two. But a LTR? Forget it. Some of these women are seriously sad cases, alleviating their depression with wine, mindless materialism, and cats.

Jason773 said...

I love this blog, but I can't understand how the ideology behind Pel's religious "sticking it out" can even be remotely endorsed here. Yes, kids can and will get hurt in a divorce, but for G-d's sake think of yourself. I know many children of divorced parents, and most of them would agree that they would have easily taken a happily divorced father rather than a sad sack, chronically depressed father who has been beaten down by life.

In divorce there is nothing stopping you from being a good father, and if by hell and high water your ex defames your credibility to the point where you lose access to your children, then your children will grow up to understand that their mother is a witch and you were correct in the divorce anyways (and if they don't, then you probably should not have procreated and had children with such an inability to critically think). Be happy, be a good father, don't talk bad about your ex, and again, be happy. A happy, caring, alpha divorced father >>>>>> than a pathetic, limp-wristed and whipped father.

de ti said...

Jason 773:

Sometimes it is better for the kids if mom and dad ride out a bad marriage. Depends on the facts of the individual marriage, really. In Pel's case I endorse him sticking out the marriage because the end of it won't be on him. He will be able to take the high road. I can't fault the guy doing that for his kids; because he can hold up his head and say to them "it is not because of me that you have a broken home".

cailcorishev said...

Jason, yes, after a divorce, there often are things stopping you from being a good father. You can only be so good a father every other weekend. You can't be much of a father if your ex-wife bad-mouths you constantly and convinces the kids you're a loser they shouldn't listen to. (You're far too quick to shrug off the effect such women can have.) When your son gets in his first fight at school, and you don't even hear about it until his next visit ten days later after his mother and the school counselors have worked him over, how much effect will you have?

I've heard many frivorcees claim that their kids would be better off thanks to divorce because they'd no longer be in the middle of screaming matches and so on. And yet, the children of divorce I've talked to, even if they admit that their parents were amicable and attended the same birthday parties without getting into fights and so on, almost universally say that it still hurt them a lot and they wish their parents had stayed together despite whatever unpleasantness. For one thing, the kids almost always blame themselves and spend years trying to figure out what they did wrong to drive their parents apart.

No one's suggesting that a guy should be limp-wristed and pathetic, by the way. That won't help, not that you don't see plenty of divorced dads continuing the supplication to try to get access to their kids. Your "happy swinging alpha" versus "pathetic clinger to marriage" dichotomy is false.

Brad Andrews said...

Jason, it is called responsibility.

Focusing only on yourself, not those you are responsible for (your children) is called immaturity. That is what is pulling our society down. It may be too late for overall society, but individuals need to walk out that maturity, no matter how hard it is.

2870b918-77c0-11e3-b9bd-000bcdcb8a73 said...

Two questions:

1. The letter-writer asserts that the wife will be "chronically poor." Does he know enough about her earning potential, and/or ability to commit divorce-rape on her husband's assets, to predict this with confidence?

2. How old are the children involved? If the woman is in her mid-40's, they might be grown and out of the house. (Or not. The way women put off childbearing these days, one of them might be in kindergarten.)

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Dalrock said...

Let’s take a moment to honestly look at your future as a divorcee. It is both stark and bleak. You are going to be chronically poor. Statistically, in spite of your hopes and dreams of new and better love, you are unlikely to remarry. Even if you do, the man you marry will be of a lower quality than the man you’re leaving and will likely to be much older; ten or more years your senior is common. But the more likely case is even worse: statistically your future will be increasingly hopeless as you age. You'll engage in a long series of sexual encounters with increasingly lower quality men gaining sexual access through feigned desires for a long-term relationship when, in truth, you merely serve as life support for your vagina. But this is only until your attractiveness wanes, when you’ll find it near-impossible to get even a one-night stand.

Depending on her age remarriage could be very likely, although as he points out the quality of the new man is almost guaranteed to be lower than the one she is tossing aside. She picked her current husband when her hand was strongest, when she was younger and hotter and didn't have the baggage (cargo really) of another man's children and a track record of not keeping her most sacred commitment.

