Saturday, October 4, 2014

The gamma factory

John Cleese, of the notoriously bad decision-making with regards to marriage, traces back his well-known problems with women to his mother:
“I don't want to get too dark and depressing but she was emotionally difficult. She was a tyrant.” In an extract of his new autobiography, So, Anyway, published in the magazine, he wrote: “It cannot be a coincidence that I spent such a large part of my life in some form of therapy and that the vast majority of the problems I was dealing with involved relationships with women.

"My ingrained habit of walking on eggshells when dealing with my mother dominated my romantic liaisons for many years."

Cleese married his first wife, Fawlty Towers co-star Connie Booth in 1968. The marriage lasted ten years and the couple divorced in 1978. He married his second wife, American actress Barbara Trentham in 1981; and his third wife, American psychotherapist Alyce Eichelberger in 1992. The comedian married his fourth wife, Jennifer Wade – who is 31 years his junior – in 2012.
Notice the connection between "ingrained habit of walking on eggshells" and his multiple failed marriages. The lesson: never be conflict-avoidant with a woman. If she's looking for a fight, then give her one. Better yet, give her one that will make her conflict-avoidant in the future. The old martial arts rule applies: start nothing, finish everything.

I've noticed over the years that many women repeatedly test a man's willingness to put up with her bad behavior. They will ratchet it up slowly, almost undetectably, until one day the man's friends suddenly notice that she never speaks to him without her voice either raised in anger or dripping with contempt.

The solution for nipping this in the bud is pretty simple. Up the ante every time. She resorts to contempt, you reply with contempt and vulgarity. (This is especially effective in public; women seem to find it humiliating when men openly swear at them in front of other women.) A calm "I don't give a fuck what you think" or ominous "watch your fucking tone now" will usually deflate the assumed Queen Bee attitude with alacrity. If she decides to raise her voice, you raise yours right back; most women instinctively cower before a man who is addressing them at volume with some bass in his voice. This is basic Skinnerian programming, which means it is also advisable to be sure that she's being positively incentivized when she brings things to your attention in an appropriate manner.

In other words, if she asks you to do something politely, then do it right away, don't put it off until she's irritated and nagging. Make the effort, don't be lazy.

Another option is to simply end the evening if you're out in public and she gets obnoxious. Refuse to be seen with a woman who is openly disrespectful. If she can't be civil, then you're simply not going to take her out into civilization. Women are PERFECTLY capable of controlling themselves, the primary reason so many of them don't is because the men in their lives don't expect them to do so or hold them accountable for their behavior.

49 comments:

Nomennovum said...

"I've noticed over the years that many women repeatedly test a man's willingness to put up with her bad behavior."

Proving yet again that women are like children. This is why you must treat them as such, until they are able to behave in a civilized manner. Without the oversight of strong men, women will tend to backslide.

Matamoros said...

VD The solution for nipping this in the bud is pretty simple. Up the ante every time.

Good advice. I've found that I naturally do this. She starts her crap, and I raise my voice, or use f**k while speaking to her in a louder tone. Of course she'll start her, "don't yell at me", and then I'll say, "I'll talk to you however I want."

I was in a restaurant awhile back, and the woman manager closed the grill early. I was issuing a complaint in a normal tone and she did the, "don't raise your voice to me". I looked her straight in the eye, and said, "I'll talk to you however I damn well please", even though I hadn't raised my voice.

This seems to be a female control mechanism to get me to obey them. Guys are well advised to not put up with it.

sigbouncer said...

"The old martial arts rule applies: start nothing, finish everything."

I was told it was "We must live to fight another day". Which brings me to this...



"(This is especially effective in public; women seem to find it humiliating when men openly swear at them in front of other women.) A calm "I don't give a fuck what you think" or ominous "watch your fucking tone now" will usually deflate the assumed Queen Bee attitude with alacrity. If she decides to raise her voice, you raise yours right back; most women instinctively cower before a man who is addressing them at volume with some bass in his voice."

In today's society a man raising his voice, escalating with a woman in public can often bring about a police intervention after being called by a do good bystander. I would just recommend walking away and leaving her in whatever public setting you were at. I have done this with success numerous times, including once where I left an ex at her parents house several states away while I drove back home alone.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Excellent advice. I just can't imagine the average American beta (and lesser) male, including many of the Churchians who comment here, ever raising their voice or swearing at their women. Because ungodly. lol

cailcorishev said...

