Saturday, November 30, 2013

Life isn't personal

Badger points out that not taking things personally is a badge of male honor. And like most things male honor-related, it is a complete mystery to women:
Guys don’t really have to shit-test each other because the male social environment contains an implicit contract of competition – we understand that we’re supposed to respond to challenges by competing, and that those who compete frequently or well have enhanced opportunities in the social order.

However, it’s also critical to acknowledge that the competition is a game, to not take it personally. That’s what is communicated by the post-game handshake. It’s a way for the loser to say “nice job,” and the winner to thank the loser for putting up a good fight. Even if you are hurt or humiliated, it’s an offer you need to accept as a way of showing there’s no hard feelings.
I would note that it goes even further than the realm of competition. Yesterday, at the gym, a careless guy took all the weights off one side of the curl bar. There were a considerable quantity of weights on the other side; one guess what happened.

The problem was that I was standing just on the other side of the bar with my back to it. So the weighted side of the bar crashed to the floor and caused the bar to flip over and whip over as per the force of gravity. Fortunately, I heard the crash and something caused me to step sideways rather than turn around to see what happened. The end of the metal bar smashed down where I'd been standing; it probably wouldn't have injured me too badly, but it would have hurt and it definitely wasn't the sort of blow you'd want to take to your lower spine.

The guy responsible immediately ran over and apologized profusely. He didn't attempt to disclaim responsibility, he didn't make any excuses, and he didn't try to blame me for being in the wrong place. He just apologized. For my part, I didn't get angry with him, I didn't lecture him on being more careful next time, and I didn't take the opportunity to play the victim in some way. I just assured him it was no problem, it was nothing, and no harm had been done.

In five seconds, it was finished. He cleaned up the weights, and we went on with our workouts. There was no drama, no issue, no lingering resentments to be resolved.

To take everything personally, from a sporting defeat to a minor accident, is to be fundamentally unmasculine. The fact that the interests of others often run contrary to our own does not mean that they have anything to do with us personally. Don't be afraid to apologize or to accept apologies. Learn to leave the spirit of opposition on the playing field and save your wrath for the wicked, for those whose enmity is specific and personal and temporally unlimited.

It's not a surprise that the female boxer did not touch gloves after being defeated. She has no male honor and everything is personal for her. The match may be over, but you can be sure that she still sees the man with whom she was boxing as her opponent. In fact, she probably sees many men with whom she has never boxed and never will box as her opponents.

14 comments:

Conscientia Republicae said...

It is also not showing weakness. If you jump up and down and swear you aren't gay, here come the fag jokes.

If you show other men that something bothers you or pisses you off, expect to be abused thoroughly about that something.

Denton said...

Dead on. One reason feminists and modern women hate male friendships so badly is they teach things like this: responsibility, those pesky cardinal virtues, and honour. Part of those lessons is realizing you are not the center of all things and that you can fuck up, which lets you not have to take it all personally.

fc6cedc2-d6a8-11e2-b860-000bcdcb471e said...

Back when I worked retail many many moons ago, I noticed that women were particularly inclined to become antagonistic when things weren't just so. The area I came across this the most was ping pong tables.

We sold 6-7 models of ping pong tables, 2 of which would fit in a minivan, the rest didn't. Near no woman believed this statement, whereas most men did. And even a lot of the men who didn't changed their minds when I wheeled the box out of the warehouse to show them how big it was.

The number of times that I had to waste time on futile attempts to load ping pong tables into the minivans on behalf of females was unbelievable. During this time a year it was 2-3 times a day. And my managers all insisted we go through this motion because customer service. The real bitch of it was, even after we warned them, and even after we made the attempt, most women would be angry or annoyed with us, as if we were standing in the way of her dreams. At least most men that made us go through the process apologized for wasting our time.

LP 999/Eliza said...

Too true, that is how men manage gym issues, women? not so much luck.

I like this post, I was telling a few individuals around me over the holidays to be objective, don't take it to heart or don't be so easily offended.

LP 999/Eliza said...

OT, cute: One interesting interaction was dad's insistence to stay the hamstring machine, the women wanted it. He told them, he is going to occupy it for another 15 mins.

mmaier2112 said...

RE: the Ping-Pong tables: Your managers were idiots. I'd simply keep a tape measure under a register and save everyone time.

cailcorishev said...