This message can work, and key to the process is to have the woman think about the fate of other divorcées she knows. However, here you have to be very careful to walk her through the difference between real life and fantasy. The woman on Lifetime doesn't count. Neither does a celebrity she read about in People. She needs to look at sisters, cousins, neighbors, colleagues, and friends. Someone has to walk her through this because the temptation to jump the tracks and think about Eat Pray Love, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, etc is enormous and the hamster is even more powerful here than normal.

Another thing which can help is to point out the truth behind these "true life" divorce fantasies. The reality behind these is laughable, because what they are selling is a lie. Point her to the real life Philipe from Eat Pray love. As you can see from the linked article, he is short, balding, nearly 20 years older than her, and married her to get a visa to come to the US. Also point her to the laughable real life outcome for Stella. The Jamaican hottie was in real life a visibly gay man who (wait for it...) married her for a visa! He has since taken her to the cleaners in divorce court for an undisclosed settlement.

One last point. This message can be given by anyone, but it is best delivered by her children, especially a son. For example:

Mom, you don't want to turn out like my friends mothers who divorce. They all ended up alone or with a series of lose boyfriends. Remember Aunt Sally and how you and the other women all laugh at her when she shows up at parties alone or with a loser for a date. That will be you if you are foolish enough to divorce Dad.

This is especially potent coming from a son, because he is the one she is counting on filling the role of protector, etc. if she can't find a new husband. When he tells her she is driving off a cliff, it means she can't expect to cry to him later "Where have all the good men gone! What is wrong with men!"

mina smith said...

I have several middle-aged female acquintenances through a common hobby who are in the midst of "getting divorced" from their husbands. All are being egged on by "good friends" who promise "You go girl, You deserve better!!" They are convinced they will get a better man. All of them. Imagine their surprise when I take the time (not always but if asked or someone I like particularly) I tell them the same thing the posted letter says. They completely freak out. Like it is something they hadn't considered and cannot even imagine to be true. Time will only tell I guess; I seem to be at the age where I know a lot of these cougars in the making. I am sure I'll have the last laugh.

Jack Amok said...

One cannot control the behavior of others, least of all those caught up in self-destruction. In such cases, the chief objective ought to be mitigating the damage to innocent others.

And among the innocent others are younger women who will someday have to choose between the short-term thrill of wielding the power to burn down their marriages and the long-term benefit of sticking it out when things get a little rough. You can't count on rational analysis, that's true, but fear may work. Not just fear of being alone, but fear of being mocked and ridiculed. Dalrock's comment about "Remember Aunt Sally and how you and the other women all laugh at her when she shows up at parties alone or with a loser for a date" is spot on.

Make this a public marker laid down for all to see. "This woman is going to trash her marriage and she will turn herself into an object of ridicule and scorn, not from men (who will simply ignore her), but from women. Watch as it happens, girls, and BTW, feel free to join in the fun of mocking her."

Brad Andrews said...

I have started to have similar conversations (in retrospect since she divorced my father many years ago, when I was young). She still notes that he had problems, though I have noted that her life did not go better. I believe she avoided the sex noted in the OP, but she is effectively alone now.

My dad had his issues, but I can relate much better to him and I have strong suspicions of how things were given my own experiences.

Res Ipsa said...

Pel,

I'm praying for you.

I wish I had some word of advice or wisdom that I knew would benefit your situation. I'm not sure I do. So, I'm doing what I can. I'm praying for you and your marriage.

Bodichi said...

I saw my brothers and my life ruined by the rampant whoring of my mother. No excuse, no reason, is ever going to justify the damage she did to us. When you can look at your own mother and understand that she is a filthy, lying, conniving slut, and realize she did everything in her power to ruin your life and your brother's life, then maybe you'll understand women enough to be a husband.

You don't need money stored, You don't need a good credit score. You need an iron will to do what is right and exact justice on those who would pervert it.

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:26

The only thing I thank my mother for, making this easy.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

OT:

Beta of the Decade?

A university graduate has proposed to his girlfriend with an epic video that took four years to film and features him lip-syncing in 26 different countries.

Jack Hyer of Whitefish, Montana, went on his first date with fellow University of Montana student Rebecca Strellnauer on September 30 2010 and afterwards vowed that one day he would marry her.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2636599/Is-epic-proposal-video-Boyfriend-spends-FOUR-YEARS-travels-26-countries-film-amazing-lip-syncing-clip-course-said-YES.html

Matamoros said...

Good letter. Can you post the rest?