The suggestion of excalating with vulgarity made me smile. There's a woman I had to cut off all contact with for bad behavior, and I've been hearing through the grapevine that she's trying to find a way to talk to me again (without admitting to any wrongdoing, of course, which is all she has to do). I was thinking of how I'd respond to her if she approaches me somewhere where she thinks she has the upper hand, like among a group of friends. It occurred to me that I was mixing a lot of swear words into my little speech, even though I basically never swear, especially around those people. They just seemed appropriate. If she pushes it that way, she won't be the only one getting a shock.

Bob Wallace said...

It's in the story of the Garden of Eden in Genesis: women shall desire rule over you unless you rule over her. However, both are the result of sin, that is, our fallen nature.

And it's been know for a long time that the son's relationship with the mother affects his relationships with women, and daughter, her relationship with the father affects hers with men,

Vincent Castrillo said...

Yep. Another gem VD.

Doug Cranmer said...

A place I work part time as casual labour for extra cash is staffed full time by mainly women and they really get off on treating the temp staff like crap. I really enjoy when one of them tries getting in my face now yelling at me, and then watching them deflate when I yell at them right back and stand my ground. Classic bully behaviour.

What's really interesting is that when I come back to work a week later they're nice as pie. I mean going out of their way friendly. Effing children.

Daniel said...

Yikes. "Walking on eggshells" strongly indicates that he was raised by a mother with borderline personality disorder. The armchair diagnosis sounds so vague and innocuous to people who don't understand it. It isn't. It is, in my experience, one of the harder to detect, most destructive, least manageable mental illnesses I've ever run across. I wonder if his mother had an artistic side, that expressed itself in black tones, distorted the human face, or utilized childhood stand-ins (such as teddy bears or birthday cakes) instead of people.

Weouro said...

Just cane across this. St. Ignatius and game: "Twelfth Rule. The twelfth: The enemy acts like a woman, in being weak against vigor and strong of will. Because, as it is the way of the woman when she is quarrelling with some man to lose heart, taking flight when the man shows her much courage: and on the contrary, if the man, losing heart, begins to fly, the wrath, revenge, and ferocity of the woman is very great, and so without bounds; in the same manner, it is the way of the enemy to weaken and lose heart, his temptations taking flight, when the person who is exercising himself in spiritual things opposes a bold front against the temptations of the enemy, doing diametrically the opposite."

Vox said...

In today's society a man raising his voice, escalating with a woman in public can often bring about a police intervention after being called by a do good bystander.

Oh, please. That's a load of crap and nothing but a justification for conflict avoidance. Instead of "often" substitute "hardly ever". Fear-based decisions are seldom wise. You're not going to get arrested for raising your voice, much less using vulgarity in a normal tone of voice, and the police are very seldom around anyhow.

Now, just walking away and leaving her there is fine in public, but it will not work in private.

Corvinus said...

If she's looking for a fight, then give her one. Better yet, give her one that will make her conflict-avoidant in the future. The old martial arts rule applies: start nothing, finish everything.

There's a reason Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew is still one of his most popular plays.

sigbouncer said...

In today's society a man raising his voice, escalating with a woman in public can often bring about a police intervention after being called by a do good bystander.

Vox said... Oh, please. That's a load of crap and nothing but a justification for conflict avoidance. Instead of "often" substitute "hardly ever". Fear-based decisions are seldom wise. You're not going to get arrested for raising your voice, much less using vulgarity in a normal tone of voice, and the police are very seldom around anyhow.

Now, just walking away and leaving her there is fine in public, but it will not work in private.



I'm guessing you haven't seen the domestic violence ads running on television and the airways daily. NFL Sunday football games are littered with them pleading for people to "call in any man who even raises their voice in public at their woman, as this is a form of abuse and domestic violence". I can't imagine running these ads if they didn't have the full on support of Law Enforcement in doing so. In some states the police are required to arrest somebody in every domestic violence situation. And this does not only apply to physical abuse.

Also it's not a "fear based" decision. It's just cognitive thinking and recognizing the world we now live in. You don't spank your kids in public and you don't use what can be construed as power and control tactics publicly in domestic situations. Just like you don't walk up to random strangers and punch them in the face thinking you can get away with it. It's much smarter to just walk away from the general public's eye and deal with it later in a more comfortable drama free setting.

sigbouncer said...

"You're not going to get arrested for raising your voice, much less using vulgarity in a normal tone of voice, and the police are very seldom around anyhow."


