Saturday, August 10, 2013

Alpha Mail: blind Game

KC asks about how women perceive his blindness:
I have a question. I'm blind and a Christian, and I feel like this serves as an automatic disqualifier for 95% of the dates I've ever been on (but no women will EVER say this, especially not Christian ones in America.) Do you think my assumption is accurate? I feel like the best thing I can do is just live with it and keep going on dates (or just stay single, which seems like less work right now) but should I be doing anything to counteract this possibility?
I suspect KC is correct and his blindness is not only an auto-disqualifier for many women, but a disqualifier none of them will ever dare to tell him about for fear of how it makes them look bad.  The problem is that whereas blindness can appeal to the male instinct to protect, it detracts from the female instinct to be protected.

To counteract his socio-sexual handicap, KC would be advised to cultivate a stronger and more aggressive image.  He always should wear cool sunglasses of a kind that Hollywood villains wear, bulk up physically with weightlifting, and if he has a seeing eye dog, he should get a studded collar and harness for it.  Instead of using the conventional white stick, he should rock a black cane with a silver skull or bull's head on the handle, and in general, stylistically embrace his blindness.  Growing his hair long or shaving his head are also potentially useful options.

Many people tend to think of blind men and women as quasi-children; many would be amazed at the very idea that KC participates in discussions on the Internet.  But by aggressively blinging his blindness, KC can not only peacock but play Contrast Game.  Who wouldn't be fascinated by a blind guy who walks in with his dog as if the pair of them own the place?

Think about the difference in perception between a skinny little guy with his sightless eyes exposed, hesitantly walking along the sidewalk with his white folding stick sweeping back and forth, and a big, powerful brute wearing mirrored shades stalking confidently behind a Rottweiler in a studded leather harness and holding a cane that looks like a weapon.  The first guy makes you feel sorry for him.  The second guy makes you worry that his dog might take your hand off before he even notices you're there.  Now, which one are women more likely to respond positively towards?

Blindness is a socio-sexual handicap, but it can be overcome through aggression and confidence.  KC is a smart guy - he attends a good university - but he needs to significantly up the superficial Alpha to counteract the natural pity that women will feel for him.  Pity kills female attraction.

So, instead of accepting pity for his condition, he should use it, although not in the helpless puppy manner that most men instinctively would.  He can crack jokes about how his blindness is an advantage because every woman he sees is a supermodel. (Howard Stern is a good model here; women always responded to the way he would lower his voice and say things like: "oh, you're hot, aren't you, I can hear it in your voice.")  He can tell outrageously unbelievable stories every time he is asked about why he is blind. At no point should he ever accept sympathy from women; he should always deflect it with a wisecrack and a smile.  He should also ask a few trusted male friends if he has any physical habits that are better avoided, such as Stevie Wonder's oft-caricatured head roll.

The goal is to change the frame, so that instead of being seen as poor little blind Delta boy, he is seen as an Alpha who just happens to wear sunglasses at night.

Blindness sucks. But it's not the end of the world, it's not the biggest handicap a man can have, and it doesn't take a man out of the Game. I suspect it may not even be as big a socio-sexual handicap as being unusually short. It's just a challenge, and the man who meets it head on is only going to raise his status in the eyes of men and women alike.


Old Harry said...

I am not blind, so my opinion is unqualified, but I really think that is the best advice you've ever given.

Eowyn said...

Not that I'm of the habit of giving game advice to men, but a common romance trope is that blind men are good with their hands (heightened senses or whatever). Maybe take a course or two in massage, just to keep up with the romantic ideas already in women's minds?

KSC said...

KC Here. Comment got lost (twice!) so I'll make this into a list.

Dog/cane: I want the cane you describe, though i doubt it's real. My dog is a labrador with big brown eyes, so there's not a whole lot I can do to make him look fierce, unfortunately.

Lifting: Logisticall quite difficult. I'm going to try and make up for this with bodyweight exercises and swimming.

Habits and appearance: Eye pressing is a big one in the blind world--one of the many reasons sunglasses are awesome. Shaving my head and long hair probably aren't a good idea with my look--is a goatee workable?

