Friday, September 9, 2016

Talking around

Harry Cassandra thought he was being "casually witty" when he suggested "nibbles" to a woman. (The fact that he shouldn't have been pursuing her in the first place is not relevant to this analysis.)

Haus Frau explains the effect that being "casually witty" has on women:
Cutesy crap and try-hard witty snark are both kryptonite. Cutesy is far less tolerable between the two. My husband used to baby talk to me when teasing. As in I would be playing with one of the kids or mention something they did and he would go into the baby talk voice "aaaw momma loves the little babies..." and this would just go on.

I quietly told him more than once to stop doing that habit but it just didn't seem to register with him that I really meant it. One evening after he indulged in a few drinks he kept doing the baby talk thing and I basically verbally snapped his head off. He was hurt. I felt bad and apologized. It was bad. He really didn't get how white hot pissed that habit made me.......the moral of the long-winded anecdote being that repeated cutesy shit like using the word "nibbles" for snacks creates such a level of seething irritation that you might as well have sewn up her vagina with a bear trap.
The reason is pretty simple. Men use "casual wit" in order to verbally sidle up to women. They do so in order to talk around their intentions and thereby avoid risking the sting of rejection that being straightforward entails. It's all very cowardly and feminine, which is precisely why it arouses such contempt in a woman.

All men are capable of making this mistake, but Gammas are particularly prone to it because they live in a near-constant state of delusion concerning their ability to fool everyone about their real feelings and intentions. What they don't realize is that they pull their slick moves off about as convincingly as the bug wearing the skin of a man in Men in Black managed to mimic normal human behavior. It doesn't matter if you were "playing a role" or not, she still rejected YOU. Yes, you. Deal with it.

Women are extraordinarily sensitive to male cowardice, risk avoidance, and fear of rejection. They even subject men they have already accepted to regular tests in order to smoke it out. They sniff out male weakness and insecurity like a shark scents blood in the water. So, as a general rule, if you think you're being cleverly casual, know that it's not hiding anything. It's better to just be succinct and straightforward, and accept her response with taciturn grace no matter what it is.


S1AL said...

For the life of me, I don't understand how "nibbles" is supposed to be"casually witty". Did someone get compared to a rabbit in that conversation?

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

I hate snark and that cutesy shit. Be straightforward. Be direct. Let her know what you want.

Keyser Soze said...

You can goof / neg on women, but don't assume a feminine or childish persona in doing so. One makes you look like a fag, the other a baby. Neither which can possibly generate or maintain any attraction.

Nate said...

I never got the baby talk thing. We have always talked out our kids like they were adults. Even when they were new borns.

Erynne said...

I get a feeling of disgust if I ever try to baby talk or hear my wife do it to our little one. We hardly do it, because the baby talks like a baby no matter what, and it's cute, but I've read and heard a lot about talking normally to your kids to build their vocabulary and teach them how to pronounce correctly.

I've been reading through Cernovich's early blog posts and he gives a ton of examples of how a natural alpha deals with women. It's almost a shock for a beta/gamma to read how manly men handle women. Even the thing about rough sex and choking. I've swallowed the red pill pretty handily, but I don't think that's something I have the balls to try or even talk to my wife about.

JP said...


Verne said...

I have always had "the gift of gab" my style is the same around men as it is around woman. On occasions my wit has extended past my reach. Those times are where I have seen real interest vanish in less than a heartbeat. There is a time to shut up. And oh good God please, don't be cute.

dc.sunsets said...

Another in a long line of evidence that sales and social interaction are the same thing, and that if you want to hire a great salesman pick any available alpha (or someone who practices Game.) If I'd have known this prior to 27 years in sales....

OGRE said...

Always ask yourself WWFD? i.e. What Would Frank Sinatra Do? Would he baby talk or act all pussified? Of course not. So you shouldn't either.

You can substitute Doc Holliday for Frank Sinatra if you prefer.

Anchorman said...

I tell my sons, when talking to a girl, they shouldn't change how or what they talk about just because she's a girl. Would you drop into baby-talk or cute talk when talking to a guy you just met? Why is this important? Because the casual attitude helps men be more comfortable with "Next."

If your interesting enough, if you're inspired by your mission, if you're confident and assertive because you have places to go, she'll listen. If she doesn't - Next. If she starts pulling too much crap - next. You wouldn't put up with it from a guy friend, don't put up with it for her.

Don't become fascinated with something you don't really care about. Don't become more sensitive than you really are. It puts fake pressure on the situation and on any relationship.

Trite and often misused, but "be yourself." Just make sure you put in the work, so "yourself" is someone women want to be with. Don't kid yourself with fake accomplishments. Really put in the work - spiritual, physical, professional, personal.

You can still game, but don't change who you are, because it's likely noticeable. Plus, when guys change, they tend to become like guys in TV and movies - they exhibit traits ideal for companionship, not attraction.

Harry Cassandra said...