Conscientia Republicae said...

LBF,

Wow what a faggot.

RC said...

Two questions:

1. The letter-writer asserts that the wife will be "chronically poor." Does he know enough about her earning potential, and/or ability to commit divorce-rape on her husband's assets, to predict this with confidence?

2. How old are the children involved? If the woman is in her mid-40's, they might be grown and out of the house. (Or not. The way women put off childbearing these days, one of them might be in kindergarten.)"

Answers:
1. Yes.
2. 16, 14, and 12.

Solid delta man, good earner, loyal, willing to reconcile despite the situation. I've walked with nearly a hundred men through this same scenario and it plays out predictably every time, but I don't usually know the wife at all. This one I know.

RC said...

"Good letter. Can you post the rest? " - Matamoros

I am happy to share the balance with the host's permission, but he believed the excerpt he selected was most relevant to the blog.

Remo said...

Jason773: "In divorce there is nothing stopping you from being a good father". Prison and poverty stop you and the existing structure is designed to do this. Sometimes the solution to all of life's issues is not addressed by "running the MAP" and being alpha.

This note to his wife will not slow her down in the least and will rationalized away instantly of course but he did do the right thing in providing a warning. Modern man, alpha or not, cannot compete with the incentives and temptations for divorce currently on offer in the U.S. especially. The devil is more alpha than any of us.

Desiderius said...

Cail,

"She has to convince herself that the marriage was never good because you were false from the start, so making it work was never within her power. Then she'll feel justified in leaving."

You've got the order backwards.

vashine said...


As a grown man who was the child of a frivorce, here's my humble advice:

1. If your wife is openly and boldly (aka rebelliously and disrespectfully) engaging in historical revisionism, then the first thing you need to start doing is locking that shit down. Every time she lies or twists historical events or facts, you nail her on it. Even if you don't "feel" like it, you don't let her get away with shit. Wear her ass down. If she gets it wrong, you make sure she knows that she got it wrong. This will work to your advantage in many, many ways. Seek Truth. The Truth will set you free, just not immediately.

2. Find out where your relationship truly is. You need the map and your location on that map, otherwise you'll be lost and divorced before you know it.

3. Do not be afraid of fighting in front of the kids. First, she brought this shit to the table and it's a family table. Second, kids can sense and know deep down which person is being forthright and honest, and which person is hiding, manipulating, and evading. They will see that and it will be valuable to you in the long run in terms of healthy, trusting and forgiving relationships with them, no matter if the divorce happens or not. She will attempt to get you to not fight in front of the kids. She cannot manipulate or use frivolous arguments as effectively in front of the kids. They will smell it on her, she knows this.

4. Divorced children and parents no longer have a family but a broken family, aka not a family that can ever truly function in the way a family is supposed to function. You will continue to have "family" in the sense of individuals with whom you share blood and experiences with. You will have brothers, sisters, a mother and father, but no one will have a true family any more.

It is essential you face this fact, accept it, and react accordingly. Make sure your kids face and accept this fact. Your ex will likely throw a fit because she's desperate to limit the damage she's doing. Your children will thank you later for it, to be sure.

Your kids need a "family" with lots of good, solid, adult role models who will give them godly advice and counsel, in whom they must feel comfortable confiding and also receiving instruction and guidance from. The divorce will cause all sorts of emotional rifts, uncontrollable ones, between you, your kids, and their mother. In many ways they will be incapable of trusting either of you for life advice, in every sphere of life, and maybe forever. Get other trustworthy, wise adults into their lives on a regular basis. A regular basis. I emphasize “regular”. Uncles, aunts, avuncular neighbors, grandparents, church members, any and all of them. Get them in a larger Christian family, on a regular basis. Be open with those other adults about your concerns and about your desire to see your children form some bonds with other trustworthy, wise adults. These parent figures will also act as your eyes and ears to warn you of more serious issues if they come up. You will need extra ears and eyes because you will not be around them as much.

5. Read Proverbs. Read Psalms. Pray without ceasing. Rejoice.

6. Start improving yourself, think long-term. Get ripped, get Game, get God, and get your mind off her as best you can. Mindfulness practices, yoga, go paleo. Share it all with your kids, other family members, friends. Take your kids on that journey with you, they will learn a lot from your own search for wisdom and healing. Be open about why you're doing it.