Pity and blind Jokes: Make the jokes. Love the jokes. The more uncomfortable it makes people, the better, even the stupid freaking puns. DO you have any good lines for the "You're so courageous for walking four blocks to your class" sentiment that I seem to get a lot of the time?

Unfortunately, I have a lot of beta/delta characteristics and don't feel ethically comfortable embracing a lot of PUA tactics. But your suggestions are workable easy to implement, and a lot of them are things I was on track to do anyway.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

KC ~ No, Labradors are not naturally Alpha, but you can apply some of Vox's advice here. For example, you could shave your dog's head, and give him some tattoos. I've heard "freeze-branding" might work, too, and I think it's legal.

Anonymous said...

If you dont want to lift weights take up boxing

The whole point is to increase aggression & masculinity & displays of anticipation of danger

Boxing's great for blind people, instead of walking into lamp posts, you can beat up the lamp post with a right hook ...

VD said...

The canes exist. My grandfather had one, that's what made me think of it. You can even get one that conceals a shot of alchohol; since you're in college that should score beaucoup points.

Actually, contrast game works for Labradors too. I know one very sweet yellow lab who has her "butch" collar that is studded black leather. It always gets comments.

As for ""You're so courageous for walking four blocks to your class", try something like: "yeah, the last time I was this courageous, a tiger clawed out my eyes... but I ripped off his penis, so I'm thinking I came out ahead." Or: "This is nothing, last night I killed a spider."

VD said... has all kinds of canes. Silver skulls, gold skulls, birds of prey, leaping jaguar... but stay away from the nerd Steampunk and fantasy canes.

A simple brass knob would be better. I don't know if 36 inches is quite as long as those folding white canes, but I'd at least give one a try.

NateM said...

If you're going with the sunglasses I'd say the mirrored shades and cowboy hat look modeled after "the man with no eyes", depending where you live. And anybody who got the reference would certainly be worth your time.

KSC said...

Maybe I'll have to think about something like boxing or another martial art. (I know this sounds like a pathetic excuse, but I'm literally not sure I'd have any time to do it while in college, as I acknowledge the need for intensity and consistency in training.) See, the thing about canes (if one uses them) is that they have to be functional. A 36-inch cane is beyond nonfunctional--it's effectively a decorative display, which isn't useful at all if I need to walk anywhere. Perhaps longer ones that can actually be used do exist; I just anticipate they're harder to find.

I'll have to look for a good coller--it just needs to be a Martingale, and I'm sure there are ones that look cool. (I'm not shaving my dog's head just as much as I'm not shaving mine.)

And yeah, I was thinking about something like "Yeah, I know, practically every time I walk out the door aliens try to abduct me and I have to fend them off" or something equally ridiculous to indicate how inane I think the comment is.

KSC said...

Just looked on the site you recommended, VD, and as cool as most of those are, they're all walking canes. That's not actually how blind people use canes--it's one of the reasons ours are so long--so it really wouldn't serve a purpose other than accessorizing. (That's not, in and of itself, a bad thing, but you should know that these are not really usable the way blind people would use a whitestick.)

Weouro said...

Judo or jiu jitsu, or something else focused on grappling, would be way more useful than boxing.

VD said...

What you might look at doing then is finding someone to customize a whitestick for you.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

KC ~ Okay. Not shaving your dog's head is an option, too. Keep in mind, though, that dogs lose most of their excess body heat through their scalp, which is how they regulate their body temperature, and why they don't wear hats.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Wing Chun could work for you along with grappling or boxing. The Wing Chun practitioners get to the point where they fight by touch alone and wear blindfolds while sparring. The "touch sensitivity" as they call it is sensory feedback from the hands and forearms, and would an instructor work with a beginner with no sight.

The Great and Powerful Oz said...

You already have a dog, so this is just for amusement. A Standard or Imperial size poodle with a 4" Mohawk would be cool. They already have the coat for it. Add some other interesting grooming touches and it could be a lot of fun. Since poodles are total attention sluts anyway, you wouldn't be mistreating it in any way.