One more thing. Even if you don't get arrested, do you really think you are winning? I mean all you have really taught her in this situation is that you can be viewed as being an ass in public and got reprimanded via police intervention.

Vincent Castrillo said...

You losers must live in a particularly gay part of the country. If a guy raises his voice at his wife in public, say a fair, or a movie theatre, or a mall, nobody really ever cares. I'm not saying it might not be a source of interest, but what can the police do in a non blue-state gay horror land but maybe tell the couple to move on as they are causing a disturbance? And really only if it is sustained. If you are in a shouting match with your girl or wife for more than 5 seconds in public, you aren't long for it anyway.

Conflict avoidance is merely fear of doing one's duty to himself, his family/friends, his countrymen, or his honor. Do not sugar coat it or embrace it as it gives you cover for your lack of character. If you will not discipline your children in public for fear of public embarrassment, never have kids. If you let your women walk all over you in public because she knows you don't want a scene you will continue to lose at life badly.

Might I also ask, have you ever actually tried any of this advice from Vox, others, your dad, just basic life experience?? Surely you haven't as you would see the wisdom very quickly as well as an inflation of your ball sa$k.

Vox said...

I'm guessing you haven't seen the domestic violence ads running on television and the airways daily. NFL Sunday football games are littered with them pleading for people to "call in any man who even raises their voice in public at their woman, as this is a form of abuse and domestic violence". I can't imagine running these ads if they didn't have the full on support of Law Enforcement in doing so. In some states the police are required to arrest somebody in every domestic violence situation. And this does not only apply to physical abuse.

I don't care what your frightened little imagination can produce. I know American police officers and I read the annual Uniform Crime Report. There is absolutely no indication that police are arresting men who shout back at women in public, nor do I know or have I ever even heard of such a thing taking place.

Also it's not a "fear based" decision. It's just cognitive thinking and recognizing the world we now live in.

Men of lower social rank always have a plethora of reasons to justify their conflict-avoidance. You can do what you like, of course. But your advice, and your justifications for it, are terrible.

It boils down to "defer to bad female behavior in public, because society".

Even if you don't get arrested, do you really think you are winning? I mean all you have really taught her in this situation is that you can be viewed as being an ass in public and got reprimanded via police intervention.

Yes, women are notorious for their loathing of involving themselves with men who are in frequent trouble with the police....

sigbouncer said...

I'm guessing you haven't seen the domestic violence ads running on television and the airways daily. NFL Sunday football games are littered with them pleading for people to "call in any man who even raises their voice in public at their woman, as this is a form of abuse and domestic violence". I can't imagine running these ads if they didn't have the full on support of Law Enforcement in doing so. In some states the police are required to arrest somebody in every domestic violence situation. And this does not only apply to physical abuse.

Vox said... I don't care what your frightened little imagination can produce. I know American police officers and I read the annual Uniform Crime Report. There is absolutely no indication that police are arresting men who shout back at women in public, nor do I know or have I ever even heard of such a thing taking place.


You assume too much here. Yeah I know plenty of LEO's myself. I've worked club security in several states, big cities, small towns, you name it. And whilst on the job have frequently interacted with LEO's. Have had to tesify in court before. Nightly incident reports, written em. In some states it may be written up as intimidation, others it may be a harrassment. But yes there are plenty of arrests out there that don't involve physical violence. Don't fool yourself or mislead others into thinking there is not.





sigbouncer said...

Also it's not a "fear based" decision. It's just cognitive thinking and recognizing the world we now live in. You don't spank your kids in public and you don't use what can be construed as power and control tactics publicly in domestic situations. Just like you don't walk up to random strangers and punch them in the face thinking you can get away with it. It's much smarter to just walk away from the general public's eye and deal with it later in a more comfortable drama free setting.

Vox said... Men of lower social rank always have a plethora of reasons to justify their conflict-avoidance. You can do what you like, of course. But your advice, and your justifications for it, are terrible.

It boils down to "defer to bad female behavior in public, because society".



Nice ad hominem, Vox. And my justification for it is common sense. If you like trouble, taking your advice in this situation is one way to find it.

Vox said...

Nice ad hominem, Vox. And my justification for it is common sense. If you like trouble, taking your advice in this situation is one way to find it.

It's not an ad hominem. You are advocating the very gamma behavior (albeit only in public) that the post observes caused Mr. Cleese's problems with women. You're certainly free to worry about the police and let women behave how they like with you in public.

