Thursday, May 28, 2015

Knowing the unknowable

It's shocking, I know, to discover that proud young women continue to be unable to successfully predict how they will feel about having children in the future:
Twelve years ago, I penned an essay for a Salon series called “To Breed or Not to Breed,” about the decision to have children or not. It began this way: “When I tell people that I’m 27, happily married and that I don’t think I ever want children, they respond one of two ways. Most of the time they smile patronizingly and say, ‘You’ll change your mind.’ Sometimes they do me the favor of taking me seriously, in which case they warn, ‘You’ll regret it.’” The series inspired an anthology titled Maybe Baby. It was divided into three parts: “No Thanks, Not for Me,” “On the Fence,” and “Taking the Leap.” My essay was the first in the “No” section.

So I felt a little sheepish, when, a year and a half ago, the writer Meghan Daum asked me if I’d be interested in contributing to the book that would become Shallow, Selfish and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids. I wrote back to tell her that I couldn’t: My son had just turned 1.

It’s embarrassing to be such a cliché, to give so many people a chance to say, “I told you so.” (And some people, I’ve learned, will say those actual words.) I fear I’ve let down other women who disavow children and who, because of my example, might face an extra smidge of condescending doubt. Worse, if I’m honest, when I hear younger women confidently describe how they’ll feel when they’re older, sometimes I feel a pinch of such condescension myself. Not because I think they’ll all necessarily want kids, or that they should have them, but because one tricky thing about your 20s is the need to make decisions for a future self whose desires are unknowable.
Most of the mothers I know used to proudly declare they never wanted to have children. Not some of them, not many of them, MOST of them. That is why the correct response to a young woman declaring that she doesn't want to have children is to laugh at her, because bearing children is the prime raison d'etre for every woman. The woman who fails to do so is, quite literally, a failure as a human being.

74 comments:

Thomas Davidsmeier said...

What kind of scummy women do you hang out with, Vox?

Iowahine said...

because bearing children is the prime raison d'etre for every woman. The woman who fails to do so is, quite literally, a failure as a human being

I continue to thank God He spared me from my(younger)self and somehow stumbled onto my husband.

SarahsDaughter said...

This was a very common sentiment among the Gen X women here in the Midwest. In fact, at least half of the women I went to school with either don't have children or have children that are 10+ years younger than mine.

genericviews said...

In effect, by advocating childlessness, she is stealing fertile producing years for the other women. When they inevitably change their minds they may discover it is no longer up to them. Thus, unless a woman has lived her choices without regret, her opinion on this matter should be dicounted heavily.

And once again, the man's opinion doesn't matter. He can be totally convinced he is never having children. Then... OOPsy!

And obviously, Obese, deformed and retarded women are already outside the gene pool.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Quite right. What use does she have other than bearing children? Given woman's capricious nature, it's no surprise that she comes to violate her youthful commitments.

There's a young White Hispanic woman in my office with whom I've

Cail Corishev said...

This was a very common sentiment among the Gen X women here in the Midwest.

Very much so. On a first date, a guy was more likely to hear, "I'll never want kids," than, "I love kids," or even, "I'll want kids someday but not yet." They were full of crap, but that's what they thought they were supposed to think. If a woman of our generation had kids before age 25, they were more likely an accident than intentional (and there were a lot of abortions in families that you'd swear would be pro-life).

It's one thing if a woman doesn't have kids because she consecrates herself to Jesus in the religious life, but those women realize they're sacrificing something great for something they consider greater. These girls wanted to think they weren't giving up anything that mattered, and even now that this writer knows otherwise, she's still trying to preserve that lie for the next generation of girls.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

...had coffee a few times. She's married, and adamant that she doesn't want kids. Recently the flirting has increased and she's taken to wearing sexier clothing. Could be a hormonal thing, or she's starting to change her mind.

SarahsDaughter said...

Even more tragic: out of curiosity I took a look at the top 10% of my class. Seventeen of the twenty-eight were women. Eight of them never had children. I know of five who did. The four of whom we've lost track did not have children prior to the ten year reunion.