I know a local blind guy who is older and it's obvious his wife was smoking hot when they married. She's still probably in the top 2% for her age, she appears to have aged very gracefully.

Anonymous said...

Your dog can wear two collars (my dog wears a flat collar 24/7; we add another collar for walking). Add the stud collar.

My sister-in-law's brother was born with a condition termed "Thalidomide baby." He's probably under 4-feet tall, maybe less. I've been around him most of my life, so was his height for some years, then taller, but he always seemed tall to me. He's not a badass, but he's never let anything hold him back. In the 60's (when women wore dresses & skirts more often), he told my brother one advantage he had with women was he could see up their skirts. His wife isn't hot, but she's awesome.

Weouro said...

You could join the MMA club and cultivate a reputation as "the blind jiu jitsu artist." If a rumor started that you broke someone's arm or dislocated his elbow or something, so much the better.

There is already a cultural narrative of the blind warrior. It's in a lot of martial arts movies, such as Blood Sport--jean Claude van damn is treacherously blinded at a crucial moment but still manages to kick ass. If you align yourself with that archetype you could possibly wedge yourself into a woman's psyche as "warrior fearless and dangerous, even though blinded" instead of "blind beggar shaking a cup of coins" which is another archetype in her head.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Blind Justice!!

APL said...

"KC would be advised to cultivate a stronger and more aggressive image."

Thinks, Al Pacino in 'Scent of a Woman'.

APL said...

"KC would be advised to cultivate a stronger and more aggressive image."

Thinks, Al Pacino in 'Scent of a Woman'.

APL said...

"KC would be advised to cultivate a stronger and more aggressive image."

Thinks, Al Pacino in 'Scent of a Woman'.

APL said...

"KC would be advised to cultivate a stronger and more aggressive image."

Thinks, Al Pacino in 'Scent of a Woman'.

Anonymous said...

KC, I don't see why you couldn't lift weights. I am currently doing the Stronglifts 5x5, and I guarantee I could do any and all of the lifts with a blindfold. All of them require that you keep your head in a proper position (not looking at the weights) anyway, and the bar has knurls on them for hand position. Just find a good lifting buddy (which is useful whether you have sight or not).

As for martial arts, I had a friend whose father was blind and a karate instructor, so go for it. Kick ass and collect phone numbers.

Unknown said...

To me, think the physical stuff is important, as important is creating an interesting life as well and a way to communicate that interesting life that does not sound either like an apologia or as an informercial.

Ideally being blind would simply not be much of a factor in the face of the interesting and compelling things one does, be they intellectual or physical with the goal being when you speak with someone there is no qualifier.

hadley said...

"My dog is a labrador with big brown eyes, so there's not a whole lot I can do to make him look fierce, unfortunately."

Consider a studded muzzle for your dog. My old roommate had a wussy, fraidy cat doberman he would walk in a Section 8 ghetto neighborhood. On ce he got a $5 muzzle the bruthas & sistahs all crossed to the other side of the street, never getting within 50 feet of him. [Thank you, Bull Connor!]

Anonymous said...

I agree that not being able to see shouldn't impair you in weightlifting. It actually sounds like one of the most sight-optional exercises I can think off. If you had a lifting buddy it would probably be a lot of fun.

"Did you hear that, Fluffy? She is quite a brave dog! Four blocks with traffic, and I was dozing the whole way."

SarahsDaughter said...

My first year of college I met a blind man at a party who was great at breaking the ice with women. For me it was the pure shock of looking into my glass of beer and seeing his glass eye floating in it. We had a great laugh about it. The next time I saw him at school he was walking by me and called out my name. When I asked how he did that he told me I smelled. A neg that shocked me and again had me laughing.

SarahsDaughter said...

*laughing in a "you're so bad" sort of way.

Res Ipsa said...


I don't know if this suggestion is to heavy to be useful to you or not; but a 3/4 staff would be about the same length as your walking cane and could be made to look intimidating.

SFN said...

