Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Pedestal Breaks

I am changing. I am changing enough that others are commenting on it. It has been happening for over a year now, and the comments are more frequent. But to a degree that change has been an act. I have been aping the behaviors that will get what I want, but never quite feeling comfortable acting that way. A few nights ago that changed. The paradigm shift that comes from studying game was, at least temporarily, internalized.

The change is partially a change in perspective. Thanks to game I realized that I have always had a mindset that pedestalizes women. Over the past year that pedestal has slowly crumbled. Game revealed the pedestal, observation damaged its integrity:

-I have my first kiss. I would have been thrilled if it had gone for ten seconds. I was prepared to hold back due to respect for her. She turns it into a twenty minute make out and nearly gives me a lap dance. My presumption of inherent female purity is damaged.

-The girl with whom I have my first kiss, has a twinge of "conscience" (I suspect she was turned off by my BETA tendencies more than anything), and turns to a friend who helps her get back on the straight and narrow. I see her a few months later with a guy who I learn is as distant from her church as I am. The power of the hamster is revealed.

-My brother's ex breaks into our apartment and causes hundreds of dollars worth of damage. When confronted she tries to pass responsibility to him. We find out that the tantrum was due to her witnessing him flirt with another girl at a bar. She ends that night in the ER with concussion and stitches after she tries to chase him while he drives away in a friend's truck, face planting in the process. My first face to face encounter with a genuinely bat-shit insane woman.

-A friend's marriage begins to unravel. He is a devoted husband and father, a genuinely caring person, and former military. None of this changes things. His wife gives him the "I love you, but I am not in love with you speech." They separate. I realize that I am watching one of the scenarios in Married Man Sex Life, and that my friend needs ALPHA traits. I insist that he read Married Man Sex Life. As of right now they are back together, the relationship is on shaky ground but I am hopeful.

-I observe the depth of contempt that a woman can hold for a BETA: My sister openly mocks an old boy-friend who suffers from depression (though not to his face).

-While some of my brother's friends are visiting, one walks in after a smoke break stating: "I found a straggler. " He has a cute girl in tow. It rapidly becomes clear that she knows no one. She is a complete stranger. I head to bed and as I fall asleep it occurs to me that any one of the guys could overpower her and take advantage of her. I am not particularly concerned as I know these guys. But she does not. She willingly walked into a possibly dangerous situation without a second thought.

Before all this I was a very nice guy: patient, considerate, and kind. I held women up as pure creatures who were by nature better than men, and I treated them as such. I was even convinced that the way I was acting was the way to win a woman's love. Needless to say acting like an asshole was never even a consideration. Since reading Roissy I have endeavored to against that nature, but could only act the part. Last week things shifted.

It started with a conversation with my little sister. She is seventeen and recently began dating. Due to my parents general cluelessness I have felt the need to explain how men think and what they are after. She has accepted this and thankfully seems determined to wait. Even so her head is currently up in the clouds about her first boyfriend. This is due in no small part to his status as a player at the local high school. After hearing her description of his behavior I explained that it was unlikely that the relationship would last long. She got somewhat upset at this and I watched as the hamster spun so she could tell herself that the relationship was more than just a high school crush. She then asked what she could do to be more adult so he would take her more seriously. At this point I ceased to care about the conversation. She wanted to act like an adult and I had told her how. Nothing else I could have said would have changed her feelings about this guy. Despite how much I care about her, I do not care about her relationship. What I felt at that point could be described as benign contempt. I disengaged from her little world and went back to my own thoughts.

A few days later my brother had guests at our apartment. Two girls, one blonde, one brunette, and two of my brothers friends came over for several rounds of beer pong. I quickly exited, but not before discussing the brunettes hair color. It was dyed and I asked her the original color. When she said blonde, I said: "Oh, that explains alot." Her jaw dropped, and I left before she could say anything else.

I went to another party that my aunt was throwing. She is a lesbian but frequently has her straight single female friends over. Unfortunately none of the straight friends, male or female, were there. Not to be rude, I stayed for a few hours. Usually under these circumstances I have been able to ignore the situation and at least tolerate the company. The easiest way to do this has been to be quiet and let my mind wander until someone brings me into the conversation. Once they find that I am not very enthusiastic about the conversation they generally leave me alone. This did not work so well that night. I found myself utterly bored. I cared nothing about the conversation, and little for the company. Lesbians have all the obnoxious female qualities, and almost none of the endearing ones. That sense of contempt returned. I eventually made my excuses and left.

I returned to my apartment. Everyone had left for a smoke break. The first person to come back was the brunette who I had insulted. Her first words when she saw me were: "I hate you." I just grinned and said: "Good." After everyone had come in, one of the friends offered me ten dollars to do a shot with him. I rarely drink and was reluctant, but eventually gave in.

