Friday, August 21, 2015

Delta Perspective: Dating and Courtship


One of the most pernicious lies about relationships is “Don’t date anyone you wouldn’t marry because you might marry them.” Some women love it because they feel like they are in control because they imagine every man who asks them out is interested in marrying them and they get to pick them like a condiment. Gammas love it because it makes them feel like they are defending the honor of women in some vague, misguided sense.

In reality this statement doesn’t even pass the smell test. How can you know you want to marry someone before you date them? Furthermore it starts with the assumption that all dating is actually courtship.The third problem is that it assumes that a person has no control over their romantic inclinations.

If you aren’t interested in marriage then dating is just fine. You get to know a woman, experience some good times together and learn about relationships. Like I’ve said before just be honest about when asked. Your response doesn’t have to be detailed or philosophical at all, just “I’m just looking to meet some people right now.” That’s it. The girl you are dating does not have a right to know all of your motivations, private thoughts, and goals. She’s not your wife and certain knowledge about a man is a privilege for marriage. Guess what? There are a whole lot of women who aren’t interested in marriage either.

When it comes to courting, which I define as looking for and actively pursuing women to marry and procreate with then your mindset has to change. Your list of desirable attributes will change, along with what the woman gets to know about you once you start courting. I don’t even think it’s a bad idea to include in your online dating profile something about that you are looking a more serious relationship.

The most important thing is to have a goal in mind and you just aren’t “dating to see what happens”. That’s where men get into trouble because your emotions might just get the best of you.  You are either dating or looking to get married, pick one and stick to it and you’ll have more success.

14 comments:

Zoot Fenster said...

Set a date, pick a mate.
Or not.

Fred Mok said...

It is possible - at a younger age in the right context - to get to know a woman apart from dating. It comes from casual friendship and being in community - a campus Christian organization, as co-workers, classmates, knowing each other through mutual interest and friends. That's how I met my wife. At the same time, I recognize that's not possible for most men post-college but this type of organic meeting is helpful for observing someone in multiple contexts.

hank.jim said...

It's only a lie if you lie to yourself and others lie to you. You should date only those for the intent of marriage for that is the ideal approach for the goals of marriage. Otherwise, it's called hooking up.

Unknown said...

Dating game is not that easy nowadays... If you want to get this one "SPECIAL" and "ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD" women (I tend to think like that everytime. Damn!) you need to change the strategy. I have found it there: http://bestdatingproductreviews.com/the-tao-of-badass-review. As you probably have seen many times, older people are always being nice and saying compliments to every women. I think it's because there was a time like 30 years ago or so when they actually had success with it. Times are changing and women thinking too. I get friendzoned dozen of times because I was behaving like these people I mentioned above. This review helped me out and I have actually reduced the number of being friendzoned.

Brad Andrews said...

Dating can be dangerous if you didn't want to marry the woman as your emotions may get tweaked. I doubt someone would be a delta if they were not at risk of that.

What are you seeking to get out of the date that you could not get otherwise?

Note that this comes from a Christian perspective. Anyone who just views this stuff as "fun" should proceed with whatever works.

Brad Andrews said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SciVo said...

"When it comes to courting, which I define as looking for and actively pursuing women to marry and procreate with then your mindset has to change. Your list of desirable attributes will change, along with what the woman gets to know about you once you start courting."

Can you elaborate?

Anonymous said...

"... The girl you are dating does not have a right to know all of your motivations, private thoughts, and goals. She’s not your wife and certain knowledge about a man is a privilege for marriage ..."

Your wife does not have a right to know all of these either. The woman needs a bit of mystery and uncertainty when she has a ring on her finger as well.

Carl Philipp said...

I'm going to quibble on your quote; specifically, you quoted "somebody you wouldn't marry" and you addressed it as if it were "somebody you don't know if you would marry." The distinction is that sometimes there are women who I am quite certain I never would marry, or at least I have very good reason to believe it likely would never work. For instance, I would not likely not date somebody whose religious beliefs were substantially at odds with mine, nor whose moral values concerning important topics like abortion were anathema to mine, nor who was strongly opposed to the possibility of raising children; those examples and more are red flags.

I do agree, though, as you addressed it, waiting for perfect certainty before even starting the process is a mug's game. Good way to prove to any potentially interested women that you are a coward who lacks the character to take initiative and risks.

Unknown said...

What are you seeking to get out of the date that you could not get otherwise?
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Carl Philipp said...

Is that a spambot? Copying and pasting an exact sentence from somebody else's post, then linking to a Vietnamese gambling website?

Unknown said...

Carl, yes. (By the way, it'll be deleted soon, and then no one will know what you're talking about.) They're getting slightly more sophisticated, copying a sentence from another comment so an unobservant moderator might think it looks like part of the conversation and approve it.

Slightly. Sometimes I think about getting in the spam business myself, since it would be trivially easy to program something that would write more legitimate-looking comments. Then I remember that I have to live with myself.

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modsquad said...

Courting is an obsolete word. What's happening today is not courting, it's buffet sampling.

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