AmyJ said...

My generation (millennials) was taught that kids ruin your life. Sex ed compounded that with numerous videos about poor Susie having to give up her dreams because she got pregnant. When you see and hear those things in middle school, it twists your impressionable young mind. Young women weren't, and still aren't, being taught that children are a blessing, or even your biological imperative. They are taught that children are a curse on your future and a hindrance on your goals. Even my conservative Christian baby boomer parents pushed college over marriage, so I swore up and down that I didn't want kids...until I met my husband.

What's sad is seeing my peers waste their natural nurturing desires on rescue dogs and political causes. And knowing they won't realize what they truly want until it's too late.

swiftfoxmark2 said...

Despite the best efforts of cultural communists, women are still judged based on their ability to have children.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Yes, that's what they are for.

Liberalism is an attack on their true nature. On human nature, in fact.

seth datta said...

Until almost every evil jew is dead, western white peoples and many others will be killed off by the bankers and their backers.

hank.jim said...

These women that have children in their late 30s and early 40s are the exception, not the rule. Despite the fact that they don't deserve it, they were able to conceive when statistics say their fertility for that age group is in the low single digit percentage. It is cold consolation for the women that read the "Not to Breed" article and were motivated to not have children.

Women that don't have children by 30 are taking a chance that they won't do it by 40. Women are surely failures, but it is worse. They are hateful of people and mankind.

Earl Thomas said...

'It's one thing if a woman doesn't have kids because she consecrates herself to Jesus in the religious life, but those women realize they're sacrificing something great for something they consider greater.'

Yes...or in the case of women who marry and find out she is infertile, that is their cross they have to bear given from God. They can still help others with children or adopt though.

The ones that willingly give it up so that their lives can be easier...really show their true colors as they get older.

David-093 said...

"My generation (millennials) was taught that kids ruin your life."

Definitely true. I remember in high school we had to do this incredibly stupid project that required us to take care of an animatronic baby that was supposed to simulate being a parent. It would cry in the middle of the night so you'd have to wake up and hold some key to it to make it stop, and this went on for over a week. The goal was to convince teens to wait before they got pregnant, which worked a bit too well since most everyone in my class is unmarried. And we're 26-27 now.

liberranter said...

...because bearing children is the prime raison d'etre for every woman. The woman who fails to do so is, quite literally, a failure as a human being.

Absolutely true. Howver, any honest, decent human being would have to admit that the thought of most of these narcissistic, solipsistic, selfish, self-destructive creatures reproducing and raising a child is enough to induce chronic projectile vomiting. A rabid alley cat would be a more fit mother to a human infant.

So yes, by this criterion most of the current generation of women is completely useless - for anything other than serving as a living example of civilizational collapse.

everybodyhatesscott said...

. I remember in high school we had to do this incredibly stupid project that required us to take care of an animatronic baby that was supposed to simulate being a parent.

And the only way that simulation could be at all real is if they made you love the fake baby which clearly wouldn't happen. Go look at pictures of new parents. They look exhausted but they have a happiness glow about them.

liberranter said...

Even my conservative Christian baby boomer parents pushed college over marriage

I'm becoming more and more convinced that the terms "Conservative Christian" and "baby boomer" are irreconcilable oxymorons (disclosure: I'm a late-stage boomer myself).

Cail Corishev said...

the thought of most of these narcissistic, solipsistic, selfish, self-destructive creatures reproducing and raising a child is enough to induce chronic projectile vomiting.

On the other hand, the women I know who married young and started having babies and staying home to raise them are noticeably less solipsistic and selfish than their peers. So did they become good wives and mothers because they weren't solipsistic, or are they not solipsistic because they didn't spend several years chasing their whims? I suppose the causation works both ways, but I wonder how many of these useless ditzes would have been just fine if they'd been guided into marriage and motherhood from a young age.

Trust said...

Modern churches have become useful idiots for feminism. They promote feminist dogma even as they are feminists favorite scapegoats/villains.

Natalie said...