7. Do not openly express regret for having married your ex in front of your kids. You are saying their existence was not worth the trouble. It is wholly selfish and cold-hearted and solipsistic to say such a thing in front of your children. You are literally denying and rejecting their basic worth as human beings, to their faces.

RC said...

Probably the most fascinating part of all this to me is that the two are/were practicing Christians. The husband is still faithful. The wife church shopped until she found a pastorette who gave her cover to divorce because he'd "abandoned her."

cailcorishev said...

Desiderius, I know the actual order is the other way around: she wants to leave, so she starts looking for excuses. But by the time she leaves, she will have convinced herself, and be able to look people straight in the eye and tell them, that it was the other way around: she fought for the marriage as long as she could, but eventually she realized he was a lie from the very start, so she had no other choice.

Desiderius said...

Dalrock,

"Depending on her age remarriage could be very likely, although as he points out the quality of the new man is almost guaranteed to be lower than the one she is tossing aside. She picked her current husband when her hand was strongest, when she was younger and hotter and didn't have the baggage (cargo really) of another man's children and a track record of not keeping her most sacred commitment."

That is certainly true of my own mother's experience. The official story is that my dad left her, but its slowly becoming clear to me, and I think in her own way to her, that it was her ardent feminism that prevented her from being much of a wife, not that she's about to give up the feminism. I do see her finally committing herself, after almost 40(!) years of her second marriage, to becoming a loving and devoted wife.

There is a change of mores along those lines in the air, driven by children of divorce and the work of folks like yourself, as well as the natural cycle of sex-role differentiation. Tat same change though casts some doubt as to the accuracy of your original statement.

My current wife is a divorcee (no kids - that's key), and she definitely traded up in her second marriage.

Among the Promise-keepers crowd and fellow travelers 15-20 years ago, there was a huge push to marry off their best daughters at a young age to very emasculated, submissive men. That the daughters themselves had been pedestalized by their fathers (and everyone else, for that matter) did not help either, of course, but these were bad matches to begin with.

If there are now children involved, or if the wife was successful in bringing out her husbands masculinity, these marriages are very much worth saving. But the idea that these women will absolutely do worse on the second go-round is not entirely accurate.

Desiderius said...

"Desiderius, I know the actual order is the other way around: she wants to leave, so she starts looking for excuses. But by the time she leaves, she will have convinced herself, and be able to look people straight in the eye and tell them, that it was the other way around: she fought for the marriage as long as she could, but eventually she realized he was a lie from the very start, so she had no other choice."

Sure, but the solution is not to attack the justification (including appeals like the letter in the post), that will be seen to be futile if the order is understood. The solution is to prevent the feeling in the first place. As I'm sure GBFM will remind us, game is a band-aid there. Best bring the real masculinity and headship from the get-go.

cailcorishev said...

Desiderius, no doubt the time to set the right frame for the marriage is at the beginning. But if a man didn't know to do that, and he finds himself with a wife who has a foot out the door, that's not an option. His chances of changing her mind aren't good, but if he wants to save the marriage, confronting her with reality is the only shot he has of doing that while maintaining his self-respect.

But the greater benefit of a letter like this is probably for women reading it who aren't at that point, who still respect their husbands enough to have it reinforced, or who haven't yet married and can still be influenced to have a better attitude about it.

Awoman said...

An acquaintance just told me her plan to do this...
She is early-mid fifties, and wrote "as soon as I find a new job I am immediately filing for divorce!! Do you know any single men? I hope I'm not stuck with an old man..."
All I could answer was "I can't help you on that front" ( I had been helping her look for jobs, because she is a friend of my husband )
Yes, now I am certainly MORE at arm's length than before!!
If she actually were a friend of mine, I would have given her a much more thorough response!!
(Married over 20 years, with 19-yr-old son...)
I am floored by the unhaaaaaaaaappiness" in some of these women....

Desiderius said...

Cail,

"Desiderius, no doubt the time to set the right frame for the marriage is at the beginning. But if a man didn't know to do that"

Wouldn't it be better then to learn to do it (via scripture, GBFM, Cail, Athol, Roissy, et. al.) than to merely try to create a male threatpoint? One thing about threats - before you make one, you'd better be damn sure reality has your back.

