Sunday, February 21, 2016

Black knight spotting

On the soccer field:
A Cleveland, Ohio teen has been ousted from his co-ed soccer league after months of bizarre stunts that included wearing a cowboy hat during a game and 'giving birth' to a soccer ball on the field.

Garruto's trolling behavior continued over the following weeks; on December 13 he apparently tried a novel way of scoring when he ran into the goal while 'hiding' the ball in his shirt.

On December 17 he went too far in the other direction by removing his shirt altogether after scoring a goal. In that same game he joined the opposing team on their bench and wore a cowboy hat during play.

On January 3, he seemed to get a little too enthusiastic by scoring 14 goals in one game — 11 more than players are allowed to score in North Side Co-Ed matches, it would seem.
I've never heard of a soccer league where a player is only allowed to score three times in a game. I wonder... I wonder why that might be?

29 comments:

haus frau said...

Is there video of this soccer ball birth somewhere? That would be worth watching.

sigbouncer said...

"I was in the room here one day... watchin' the Mexican channel on TV. I don't know nothin' about Pele. I'm watchin' what this guy can do with a ball and his feet. Next thing I know, he jumps in the air and flips into a somersault and kicks the ball in - upside down and backwards... the goddamn goalie never knew what the fuck hit him. Pele gets excited and he rips off his jersey and starts running around the stadium waving it around his head. Everybody's screaming in Spanish. I'm here, sitting alone in my room, and I start crying. That's right, I start crying. Because another human being, a species that I happen to belong to, could kick a ball, and lift himself, and the rest of us sad-assed human beings, up to a better place to be, if only for a minute... let me tell ya, kid - it was pretty damned glorious. It ain't the six minutes... it's what happens in that six minutes." - Some guy named Elmo

Michael Maier said...

I like this guy's style.

Dexter said...

That kid is AWESOME.

glad2meetyou said...

Ha! "12/13/15 pretending to shoot bow and arrow at opposing players after scoring"

liberranter said...

...a soccer league where a player is only allowed to score three times in a game.

SERIOUSLY???!!!

Do they have a baseball team in which you're only allowed to hit one home run per game (or per season)? A football team in which each person is only allowed one touchdown?

I'd be too embarrassed to even want to associate with such an organization.

frenchy said...

"Pretending to shoot a bow and arrow at opposing players after scoring."

"Altering the scoreboard."

Whoever this kid is, he's freaking hilarious!

Guy should have been the team captain.

APL said...

"from his co-ed soccer league"

That'll be the reason you are not permitted to score more than three goals.

And the reason it's possible for a guy to score fourteen goals.

the competition were chicks.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

I'm sure he is also hurting for female attention. Sounds like one of my sons in a few years.

Mastermind said...

Vox, in your estimate who is most likely to end up being the type of father who drinks and beats/berates his kids? Gammas? Former alphas?

Eric said...

I don't see the big problem with the three goal rule. Not every league has to be serious sports - sometimes you just want to get a little exercise and have fun. If you're going to have co-ed games you need to have rules that keep the better players from dominating.

I don't know if I'd call this guy a black knight. It sounds like he's so much better than the other players he has to clown it up to have even a little bit of fun.

Bob said...

"I don't see the big problem with the three goal rule. Not every league has to be serious sports - sometimes you just want to get a little exercise and have fun. If you're going to have co-ed games you need to have rules that keep the better players from dominating."

WHAT. Punishing people because they're GOOD at something? Also I I'm not a football fan, but I thought it was a fucking SPORT, a COMPETITION.

Also those rules only exist to not make girls feel bad about not being as good (so wtf's the point at mixing them), and the dude would likely be a LOT less of a clown if there weren't girls there to get attention from. Don't blame him though, it's probably working.

tz said...

1st runner up http://www.king5.com/story/news/local/seattle/2016/02/16/man-womens-locker-room-cites-gender-rule/80478058/
(WA state has a law. I think I won't be asked to go to HQ in WA but to stay in WY where men are men, women are women, both are armed, and we know which rooms to use).

Eric said...

WHAT. Punishing people because they're GOOD at something? Also I I'm not a football fan, but I thought it was a fucking SPORT, a COMPETITION.

It's a sport, sure. It's also a game. Not everyone wants to approach a game with single-minded competitive focus. These aren't professional athletes; they're kids.

Also those rules only exist to not make girls feel bad about not being as good...

That might be part of it, but a co-ed doesn't work without those kinds of rules because the team with the most boys will always win. Also, if it's not a serious club-type league you don't want to have a few guys with experience dominate so conclusively everyone else quits.

jeffrey takada said...

This guy is not black knighting, he's just being a royal asshat. A person who is so maladjusted that despite some kind of skill, are not playing on an actual hi-comp team but are playing against/with a bunch of non-competitive girls (if they were competitive they'd be on an all-girls team) and obviously ruining the sporting environment for everyone. I don't question the leagues scoring limits so much as their rules which apparently will allow this asshat to run a ball in his shirt - no wonder he scored 14 goals, if that kind of crap is allowed to stand. I played competitive soccer and I don't know about Vox, but if one of our players had sat on the bench with the other team during the game, he would have been begging the league to boot him before we got our hands on him. Just a teenage dumbass not getting his share of shit getting kicked out of him, so he decides to escalate. How can anyone think this idiotic buffoonery is "hilarious?"

Cluttermonkey said...

Sounds like a natural. I'm surprised the spoil-sport administrators didn't ban him earlier. But he is showing the correct attitude and way of dealing with the equalist nonsense pervading both schools and increasingly every aspect of children's sports.

