The reality, according to the latest findings by psychologist Marissa Harrison, from Pennsylvania State University in the US, is that women are actually more circumspect than men when it comes to romance. The study, published in the Journal of Social Psychology, showed men were more likely to fall in love within a few weeks, while most women said it took several months.And perhaps even more importantly, men must understand that telling a woman you love her is not attractive. It is unrelated to attraction. As with men, attraction has to precede love for women, so telling a woman you love her as a means of making yourself appear attractive to her is putting the cart before the horse.
Friday, November 18, 2011
The calculating sex, part II
Men would do well to realize that the media's portrayal of women being swept up in emotion is no more realistic than loud explosions in space. The "caught up in the moment" concept is mostly an ex post facto excuse, it is seldom the causal factor behind the action, nor does it have anything to do with "falling in love":
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But they are always caught up in their emotions. Men are as well, albeit to a lesser degree.
The difference is that they are more calculating as far as giving their permanent affections and love to a particular individual.
It is amusing (to me) to see the scientists and engineers at my biotech company making decisions based on logic and reason on the surface. But when my colleagues and I ask for the underlying facts, and previously documented hypothesis that were tested against the data, then hemming and hawing starts in earnest.
Most decisions, even the ones involving 10's or 100's of millions of $$$ are based on relationships, what's in it for the scientist, which location they'd prefer to move their family to (so that site magically is a better place to build the next manufacturing plant), and so on.
Penn State huh?
Many people think a woman who jumps from "relationship" to "relationship" is flighty and easily falls in love or is desperate to have someone at all times, and while it's true she might be afraid to be alone, that she always has a backup should be enough to show you how calculating they are.
You don't come up with contingency plans unless you're calculating.
To state the obvious, many, if not most, women see men as a resource. Someone to drive them around, pick up the tabs, fix anything that breaks, buy them things so they can spend more of their own money on themselves.
Many women, even married women, don't fall "in love" often. They are "on love" often. They get that early rush of attraction that comes in a new relationship.
Men would do well to remember they may very well be a prop in a woman's fantasy, and the role you play may change on her moods, the show she just watched, or the last paragraph of the stephanie meyer book she is reading.
Puzzling. I've never known a man to say I love you - ever. Besides my father, I'd never heard it from another man.
Our friend Rabbi Shmuley couldn't resist chiming in about Ashton and Demi, writing that "he was clearly blaming us men for being more shallow than ever."
Oh yes, because Demi picked a star 16 years her junior because she wanted depth and maturity in the relationship.
@The LP 999/Linda said...
Puzzling. I've never known a man to say I love you - ever. Besides my father, I'd never heard it from another man.
________
That may have more to do with your choices in men than anything else.
@Linda
My Dad and Grandpa both said "I love you" pretty regularly. And both were strong men that didn't take $#%^ from anyone yet still managed to be gracious, open-handed and affectionate with their families.
There are men like that out there. Men that follow Christ, both when it's time to kick over tables and when it's time to play marbles with kids on the floor.
You may have an insight, though, in that it's sometimes perceived as "weak" to show any emotion, including love. And that's a loss to humanity. I'd rather not have the emo pusses be the only ones showing any emotion.
As with men, attraction has to precede love for women,
Far from wisdom, all this says is that you have a very limited life experience. You've never encountered the amazing effect of growing more attracted to a person the more you come to know and love them. Little surprise, I guess, since you're taking your lead from a dick obsessed loser like Roissy, or Heartriste -- or whatever the hell he's calling himself these days. You're a high schooler trapped in a man's body.
Interesting, I was thinking about how expressing the L term could be reserved for special occasions and used less frequently. Sometimes it is thrown around too causally. On the other hand, I didn't read the post completely before commenting, just another sign of poor reading comp.
How much of this is related to the modern culture and how much is timeless? I suspect the need to not say "certain words" is more a reaction to the over-focus on them now rather than the fact that they are not ever proper.
Anon said something I liked: "Far from wisdom, all this says is that you have a very limited life experience. You've never encountered the amazing effect of growing more attracted to a person the more you come to know and love them."
It is a beautiful thing to acknowledge one loves another, and while its nice place to be at "in love" must be paired with wisdom: is this person good, healthy, mature, etc., for him or her?
Love always hopes for the best and love can acknowledge we are fallen people and still care about them.
Thoughts anyone?
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