Saturday, February 27, 2016

In defense of arranged marriages

It has to be devastating for a parent when a headstrong daughter, intoxicated with being at the peak of her attractiveness, chooses the call of the wild over a high-quality young man who is willing to marry her:
The last time I sat across a kitchen table from a heartbroken teenage boy, I was just a girl myself, and I was the one doing the heart-breaking. Thirty years on, I find myself in the same situation – only this time the distraught boy in question is in love with my 18-year-old daughter Katie, who has decided she doesn’t want to be with him any more.

Over the last year, I’ve grown to love this boy – who sits before me now with his head in his hands, looking for advice as to how to win her back – as a son. My husband feels the same way. Alex, also 18, is kind, hard-working, respectful and good-looking. He adores our daughter and wants to keep her happy and safe.

What more could you want for your girl? But for Katie, what he offers isn’t enough. Safe is for later. For now she wants excitement and freedom. However much we adore him, for her he isn’t ‘The One’.
And if Katie's parents are wise in the ways of the world, they know perfectly well that there is a good chance that they'll be consoling her when she's 28, and quite possibly when she's 38 and 48, crying over the fact that she was too stupid and short-sighted to cash in her chips when she had the chance.

I do find it both amusing and sad that nearly every girl I know who wanted to chase excitement and freedom in their early 20s rather than settle down with the boyfriend they had at the time ended up either a) alone and barren, b) a single mother of a single child, or c) married to a man who is of distinctly lower quality than their ex-boyfriend.

I can admittedly think of one exception; a pretty woman who kept herself in shape, married even better than she would have before, and has more than one child. But only one.

72 comments:

Eric Drewes said...

Ah yes...I was once Alex. And here I am 25 yrs later with several exes constantly poking me on FB in a desperate attempt to get my attention when they see what a nice life I have now with my lakehouse, fancy cars, and a job that pays more than what they and their husbands bring home together. But I take solace knowing that had I married any of them, they probably would have dragged me down to the level of the men they're with now and instead of having the nice lakehouse and fancy cars, I would instead still be in the starter home in a neighborhood that's going downhill quick driving around in cheap cars that get broken into every few months.

Bard said...

Hopefully they tell the kid it only hurts for a season. Clean break. It should happen to every man once. Best when he is young with so little materially invested. He will become wise, she will become a dried up cat lady
Especially if he is good looking. He won't peak for 15-20 years after she is in decline.

Durandel Almiras said...

He's better off. The lesson is to find a beautiful woman who also has common sense and temperance. Yeah, that makes the marriage pool even smaller but why marry low quality women even if they are pretty? I want my kids to be good looking, smart, capable of obtaining wisdom and be successful in life. Shooting for just 1 out of 4 for your kid is a crime to your posterity.

liberranter said...

And if Katie's parents are wise in the ways of the world, they know perfectly well that there is a good chance that they'll be consoling her when she's 28, and quite possibly when she's 38 and 48, crying over the fact that she was too stupid and short-sighted to cash in her chips when she had the chance.

I too was once "Alex" and "Katie's" father actually told me "you deserve better. She might be my daughter, but she's a walking disaster."

How right he was. Thirty-five years later "Katie" is a four-times-married-and-divorced alcoholic, morbidly obese head case with two grown sons serving life prison sentences (one for murder). Dodging that bullet demonstrates God's grace better than anything else.

"Katie's" daddy was right, God rest his poor soul (I do believe that his daughter's wayward ways hastened his demise).

Sokrates said...

Today’s women have great problems facing reality and thinking long termly. Aging is brutal to the female and making the wrong decisions at a young age is unrepairable. Listening to parents or older ones can be a very wise advice.

http://freedompowerandwealth.com

YIH said...

Hartiste came up with an example of what that daughter faces from about 120 years ago.

Blackburn #0040 said...

I can admittedly think of one exception; a pretty woman who kept herself in shape, married even better than she would have before, and has more than one child. But only one.

Yes, but she married the Donald Trump of SF. How could she resist?

Unknown said...

Katie should be the one settling down, while Alex should be the one riding the carousel until he's 28 and then finding a good 18 year old.

Cataline Sergius said...

who sits before me now with his head in his hands, looking for advice as to how to win her back

Flirt successfully with other better looking girls in front of her.

Go out with her worst (female) enemy.

Make it clear that you have moved on and don't even think about her.