@S1AL - I was trying to think of a way to partially justify my use of the term 'nibbles' didn't work, clearly. Even I could see that 'casually witty' did not describe the grim reality.
I'm grateful to Vox for publishing excerpts of my misadventure. I will not be engaging in back and forth because right now I will still be in the knee-jerk habit of trying to defend all my actions. I'm committed just to listen and learn from what you all have to share. Be merciless, I won't break and I need these doses of reality. The one thing I'll say is this, if a gamma can go up to a delta, I also believe a delta can fall to gamma. At one point in life, I was probably a delta (or at least a gamma hiding in a fit body). You all are helping me unlearn some awful habits that I've probably had all my life, but are only really costing me now that I'm older, a lot less fit and having been in a long term relationship where I stopped pulling Game (and yeah, that's probably why the relationship didn't work out).
Thanks vile minions!

dc.sunsets said...

What self-respecting man acts like a male Black Widow spider, coaxing, appeasing, and stroking the female, then cringing when she moves?

When a man self-controls his masculine power it's not the same as cultivating weakness. The power is there. If you are masculine, you know it. Nothing to prove.

All discussion of Alpha traits boils down to power of presence. I've seen short men with presence and tall men without it. Handsome men without presence are just pretty and vapid, just like their female counterparts.

Nibbles? Geeze, I'd almost have to get a dictionary to use that word.

dc.sunsets said...

My suspicion is that turning down a girl who throws herself at you is a good sign you've got a handle on your masculine presence, and its value. In every potentially romantic interaction both parties should be qualifying the other. In the modern era men allowed women to monopolize the power of qualification. What a stupid idea. [FTR I believe it is a vice to dally with a woman who is not in the running for lifetime purchase. YMMV, but obtaining life experiences with throw-backs strikes me as folly.]

Happy Housewife said...

Good advice from Heartiste. As a woman, I'll say this is spot on.

Rabbi B said...

I'm committed just to listen and learn from what you all have to share. Be merciless, I won't break and I need these doses of reality.

I think this attitude alone will take you a long, long way. You've taken the hardest step. May you stay the course.

Daniel said...



Get yourself an Anglo-Saxon wordbook and use words from that only.

For a month.

Then, and only then, find a new girl to hit on.

"Nibbles" is nuclear suicide where the ghost of your lovelife wonders if she might be turned on by the radioactive fallout.

Start over.

haus frau said...

I'm just flattered my comment made it into a blog post....HH that post by Heartiste is hilarious and very true. I would much rather hear a delightfully bullshit story from a date about how he stole his scarf from a bullfighter than how he ordered online from an exclusive designer.

DN1515 said...

Remember Haus Frau is _married_ to her man.

Most women will not allow a guy to recover from the cutesy stuff early on in the relationship. During the flirtation stage you will be dead in the water with all but the most desperate girls.

Women can get very disconnected to men once they have rejected them as partners. Think of it as the female equivalent of PUA. Just as some men have no desire to protect women's virtue if she's going to be foolish with it. Women are less inclined to protect the feelings and egos of men they have already rejected. But that doesn't mean they won't toy with them or practice their wiles on them.

Decent women try to avoid it. But if you get her on a bad day or disgust her too much......

The cutesy words are like girls wearing skank clothes. You might get attention but probably not the kind you want.

RambleAround said...

Ol girl I was with last nite mentioned a couple of times how much she hates, hates, hates Cam Newton and Colt McCoy for how much they cry...Made me chuckle

CarpeOro said...

I found that my horrible typing skills actually helped me immensely when sending chat messages to women. They could type a sentence or two and I'd reply with two to three words - salient, or deliberately obtuse/teasing, generally brief. Chat like you can type less than 20 words a minute and have a broken finger (just pick one. don't ask which).

Jed Mask said...

lol Everybody's still talkin' 'bout "nibbles".

Okay, okay, he made a "mistake", who doesn't?

Now when it comes to women, I have a natural instinct to be blunt, curt, harsh straight-forward and direct in speech. I just say what needs to be said whether it'll be liked or not. Doesn't matter.

Now in this regard, yeah I use "tact" depending on the personal feelings of the woman I'm speaking to be it family, friend or stranger; but I don't try to kid or fool around treating women "nicely" cuz they women. I treat everyone kindly... most of the time when I'm walking in the Spirit. lol

But yeah, never ever "compensate" with women by means of "cutesy talk" as others have said here; it screams "I'm trying to be nice to you cuz I want you to have sex with me, 'pretty-please'".

Since I'm not intending to have sex with any women I speak to, I just say what comes to mind; with TACT of course as *appropriate*. I'm just "passing through".

I'm telling you, and any man reading this, once you train your flesh not to "lust after sexual desires" women have absolutely NO POWER over your personal decisions.

Women are only on the "market" if you intend to do the right biblical thing to MARRY A WIFE and raise a family.

If you are called by the Lord to remain single and devote your life to God's Calling on your life; women are only a DISTRACTION to a single man not getting married.

