Monday, December 24, 2012

Holidays: Ignore the experts

This is the Alpha Game Holiday Survival Guide part III.  Regarding gifts, here are several "helpful" suggestions offered by the experts on women in the mainstream media:
  • Anything that suggests that the recipient is anything less than perfect will go down worse than Frankie Boyle at a kid's Christmas party.
  •  Never buy a woman an iron for Christmas unless you want to get hit over the head with it.
  •  Guys, this is 50 shades of WRONG. Don't even think about it - or anything else tenuously linked to 50 Shades of Grey for that matter.
  • Nothing says "I don't really think that much of you" quite like a handbag by 'Louis Vilton'. If you can't stretch to a designer bag, better to opt for the (genuine) perfume.
Translation: don't buy a woman anything that might be sexy, affordable, useful, improving, or popular.  Only gifts that are rare, expensive, and useless will be appreciated.  Except, as we already know, buying the perfect gift is the worst thing you can possibly do since it will create an unwanted sense of obligation.

It's fascinating, too, that apparently physical violence is deemed a reasonable response to an unwanted gift.  I wonder what the reaction would be if it were suggested that a woman should not buy a man a tie unless she wants to get strangled by it?  Does anyone suppose that the average man wants yet another tie any more than the average woman wants a new iron?

So, ignore the experts.  If she said she wanted X at some point during the year, then buy X.  Don't overthink these things and stop striving for the nonexistent perfect gift.  Remember that presents don't fix relationship problems.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

The worst part is how so many men, having heard (and read) these comments their whole life, accept it as reasonable. They joke about it. I never got 'the joke'. I buy something simple and that's all I expect.

The men I know who catered to their wives or girlfriends are either now divorced or single. Have they learned? Nope...must have been something unique about her.

Have a Merry Christmas...it really isn't about all the fancy gifts.

- Apollyon

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Doorstop said...

"It's fascinating, too, that apparently physical violence is deemed a reasonable response to an unwanted gift. I wonder what the reaction would be if it were suggested that a woman should not buy a man a tie unless she wants to get strangled by it?"

It's Red Pill observations like these that keep me coming back to this blog.

Anonymous said...

I was just teasing my wife about buying her a better vacuum. She laughed and I got laid.

I haven't bought her anything but was thinking of drawing a Christmas tree on a piece of paper.

taterearl said...

"Only gifts that are rare, expensive, and useless will be appreciated."

So I should buy her a princess?

Orville said...

I split the difference. She's been wanting two high dollar items. One a Dyson vacuum and the other a certain piece of jewelry.

This year, if she fitness tests me on either of these I'm prepared for it.

Anon female said...

Would love to get strangled by one of my husband's neckties. Hel-lo kinky Christmas! =)

Stickwick said...

This year, if she fitness tests me on either of these I'm prepared for it.

Be careful, though. If she says the vacuum really sucks, that could be a compliment!

Josh said...

Word of archive: don't buy jewelry at a chain store that does a lot of advertising.

Doom said...

This is one area that I am weak in. I always wondered, but then just decided I didn't care and stopped caring. I give teh woman(tm) a good gift, something thoughtful, and I am pleased with it, ignoring anything she says is all. But it galls even then. Even you saying what you have, and me biting, won't change that. However, I refuse to offer the receipt for exchange anymore (save for if clothes happen to be included and size/color might need to be altered).

Nope, they have me on this one and I only have some natural thick skin shielding. Hey, no man can have all the corners squared. No man.

stg58/Animal Mother said...

I just listen to what they complain about. Hasn't steered me wrong yet.

stg58/Animal Mother said...

I just listen to what they complain about. Hasn't steered me wrong yet.

Desert Cat said...

Years ago I categorically excluded a class of gifts to her, due to her poor reception of several items in that class (jewelry). As a result of me reinforcing my commitment to that ban from time to time, her reception of other gifts has been notably more positive.

Buy what you want to buy her. Ignore the "fitness" (ahem) tests. Enforce your boundaries. Reap the rewards.

realmatt said...

Who are these people these articles describe? Granted, I don't get out much, but I have never met a person who was clearly ungrateful, verbally or otherwise, when receiving a gift.

Anonymous said...

@Orville,

Get her the Dyson over the jewelery. They are great products, will help her clean around the house. but the key is that you can use it, too!

frenchy

Doom said...

They can read! Glad I don't have a woman tracking me down. And... Orville? Hehehehe Yes, I know who frenchy is. *meow*

Orville said...

No test this time. I think my changed response to her fitness tests this past year have paid off. I've been altering between laughing them off, or calmly calling her out and then tuning out. The pissed phase is down from hours to minutes before she returns to normal.

The Dyson was her favorite. Go figure. It is an awesome product.

jadoescher said...

It's amazing how the whole imperfect gift=bonk on the head. Somewhat related story: I made some spare keys at the local hardware store for my girlfriend after she locked herself out of the house and as part of a cocky/funny inside joke I chose blanks that were covered in pink kittens. When I explained the joke and who they were for, all the guys at the hardware store looked at me like I had two heads. As I was walking out, the youngest guy (late teens) said "Hey man, when you give those to her, make sure you duck!" I looked back to give him a grin, thinking he was kidding, but the look on his face made it clear he wasn't.

Anonymous said...

Snowblower. Weed whacker. Carpet steamer. All true examples of gifts. She dug them.

N5

Orville said...

I wouldn't do a girl who needed a carpet steamer and a weed whacker. That's just nasty.

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