I used to work with a couple of blind folks and at least one or two of them had some fairly cool canes. Think hot rod style paint job with flames, trailing off half way so that the bottom was pretty much the classic white with red tip.

At least one of them was involved in some kind of martial art and the women definitely talked about him with some degree of fascination. I don't know how much action he got but it was available for him if he pursued it.

Revelation Means Hope said...

I would echo the idea that Wing Chun "sticky hands" technique is a must have training.

It would be one of the first things I would start doing if I ever started losing my own sight.

Have someone modify your current cane to screw on one of the tops like Vox suggested. There are valid reasons why you should keep the white color on your cane, but you can still modify the top of it.

For weights, get a set that you can use at home. That way if you get 15 minutes, you can get a few quick sets in and not have to worry about getting to a gym, changing clothes, figuring out where everything is, figuring out how much weight you're picking up, etc.

Revelation Means Hope said...

For the "you're so brave coming to class 4 blocks while blind".

Agree and amplify. Never deprecate.

Try something like these:
"Yes, it's scary never knowing when you're going to step into some other seeing eye dog's accident."

"Class? I'm in class? I thought this was the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting room."

"I'm so brave that Mel Gibson hired me as his personal coach while filming "Braveheart"".

"Oh girl, this is nothing! Let me tell you about my friend. He let me take his motorcycle out to practice doing wheelies last weekend. Now THAT dude is brave, I could have easily scratched up his new paint job!"

Andre B said...

OT: Beta (in Heartistian terms) of the century?

Nate said...


Coldsteel Swordcane. don't just get a cane that looks badass. Get one that IS badass.

Kiwi the Geek said...

Maybe it would be worth noting the women who don't say silly things like you're brave for walking 4 blocks. Those ones might be less likely to pity you and therefore more likely to be attracted.

Unknown said...

My three cents…

I think the suggestion to wear sunglasses is an excellent one. Sunglasses usually make people look cool and confident and in your case, could make you appear more mysterious.

The suggestions about the cane and collar might work, they might not. If I were you I’d run them by someone who knows you first. Such bold, statement-making appurtenances might clash in a discordant way with your persona and rather than changing your image might just be ridiculous. That’s a risk you can’t take.

Also, it’s a good idea to ask someone who knows you who will be honest with you (family is a possibility) if they’ve noticed any odd habits that you could change that might be scaring girls off. This isn’t necessarily a blind thing -- we can all do with constructive criticism – but there could be more chance you’re overlooking something.

From your description sounds like you want a Christian girl so I think the fact that you’re not a PUA is not a serious lack to amend. The bait you use depends on what you want to attract. ;)

However, there’s a common saying that guys like to look/desire and girls like to be looked at/desired. It’s true; girls like to be appreciated for their looks. Make sure you incorporate into your conversation that you find her attractive and desirable. She may feel like she won’t get adequate appreciation from a blind guy. There are surely ways you can alleviate those fears.

Another reason girls may automatically disqualify a blind dude is because their ideas about blindness and ability need to be updated. They could be afraid they won’t be secure, protected, or provided for with you. The more you are able to project confidence, independence, and ability the more secure they’ll feel and it’ll help allay their fears. Even small gestures of confident gentlemanliness could demonstrate this. Is it possible for you to open the door for the girl? It’s an old-fashioned gesture that makes girls feel special and protected and would demonstrate that you are in control of the situation, are thoughtful of her, and not lost in your own world oblivious to her care.

Unknown said...

Above all, women go for character and confidence. If you act like your disability doesn't phase you it wont phase her.

I can recall some of the best badasses in film were blind men. Instead of the usless peacocking, why not take up martial arts? I'm sure the blind man who knows Judo would be intriguing to most women. It would greatly benefit you. Enhancing your spacial awareness and personal safety.

However, on a more achievable level, being blind gives you the perfect opportunity to initiate physical contact. As you must well know, sight is not the only sense for appreciating a woman's beauty. Don't say she looks pretty (because that is fake). Say she smells nice, has a wonderful voice, or you like the touch of her skin. Be real, have good humour and be confident.

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