Don't rely on the man in your life to tell you that you're piling on the pounds. Chaps are much more reluctant than women to confront a partner about their weight. Almost a third of men don't want to raise the subject compared to a mere 10 per cent of women who would be reluctant to suggest their partner slimmed down.It isn't news that many men are afraid to confront women. I'm only surprised to learn the number is only around one-third. But it is informative to learn that whereas 90% of women are willing to tell a man he's too fat, they are more reluctant to confront their friends. This helps explain why women will completely blow off a man's opinion about her appearance, while obediently complying with one absurd and counter-productive piece of advice from her friend after another.
However, when it comes to telling a close friend to go on a diet, it's a very different story. Then, 23 per cent of women would find it hard to bring up the subject compared to only 8 per cent of men.
From the Game perspective, of course, one does not want to be in the 30% of men who are afraid to call a whale a whale. If you can't even manage that, don't be surprised if whales, and ill-tempered whales at that, are the only girl you can get. The fact is that pointing out flaws, real or imaginary, on an otherwise shapely woman is an effective means of modifying the relative value perception.
22 comments:
I get the impression that for men who oculd stand to lose some weight (me among them), this implies that we should NEVER be apologetic about it.
We're round. We're on a diet. We're in the dojo twice a week. If this isn't good enough, get out. And no, I'm not settling for land whales. Not with a six-figure income.
I think that this ^^ is sometimes used by all people.
"I AM dieting." "I am on the treadmill an hour three times a week! and I still can not lose weight."
For one, they are going about it wrong, well not exactly wrong, but not at the level they should be attacking their issue, especially when they are more then 30lbs over weight. If you are 30lbs over weight you need to be A LOT more serious about frequency of working out, intensity and also your diet. Once you get down to your ideal body size / shape then you can relax the diet and intensity of exercise to a maintenance level.
(cont.)
But someone wailing in protest, "I AM doing SOMETHING!!!" most likely means they are not doing it hard enough or seriously enough.
I was going to say that a woman's husband's weight is her business and therefore she can comment on it, whereas a friend's weight is not her business and therefore she should not comment on it. Then I realized that is absurd. There is nothing that is not a woman's business.
" There is nothing that women THINK is not THEIR business."
There, fixed that for you.
My poor brother is married to a woman who looks like God made her as ugly as he could, and then kicked her square in the face, and her attitude matches her looks. She's one of those people who Can't Understand Normal Thinking (if only there were an acronym for that...) the second he decided to look past her physical flaws, he blinded himself to all of her personality flaws as well.
You can definitely accept certain flaws, but you should never pretend they don't exist.
Oh, I smoke too much weed. My point there was that I'd put money on the guess that 90% of those 1/3 of men would say they always tell their wives they are perfect. And 50% actually believe it. Everyone is flawed. My wife is heavier than I am, but she's pregnant, and I've got celiac disease, so I'd be an a-hole for telling her she's fat. But if she ever got genuinely big, I would tell her because a) I would worry about her health and 2) I enjoy being physically attracted to the woman I love.
Completely off topic, sorry: Ghost, have you heard of the new flour called Cup 4 Cup? It's sold from Williams Sonoma. It's a bit expensive but so worth it. Gluten free flour that acts and tastes exactly like wheat flour. My daughter has Celiac disease. I was able to use this flour as a literal cup for cup substitute for all of our old recipes (no need to add gums - they're already in the mixture). Pie crust, chocolate chip cookies, Christmas cut out cookies, rue for gravy or any other cream sauce, etc... Like I said, sorry for being off topic, if you understood the struggle of finding gluten free food substitutes, you'd know the sheer joy and excitement those intolerant of gluten get when something actually TASTES good.
Arggh... clicked on the article and scrolled down... there is a sight that should not be witnessed by male eyes.
It isn't news that many men are afraid to confront women. I'm only surprised to learn the number is only around one-third.
I suspect it is more like 2/3 or greater in the USA. The article is British, and the Brits are far freer with negative personal criticism than Americans.
The fact is that pointing out flaws, real or imaginary, on an otherwise shapely woman is an effective means of modifying the relative value perception
But, if all the women around are heavier than her, good luck getting her to feel that some effort need be expended. Perhaps one good strategy is to be perceived as an expert at diet and exercise (by looking awesome YOURSELF), so other women start asking for advice. One of my favorite older alpha friends, a Vietnam vet who led a philosophy discussion, was always in excellent shape, and had lots of good advice for both men and women. His wife was also always in shape.