That would at least reignite interest on her part but lets face it, if the boy was that Game savvy to begin with he wouldn't have lost the girl in the first place.

Besides if she is going on and on about adventure and excitement she is as lost to the Hivemind as Emma Watson.

I mean seriously here some other great little tidbits about this girl.

First came the cocky, overbearing lad who didn’t say hello or take his shoes off before striding up to her room, leaving us dumbstruck by an open front door. He was followed by another who seemed barely capable of stringing a sentence together. He’d shrug when we tried to chat, leaving us wondering if he had hearing difficulties.

‘No,’ said Katie. ‘He just doesn’t have much to say.’


This was all at age fifteen. They were letting the boy go up to her room alone at age fifteen.

The Mom may as well have given panties with "Open For Business" on the crotch.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Who do 18 year old girls listen to? Who can break through the skull shaped concrete structure with hair coming out of it that sits on the top of their necks?

Ron said...

@Cataline Sergius

That would at least reignite interest on her part but lets face it, if the boy was that Game savvy to begin with he wouldn't have lost the girl in the first place.

Maybe not, but he wouldn't have stayed with her for long. As you pointed out, she was a train wreck. Besides, it's clear that her father is a weak man.

Cataline Sergius said...

I think we are decidedly heading back to arranged marriages. Lets face it assortive mating is largely a failure. We tried it for 150 years and it's finally collapsed.

The dating world I knew is completely dead. Largely to women's detriment.

Tinder has killed it.

You are not going to find girls in clubs anymore. They are now total sausage parties. Any of the very few girls you see there are surrounded by a phalanx of orbiters.

The only guys they are meeting on Tinder are the ones that get the Big Right Swipe. Which is really only about fifteen percent of all the guys on Tinder. Those few guys are getting absolutely mobbed.

If Tinder didn't send you, girls don't want to talk to you.

This is the real problem for the Tinderellas. And due to market abundance there is no reason to invest yourself emotionally in these girls if you are a man.

Oh and by the way if you want the Tinderellas blowing up your phone. Make certain you have your shirt off when you post your picture to Tinder. That's how they can judge if you have a great personality or not. .

sigsawyer said...

@Animalmom

Listen to? There's no "listen to". Discipline them, set boundaries, and hope they understand when they're older. Authority, when not exercised, grows weaker.

White Devil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cataline Sergius said...

@Stg58/Animal Mother

AnimalMom?

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Have none of you seen Full Metal Jacket? Cataline, I know you're just being an asshole, and I welcome that you fucking zero. The rest of you have no excuse.

Ron said...

@Cataline Sergius

The problem can actually be boiled down to two causes

1. Men in general do not support one another with any real loyalty

2. This puts all men at risk for the small group of men that want to despoil the others.

There are always going to be parasites among every society. Generally a few parasites are going to be able to overcome any single man. Both because they are the greater number against a single man, and because, being paraistes, they make parasitism their major profession while the common man does something useful instead.

However, what should happen when a group of parasites attacks a common man, is that the common man should be able to call upon the aid of his brothers to help him, to at least drive off the parasites, and perhaps punish them and help force them to make restitution.

What exists currently is that all men have abandoned one another. We are at a state where no decent man dares to even put himself out for his fellow, because his fellow most assuredly will not do so for him. Look at Justice Scalia. The man was a great hero who probably did more to protect the country than anyone else since he got to office. You would think that the people would be smashing windows and burning down cities over his murder, for heavens sake the man didn't even get an autopsy. But no, nothing. Nothing at all. It's just business as usual.

As such, we live in a full-on parasite culture. No man is safe, because no man will defend his brother. As such, are wives are fair game, etc.

I could go on and on about this. But the source of the problem is that we men have abandoned each other.

Unknown said...

You know that story hits right in the balls, because that exact same thing happened to me. Even now it's still painful to think about, but I'm glad it happened because it challenged some basic ideals I had of women, and how I was led astray.

I don't blame her at all, I'm not angry at her at all. I know now of the nature of women by taking the Red Pill, and I understand that it is much better to go through that pain of having your worldview crash down when you're more maneuverable in your early 20s then for it to happen when I'm 45 and have kids and a house.

Cataline Sergius said...

What? Me? Sweet little innocent me?!?!

(* innocent smile perfected at French Creek *)

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

French Creek. I knew some guys there and quite a few WM's. I think PMO had a brig just for that part of Lejeune.