As a woman who married fresh out of college and wanted to have kids but couldn't for several years it absolutely hurts to see Christian women taking the advice that they should pursue getting a masters/doing "ministry"/etc instead of making kids a priority. I'm one of the lucky ones. Things finally came together for us, and our son was born two days before my 30th birthday. Ten months later we conceived our daughter (whom we're praying will decide to come before we have to start eviction proceedings).

Like I said - I'm one of the lucky ones. Never used BC until after our son was born. Always wanted kids. Always waiting for God to show up and give me a job and trying by best to be fruitful in the mean time. Then our son was born, and God started dropping all sorts of ministries and opportunities in my lap. For me life, although fun before, really started when I first held my boy.

Oh, and it's not just the women. The men don't get it either. My BIL told my sister no kids until after 6-8 years of marriage. She married him anyway. She'll be 34-35 before they start trying. Trying to talk with them is like talking to a brick wall. They don't care, and they don't get it. Oh, my sister has the same conservative, homeschooled background I have. Go figure....

Fred Mok said...

I understand western civilization is in crisis because of declining fertility, especially among the most educated. But Vox, I don't get how you can say a woman is a failure if she doesn't have kids in light of 1 Corinthians 7. It's clearly for both men AND women (v.34). No matter what - we make disciples, and of our kids if we have them.

AmyJ said...

@liberranter

I love my parents, but I'm inclined to agree with you. It is because of them that my younger sister, whose only desire in life was to be a wife and mother, was pushed off to college to get a degree she doesn't want for a job she doesn't want while sinking her into enormous student loan debt. She listened because she was raised to be obedient. I think they'll answer for it someday.

Brad Andrews said...

The exception proves the rule Fred. How many who proclaim their "no child" approach best are throwing themselves into full time ministry of some sort?

David-093 said...

"And the only way that simulation could be at all real is if they made you love the fake baby which clearly wouldn't happen. Go look at pictures of new parents. They look exhausted but they have a happiness glow about them. "

Exactly. One girl in my class got married right out of high school and is about to have her third child. She's Catholic, extremely conservative, and is tired all the time but she always looks happy in the pictures she posts on facebook. She's probably going to have a couple more kids at least. With Millennials it seems to be either having a ton of kids or having none at all.

"I love my parents, but I'm inclined to agree with you. It is because of them that my younger sister, whose only desire in life was to be a wife and mother, was pushed off to college to get a degree she doesn't want for a job she doesn't want while sinking her into enormous student loan debt. She listened because she was raised to be obedient. I think they'll answer for it someday."

That's the way it was with the Churchian parents at my high school. They absolutely did not want their kids getting married young (career career career!), but they also were totally okay with the girls being single mothers if they were "taken advantage of by immature guys". The girls who ignored the advice of their elders to wait slept with losers who universally (and I mean without exception) abandoned them. Those women kept the kids and remain unmarried to this day. Most of the boys are unmarried, unattached, and generally okay with it. The girls? I wish you could see the passive-aggressive complaining about being single, it'd be funny if it wasn't sad.

VD said...

I don't get how you can say a woman is a failure if she doesn't have kids in light of 1 Corinthians 7.

Women, as human beings, have ONE job. Propagate the species. Any woman who doesn't do that is a failure as a human being. She may be a success in other ways, she may be a spiritual blessing to all and sundry, but she failed in her one material job.

That doesn't make her a bad person. Or a bad Christian It just makes her a failure as a human being. She literally might as well never have existed from the perspective of the future human race.

The fact that Isaac Newton never had children is one of the great tragedies of history. Yes, his contributions were amazing, but how many contributions might his genetic line have made?

Cail Corishev said...

The fact that Isaac Newton never had children is one of the great tragedies of history.

Also Ann Coulter. Although the real tragedy there is that she never procreated with me.

Small families play into this too. When people had 7 kids and the youngest son went into the priesthood and one daughter never married but stayed home and helped take care of the kids and then the parents as they aged, they were still gaining, demographically and probably genetically. When people are having 1-2, the cost of a healthy person not passing on his genes is much greater.

Dexter said...