From the shot on I was a very different person. I think that it was a combination of factors. First, I had injured my back earlier and I was in pain. Second, I had more alcohol in me than ever before. But third and most importantly I was in a bad mood after the lesbian party. I had no "nice" left in me.

It started when I began to do card tricks for the girls. Most tricks require a surface with some give like a carpet. We do not have carpet so I went with the nearest soft surface available: the brunette's thigh. The best trick was a vanish that involves rubbing the card one whatever surface you are using, multiple times. Any self-consciousness that could mar the kino was gone and I was very pleased that I had found a way to escalate touch VERY quickly.

After the initial round of tricks I got into a discussion with one of the guys, which the blonde felt necessary to interrupt. I quickly became annoyed and put my hand her face and said: "Shhh." I did it several times, as she did not get the hint the first time. She got miffed and walked away. Later it happened again. This time I lost patience and said: "Shut. Up." She got visibly angry at this. According to her, no one had ever told her to shut up before. She commenced trying to get me to apologize. I refused and turned it into a game where she was coaching me on how to say sorry, but no matter how hard she tried, a different word came out every time.

"Say sorry."

"No."

"Say sorry."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I am an asshole."

"Say it with me: Sor . . . ry" She said.

"Sssssss . . . asquatch." I said.

Admittedly my BETA nature was kicking in at this point and I began to evade a bit. Then one of the guys told me that it was a losing battle, and that I should apologize to end it. This woke me up. I solidified my resolve and never apologized. She could not get over this and kept trying to shame me into apologizing. It eventually evolved into plaintively questions about why I did not like her. After she had asked this several times I told her to come over to me and get closer. "Let me show you how you can get me to like you." I then put my hand over her mouth and said: "Be quiet."

I took liberties that night. I slapped asses, whispered in ears, kissed faces (no lips), negged, teased and generally acted like a jerk. I was amusing when the brunette (Miss "I Hate You") gave me a drunken hug before she left and said: "I like you."

Now, I know that not all of my behavior that night was ALPHA, and it lacked any degree of subtlety. But more importantly, none of it was an act. My perspective had shifted. Both girls were looking for my approval by the end of the night, and all I could feel was contempt. Despite my physical attraction (the blonde was an 8, the brunette was a 7), I felt nothing for them. Their behavior was, in turns, childish and slutty. I was raised in a community where propriety was valued, and neither of them displayed it to any degree.

There are women out there who are valuable, I know a few from my church. These church girls' value is, however, guarded by a rigid set of rules, both spoken and unspoken. These rules are laid down by fathers, family, and church. I used to think the rules were only to protect the girls from the immorality of the men, but they primarily exist to protect women from their own nature. Women are not better than men. They are not perfect, pure, or naturally chaste. The pedestal has crumbled: women are merely human.

45 comments:

IndyGuy77 said...

"Sssssss . . . asquatch." I said.

Good one.


It's funny how most women fully expect to get their way. All the damn time.

For me, slapping their egos down becomes the fun in the situation.

Anonymous said...

"I used to think the rules were only to protect the girls from the immorality of the men, but they primarily exist to protect women from their own nature."

Excellent.

Yohami said...

Kudos. This post made my night.

Try "Sssssss . . . shut up." the next time.

Sojourner said...

Rules...we've forgotten why they are there but that doesn't change the fact that they are there for a reason. Your closing paragraph basically sums up the thoughts and realizations I've had to face this past year going through a divorce.

Vox said...

You are climbing the socio-sexual ladder, grasshopper. Congratulations. Eventually you will find that you can - and should - mitigate the contempt with empathy, but this is not the time. If you try that now, you will backslide into BETA. Right now, you need to keep facing reality unflinchingly and accepting it as it comes.

But as you can see, you have already managed to transcend Omega. Congratulations.

R. Bradley Andrews said...

A big problem is that the pedestal keeps reforming....

Stingray said...

Something to keep in mind, no matter how much we say we want to be on the pedestal, we don't. We absolutely don't. It is a terrifying place to be because, inherently, I think we know that we do not deserve to be there.

Der Hahn said...

Good perspective.

Girls and rules ... I recently had a girl say to me as I was attempting to navigate through an unfamilar social situation that "there are no rules." What's struck me reading this and other blogs is how that expresses the female perspective and how women live their lives. For men learning rules and applying them is the key to surviving. For women there truely are no rules, only what men will allow them to get away with.

Stingray said...

BTW-You write differently now as well. A stronger and more confident style. It is easier to read and more enjoyable.

Anonymous said...

Excellent, just excellent! Also, what Stingray just said.

