The Alpha walk

A reader at the Chateau asks how to handle an attempted AMOG:

I would like your take on this situation that arose with my GF. Been together about a month. Went to a pub, I brought a friend, its kind of her turf so she runs into coworkers and friends there a lot. Two dudes she used to work with come in, she hugs them. She is pretty bad for introducing me to people…often she says hello to a group, I wait a minute then introduce myself. She follows up by saying I’m her BF, etc, but she leaves it to me to break the ice.

Once again no intro, this time I didn’t care much to say hi, so me and my friend went for a drink. At last call, her and I are chatting, I see another friend and go say hi, she sees these two coworkers again. I come up to do the introduction, and one of the dudes grabs her tit when she moves in for a hug. She shoves his hand away but laughs and hugs him. I’m literally over this dudes shoulder, she knows I saw it.

What’s the alpha play here? (I walked away, she chased after me asking why i was running away…fully aware of the reason)

First, one's response to another man hitting on your wife or girlfriend completely depends upon her response to it.  If she reacts coldly or angrily to his attention, the correct move is to support her rejection of the other man.  Keep in mind that sexual poachers seldom attempt anything, no matter how hot the woman, if she appears to be sufficiently into you. 

Spacebunny is not infrequently the prettiest woman at the party, and while we tend to split up and circulate, I occasionally see her catching my attention and pointing me out to a man who is talking to her.  I just nod or raise an eyebrow; if she feels she needs more in the way of backup, she'll wave me over.  If it's late and everyone has a few drinks in them, I'll stick closer if a man appears to be visually locked in on her; almost always my presence in the vicinity is enough to prevent any awkwardness.

The one time a guy did try to AMOG me with her was, ironically enough, the evening of the day we got engaged.  The bass player from a popular local band she and her friends had followed for years - the lead singer was in love with her, but had been involved with one of her friends - positioned himself in a manner to try to physically edge me out of the conversation when I walked up to the group.  I simply cleared my throat, and when he glanced over at me, I made a flicking "move over" gesture with my fingers.  He did so, albeit a little reluctantly, at which point the lead singer, who had noticed the budding confrontation, stepped in and introduced me to the rest of the band as a) Spacebunny's fiance, and, b) a member of Psykosonik, ergo a man with an amount of status in their little world.  Problem solved.

So, there is seldom any problem when a woman doesn't welcome the would-be rival's attention, so long as a man stands his ground and doesn't exacerbate the situation.  It can be done in a threatening manner: "dude, watch that hand if you don't want to lose it".  It can be done in a polite and non-confrontational manner: "excuse me, but I can only assume you did not notice the pretty lady is wearing her wedding ring". It can be done in a humorous manner: "My wife?  Lady, I've never seen you before in my life!"  But it has to be done, one way or another.

That's not true if a woman clearly welcomes the attention. In such cases, the worst thing a man can do is get angry, petulant, and confrontational.  That is BETA behavior. Unless she is seriously drunk, the woman knows what she is doing and she simply doesn't care that you don't like it. I think the reader's response in this particular case was absolutely flawless; she was only a girlfriend of short standing, she probably had a sexual history with the man concerned, and the fact that she went chasing after him illustrates that she was testing him and that his response was effective, especially if he didn't permit her to play dumb about attempting to provoke him.  Her behavior doesn't necessarily mean that she's an out-of-control slut, it just means that she seeks a high level of dominance and rejecting her behavior by walking away is sufficient to demonstrate that.

It's a bigger problem if a wife or longtime girlfriend behaves in such a manner.  In that case, a higher level of dominance, bordering on the violent, is necessary, because the test is a more serious one.  If you carry and she knows it, or if you are observably physically superior to the other man, you can probably step forward and simply demand an apology from him.  He'll likely back down and apologize, however insincerely, if she reacts in a wide-eyed manner indicating a visible concerned about the prospect for immediate violence.

If he not only doesn't back down, but she takes his side and starts trying to defend his actions, this is an indication that the relationship is in dire straits.  In which case, the best thing to do is to look at her, say: "I see", and leave.  I'm not saying it is necessary to leave the relationship altogether, especially if it is a marital relationship, but it is necessary to leave her to her own resources in those circumstances as a warning that the relationship is in a critical condition.  No self-respecting man will tolerate a woman who takes sides against her own husband on behalf of a man who is pursuing her sexually, especially if she does so in public.

It should be kept in mind that "forsaking all others" is a vow that does not merely refer to sex.  It means "my wife, right or wrong".  It means "my man, right or wrong".

Anyhow, ALPHAs walk all the time.  They walk every single time a woman sufficiently displeases them.  This is why women are so often chasing after them, and why women tend to feel so stimulatingly insecure in their relationships with them.  Because the Alpha, (and particularly the Sigma, who unlike the Alpha, is unconcerned about the social implications), is never, ever, afraid to walk.  He may not want to walk, he may have no intention of walking, but he is always willing to do so if sufficiently provoked. Why?  Because there are plenty of girls on the girl tree.