Cataline Sergius said...

Depending on when you were stationed there, you automatically qualify for disability points.

#truestory

sigbouncer said...

"Have none of you seen Full Metal Jacket? Cataline, I know you're just being an asshole, and I welcome that you fucking zero. The rest of you have no excuse."

Calm down and tuck it back, Nancy.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

It's a big club but you ain't in it, Bouncy.

sigbouncer said...

One of my best friends was in it (marine sw boxing champ, over 600 battalions iirc). He tells me the mouthboxers who have the need to talk about it all the time aren't all that they crack themselves up to be.

Carry on...mouthboxer.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Oh really. 600 battalions you say? You can't even talk shit right, Bouncy. Go away before you embarrass yourself some more. What's a Marine sw boxing champ? Special warfare boxing?

sigbouncer said...

Or maybe it was 6000 (I did follow it by "iirc"). Marine Southwest boxing champ. Trophy awarded, photos etc. Around the '85-'88 time period. I have a Seal and Ranger friend who used to spar/workout with us as well back then.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Do you even know what a fucking battalion is?

Stg58/Animal Mother said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Salt said...

"Do you even know what a fucking battalion is?" - Stg58/Animal Mother

Like he knows the Fed is auditing The Donald.

sigbouncer said...

A marine battalion as described would probably be around 400 or 500 men as a guess. Not that I really give a shit. My boy was lethal with his hand to hand and well respected.

sigbouncer said...

Salt chases my posts like a good little gamma boy.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

I'm sure he was. Was he a Chief Petty Officer or a Sergeant First Class? Sounds like he was pretty senior too.

UnderwaterOperative said...

600 no wait, 6000...no wait, Elevendy Billion!

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

600 battalions X 500 men is 300,000 Marines.

6000 battalions X 500 men is 3,000,000 Marines!

Salt said...

[makes popcorn] [laughs]

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

The US Marine Corps is mighty indeed!

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

TELL US MORE BOUNCY BOY!

Noah B said...

@Animal Mother

Would you skip the foreplay already?

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

I like to play with my food

Samuel Nock said...

"I can admittedly think of one exception"

Spacebunny

sigbouncer said...

I don't remember. He wasn't one much for talking about it. He wasn't in long.

sigbouncer said...

Yeah pretty funny on the battalions. Its' been over 20 years since we've hung out now.

Salt said...

"Yeah pretty funny on the battalions. Its' been over 20 years since we've hung out now." - sigduncer

I'll bet you blushed writing that, just like a good little gamma boy.

sigbouncer said...

No, I have no problem with being mistaken.

I don't obsess over posters either and follow them from forum to forum hoping to get in an "aha!".

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Ok look shit head. This has been fun, but I'm going to give you some advice, take it or leave it. You're obviously lying through your teeth. No one here believes you. It happens when you keep talking. People who actually know shit show up and shoot holes in your tales of derring do.

Are you here to learn and better yourself or to hold forth as some sort of expert? If it's the latter, drop the act and learn something. No one believes you anyway so you might as well drop the act, gamma. You're more than welcome to click on my name and find out everything you want to about me, if you doubt what I'm telling you.

Your reaction to this post will tell us everything we need to know.

sigbouncer said...

I really could give two shits who you are or who you say you are. And I have no reason to lie so go fuck yourself.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Noted

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Sigbouncer/Tiny Tim,

It's over dude. Just admit it.

sigbouncer said...

Other than sigbouncer, I've only posted here under Anonymous. Here are a few of my older posts from back in 2012.


http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2012/04/alpha-addendum.html?showComment=1335836435373#c1241752568991090970

http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2012/04/alpha-addendum.html?showComment=1335895314170#c4330016310523335936

http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2012/03/deeper-questions.html?showComment=1332258754704#c1200840982851883638

daddynichol said...


...the stupid hole gets dug deeper

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Sigbouncer,

Fair enough. You aren't Tiny Tim. Whatever you are, you aren't he.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

But whatever you are you aren't a Sigma Bouncy Boy.

Cataline Sergius said...

Okay I'm back! Did I miss any...

...whoa!

Timmy3 said...

18 is too young to marry. So she could be right yet still be doing the wrong thing. Women shouldn't be intentionally try to ruin her marriage prospects. Have fun without casual sex. Impossible right?

