The Gift of the Gamma

In which NiceGuy reveals that the gamma's view of the world as it should be does not accord with his experience of reality:

I was in my first year of attending one of the world's best grad schools and I didn't have a girlfriend. My cousin didn't even have a regular job, go figure. Boy, that made me feel pathetic. I really didn't feel like meeting Kara. I didn't like having my lack of a girlfriend painfully rubbed in my open sores.  So a few hours later, my aunt, my cousin and "Kara" show up. My mouth drops. GAWD! She was... radiant. She had a pretty face, the exact kind of curly brown hair that I like and she was barely over 5'2" (I like petite women!). She was a gorgeous, little petite Goddess. And, she had the body of a porn-star. Now I was jealous.

My cousin, although younger than me, is taller than me. He's a bit intimidating at first, and boy, I was really feeling inadequate. I was really feeling like "what's wrong with me that a woman like Kara won't date me? Am I not tall enough? Am I not attractive enough? Do I smell bad?" Mentally, I was reviewing all the possible flaws I might have. I was starting to get depressed.

So, we start socializing. Kara hits it off with my sister straight-away. My sister is very willing to say none-too-flattering things about men, and this is an automatic route for women to bond with her. My sister starts talking to Kara about what impolite pigs guys are, and gets a laugh. Kara starts to feel a bit more comfortable and starts to talk about herself for a few minutes; she really seems like a nice girl. Eventually, my cousin rolls his eyes and grumbles to her "Don't you ever shut up? You talk SO much."

I'm aghast. It was that moment that I started wishing that society would bring-back dueling. I would slap my cousin across the face with a glove and say "Suh! You have insulted the dignity of this young lady! I challenge you to sabers at dawn!" Well, I would need a saber, but you know what I mean.

My sister chastises my cousin: "OH, VERY nice. Very classy. Kara, why are you even with him??"  Mentally, I'd asked myself the same question the instant I saw her. Kara just shrugs and giggles. I can tell she really likes him.

So, now it's time for the presents.

I knew what I wanted for Christmas: I wanted a girlfriend. I got a clock-radio. I don't remember what Kara got, but it was exactly the kind of sensible, useful present that my mom gets for people. Kara was polite, she says "thank you" and apologizes for not bringing anything for anyone else, she obviously didn't expect to have all this attention lavished on her! What presents did my cousin bring for Kara?   Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Bubkiss.

Hell, if she was my woman, I'd be giving her presents every other week!

The fascinating thing about the gamma mindset is the way in which it causes the gamma to stubbornly cling to his preconceptions in the face of his own observations.  There are several clear gamma signs on display here.  The first is the extreme level of the interior white-knighting.  While deltas and to a lesser extent betas are also prone to placing women on pedestals and acting as their rescuers and champions, only the gamma is going to fantasize about killing another man for nothing more than the crime of being mildly impolite to his own girlfriend. The gamma doesn't even know this girl, he has just met her, and he's already dreaming of challenging his own cousin to a duel over her nonexistent honor. 

The second one is the introspective narcissism.  Whereas the delta might feel envious of the guy with the girl, his first reaction is to look up to the other man and respect him, if not admire him.  The gamma's reaction, on the other hand, is entirely self-referential and negative - what's wrong with me? - rather than about the other guy.  What is right with him?  This narcissistic navel-gazing is why it is so hard for gammas to learn anything that will help improve their situation; they operate in a closed-loop that doesn't allow for much in the way of new input.

The third indication of gamma is the propensity for gift-giving.  Because the gamma doesn't assign much intrinsic value to himself, he tends to get caught up in attempting to provide external value as substitute compensation for the value he perceives to be receiving from the woman.  This is in direct contradiction to the alpha assumption that because his attention is valuable in itself, he has no need to provide anything of external value to the woman.  But what the gamma fails to realize is that he is not offering gifts so much as tribute, and tribute is what a defeated inferior pays to the victor to whom he has surrendered.

It is no accident that so much romantic language is framed in the language of defeat and submission, since so much of it is written by lovelorn gammas. Dante, for all his literary immortality, never got anywhere with Beatrice. What the gamma always fails to understand when he offers his heart so freely and completely is that a woman does not value an effortless conquest any more than a man does.

Gifts to a woman are fine when they flow from genuine affection or sheer abundance.  But the moment that a man gives a gift to a woman in an attempt to impress her or win her favor, he has reduced his value in her eyes.