She may be a success in other ways

I have yet to meet a childless career woman whose job was so important, and she was so irreplaceable, that it was better for her to do that than to have kids. But they reject the truth, which is, "There is NOTHING you are doing that is more important than having children with your husband, which ONLY YOU can do."

Noah B #120 said...

I guess everyone has their own irrational fears. For some it's tornadoes, for others it's infectious disease, and for still others... it's condescending doubt.

Desiderius said...

VD,

"Women, as human beings, have ONE job. Propagate the species. Any woman who doesn't do that is a failure as a human being. She may be a success in other ways, she may be a spiritual blessing to all and sundry, but she failed in her one material job."

That was back when kids needed moms.

http://orthosphere.org/2015/05/18/happiness-or-tradition-or-neither/

See if you can spot the person in that picture who didn't get a choice.

hank.jim said...

1 Corinthians 7 gives a possible out for unmarried women, but not for married women. And since there are few virgins, it is even less likely she will serve the Lord as required. Once married, do you dare to use birth control? Its like they want to prevent a natural outcome of a marital relationship.

SirHamster (#201) said...

I suppose the causation works both ways, but I wonder how many of these useless ditzes would have been just fine if they'd been guided into marriage and motherhood from a young age.

I suspect many. How many men can you form through a pampering and spoiling environment, vs. a challenging and difficult one?

Prosperous societies make life easier for everyone, and sow the seeds for their own destruction as they produce less of the men/women that created the prosperity.

David-093 said...

Its amazing how completely and totally stupid feminism has made modern women. Creating life and continuing the human race is unimportant, but making power point presentations for a faceless corporation is the height of purpose.

In a previous era this kind of stupidity wouldve been culled from the gene pool via natural selection.

Dexter said...

In a previous era this kind of stupidity wouldve been culled from the gene pool via natural selection.

Women who don't breed are, by definition, removing themselves from the gene pool.

In a previous era the problem of "women not breeding" would not exist, outside of a convent, because they wouldn't have any choice in the matter.

johnnesteutes said...

What happened to the literary world? This woman is a writers writing about being asked to write an article or a book.

And her topic is something utterly mundane that virtually every woman on the planet has managed to do: have kids, raise a family.

johnnesteutes said...

Meanwhile in Amishland, TFR is 5.0 to 9.0, depending on whom you ask. The latest published research is that the population will double in 25 years.

Sociologists speculate the Amish reproduce so prolifically that they will spread genes that promote religiosity into society. See http://phys.org/news/2011-01-religiosity-gene-dominate-society.html

Trust said...

http://pjmedia.com/drhelen/2015/05/28/are-women-without-kids-failures/

Fred Mok said...

VD, I get the distinction and it makes sense. I would argue for a more expansive definition of "human being". For example, I might say "Mother Teresa, you were a fabulous Christian for your work in loving orphans but a miserable failure as a human being". That's a disingenuous statement because she did indirectly benefit, in material ways, civilization through her work - in measurable ways that far surpass having biological children would have done. The same principle operates for adoptive mothers. Yes, I know, I know - this is like .00001% population, blah blah blah but we're talking about the principle. If you directly or indirectly benefit humanity in a material way, you are a successful human being.

johnnesteutes said...

Fred Mok,

When grown ups speak they speak in generalities. It is not useful to bring up fringe edge cases.

ray said...

"The woman who fails to do so is, quite literally, a failure as a human being."


Uh uh. Helping, serving, nurturing, bearing and raising children -- this 'saves' most females, as Scripture reports. Saves them from themselves and from this world, that's under false authority and misleads them..

But it's a general, not absolutist, guideline. Females still can please God w/o having kids, as long as they're following His interests via their given FEMININE nature. I know some child-less women who've served God well, in various ways -- the ways in which He (and not the world) called them. That is not failure. It's true, tho, that these are exceptions and fairly rare.

VD said...

Yes, I know, I know - this is like .00001% population, blah blah blah but we're talking about the principle.

If you did know, you wouldn't have started pedantically sperging.