R. Bradley Andrews said...

Not wanting rules to exist doesn't make them not exist. Gravity is really annoying at times, but you better learn to work with it if you want to live a successful life.

King A said...

Everybody's cheering for you, Mikey! YOU GOT THESE CLAWS AND YOU'RE STARING AT THESE CLAWS AND YOU GOT THESE FUCKIN CLAWS AND THESE FANGS, MAN.

I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's really hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man, Mikey. You're a bad man, bad man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhmcJ7Zg5ko

RVT said...

Good game is primarily(I'd say 90%, at least) about body language. Body language is hard to fake, so it is necessary to rely on superficial verbal tricks(negs, etc) to cultivate the proper attitude. It's easy to project amused disinterest when you are genuinely amused and disinterested.

Congratulations, you've fully swallowed the red pill. Not a simple task.

King A said...

"I used to think the rules were only to protect the girls from the immorality of the men, but they primarily exist to protect women from their own nature."

"[A]ll but a rib
Crooked by nature, bent, as now appears,
More to the part sinister, from me drawn;
Well if thrown out, as supernumerary
To my just number found. O! why did God,
Creator wise, that peopled highest Heaven
With Spirits masculine, create at last
This novelty on earth, this fair defect
Of nature, and not fill the world at once
With Men
, as Angels, without feminine;
Or find some other way to generate
Mankind? This mischief had not been befallen,
And more that shall befall; innumerable
Disturbances on earth through female snares,
And strait conjunction with this sex
: for either
He never shall find out fit mate, but such
As some misfortune brings him, or mistake;
Or whom he wishes most shall seldom gain
Through her perverseness, but shall see her gained
By a far worse; or, if she love, withheld
By parents; or his happiest choice too late
Shall meet, already linked and wedlock-bound
To a fell adversary, his hate or shame:
Which infinite calamity shall cause
To human life, and houshold peace confound."

-- Adam, after the Fall


He added not, and from her turned; but Eve,
Not so repulsed, with tears that ceased not flowing
And tresses all disordered, at his feet
Fell humble; and, embracing them, besought
His peace, and thus proceeded in her plaint.

"Forsake me not thus, Adam! witness Heaven
What love sincere, and reverence in my heart
I bear thee, and unweeting have offended,
Unhappily deceived! Thy suppliant
I beg, and clasp thy knees; bereave me not,
Whereon I live, thy gentle looks, thy aid,
Thy counsel, in this uttermost distress,
My only strength and stay
: Forlorn of thee,
Whither shall I betake me, where subsist?
While yet we live, scarce one short hour perhaps,
Between us two let there be peace; both joining,
As joined in injuries, one enmity
Against a foe by doom express assigned us,
That cruel Serpent: On me exercise not
Thy hatred for this misery befallen;
On me already lost, me than thyself
More miserable! Both have sinned; but thou
Against God only; I against God and thee
....

-- Eve, in glorious submission

Paradise Lost

Perfect Advent reading, Christians.

Anonymous said...

"She could not get over this and kept trying to shame me into apologizing."

And deep down she was desperately (and probably subconsciously) hoping you wouldn't.

Markku said...

If I didn't know Vox, then the sceptical bastard that I am, I'd probably think that the omega narrative came too prettily to this point.

Toby said...

Very impressive, RM!

Keep it up.

Toby said...

Yohami said...
"Kudos. This post made my night.

Try "Sssssss . . . shut up." the next time."

I disagree. "Sssssss . . . asquatch." or anything like it is more playful and flirty.

Athol Kay said...

Thanks for the mention. Glad MMSL is working for your friend.

JCclimber said...

RM,
I suppose the contempt is a result of your upbringing to put them on pedestals. It should only be a stepping stone, but one you probably have to spend a few months to years to help kill the old mindset.

At a later stage, you can just acknowledge them as delightfully amusing creatures who are just as much a puppet to their upbringing and genetics as most men. That mindset could be dangerous at this point for you, as it would be too easy to slip back into the pedestal again.

Anonymous said...

Excellent Post!

Smesko said...

I would write something, but I fear being put on this alpha newcomer's 'contempt' list if he doesn't happen to like my font.

Just kidding. Congratulations.

CarpeOro said...

I'm impressed. Keeping from back sliding in a situation like that is important. When you find you just don't feel that results are that important and are relaxed, that is when you have the most power in the male/female dynamic. The only thing better than saying Sasquatch that I can think of (with time and detachment) would have been:

"I'm sorry... that it took this long for someone to tell you to shut up"

Anonymous said...

Remember, even when God Himself warned Eve about the forbidden fruit, and even as her husband pleaded with her to listen to God, Eve chose the serpent. And Adam chose to not only follow, but to bear most responsibility. For I've heard more pastors associate Adam with the first sin than Eve.

