Thursday, October 15, 2015

5 ways to be a better man

  1. Be decisive. Women despise indecisive men. Men refuse to follow indecisive men. When asked for your opinion, learn to answer in a succinct, decisive manner without implicitly asking for approval of it.
  2. Be courageous. If you find yourself worrying what someone's response to your opinion will be, that is your signal to stick to your guns. No one likes or respects a coward.
  3. Be active. Do something. Anything. Walk. Stretch. Run. Play.
  4. Be protective. There are wolves, sheep, and guard dogs. You should be a dog. Maybe you are a big scary Rottweiler. Maybe you are a scrappy little chihuahua. Whatever you are, you must not be a sheep.
  5. Be humble before God. Bend the knee and bow the head to Him and no one else. Even if you don't believe in Him, respect the theoretical concept. It will serve you well.

35 comments:

Cataline Sergius said...

Good list.

I would add, Be Honorable. And don't let the dishonorable play with the definition of honor.

Trust said...

This also touches on why men like me, who aren't natural alphas, can struggle in their marriages, even when they have decent wives. I'm a certified fraud examiner, and frequent conflict comes with the territory. I have to be decisive, courageous, and proactive to be effective. However, in my marriage, I probably back down from conflict too much since that isn't the kind of interactions i want with my wife, preferring her loving warmth to bickering. Unfortunately, she probably sees that as weaknesses, as opposed to wanting a different kind of relationship (and, honestly, burn out on conflict), which fuels her lack of desire. If I get angry with her, however, she's 10 times more likely to come on to me. I suspect a lot of wives are this way, but women in general are oblivious to the perverse incentives they provide.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Very sensible.

genericviews said...

" Be Honorable".

When everyone has a personal definition for this, it means nothing. The culture defines what honorable is. lack of a common culture creates multiple and conflicting definitions. people will recognize the true measure of your H"honor" by how you live your life and how much of your visible actions match their own definitions.

Desiderius said...

"Bend the knee and bow the head to Him and no one else."

Once this becomes second nature one begins to notice better men who one does well to follow.

Trust said...

@genericviews

Good point. Similar to how the word respect now means "nag and bitch and neglect until you feel he's respectable." And that'a not only culture, it's modern preaching.

Cataline Sergius said...

@genericviews

You could not have picked a better handle for yourself.

Unknown said...

Have to agree about "Honorable". For those devil Moose-limbs, "honorable" means beating or killing those who "dishonor" you or your family or Allah(the make-believe sky creature). And any slight , real or imagined, qualifies as dishonor.

jay c said...

I noticed that when I am indecisive or ambivalent when my wife asks me a question--no matter how innocuous the question seems to be--she gets irritable and she has no idea why. I've learned to give my opinion when asked, even if I don't have one.

Dystopic said...

Following this list will make one honorable, for the most part.

Cataline Sergius said...

And don't let the dishonorable play with the definition of honor.

That took a lot less time than I thought it would.

Thomas Davidsmeier said...

Ummm, I take it that you mean "bend the knee" in terms of total submission, not just accepting another's authority over you? I first took it to mean "Don't let anybody else be in charge of you," but then I realized you probably didn't mean it that way. Your military heroes in Selenoth certainly seem to accept others' authority over themselves. But, maybe I have that all wrong.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Just don't be smug about it. Nobody likes a prig.

LP999/S.I.G. Burnin' Up! said...

A man with a plan, with a vision, always wins!

Let mercy and grace be at our right and left as the Lord goes before us, with us.

Rabbi B said...

"If I get angry with her, however, she's 10 times more likely to come on to me."

Some of the most memorable times in the bedroom follow a good knock-down, drag-out brawl. :) Women desire men who take charge and who are in charge.

Bellaisa said...

These are literally the five things I want in a man - as well as all my friends. It doesn't need to be complicated.

Al Cibiades said...

Right Rabbi B. It's counter-intuitive at first until you experience it; then you never go back to wussville.

Brad Andrews said...

I noticed a speaker on the radio just now that had a lot of "umms" and "ahhs". It is likely he was not very confident. Any correlation in poor speaking like that and a lack of confidence?

Log said...

9 If any man have an ear, let him hear.

10 He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints.

Jeff said...

Bellaisa, I'm guessing that there is one more thing that makes the ladies' lists: be attractive. Nevertheless, it's good to hear that some ladies can keep these things in mind. Certainly seems to be the exception and not the rule.