There are exceptions to every rule. And the rule is that the woman who does not have children is a literal failure as a human being.

hank.jim said...

Women that don't bear children frees men to behave badly and such men definitely don't do God's work. It takes a special snowflake to think women can serve God effectively, but such an argument for childlessness is an excuse since women are actually pursuing careers and working in companies that don't match up with Christian objectives. Whereas if she focuses her attention on child rearing, she can make a difference in her child's Christian upbringing and thus do God's work more effectively.

Ministries is not free. It requires support from congregations' donations that come from real world jobs. Working women must support themselves or get support to do such ministries. We are all in this society and civilization, but single people are in a distinct category of isolation.

VD said...

That is not failure.

That is most certainly failure. It is a failure to reproduce. It is a failure to multiply. It is a failure to realize the female purpose in life.

They had ONE JOB. And they didn't do it.

One Fat Oz Guy said...

The one thing I point out is "who is going to visit you in the nursing home when you're 80? Your nieces and nephews?"
That usually gets them thinking because most of them has or knows an elderly person who have no kids and nobody visits them.
Independence is great... Until you're laid up in bed for a week and no one cares enough to get you food.

Dexter said...

@Oz Guy,

And they'll say brightly, "When that happens, I'll just choose euthanasia!"

ray said...

"They had ONE JOB. And they didn't do it."


It is not in your authority to decide what ONE JOB is to be assigned to females, nor to males for that matter. God -- and not boys still wet behind the ears -- decides what jobs EACH of us is to shoulder here. Often for females that means motherhood and childbirth, but sometimes it means another life-task. You DO NOT get to force them to be whatever you want.


That you imagine yourself sufficiently wise and experienced as to command the ONE JOB that all the females on the planet must participate in, or else, shows arrogance and deficit in YOUR character, not theirs. You're a typical kid who ALWAYS has to be right, so that the audience you depend on so desperately for your self-regard is kept in tow. To you. Not to their Creator.

You demand -- indeed command -- to be wise and powerful before you have paid the prices for these things. You want them awarded to you because... you're the Great Vox Day! And when anybody tries to teach you anything, you become enraged and seek to intimidate and/or silence any expression that might not make you look quite as Wonderful as you imaging yourself. We'll see how that works out.

Matamoros said...

VD: "Women, as human beings, have ONE job. Propagate the species. Any woman who doesn't do that is a failure as a human being. "

Exactly true. I tell women this all the time. Many times I hear the "You just hate women" b.s.; but it is the God's truth.

The first commandment God gave to Adam and Eve was "Be fruitful and multiply." St. James notes that "women will be saved by child bearing."

Any woman not a Religious, who refuses to marry and breed is truly a "useless eater". Even the commandment to not defraud the husband of his marriage rights is designed to increase breeding (and sex, of course).

maniacprovost said...

With Millennials it seems to be either having a ton of kids or having none at all.

It's simply following your decision to its logical conclusion. People who try to have one boy and one girl are lukewarm moderates.

SirThermite said...

Chill out, ray. I don't know if you're unfamiliar with the "you had one job" meme or are just being obtuse. But if you can think of any other occupation besides childbearing that approx. 50% of the world's population has been given an exclusive physical monopoly on performing, starting from the moment of conception, well please do inform us.

Dexter said...

Ray is that white-knighting douchebag who helped carry the mattress.

Thelien said...

"It is because of them that my younger sister, whose only desire in life was to be a wife and mother, was pushed off to college to get a degree she doesn't want for a job she doesn't want while sinking her into enormous student loan debt."
A husband may die or get seriously ill any day. Then an educated wife can land a higher-paying job to feed their children, and an uneducated wife has to clean toilets for a minimum wage. A profession (a real employable one) is a safety net in case the main breadwinner no longer supports the family. Of course I'm against student loans though, better to get cheap training as a tailor or a gardener or something (also good skills for a domestic life).

Trust said...

@: " A husband may die or get seriously ill any day. Then an educated wife can land a higher-paying job to feed their children, and an uneducated wife has to clean toilets for a minimum wage."
______

Life insurance is much cheaper than student loan debt, and doesn't scare women into putting off a family she wants over fear a husband might die.