Rusty Fife said...

Timmy3 said...

18 is too young to marry. 


It's this kinda attitude that is destroying our civilization.

VD said...

18 is not too young to marry. That's absurd.

Michael Maier said...

"It's this kinda attitude that is destroying our civilization. "

Seconded.

S1AL said...

18 can only be considered too young in today's world on the premise that teenagers are not being prepared at all to handle life. Other than that, I'll have to echo the above.

de ti said...

"I do find it both amusing and sad that nearly every girl I know who wanted to chase excitement and freedom in their early 20s rather than settle down with the boyfriend they had at the time ended up either a) alone and barren, b) a single mother of a single child, or c) married to a man who is of distinctly lower quality than their ex-boyfriend."

I haven't read all the comments. But I do agree with this paragraph. This matches my experience almost exactly. Almost all the women I've ever known who put off marriage either (a) couldn't or didn't marry; (b) married and divorced either a douchebag or an unattractive man; or (c) are married to men who are noticeably less attractive than their ex boyfriends.

Ladies, if you're under age 25 and you meet a man who you respect, who loves you, who you're attracted to and who is attracted to you, and he wants to marry you, and he treats you well and you are equally yoked on the core issues (religion, children and finances), then you should latch onto him for dear life. You should go where he goes, and subsume your life into his. I don't care if you're in college. I don't care if you have a dream job. I don't care if you've lived in one place all your life and you love it. Leave it all behind and go with him. Make your choice. Resolve in your own mind and heart that he is your one and only, and you will make this work.

Everything else will work itself out. Jobs, money, where to live, what you'll eat, friends -- these will all work themselves out in the fullness of time and with a good man you select in your youth.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Amen, Deti. But it is so hard to see the truth of that statement through the omniscience of youth. I really began to taste success in life when I listened to my father's wisdom on women and career. And that was in my late twenties, and I've never looked back. I am just thankful to God that I listened when my dad was still here to help me.

de ti said...

18 is not too young to marry. The problem isn't the chronological age. The problem is the lack of maturity and preparedness. The problem is that women aren't being trained up and prepared for marriage.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Indeed 18 us not too young to marry. Look at the Bar Mitzvah or the Quinceanera. Both public messages meant to convey adulthood. Both younger than 18.

liberranter said...

18 can only be considered too young in today's world on the premise that teenagers are not being prepared at all to handle life. Other than that, I'll have to echo the above.

AMEN!

The problem, as others here have noted, is that today's teenagers are being encouraged to extend adolescence indefinitely. To their everlasting shame, many (most?) churches are at least passively contributikng to this.

dc.sunsets said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dc.sunsets said...

18 for a woman isn't too young if her husband is older & self-supporting. It's problematic in today's perverse world where 18 is adult in law but rarely in self-sufficiency.

I got married at 22, she was 21, three months & 3 weeks, respectively, after college graduation. Had we moved up the date by three years we would have avoided some obstacles but been "adult dependents," a strange animal indeed.

It worked for us. Really well.

S1AL said...

sunsets - These days, married couples are automatically considered non-dependent for taxation and schooling purposes. My situation was similar, and relatively recent.

dc.sunsets said...

Frankly, I thought my kids got married kind of old (27, 26 and 23) but by today's standards they were very young.

People wait too long to get their adult lives on track nowadays. The women are too focused on career, the men on not growing up. The norm seems to be spending 22-30 developing bad habits & embedding regrets.

Life passes by too fast.

dc.sunsets said...

I seriously wish young women grasped how brief is their peak, and what a gift it is to find the right young man early so he can enjoy that point in her life with her and hold those memories for a lifetime of ensuing partnership, holding hands through each inevitable stage of life.

We all get old (if we're lucky) and a long term couple who enjoyed youth together have all those memories to call upon when desired.

It's astonishing to watch so many people miss out on that.

Caleb M Fennell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
justaguy said...

What kind of girl did the boy pick? What did she have other than apparently some looks. What was her character outside of the limiting confines of school? Sounds like he got lucky and avoided a divorce with alimony and child support down the road.

Steven said...

Time to return to Bibilcal Betrothal, not selfish preference based dating.
http://letthemmarry.org

Vaughn Ohlman said...

This article is spot on, as far as it goes. Parents nowadays are raising their children to be perpetual children: never growing up into man and womanhood: marriage, children, etc.

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