Michael Maier said...

I would use "nibbles". Were I fishing.

Whisker biscuit said...

My daughter has a goldfish named Nibbles.

She's 3.

Enough said.

Mountain Man said...

Whatever happened to just confidently going up to a women you're interested in, looking her directly in the eyes and just initiating casual conversation. This seems to be a lost art these days. To me, the PUA shit has always seemed so forced and fake and comes across as too try hard.

@ Eyrnne: Don't talk - just do ! Start out slowly/gently -test the waters. She will let you know if that is what she want you to do. If you are her alpha - she wont mind, will enjoy it and actively encourage it..

JP said...


The Gray Man said...

Nibbles seems like something British people would use. I have never once heard even the most gamma male say nibbles.

Dexter said...

lol Everybody's still talkin' 'bout "nibbles".

That was just the biggest peanut in a fascinatingly cringeworthy steaming pile of shit.

S1AL said...

"Nibbles seems like something British people would use. I have never once heard even the most gamma male say nibbles."

Not even Milo is gay enough to say "nibbles".

Bastiat's Ghost said...

Who the hell is Harry Cassandra?

haus frau said...

That was just the biggest peanut in a fascinatingly cringeworthy steaming pile of shit.

Oh poor Harry. I give him credit for putting himself out there on this blog to be eviscerated for the greater good.

residentMoron said...

My father used to tell these stories about his time as a soldier during World War Two. One of his mates was a huge guy called (naturally) "Tiny".

Tiny had a unique - in my experience - method of picking up women.

He'd look them straight in the eye and and say: "Wanna fuck?"

It worked about 50% of the time, according to my dad, which is a pretty good success rate. I never used to believe this story in its entirety, but now I think maybe I should.

Matt said...

Get yourself an Anglo-Saxon wordbook and use words from that only.

"Nibble" is a solid German-origin word. The closest English-origin equivalent is probably "tidbit", which would have been a failure of equal magnitude. The key is that in any language, you don't want to describe yourself with a word that's more commonly applied to pet bunnies.

bob k. mando said...

JP said...


even Macklemore has the balls to say 'piss'.

Daniel said...

"Nibble" is a solid German-origin word.

I said Anglo-Saxon. The word in Anglo-Saxon would be "eat."

"I'd like to go eat. Would you like to join me?"

German. What a mound of scit.

Dexter said...

He'd look them straight in the eye and and say: "Wanna fuck?"

It worked about 50% of the time, according to my dad, which is a pretty good success rate.

Keep in mind the targets for this approach were Fräuleins in a bombed out German town who'd lift up their dirndls for a cigarette.

Scalpellum Ferreum said...

As a recovering gamma, I have found that the best thing to do to overcome my instincts is to be direct. No casual, no witty, just as straightforward as humanly possible.

The example of "wanna fuck?" is a good one. Be that direct. And then hold the goddamn line.

GracieLou said...

My future husband, Voxian Beta, walks up to me at the gym. Stares. He is not a "beautiful" man, but his eyes are. He knows I'm married--to the steroid ape.

He says, "I'm [unusual name]."
"That's an unusual name."
"That's what my girlfriend says."
"Is your husband the jealous type?"
"Not really."
Smirks. Walks away.

And I swear to God, my first thought was, 'That man either has a 12 inch cock or a million dollars in the bank."

Jed Mask said...

@ Scalpellum Ferreum

"The example of "wanna f--k?" is a good one. Be that direct. And then hold the g---amn line."

Please, PLEASE do NOT curse in the Name of the Lord! It's sinful and wicked blasphemy to do. The Lord will not hold him guiltless who uses His Name in VAIN. Amen.


"And I swear to God, my first thought was, 'That man either has a 12 inch c--k or a million dollars in the bank."

Mrs. GracieLou... it's NOT GOOD to "swear to God" in vain talking. It's a bad habit a lot of people have of doing but most importantly it is an evil OFFENCE AGAINST GOD. I kindly warn you to break out of that (evil) habit.

Also, in your comment you said "future husband". Now if you are an unbeliever or not a Christian you may not hold to the Commandments of God but if you are indeed a Christian; a fellow sister in Christ who is married you do NOT get married to another man while your own husband liveth. For Christians obeying the Word of the Lord (King James Version Holy Bible [KJV]), only, ONLY when the spouse of a married couple dies are you permitted by the Lord to marry another husband (in the Lord being a CHRISTIAN).

Other than that, husband and wife are to remain MARRIED together "'til death do you part" and for a married person to "marry" another person is the SIN of ADULTERY. God does NOT honour the "marriage" of another person while a married person spouse still lives.

So if this is you Mrs. Gracie Lou, I don't know your situation but God does and I'm just warning you by His Grace to seek HIS WILL in your life and not YOUR WILL.

I'm preaching to myself here as well. Amen.

~ Sincerely,

Bro. Jed

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