Friday, August 21, 2015
Delta Perspective: Dating and Courtship
One of the most pernicious lies about relationships is “Don’t date anyone you wouldn’t marry because you might marry them.” Some women love it because they feel like they are in control because they imagine every man who asks them out is interested in marrying them and they get to pick them like a condiment. Gammas love it because it makes them feel like they are defending the honor of women in some vague, misguided sense.
In reality this statement doesn’t even pass the smell test. How can you know you want to marry someone before you date them? Furthermore it starts with the assumption that all dating is actually courtship.The third problem is that it assumes that a person has no control over their romantic inclinations.
If you aren’t interested in marriage then dating is just fine. You get to know a woman, experience some good times together and learn about relationships. Like I’ve said before just be honest about when asked. Your response doesn’t have to be detailed or philosophical at all, just “I’m just looking to meet some people right now.” That’s it. The girl you are dating does not have a right to know all of your motivations, private thoughts, and goals. She’s not your wife and certain knowledge about a man is a privilege for marriage. Guess what? There are a whole lot of women who aren’t interested in marriage either.
When it comes to courting, which I define as looking for and actively pursuing women to marry and procreate with then your mindset has to change. Your list of desirable attributes will change, along with what the woman gets to know about you once you start courting. I don’t even think it’s a bad idea to include in your online dating profile something about that you are looking a more serious relationship.
The most important thing is to have a goal in mind and you just aren’t “dating to see what happens”. That’s where men get into trouble because your emotions might just get the best of you. You are either dating or looking to get married, pick one and stick to it and you’ll have more success.