You can call it common sense. I consider it bad and cowardly advice that will cause a man far more trouble over time than the police will ever give him.

cailcorishev said...

Yes, women are notorious for their loathing of involving themselves with men who are in frequent trouble with the police....

Yeah, absolute worst case scenario, you spend a night in jail and she files a protection order against you, which instantly makes you more attractive to all the other women you know -- and probably to her too, when you cut off contact instead of crawling back and apologizing like she expects.

It's true that the TV is trying to turn everyone into a domestic abuse narc and convince us all that there's rape and woman-beating going on behind every closed door. That doesn't mean guys are getting arrested for raising their voices in public. Even if some guy does somewhere, it's not common enough to let it control how you act.

If you're going to be the kind of guy the NFL advertisers want you to be, you might as well give up any hope of having a decent relationship with a woman, or of ever having sex again without having to pay for it. You probably shouldn't read or comment on sites like this one either; I'm sure they'd disapprove of that too.

sigbouncer said...

Vox said...

You are advocating the very gamma behavior (albeit only in public) that the post observes caused Mr. Cleese's problems with women. You're certainly free to worry about the police and let women behave how they like with you in public.


" It's much smarter to just walk away from the general public's eye and deal with it later in a more comfortable drama free setting."

^^^^^ Again this is what I advocate. And nowhere did I say I would acquiese her behaving like that again in public after it was dealt with privately.

Daniel said...

Hahahaha. You think "in private" with an idiot woman who clearly is seeking drama will....be more comfortable and drama free?

I don't know if I mentioned this important statistic, but if not, here it is again:

hahahaha!

sigbouncer said...

"You think "in private" with an idiot woman who clearly is seeking drama will....be more comfortable and drama free?"

It will be for me and that's all I'm really concerned with.

Akulkis said...

Yikes. "Walking on eggshells" strongly indicates that he was raised by a mother with borderline personality disorder. The armchair diagnosis sounds so vague and innocuous to people who don't understand it. It isn't. It is, in my experience, one of the harder to detect, most destructive, least manageable mental illnesses I've ever run across.

That was my first thought, also. The "Walking on Egg-Shells" effect it causes on others is so common that it's the title of a book written for people who have a BPD relative.

Vox said...

It will be for me and that's all I'm really concerned with.

That's nice. Of course, we're not discussing the special little snowflake that is you, we are discussing the necessity for men to avoid engaging in conflict-avoidance behavior. No one cares how you behave or what you think; if it works for you, then great, keep doing what you're doing.

As for those who would like to avoid Mr. Cleese's repeated fate, they would do well to not imitate his conflict-avoidant behavior.

Akulkis said...

If you're going to be the kind of guy the NFL advertisers want you to be, you might as well give up any hope of having a decent relationship with a woman, or of ever having sex again without having to pay for it.

If you think renting one is expensive, you obviously haven't thoroughly looked at the cost of buying one.

In contrast, test driving is almost always free.


I didn't make those rules... I'm just noting WHAT the rules are.

b1bae96e-6447-11e3-b6bb-000f20980440 said...

Never, reward bad behavior. You will just get more of it.

Now, just walking away and leaving her there is fine in public, but it will not work in private.

I can vouch for the latter part. Early in my marriage my wife and I were going at it over lord knows what now. I was getting sick of listening to her say the same thing over and over again so I said "Enough, I am done with this". And went back to doing what I was doing before. She kept going so I left the room. She followed me 15 seconds later louder than before. At that point, I clubbed the wall leaving a fist sized crack in the drywall, looked her in the eyes and said softly "I said ... I ...was ... done". She walked away, and there was some extra passion for the next few weeks. And longer term I haven't had a problem ending arguments by declaring them over since which has been about 9 years at this point.

sigbouncer said...

Vox said...

That's nice. Of course, we're not discussing the special little snowflake that is you, we are discussing the necessity for men to avoid engaging in conflict-avoidance behavior.I know American police officers and I read the annual Uniform Crime Report.


I'm a special big snowflake, Vox...they don't make us real bouncers little. You only see that Patrick Swayze stuff in the movies, believe it or not. Which in itself is kind of like the guy sitting on the sidelines who claims to know it all because he reads a book, skims over a report here and there and talks to a couple LEO's once in awhile...than the guy who is engaging in conflict on the regular who actually sees it go down. There's your special little snowflake staring back at you in the mirror.

Vox said...

Gammas come in all shapes and sizes. You keep running from public conflict with women for fear of the police if you like, the rest of us will continue to boldly run those scary risks.

sigbouncer said...