Trust said...

@: "I used to think the rules were only to protect the girls from the immorality of the men, but they primarily exist to protect women from their own nature."
____________

I remember a self-proclaimed "good girl" in high school. A lot of the dorks and gammas and omegas really liked her because she was always standing up for them when other boys would pick on them. She was both gorgeous and nice to everyone.

Sounds like a dream, right? Wrong. She was part of the problem. You see, she'd stand up for whoever Steve bullied, but she went to homecoming with Steve.

She called Brent an asshole when he threw a freshman in the shower fully dressed, but she still dated him for a while.

She jumped to someone's defense when Jeff would be humiliating them, but Jeff screwed her on prom night.

The names are changed to protect the... well, I just don't remember the real names.

When people say one thing and do another, watch what they do. Fact is, her socio-sexual reward system encouraged the behavior, it made her feel better to claim to reject what was getting her hot.

RM's quote is right on... the past generation, we've tried to remove the natural consequences of women's nature while keeping men in line. We've demonized anything patriarchal while romanticizing anything matriarchal. So, how much better is marriage now that we've replaced them oppressive men with these compassionate women?

The LP 999/Linda said...

Good to see the pedestal lose power and break down. Hilarious use of the word, sasquatch. There are some things in life one does not need to apologize for.

indyguy77@work said...

"I'm sorry... that it took this long for someone to tell you to shut up"

Yes, that would have been better. Excellent, in fact.

Fifi [Feeling is First] said...

Perhaps the development of the adolescent brain in the mid-20s leads to these dreary insights. I could never teach college, and watch each generation, one after the other, arrive at the same banal conclusions.

The rigid set of rules laid down by society and culture are designed to protect all of us from human nature. "Burning the bras" and "throwing out the rule books" set all of us [male and female] onto a slippery slope where we found out that freedom was NOT the same as liberty.

Do some work brother, make yourself worthy of a good woman.

Marcus Marcellus said...

The problem with you and those who self-consciously subscribe to this "game" concept are two-fold: 1) you were all obviously very bad with women before it dawned on you to so something about, which is to now over-compensate by being a soi-disant asshole. No real gentleman who is good with woman needs to be an asshole; just don't be a pushover. Typical American over-compensation and response: no subtlety; no class; no clue. Secondly, you are like someone who learned there is no Santa Claus - on your 21st birthday. By being so self-consciously "alpha" and studying "game," don't you see how your obsession makes you as pathetic as any other loser? Self-conscious nonchalance is still self-conscious.

Anonymous said...

lol @ trolls

Anonymous said...

Hey RM (or Vox), Does a man have any intrinsic moral responsibility to guard and graciously honor the weaker, inferior sex by virtue of his stronger, superior position? If so, is it possible that when he attempts to act upon that responsibility, it might be misunderstood as “pedestalization”—particularly by women, who by nature are not very bright?

It seems to me that when boys open doors for women, it is not because they think that women are better or purer, but because they think it is a man’s job to move stuff (at least stuff that is not dishes or laundry, which boys have no intention of sparing women from). It is *girls* that say they are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, and it seems to me that such an erroneous notion originates with them, not boys.

I simply wonder how much “pedestalization” (which is demonstrably foolish) might be attributed to a man’s otherwise noble attempt to act upon his sense of legitimate responsibility toward women by virtue of his superiority, if in fact such a responsibility exists, and whatever that might entail if it does. In that event, it seems that his error is not in holding women up as pure or better (which he does not), but in simply not knowing how to act upon his responsibility…without turning women off.

Markku said...

Pedestalization refers to the idea of what women are like, that one has in his head. The correlation to external behavior is merely incidental. If you open doors, for example, because you are amused by the way it pisses feminists off, it is not pedestalization.

PermanentGuest said...

Good post. It's encouraging to see you living and being instead of faking it.

STX said...

Agree with Markuu. I try to be polite. But really?

Anonymous said...

It would seem that if omega can make real positive changes, he will graduate straight into delta territory, skipping the gamma stage. Do we still categorize RM as omega?

Toby said...

Anonymous said...
"It would seem that if omega can make real positive changes, he will graduate straight into delta territory, skipping the gamma stage. Do we still categorize RM as omega?"

If RM keeps it up then no since he certainly had leveled up.

Markku said...

The classification is not linear. There is no "gamma stage". Gammadom needs both a certain belief of the female character, and a certain position in the socio-sexual hierarchy. If you eliminate the belief first (and not all omegas have it in the first place), the route is from omega to delta.

Markku said...

On the other hand, if an omega had the belief but his social status (and I only mean SOCIAL status) rose for some other reason, the route would be from omega to gamma.

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