Why men hate jealousy plays

Susan Walsh has compiled a very good list of 25 politically incorrect advice points for young women seeking boyfriends and/or husbands. One of the more important ones that remarkably few women recognize is number five:

5. Have eyes for no one but him.

Actively discourage attention from other men. Avoid eye contact with other men. Ignore other men who stare at you or seek to engage you in conversation. Never, ever try to increase a guy’s interest by trying to make him jealous. Any success will be temporary, guaranteed.

She subsequently explains why women don't understand this rule: "This is a case of pure projection due to cluelessness about how guys think. Jealousy is not fun, but it gets women more invested and revved up for female intrasexual competition. I was really surprised when I first read how much men hate that feeling. But every guy here has agreed with you."

The reason men hate seeing their women attempt to make them jealous and tend to be intolerant is fairly simple. Whereas women have nothing at risk except the relationship itself and therefore tend to find jealousy to be slightly titillating - other women want my man, so he must have value! - men know they are being put at risk of physical violence and harsh legal consequences.

Intentionally seeking to to make a man jealous is simply the lesser form of "let's you and him fight". Even if the woman is too innocent or insufficiently cognizant of cause-and-effect to realize what she is doing, the man usually understands, at least on some level, that he is being involuntarily placed into a position where he is potentially at physical risk. Most men do not look at all favorably on this sort of thing, especially if they are not violent men who get an adrenaline rush from feeling blood on their hands.

While there are certainly jealous men who habitually place themselves in such situations without any help from women, they are not the norm and such men will tend to direct their violence at the woman even more readily than at other men. This is, of course, attractive to some women, which is why many "abused" women can only be pulled away from their "abusers" by police equipped with a team of draft horses. These women find the intensity of the emotions and the sex is worth the occasional bloody nose or black eye; however these women also happen to be a distinct minority.

Consider the difference in consequences from the different sexual perspectives. If a woman sees an attractive potential rival homing in on her man, her first thought is that she has to try harder. So she will go and do things that she enjoys to at least some extent in order to look hotter and be better in bed. Whereas if a man sees an attractive potential rival homing in on his woman, his first thought is that he will have to fight the guy. If he loses, he'll be physically beaten, and if he wins, he might end up going to jail and getting sued.

Who can blame him if he looks at the woman, who actually has no intention of leaving him but only wants to pique his interest, and decides he's much better off finding someone who is less willing to put him and his economic status at risk for momentary entertainment at best and sexual disloyalty at worst?

So what should a man do if his wife or girlfriend is overtly attempting to make him jealous? Due to the fact that most women don't understand the different consequences to the different sexes, an explanation of them is in order. If she knocks it off, well and good. A warning should follow any repetition of the behavior, and if she still persists in doing it, in the full knowledge of how she is putting you at risk, it's time to move on. And no matter how tempting you find the thought, at no point should her behavior be rewarded by letting her see you beat up or otherwise confront the other man, as that simply creates a positive incentive for her to continue it.

A man has a responsibility to defend his woman from the attacks of others, but he has absolutely no responsibility to defend her from herself.