So do failed cult leaders. You keep recommending guys yell and raise their voices publicly at women, while there are ads being run all over the place pleading with people to turn them in for doing so. It's just too bad they will have to use their own bank accounts to hire an attorney as opposed to yours.

Corvinus said...

Nice ad hominem, Vox. And my justification for it is common sense. If you like trouble, taking your advice in this situation is one way to find it.

I don't think handling a conflict with a woman necessarily means to yell at her and go Chris Brown on her azz. Cutting, darkly humorous, CH-style remarks that make onlookers giggle and the target make an embarrassed funny face have the same effect.

mcro.tonl_piltdown said...

I have to agree with Vox on this one.

She herself chose the venue for conflict. If a woman acts out publicly, she should expect to get reprimanded publicly. It's as simple as that. My pastor even teaches it.

1sexistpig2another said...

The lesson: never be conflict-avoidant with a woman. If she's looking for a fight, then give her one. Better yet, give her one that will make her conflict-avoidant in the future. The old martial arts rule applies: start nothing, finish everything.

I've noticed over the years that many women repeatedly test a man's willingness to put up with her bad behavior. They will ratchet it up slowly, almost undetectably, until one day the man's friends suddenly notice that she never speaks to him without her voice either raised in anger or dripping with contempt.


This is sad but true. The woman will increase the drama until she dominates or she is checked. A man must set up boundaries and enforce the rules regularly as with a child. This is one of the reasons that it must be understood from the beginning that the man is in charge. If the relationship is of any other nature, she is in charge.

writer said...

"You keep recommending guys yell and raise their voices publicly at women, while there are ads being run all over the place pleading with people to turn them in for doing so. It's just too bad they will have to use their own bank accounts to hire an attorney as opposed to yours."

Where exactly do you live that the cops would come and arrest a man for raising his voice at his wife/girlfriend in public?

GF Dad said...

"A man must set up boundaries and enforce the rules regularly as with a child."

When I was single, I just didn't put up with that crap. When it came down to something like that, it was over. I had an understanding even from high school that there was always plenty of more girls / women out there so I didn't have to put up with that crap. It was a turn off once it happened, so I was done and trying to figure out an exit strategy. Would knowing Game have allowed me to keep some of these girls longer? Probably, but I really didn't want to.
Even the best of them are bat crap crazy, so why deal with one that's going to pull that crap in public? You've got to be ready to pull the plug at any time for whatever reason you see fit and then move on to the next one. Is this "dread game"? I don't know, but the two times I violated my rule because I thought I might truly love the girls, I was miserable for it and it just delayed the inevitable. Even letting them know what the consequences were did no good, but when I cut the chord, they begged and pleaded with me for a second chance and that they would change. I knew better. Walk away and say to yourself, " There are plenty of them out there."

SarahsDaughter said...

They will ratchet it up slowly, almost undetectably, until one day the man's friends suddenly notice that she never speaks to him without her voice either raised in anger or dripping with contempt.

Contempt and a sad intuition of not being safe. It's not something she can verbalize, if asked why she behaves so poorly toward him, if she has an answer at all, she'll tell you it's because he's a wuss. Something inside her tells her that if he won't meet her public outbursts with a reaction that puts an end to it, he would never put an end to a real threat. If need be, would he ever react this way?

Rest assured, any amount of fear of public opinion or police involvement will be met with a lack of respect that will show itself in future, more obnoxious, public scenes. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not condoning this behavior that women participate in, just very well versed in analyzing it. She's certainly wrong to do it and daughters should be raised knowing how unacceptable it is. Sadly many of us were not admonished of it prior.

natewinchester said...

sigbouncer isn't just making things up, Vox. As you've admitted, you haven't been in the US for awhile so don't be so quick to dismiss those of us still in the field. Relying on the UCR is rather like telling people they're lazy because the BLR says employment in the USA is fine. It's useful but take it with as much salt as you consume any other government-sourced data.

Vincent Castrillo said...

Fine sig and natewinchester, name one instance that a man was arrested by police for raising his voice at his own girlfriend wife in public. It does not count if there was also physical violence, sustained crazy ramblings that led to a public disturbance rap, or the woman was some random and the guy was crazy.

Provide one newspaper article or case from all of google for us to learn from where a guy yelled at his hot headed wife in public for a few seconds and was immediately corralled by thought police. This is the bare minimum before your "often happens" can even begin to be rationalized.