Nataliya Kochergova said...

Here's a list of things that aren't true:

1.People who don't want kids will never change their mind
2.People who don't want kids, will all eventually change their mind
3.It's impossible to regret having kids
4.It's impossible to regret not having kids.

Such is life.

SirThermite said...

Ray is that white-knighting douchebag who helped carry the mattress.

You must be new around here Dexter. ray (lowercase r) is responsible for some off the most long-winded, vehement, and contempt-filled rants against American Gyno-centrism that I've seen in a comments section. Quite respectable really, except for that tinge of emotional bitterness that we've all succumbed to at times.

modsquad said...

If a woman doesn't have children, she places her life in the same category as a man's… a replaceable part in the machinery. She declares her life a disposable object.

grendel said...

Oh good, someone remembered to bring the safety net canard. I was beginning to worry. Death and disease are what life and disabilty insurance are for. If I stroke out my wife and kids will be provided for by my prior planning.

Jack Amok said...

I fear I’ve let down other women who disavow children

But she's not worried that her previous stance against children might have let down women who listened to her and waited too long and changed their mind too late and now can never have children.

How strange it must be to think with a female mind.

Jason Lee said...

It is not in your authority to decide what ONE JOB is to be assigned to females, nor to males for that matter. God -- and not boys still wet behind the ears -- decides what jobs EACH of us is to shoulder here. Often for females that means motherhood and childbirth, but sometimes it means another life-task. You DO NOT get to force them to be whatever you want.

If your Creator God gave you a brain, he expects you to use it. The same idea applies to your reproductive tract. It's not just for diddling. It has a crucial biological function. For women, this point is especially acute. Women have a narrower window of fertility. And gestation is the rate-determining step in human reproduction. If women wait until they're 40 to stop listening to lame excuse-making rants like yours, they're screwed -- and the herd becomes thin.

Let's not pretend that there's a significant number of women who have anything better or more important to do.

1sexistpig2another said...

But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby.

~ the MOST feminist president to date.

1sexistpig2another said...

Matamoros

It was the Apostle Paul (1st Tim 2:15).

SarahsDaughter said...

A husband may die or get seriously ill any day. Then an educated wife can land a higher-paying job to feed their children, and an uneducated wife has to clean toilets for a minimum wage. A profession (a real employable one) is a safety net in case the main breadwinner no longer supports the family. Of course I'm against student loans though, better to get cheap training as a tailor or a gardener or something (also good skills for a domestic life).

Tailor or gardener are higher paying jobs? Than what, cleaning toilets? An in home cleaning service can charge a minimum of $20/hr.

An emergency situation is just that, an emergency. Proper financial planning buys her enough time to do whatever she needs to do to secure income for her children. Again, it makes no sense to put off having children to obtain education. Especially if you consider one of those children she could have might be old enough to help her out in the event dad dies.

Earl Thomas said...

The job of women is to be the helper when it comes to protection and provider of life. If she did that and didn't embrace a culture of death...she is not a failure.

Earl Thomas said...

So in other words...if she is pro-abortion or pro birth control that is a woman you don't want anywhere near you.

AmyJ said...

@Thelien

That was my parents' reasoning, too. Something for her "to fall back on" in the event she either can't married or something happens to her husband.

Assuming that a woman without a degree would be stuck cleaning toilets and that one with a degree would automatically find a higher paying job is laughable. Not just because of the job market, but because of her early education degree. I'm fairly sure cleaning toilets is more lucrative. And nothing to be sneered at. You do what you have to do. It's a very boomer mentality that blue collar jobs are distasteful.

Cail Corishev said...

Yeah, that paragraph took such a sharp turn it almost gave me whiplash. She says a woman needs to be educated so she can get a high-paying job if her husband dies, then ends by talking about jobs with wages that have been destroyed by mass immigration. It's not often you see someone contradict her own point so thoroughly and quickly.