It's not hard to see how that conversation would go:

Sales Guy: "Sorry, ma'am, but this model won't fit in a minivan."
Woman: "Oh, I'm sure it'll fit in ours; we got the extra big back door package."
Guy: "I'm sorry, but I'm quite sure; we've tried many of them, and it's just too big."
Woman, looking annoyed: "If you'd just try it, I know it would fit. We've carried bigger things in there."
Guy: "Tell you what, I have a measuring tape here. The box is X inches; we can go measure your van."
Woman, exasperated: "Well, if you really want to waste time on that. I know it'd fit if you'd just try it."
Guy, showing her measurements: "See? Your hatch is Y inches too small."
Woman, looking cross now: "You're just not measuring the right directions. If you would just bring the box out here, you'd see that it'll fit fine when you turn it the right way. I hope you don't treat all your customers this way."

Keep in mind that these women get mad at him when a package won't fit in their van, as if it's his fault. These are not rational people who are going to let something silly like a tape measure control their reality.

badgerhut said...

"She has no male honor and everything is personal for her...in fact, she probably sees many men with whom she has never boxed and never will box as her opponents."

Aaaand a huge reason men despise the "sassy, strong woman" act. No sense feeding her "let's go looking for a fight" kind of attitude.

"The guy responsible immediately ran over and apologized profusely. He didn't attempt to disclaim responsibility, he didn't make any excuses, and he didn't try to blame me for being in the wrong place. He just apologized."

Following from our earlier posts about not saying too much, a key lesson here for fledging men is to simply apologize when an apology is called for. You don't need to make excuses or mitigate the mistake, not at the apology stage. The most important thing is to show you are accountable for whatever has gone wrong. "I screwed up, I'm sorry."

"There was no drama, no issue, no lingering resentments to be resolved."

I've noticed a major difference in male and female is that with dudes, when a problem is resolved, so are the feelings involved, whereas with women, when the issue/confusion/whatever is resolved, you still need to tend to the emotional wounds of an issue that is already done.

mmaier2112 said...

I'm to the point now where were I not a Christian, I'd be punching a lot of bitchy females in the mouth, just because they really are asking for it.

I've had it with their Lilliputian delusions... maybe an actual challenge to put on some boxing gloves or STFU?

mmaier2112 said...

As for the Ping-Pong tables, I'd tell my employees to go out with a tape measure, then tell the customer "It won't fit. WE KNOW it won't fit. If you take it out of the store, it's YOUR problem".

I really loathe the way idiot companies go out of their way to please retards.

fc6cedc2-d6a8-11e2-b860-000bcdcb471e said...

I really loathe the way idiot companies go out of their way to please retards.

I suspect its smart business. Something like 9 out of 10 people that couldn't fit it in their car either paid $30 for delivery or bought the slightly smaller ping pong tables. After the sale a person is committed. Its no longer the ping pong table costs me X, its I lose this ping pong table if I don't pay $30.

Monetarily its the same either way, but psychologically its huge because people, particularly women aren't rational. That is probably why managers didn't have tape measures (assuming anybody ever thought of it), because the managers really weren't all that interested in having us dissuade people from buying ping pong tables by increasing their price by $30 before the sale was completed.

Eric Wilson said...

This post is very apropos. I just had a female acquaintance defriend me on FB. Her husband is a deployed Marine. She posted something about how Paul Walker's death was getting much more attention than military folk getting killed in service.

I replied with something to the effect of: Not that you're wrong, but you yourself just posted about Paul Walker, and I can't remember you post about a specific military death.

(I checked her voluminous FB posts over the last couple of weeks to confirm my statement, which was accurate as far as I checked.)

Naturally, she claimed I was insensitive to her present situation, called me a liar about not posting about dead marines - while not providing a counter example - and defriended me.

I'm sure I could have used rhetoric a little more effectively, but yup, she couldn't read anything I wrote without taking it as a personal attack.

Robert said...

No wonder men hate to include women on sports teams or into competitions of any kind. It's like trying to have a logical discussion with a Marxist or a two-year-old. Even though you know you're going to win, you also know your opponent is never going to admit that she lost fair and square. Her game is "who can come up with the best excuse for why the game was fixed against him?" Women do indeed ruin everything.

JCclimber said...

Another post explaining a facet of solispism. For those who get it and are amused by it, and for those who still haven't grasped this alien concept of making everything in the world about yourself.

Hmmm. I'm going to try an experiment at work based on opening or holding doors. I bet most men here, if they do it, do it on principle and it isn't personal. And I bet almost every single woman we hold the door for (or don't) take it personally.

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