What's really happening is fear and you are not being truthful with yourselves. Sig, I'm willing to take you on your word that you are a large man and if you had to fight a man in a dark alley you would know what to do. However, modern life takes away moral certainties in favor of blurred realities and endless slights to family, honor, ego, etc.
What has gotten the West in so much trouble is that we have "civilized" ourselves into being the puppets for an elite that needs complete complacency and no riots. Ferguson and LA are exactly the riots that they both create and thrive on.

The point I am getting at is too many good men have convinced themselves that any resistance is futile and will be met with severe political, economic, or violent consequences. Maybe it would just be easier to get along. It's not so bad. This is false. Not only false but soul draining. Watching your kids futures washed away into barbarism and insanity so that we can keep a crappy job or remain with a vapant slut a little while longer is beyond insane. If more men manned up, said enough is enough, and tried to restore the natural order, even at some risk to themselves, things would most certainly improve.

Your attitudes will most certainly lead us to a future police situation you are falsely alluding to currently.

evilwhitemalempire said...

Well, you could just backhand them.

Oh, I forgot. The feminists have taken that winning strategy out with VAWA.

You don't think the whole purpose of DV laws is to keep men from winning fights with females do you?

Nawww!

So we'll just raise our voice at them.

That is, until the fems take that away too.

I would hope that some of you see how crippling chivalry is to men in these situations.

Feather Blade said...

Women are PERFECTLY capable of controlling themselves,

Thank you, yes. It's really refreshing to hear someone in the manosphere finally admit this.

papabear said...

OT: Anyone seen or read Gone Girl? Should the story be considered "red pill" like the movie Blue Valentine?

Doorstop said...

@sigbouncer

It's a good thing that cops aren't as afraid of women as bouncers evidently are. Women in Western society can already get away with murder, but society will cease altogether the day there's no men that they're afraid of.

standingagainsttheworld said...

@Vox

According to this yelling is domestic violence:
http://www.tccap.org/support_center_dv.htm

And this:


Disorderly conduct is a charge that generally goes along with being drunk in public, or disturbing the peace. In many cases, when a domestic dispute arises, there is alcohol involved. If the dispute escalates to the point that law enforcement is called to the scene, someone may be arrested for disorderly conduct along with domestic violence charges.

In Colorado, there is a mandatory arrest policy which means that is law enforcement s called to the scene of a domestic dispute, and they suspect domestic violence, they have to make a domestic violence arrest. Due to this policy, many people are arrested and charged with domestic violence who did not commit such an act. If you have been charged with disorderly conduct in association with domestic violence, contact a Denver domestic violence attorney from our firm today.

Disorderly conduct is a charge that is very broad and can include many different offenses. Making rude gestures or speaking offensively to a police officer can result in a disorderly conduct arrest. While a minor disorderly conduct charge will get you a small fine and that's it, if the charge arises because of a domestic dispute or with an accusation of domestic violence, the charges can be enhanced, and you can be facing harsher penalties. You may have to deal with a restraining order, probation, domestic violence treatment classes, huge monetary fines, and even jail time. The repercussions of disorderly conduct charges with domestic violence can be far-reaching on your life and your reputation.

http://www.domesticviolencelawyerdenver.com/Domestic-Violence/Disorderly-Conduct.aspx

JDC said...

It certainly explains why John was willing to serve up his mother with a bit of broccoli and stuffing.

Kallmunz said...

In my experience, most women wouldn't dream of making a public scene. If it's your wife I can see the point in dealing with the situation, but if you're not married to her, why would you continue to hang out with her? I have zero interest in arguing with a woman I'm about to dump.

liberranter said...

I would just recommend walking away and leaving her in whatever public setting you were at. I have done this with success numerous times, including once where I left an ex at her parents house several states away while I drove back home alone.

Yes, exactly. All that I would add to this is that before walking away, state her straight in the face and tell her, in a calm, firm, ominous tone "we WILL talk about this later at home."

I've found that on no few occasions that move alone will result in an immediate change in tone and behavior.

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prariepolyguy said...

"In today's society a man raising his voice, escalating with a woman in public can often bring about a police intervention after being called by a do good bystander. "

I saw this. I just have to note the art of being brutally condescending while being entirely civil is a very valuable one. Not as easy at it sounds, but it can crush someone emotionally without actually 'escalating' the situation.

But then, nowadays vulgarity is getting pretty passe, if you want to shock there is a certain kind of civility that does it best.

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