According to some guvmint stats I just looked up, a 20-year-old man has about a 6-7% chance of dying before the age of 50. So how many of her most fertile, attractive, energetic years should a woman invest in gaining a credential, in order to protect against that 7% risk? Consider also that no matter what great education she has, taking a job as a single mother means putting her children in the hell of day care (so they lose their mom right after losing their dad), with that additional cost. With good life insurance -- which will be dirt cheap if her husband locks in a term policy at age 20 -- she could stay home and raise the kids and not need an outside job at all. Also, if she marries young and her husband happens to die early, there's a better chance that she'll still be attractive enough to find a new husband.

Add it all up, and the chance of a woman marrying early, having her husband die early, having no life insurance, being unable to remarry reasonably soon, and not having any children old enough to help her out yet, is way too low to invest the best years of your life defending against it. But the rationalization hamster is a mighty beast.

SarahsDaughter said...

It's a very boomer mentality that blue collar jobs are distasteful.

It really is. "Stuck cleaning toilets" has become the go-to insult of an uneducated woman's ability to make money. I am not completely uneducated and had other options than cleaning toilets but found it the most lucrative, least time consuming, and flexible job to do. When my husband joined the Army, there was a time delay in him receiving his paycheck. No other work was faster and easier to get than asking a friend, who already looking for someone to clean her house, if I could put in a bid. My children went with me and did their schoolwork at her table while I cleaned one of the most disgusting homes I've ever seen. Once I had it deep cleaned, she then paid me to redecorate. In about 30 hours, I supplemented our income without needing an employer to hire me (and displace someone else) or pay for my training only to lose me in a month.

I guess it helps that I have this odd fascination with seeing something go from horribly dirty and run down to immaculate. I used to watch hoarders on purpose because I would feel ecstatic when they showed the after pictures of the cleaned home. It's like a work of art to me and probably why I wasn't turned off with my husband buying a hoarder's home at well below it's market price. It has been a lot of work and so much fun!

AmyJ said...

@SarahsDaughter

Having both cleaned toilets and worked with professionals in an office environment at the expense of student loan debt, I'd say toilets are the better option. Easier to with with, too.

Cail Corishev said...

Out of curiosity, I looked it up: a 20-year-old, non-smoking man in average health can lock in a 30-year, 1-million dollar term life insurance policy for about $100/month. So she marries young, stays home with the kids, drives an older minivan they buy with cash, puts that savings into life insurance, and if he dies she has $50,000/year to spend for the next 20 years, after which time all her kids will be grown. That's assuming no other savings, no interest on the money over the 20 years, and without working a day.

I understand that women are fear-driven; but they should at least be fearful of real dangers, not things that can be avoided for the price of the average cable TV bill.

SarahsDaughter said...

drives an older minivan

WHAT! Oh, now you've gone too far! ;)

(As I'm about to head to the store in my '95 "just gettin' broke in" Suburban)

de ti said...

Generally agree with the post.

From a biological, cultural, familial and civilizational standpoint, a woman's job is to bear and raise children. A woman who has not done that has failed.

Most of the women I knew in college wanted to have children. There were a few women I knew who didn't want to have children. But, the vast majority of those women ended up marrying and having children anyway. Now most of them divorced, but they did have kids.

With the exception of one woman, all the childless women I've ever known are miserable, and they are so primarily because they never had children. Their childless status is the single greatest pain and regret of their lives. It's one they never get over.

johnnesteutes said...

@Thelien

Do you live in some bizarro universe where there's no life insurance or disability insurance?

Also, cleaning toilets / cleaining houses is a $15/hr-$20/hr occupation. One that can easily support a family, and one that teenage kids can help run.

Marissa said...

My generation (millennials) was taught that kids ruin your life.

Yes, I can concur. I think one of the reasons is due to our parents and teachers who, during puberty and adulthood, were the first generation to engage in premarital sex on such a widespread scale. I was inculcated with this philosophy that marriage and children aren't important, being independent and having a career is, all due to the bad decisions by mom made when she was younger. It isn't kids that ruin your life, it's having sex before marriage.

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