Friday, July 3, 2015

Delta Perspective: Yesterday at the coffee maker

There is no way to escape who you are, as you can only make efforts to change how you behave. Our formative years and past experiences are always there and the behaviors we learned come back quickly and naturally.

Yesterday morning when I went for coffee there was a new girl in the office, she was blonde and a solid 6. We made good eye contact, and when I went to fill up my cup she inquired about the unusual design. The answer to her question was, “No”, and that should have been the end of the conversation about the cup. Of course my old, helpful Gamma past came up and I had to give two sentences about why the answer is “No”. It wasn’t needed and I could see in her eye she wasn’t interested in knowing about the cup, but rather was just making small talk.

When I sat down at my desk, I just laughed at myself about it. I’m happily married with a family with no designs on the girl; I have no fear of women, and don’t take shit from them. But there it was like a bad penny showing up, my old Gamma “Me have information, me useful to you!” inclination hiding in the bushes and just dying to get out. 

So two lessons here: First is, you can’t escape your past completely and it will be a recurring battle, and second, when you lose a minor skirmish with your past, don't beat yourself up over it, just laugh it off, learn from it, and vow to do better next time.

Vox adds: This is true no matter what sociosexual status you happen to have. Reprogramming our instinctive reactions is considerably more difficult than reprogramming our intentional behavior. The trick is to restrain the former in order to control the situation with the latter, assuming the latter is to be preferred.

18 comments:

HickoryHammer #0211 said...

Once you've partaken of the cup of socio-sexual knowledge, you'll forever be reminding yourself to stand taller, keep your head up, speak more slowly, maintain eye contact, dominate the space, project, make touch contact. Even the highest Alphas the world has to offer have moments where they schlep about and sulk. That's the nature of human existence.

Earl Thomas said...

It probably has more to do with a person's particular mindset in the moment than if you happen to like a girl or are not afraid of them. A positive mindset will usually yield better interactions than a negative mindset. A negative mindset drains us more mentally and physically than anything this world can throw at us.

That to me is the 'gamma' thing we all need to work on.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

and when I went to fill up my cup she inquired about the unusual design. The answer to her question was, “No”, and that should have been the end of the conversation about the cup.

No, it shouldn't have been. Learn to say something witty in response, or tease her.

VD said...

No, it shouldn't have been. Learn to say something witty in response, or tease her.

Yes, it should have been. You completely missed the point in your desire to thump your chest. He's at work and he's not trying to Game her. This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with conquering his instincts.

Pay attention to the context. And note your own instinct to jump in, correct, and criticize.

Cail Corishev said...

Besides, it's good to get in the habit of defaulting to "No," or saying less rather than more. If you have something witty to slay her with, fine. But the recovering Gamma far too often locks up because he's trying to think of the perfect response, and ends up saying nothing or babbling. Just take a breath, and then keep it short.

hank.jim said...

I question if she's interested in small talk. This could be the wrong signal received. Women are only interested in being nice. Any small talk is besides the point.

Rek. said...

Word of encouragement, reprogramming is hard but can be done. Repetition after repetition.

Today a coworker of mine, cute, low 7, high 6, came over to my desk and started inquiring about a tiny (diameter < 1cm) rubberband lying on my desk. Without thinking and taking my eyes of my computer, I responded, "for micropenises". She loled, said something and I escalated the conversation into blowjobs.

Betas (CH hiearchy) play it too safe and are esp. scared to sexualize any interaction.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

VD, his instinct was to be a white-knighting boy scout do-gooder. We all know the type. He should have said something witty or amusing instead. No need to game her. Perhaps he's just dull.

VD said...

VD, his instinct was to be a white-knighting boy scout do-gooder. We all know the type. He should have said something witty or amusing instead. No need to game her. Perhaps he's just dull.

No, he should not have. You continue to completely miss the point in your attempt to prove your superiority to him. Perhaps you're just obtuse.

Dexter said...

"Is that the emblem of the Leibstandarte on your cup?"

"No, sweetie, it is the emblem of the Hitlerjugend division, which is somewhat similar, so I can see how you'd be confused."

Michael Maier said...

"Reprogramming our instinctive reactions is considerably more difficult than reprogramming our intentional behavior."

Too true. I actually felt bad because I didn't offer to carry a woman's bags out to her car at work yesterday. I still had another hour or so on the clock and it would have been probably 10 minutes or more round trip (huge building).

And this is for a reflexively bitchy older broad. I couldn't even answer to myself "Why SHOULD I?"

crossphased said...

I'm about 6 months into the red pill, and just had a pretty bad gamma relapse with the wife today.

This post is encouraging, and helps me get perspective. It's my goal actually, to just be able to comfortably talk to girls and be a better man (more secure with who i am) than I am today.

Thanks for these posts.

AmyJ said...

"There is no way to escape who you are, as you can only make efforts to change how you behave. Our formative years and past experiences are always there and the behaviors we learned come back quickly and naturally."

This could also apply to red pill women. It's a struggle to fight your nature, but it does get easier with time. Women have the luxury of husbands and fathers who will correct and guide their behavior. Since men are virtually on their own once they reach adulthood, these posts do the same for the ones who need guidance or insight. Bless you, Delta Man.

Delta Man said...

crossphased, you're welcome.

maniacprovost said...

If she's interested in small talk, you can expand on your answer a little. I'm guessing he did it the wrong way, but... maybe the problem is less his response to a woman he's not interested in, and more the fact that he's second-guessing it. Alphas say stupid things all the time, and even drive away the occasional woman with an inopportune comment. They're not likely to worry about it after the fact.

Scott Pierce said...

Daniel Kahneman (nobel prize winner) has an excellent book called Thinking: Fast and Slow. Fast thinking is system 1 (unconscious) and is reactive, intuitive, and largely based on survival instinct as well as trained responses. System 2 is conscious, thoughtful, and rational. Through self-awareness and conscious control of our actions, I do believe we can retrain system 1 to react differently. But, the old programming can sneak in on occasion. When it does for me, I make a note, let it go, and just keep on moving. They more you fight it, the stronger it will reign. You supplant it.

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