To those who think he's being an asshat: get off your damn high horse! We all know how children's sport in the west is being increasingly pussified and made non-competitive. Likely there was a boy's soccer league at one point, but because of incessant clamoring from girls and their nosey mothers they had to merge with the girls, with the result of boys either leaving or to start clowning around like this guy. Women by design ruin everything, especially any part of men's culture they can get their hands on.

Showing up the retarded notion that boys and girls can compete against each other without heavily restricting the boys in every manner possible counts as a win, however small it may be. Remember, you can't move a mountain all in one piece, but a million shovels toiling away will get the job done eventually. We're fighting a culture war, and black knighting helps us get more shovels to move that mountain.

bob k. mando said...

jeffrey takada said...
This guy is not black knighting, he's just being a royal asshat. A person who is so maladjusted that despite some kind of skill, are not playing on an actual hi-comp team but are playing against/with a bunch of non-competitive girls



possible Complementarist sighting.

hey Joffrey, you want to take any bets on how much the chicks ( especially on the opposing bench ) were giving him IOIs?

bob k. mando said...

jeffrey takada said...
How can anyone think this idiotic buffoonery is "hilarious?"



the first reply in this thread was from "haus frau". she's a regular and a mother. perhaps you should ask her why your sense of humor is defective?

B.J. said...

This kid is going to get so much ass (if he isn't already.)

B.J. said...

Oh and let's be clear, the 3-goal limit isn't to keep the game "fun," it's to preserve the girl's self esteem. It's sacrificing the fun of the game in the name of protecting girls' feelings.

When I was a kid playing little league baseball I sucked but I never once thought it would be more fun if the other team were limited in how many runs they could score, I only thought of ways to improve myself and help my team somehow.

NATHANIEL MANELLA said...

Takada-

The pictures are from his HS team ( I grew up in the area)
He probably didn't take it seriously because it's a rec league team, and coed at that, with rules for fairness. And cause he plays with real competition elsewhere. It was likely just something he did to stay tuned up for the season and not much else

haus frau said...

So I'm getting the mental picture of this dude scoring 14 goals in one game.. scandalouslyrics against the rules and then sauntering over to the opposing team to comfort the distraught ladies and maybe give some birthing tips...if this was my son I'd be proudly filming this moment in manhood but then I also silent laughed when my toddler pissed on the dining table so my sense my of humor probably is defective.

maniacprovost said...

Trolling feminists and equalitarian petty tyrants by acting like an idiot and disrespecting their systems and rules is hilarious. That is not necessarily how it played out though. The other option is he plays on an uncompetitive but laid back co-ed soccer league and acts like an idiot to attract the hypergamous pubescent girls.

More importantly, in the letter from the league... is that Comic Sans?

jeffrey takada said...

Nathaniel - That's my point. It's a coed rec league for kids. If he really is that good he should stay tuned up for the season, but not by pissing on the matches of people who aren't very good and looking for some low comp fun. Maybe it's been a while, but when my folks and siblings play rec leagues there were no feminists or equalitarians - just people trying to enjoy a Saturday. Is the attitude that rec leagues shouldn't exist or something? How retarded is that? When I played hi comp, on the off season I ran cross country and scrimmaged with the Mexican dudes and their pick-up games; I didn't go sign up for the coed teams just to act like a dick. By the logical extension, would it have been even more hilarious for him to piss in the gatorade? Slash tires? Kick someone's baby sister in the teeth? I mean at what point does being a disruptive influence cease to be funny? Perhaps he is trying to pull in the tail, but nothing here says Alpha - just "class clown." And class clown doesn't equal black knight (or tail getter). Western civilization wasn't built by petulant teenagers acting like 5 year olds on ADD - this idiot's behavior (and the fact that it took so long to have him censured) is symptomatic of our decline, not a mini-rebellion to be celebrated.

haus frau said...

Yeah giving birth to a soccer ball and scoring 14 goals, totally the same as kicking a baby in the teeth and slashing tires.

jeffrey takada said...

It's not the same. Nor am I equating those. I'm saying they lie on a spectrum of disruptive behavior. Where does one draw the line? None of the actions described have anything to do with what everyone else was there to accomplish nor were they done for any known reason, so why is any of it acceptable? If this guy was trying to make a political point, sure this might be justified. As it is, he's just running around, acting the fool, messing up everyone's day and that doesn't qualify as black knighting nor as something to be lauded by grownups. A grownup's job is to instill order and organization on otherwise destructive and disruptive youthful impulses - and the league (eventually) did that. What's with the heavy does of anarchy-cheering?

haus frau said...

Yeah giving birth to a soccer ball and scoring 14 goals, totally the same as kicking a baby in the teeth and slashing tires.

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bob k. mando said...

jeffrey takada said...
who aren't very good and looking for some low comp fun
...
None of the actions described have anything to do with what everyone else was there to accomplish



sounds like he was having plenty of low comp fun to me.

you can't on the one hand assert that there should be all this decorum and "respect for the game" and then turn around and say that they don't mean anything and nobody should try hard at them.

they are there to compete or they are there to have a good time. choose one and stop contradicting yourself.

blacknight boy was having plenty of fun.



jeffrey takada said...
Where does one draw the line?



i'm going to guess that sane people can draw a distinction between destruction of property and physical assault as opposed to doing the Icky Shuffle and verbally goofing on the opposing team without ever touching them.

without difficulty.

there's also the issue of actual control:
IF things were so out of control
THEN it is the responsibility of the refs and coaches to get it under control.

amusing that you have failed to notice that the primary failure here is that of the game refs in the moment.

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