"and he finds himself with a wife who has a foot out the door, that's not an option. His chances of changing her mind aren't good, but if he wants to save the marriage, confronting her with reality is the only shot he has of doing that while maintaining his self-respect."

"Save" the marriage? If her foot's out the door, what is there to "save"? If there is to be a marriage, you're back at square one anyway. Maintaining? Most of these men had no self-respect to begin with - that's where the "feeling" itself came from. It's her duty to uphold her vows regardless. It's his to recognize the only sure source of salvation there is, and to follow His teaching, starting with headship.

Note the pitch of the male voices at link. That's what salvation sounds like, to male and female.

Conscientia Republicae said...

Desiderius,

Thanks for the link. Beautiful.

Desiderius said...

vashine,

"As a grown man who was the child of a frivorce"

As another, that is manfully written, and sage, advice. Welcome.

Desiderius said...

Conscientia Republicae,

You're welcome. From the wiki:

"Salvation is Created is a choral work composed by Pavel Tchesnokov in 1912. It was one of the very last sacred works he composed before he was forced to turn to secular arts by the Soviet government. Although he never heard his own composition performed, his children had the opportunity years following his death... the work is a communion hymn based on a Kievan synodal chant melody and Psalm 74"

O God, why do you cast us off forever?
Why does your anger smoke against the sheep of your pasture?
Remember your congregation, which you acquired long ago,
which you redeemed to be the tribe of your heritage.
Remember Mount Zion, where you came to dwell.
Direct your steps to the perpetual ruins;
the enemy has destroyed everything in the sanctuary.

Your foes have roared within your holy place;
they set up their emblems there.
At the upper entrance they hacked
the wooden trellis with axes.
And then, with hatchets and hammers,
they smashed all its carved work.
They set your sanctuary on fire;
they desecrated the dwelling place of your name,
bringing it to the ground.
They said to themselves, “We will utterly subdue them”;
they burned all the meeting places of God in the land.

We do not see our emblems;
there is no longer any prophet,
and there is no one among us who knows how long.
How long, O God, is the foe to scoff?
Is the enemy to revile your name forever?
Why do you hold back your hand;
why do you keep your hand in your bosom?

Yet God my King is from of old,
working salvation in the earth.
You divided the sea by your might;
you broke the heads of the dragons in the waters.
You crushed the heads of Leviathan;
you gave him as food for the creatures of the wilderness.
You cut openings for springs and torrents;
you dried up ever-flowing streams.
Yours is the day, yours also the night;
you established the luminaries and the sun.
You have fixed all the bounds of the earth;
you made summer and winter.

Remember this, O Lord, how the enemy scoffs,
and an impious people reviles your name.
Do not deliver the soul of your dove to the wild animals;
do not forget the life of your poor forever.

Have regard for your covenant,
for the dark places of the land are full of the haunts of violence.
Do not let the downtrodden be put to shame;
let the poor and needy praise your name.
Rise up, O God, plead your cause;
remember how the impious scoff at you all day long.
Do not forget the clamor of your foes,
the uproar of your adversaries that goes up continually.

- Psalm 74

jimmy-jimbo said...

"I don't know if this will even slow the woman down or cause her to at least think twice. I tend to doubt it;"

I doubt it will slow her down. She. Is. Leaving. This has nothing to do with finding another although that is her intend anyways. She has contempt for her husband. There is no marriage. For her to stay in her marriage, she must change. She won't. In my experience, the woman never changes. She expects the man to change. Thus, she is willing to screw around many times for the right man to come around.

I don't feel bad about a woman in this situation. Surely she is getting a lower quality man, but this is by design. She wants a man that makes her feel special. This is not her husband, who by definition is everything a responsible husband should be. She is living her fantasy. Sometimes you just have to let her take it. Live life dangerously.

I know a woman who remarried numerous times after their first marriage. Take my relative please. She dumped her first husband for a man she had an adulterous affair. She married her lover. He died. She married for the 3rd time and just bought a house over a million dollars. This is probably the exception of all exceptions.

My first marriage didn't work out. She left. I know she is still single and living with her parents at over 50 years old. This is the contrast. Sometimes it works, many times it doesn't. People will just do as they will.

LP 999/Eliza said...

wayward women are women of mental illness, mass destruction and obscene coveting, run far far far away from her. only the lord can help them.

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