Jack Amok said...

noticed a speaker on the radio just now that had a lot of "umms" and "ahhs". It is likely he was not very confident. Any correlation in poor speaking like that and a lack of confidence?

Mostly it's correlated with a lack of practice. Speaking in public, or into a microphone, takes some getting used to. Almost everybody is a Wizard of Ahhhs when they first start speaking into a mic.

A more obvious indication of a lack of confidence is using a lot of passive-voice phrases that let the speaker claim deniability if someone challenges him. It's definitely good to work on eliminating "umm" and "ahh" from your voice, but it's even better to work on speaking with an active voice. Say things in a way that makes it clear you are speaking your thoughts. Even if you're speaking about someone else's ideas, make sure you own your opinion of those ideas.

SirHamster said...

Ummm, I take it that you mean "bend the knee" in terms of total submission, not just accepting another's authority over you?


How many masters do you think you can serve?

Jack Amok said...

And don't let the dishonorable play with the definition of honor.

That took a lot less time than I thought it would.


You got that right.

Look, guys, stop resisting the idea of having a standard you are expected to meet. Yes, sure, there are people out there who try to trick you into following the wrong standard, into accepting a corrupted definition of "honorable" that serves their purposes and not yours or civilization's. But if you let that be an excuse for ignoring or belittling the notion of honor altogether then you are just being lazy.

There exists a good and immutable definition of "honorable" and despite all the efforts to obscure it, you still know what it really is. More importantly, you know it when you see it and you know it when you don't see it. You have to lie to yourself to be blind to it.



luagha said...

In Forrest Morgan's 'Living The Martial Way' he states that you can resolve any question of honor with three tests.

First, consider your 'duty' in the situation. For example, you have different types of duty to your parents than you do to an employer than you do to a casual acquaintance than you do to your government, depending on your relationship with them at the time.

Second, consider what is just. Justice entails giving back to those what they deserve for their actions, fair or foul.

Thirdly, if you have considered what your duty is in the situation and what would be just, and you are still on the fence, do that which is the most courageous. That will be the most honorable action.

It shouldn't be a surprise that it fits perfectly well with the 5 steps above.

Log said...

John 5:44
44 How can ye believe, which receive honour one of another, and seek not the honour that cometh from God only?

Luke 16:15
15 And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed [honored] among men is abomination in the sight of God.

Sokrates said...

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Eric Wilson said...

Vox,

I think you are misguided. This is Dr. Dobson's list. See how he uses Bible passages?

/sarc

SirThermite (VFM #0025) said...

@Log

Am I to assume you're a coward who hides behind Bible verses rather than plainly sharing his opinion, and that most men view you as being worthless and without honor? That makes you all the more right with God though, right...perhaps even enough to atone for following the false teachings of the LDS?

SirThermite (VFM #0025) said...

Luke 16:10 He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. 11 Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?

Mindstorm said...

Hmph. There is no honor among dogs.

Viking Gamer said...

Sound much like 4 cardinal virtues.
Prudence is, according to Aristotle, right reason applied to practice. That is the virtue that allows us to correctly choose the right from the wrong in a specific situation. Sounds a bit like being morally decisive. Being decisive more generally would seem to be a prerequisite. You can’t choose between right and wrong if you can’t make a decision.
Justice, the virtue of seeing that all receive their just due. Both positive and negative. This is why we protect. This is why we oppose the wolf.
Fortitude or Courage, the virtue to endure hardship and over come fear.
Temperance, the virtue that restrains our desires and passions. It affords us the discipline to keep the things of this world from becoming vices. It is not about, not doing things. It is about not letting them control you. And it is also about not doing nothing. Sloth is a vice. We avoid it by being active.
Prudence and Justice help us decide what needs to be done. Courage and Temperance gives us the strength and freedom to do it.
And of course, Faith, Hope and Love orders all this toward God.

Rantor said...

Eric. There is nothing wrong with this list. Bible tells husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. You must be a man they can respect. If you follow these rules, she will respect you.

SciVo said...

He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.

That is so true. I know a guy who was fired for stealing candy. He was a night-shift security officer with a sweet tooth, and one of the top engineers had a candy dish on the desk in his office. One at a time adds up over time, so the engineer put in a webcam, and the security guy was summarily fired.

The point of this anecdote is that dishonorable men will justify small transgressions to themselves on the grounds that it's no big deal; but if you can't even be trusted when the stakes are small and doing the right thing is easy, then how can you be trusted to do the right thing when it's hard?

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