I've just put up a new post after receiving a request for advice from a 39 year-old male with zero Game and a serious case of one-itis.
I've asked the readers to contribute feedback and suggestions, and I'd be honored if any of you would care to join in. I'm leaving the convo there because the writer will be checking that comment thread.
Learning to Swim in the Deep End
Vox recommends reading and adds: this was my advice.
"First, Tim, grow a bloody pair! Second, realize that there is no “right moment” to ask a woman out. The right moment is always right now! Women absolutely DESPISE diffident men who are always waiting for that magical moment to strike. But you have to MAKE the moment. You are essentially acting like a woman, which naturally is a major turn-off to women. Stop looking for excuses to talk to her, forget about the stupid pictures and the ridiculous note, just walk directly up to her and say something like this.
“Look, I’m sorry I was such a complete coward before. Here’s the deal. I like you, I think you’re pretty, and I think we’d hit it off well together. Come have a drink with me this afternoon/tonight.”
That’s about the only chance you have of salvaging the situation, since you’ve done such a thorough job of convincing her that you’re an undesirable wuss. The thing is, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE. If women make you nervous, let this always be your mantra:
“When you go in the lion’s den you don’t tippy toe in, you carry a spear, you go in screaming like a banshee, you kick whatever doors in, and say, ‘where’s the son of bitch.’ If you go in any other way your gonna lose.”
And if it’s too late, remember, there are plenty of girls on the girl tree."
9 comments:
I've had one-itis some ten years ago. The reason to not ask is that you know she's going to turn you down because you're such a pussy, but as long as you don't actually hear those words, you at least can dream on it with adequate suspension of disbelief.
There's another reason you don't ask...she might actually say yes. Then you have to invest something in her BEFORE she rejects you.
Oh boy....never a right time is right. Had a situation last night where I waited...too long. Still kicking myself over it because it was someone I knew from awhile ago that I recognized. Totally out of the blue seeing her again (and mostly likely never will again.) Got the balls to go up and talk to her but nope, failed to get a number because I was looking for some signal. Man...now I'm kicking myself all over again.
Women are the natural responders, right? Just go ask, don't worry, don't fret, ASK HER out and have a nice time :)
Most women will be somewhat gracious if they aren't interested. They'll let you down easy so don't be so fearful in approaching the ones you like.
Having said that, make sure you have a plan if she actually IS interested. Once you're sure she's receptive to you, ask her what kinds of things she likes to do and settle on something you can so together, like getting a cup of coffee or going to a movie.
Gentlemen (and ladies),
There is a girl I like. I wavered a few times but next time I see her I will ask her out.
If it doesn't go well... at least I cast a wide net.
Yea, the mantra to remember is "When asking a woman out; she says no, that's a no. When she says maybe, She means No. When she says yes, she often still means no"
Now I have a question on one point, the question of getting her number versus giving her yours. I know i've made this mistake a time or two. At the time I thought it was a strong move, playing the indifference card, but then realized really all it was doing was giving her an easy out to reject me with no further worry.
Whereas if I have her number I can make the next move, call, ask her out and then if shes interested great and if not or just makes an excuse, move on. I guess this way whether you call or not you are taking the initiative at least, and not passively accepting them making the next move. Does this sound like i'm looking at the situation correctly, or am I totally missing something?
You're looking at it correctly. Don't give her your number.
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