I'm sure Vox knows nothing of this...
Caption to the photo:
"When it comes to telling a their loved one women are far more likely to tell their loved one that they're piling on the pounds, research has suggested"
Does anyone need further evidence that Mail Online writers/editors are idiots?
The book The Primal Diet (along with others I am sure) maintains that it is eating and limited exercise that is much better for you rather than being a gym rat, even if you are very overweight.
I am not convinced that running the treadmill for hours a day is the best way to lose weight. In fact I dropped it very fast with minimal exercise when I did low-carb years ago. The harder thing is keeping it off, not getting it off.
Sarah's daughter,
No I haven't heard of that stuff! But I'm going shopping today. That's freakin awesome. I was just happy that a month after I found out that I couldn't eat anything that tasted good that fruity and cocoa pebbles became gluten free. Cup for Cup by Williams Sonoma. Thank you so much. Also, if your daughter hasn't tried Quinoa pasta, that's the closest I've found to actual pasta and it tastes awesome. Most gluten free noodles are basically cardboard flavored.
Back on topic:
I do believe it is the duty of every spouse to keep the other spouse healthy. Guys who are afraid of hurting their wives feelings are doing a disservice to their wives. I also believe that males in America have been conditioned to believe the whole "love me for who I am" bs of self esteem. That if you even suggest that your partner isn't the perfect epitome of the highest standard of beauty, you'll be seen as callous and cold hearted. The truth is, if you love your spouse, you'll want them to be around for as long as possible.
Not saying anything about an overweight spouse would be the equivalent of my wife feeding me gluten heavy foods, because it tastes better, and I would be happy eating food again; it ignores the problem and speeds up the march to the funeral home. My wife, and the spouse of an overweight person, cannot be afraid to say, "Drop the damn donut! It's killing you!"
I don't know that I am taking away the same conclusions that you are.
The relationship a women has with her spouse is certainly more intimate (or it SHOULD be) then the one she has with "friends". And there are levels to friends.
For instance, when I gained weight (when I became very ill and on an massive overdose of steroids--that absolutely sucked having to lose it, it was five times harder then just gaining normally). The first people who told me to get on it where my Mother and my Husband (and I think they both did it at the same time). My best friend told me she agreed after I brought it up.
The thing is, I was rather good looking and ALL MY OTHER GIRL FRIENDS SAID I LOOKED AWESOME.
See that! Why would women HELP someone look better? They don't want the competition.
Your Husband wants you hot, your Mother who knows your Husband wants you hot...wants you hot and your best friend is willing to tell you the truth. Everyone else says you are fabulous and hands you some candy.
I always took my Mother or my Brother shopping with me growing up (now I take my Husband). I NEVER take another women shopping. They will lie through their teeth and try to steal the clothes you want to try on.
Carlotta
Haha, yes, brother is for when you really want to know.
Yes, my Brother never once had a problem saying "That makes you look like a whore!" or "That makes your butt look huge!" or "Ok, wear that."
He picked the dress my Husband fell in love with me in.
I always trusted his opinion on clothing LOL. Nothing else :)
Carlotta
That makes your butt look huge!
Do clothes really do that? I've always thought that's just some weird female neurosis.
A butt is a butt is a butt.
I've heard women "does my butt look fat" more times than I care to count.
My answer is simple: "Stand on a scale. If the number is too high, the butt is too big."
Her: "Do these pants make my butt look big?"
Him: "Of course not, Babe. It's the other way 'round."
Her: ...
Her: "Hey, waitaminit..."
Or:
Her: "Do these pants make my butt look big?"
Him: "That's not a fair question, honey. I saw that thing WAY before you picked up those pants."
"Hold on, I have to back up a little to get a full view"
Hehe...good ones.
I always figure don't ask the question if you don't want an honest answer.
As an aside, yes, some styles can be very unflattering on various body shapes. Michelle Obama is an example. Some pics I've seen make me shake my head wondering if everyone is afraid to say something is just not flattering on her.
Markku,
Have you ever seen a really in shape guy in a very cheap suit? Yes, the lines and fabric of the clothing can seriously do damage to even the best looking butt.
I guess the question we should as is..."Does this make my butt look it's best?"
Of course, not to my Brother LOL.
Carlotta
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