Thanks for this blog. It's nice to see Game in the context of a Christian worldview. Would that I had discovered it years ago. It might have helped my first marriage. I was definitely Gamma for years. I would say I have been steadily progressing toward a more Alpha presence, but not there yet.First, break up the engagement immediately. You obviously don't want to marry this woman, so stop dragging things out. Fear of flying solo is a low-Delta trait at most. You don't need to worry about motivations, people will concoct plenty of them for you. The only one that matters in the end is "I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her." You owe your fiance that truth, but you don't owe her any long-winded, half-true, complicated justifications for it. Just break it off and tell her that you don't want to marry her. Not that you don't want to marry, or it's not you it's me, just the plain and simple truth.
I was hoping you or one of your guys at Alpha Gameplan might assist me. I will try to be brief:
Me: 35, divorced (married a slut), engaged to a loyal woman, whose worldview diverges so significantly from mine that I have to end it (I have been wrestling with it for 1 1/2 years).
Recently a girl who I have known for over 2 years and I were on a trip together (coworkers, but don't often work closely). We have always noticed the signals, but we have ignored them. Everyone else has noticed of course. This time we did not ignore the signals, and we had a great time and ended it with a life complicating kiss. She confided that she is dissatisfied with her boyfriend of 1 year, and that she had "dreamed of this."
On the trip home, we talked a bit about our situations, but she is not at the same point as I am. I have no doubt she and herb will split - she described him as a "very kind man," and she earns more than him (bothers her). In the meantime, I don't want to lose "hand" which I (think I) have now since I took charge. This girl and I connect like nothing I have ever experienced. She is marriage material, and I have thought so for nearly the entire time I have known her.
While she is certainly motivation to end my current relationship, I don't want her to perceive that she has such power over me. I've told her I reached the conclusion recently that I have to break off my current engagement. How do I demonstrate that she is not the influence? I really don't want to mess this up.
What other factors should I be watching for?
Her: 25, very beautiful, intelligent, college degree, but not a career woman. Not a slut. Wants a family. Not an attention whore. She's a cute hippie chick who has turned libertarian (like me), largely due to my influence. We share a curiosity about life. She's a bit artsy. She also a country girl at heart who lives within her means. No debt; very responsible with her money. She has longer time preferences than most girls I meet.
As for hand, you've already lost it if you're sitting around waiting for her to ditch the herb. After you break it off with your fiance, which must be done no matter what the other girl does, thinks, or says, then simply call her up and take her out. Just act as if the boyfriend doesn't exist, refuse to get into any discussions about it, and if she won't go out initially, take someone else out that weekend. But if she's seriously interested in you, she'll go out with you first and dump him later. That's just what women do; they're highly risk-averse and most prefer jumping from man to man than spending time unattached. A woman who is seriously interested in a man won't let anything get in the way, not her marriage, not her kids, and most certainly not a boyfriend of only one year.
When she asks what you ended up doing, and she will ask, then simply say that you went out with Penelope. Don't tell her that you're actually more interested in her or assure her that Penelope doesn't mean anything to you, just give her enough information to set her hamster spinning. Then ask her out again a few days later. If she's genuinely interested in you, she'll ditch the herb by the third try.
If not, demote her to the "maybe someday" category, and remember that there are plenty of girls on the girl tree. If she ditches the herb and you're still available, take her out and see what happens. Under no circumstances consider getting back together with your fiance, as you've already wasted enough of each other's time.
Since you're trying to work your way up from gamma - forget alpha, based on what you've said here I'd say you should shoot for high delta - remember that decisiveness is alpha. Indecision isn't so much gamma as female. It seems to me that you've already made your decision, you're just afraid to implement it. So, ignore the fear and do what you already know you have to do now. A man actively makes the moment, he doesn't wait passively for the right one.
And if after six months together you're certain she is still the person you now believe her to be, then go ahead and marry her. If you're engaged to someone for 18 months, you really don't want to marry them.