Friday, November 16, 2012

The tables always turn

It's not surprising that the more solipsistic suspects are identifying with The Sole Victim of the Petraus scandal.  But in addition to the fact that the media doesn't give a damn about the betrayed husbands - where are the New York Times articles written by anxious male doctors? - the more significant aspect is how this underlines a basic Game concept of female value declining over time as male value rises:
This weekend I treated my husband to the same scene that probably played out in the bedrooms of all 800,000 active-duty marriages. Ours was crowned with me stomping out of the tub clad in a towel and crying, “Please, please, promise me that won’t ever happen to us!”

My husband of 25 years thought this was the silliest thing I have ever said. And I have said a lot about infidelity through our own history of 7 deployments, 16 moves and 2 so-called geographic bachelor tours, when he was sent on assignment without us.

I don’t mean that either of us has jealous tantrums or that either of us is a cheater. I mean that when military life requires that you spend so much time apart, your marriage confronts one of the factors shown to contribute to infidelity: opportunity.

When we were first married, the opportunity was all mine. My husband was stationed on an all-male ship in the middle of the Persian Gulf. I was a 22-year-old girl who thought it was “no biggie” to go dancing with a bunch of naval aviators. “It was just dancing,” I claimed. “What are you so mad about?”

Later, the opportunity was all his. I was home with a baby and no friends, and he was making port visits. One night he woke me up with a call from a 7-Eleven in Daytona Beach, Fla. “Some girl was flirting with me a little too much,” he said. “I thought I should go get a Klondike bar instead.”
This is why women are well-served to keep the future in mind even in the peak of their youth and beauty.  As you reap, you will sow.  It would have been perfectly fair and just if the husband had decided that it was "no biggie" to go dancing with 22-year old girls and then demanded to know why that would upset her.  (Based on her reaction to the Petraus affair, it's not hard to imagine that she would have been more than a little upset.)  But the husband is clearly of better character than his wife, since when he had the upper hand, he chose to be respectful of her feelings.

It's not how you treat people when you're down that matters, but how you treat them when you're on top of the world and the center of attention.  The wife who treated her husband respectfully when she was the hot young thing will usually be treated respectfully by him in return.  The wife who didn't, well, she may not be.

27 comments:

taterearl said...

Sure it matters how you treat other people...but I would argue the most important thing is how you look at yourself. How you look at yourself flows into how you treat other people.

She would respect her husband if he had an alpha mindset. And guys need to keep their trap shut more. So a chick flirted with you, they do that all the time...if you did nothing what good will come about telling your wife about it. It's very beta to place flirting on some sort of pedestal.

swiftfoxmark2 said...

The proper response from this woman's husband would be: "Don't ever give me a reason to cheat and you won't have any problems."

If a woman is so afraid her husband will cheat, why doesn't she do the one thing that will guarantee that he won't? And no, I don't mean spying on him, unless it's part of some weird erotic fantasy of yours.

SarahsDaughter said...

For some reason blowjobs came to mind reading swiftfoxmark3's comment.

My husband thought so too.

Anonymous said...

swift, sarah:

Haha. There are very, very few marital problems that a good BJ won't fix.

deti

Anonymous said...

"Most of the time, my long-married military friends and I don’t think about infidelity. We don’t worry about divorce. "

indeed, why worry divorce?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_StCzStBy0

http://www.newswithviews.com/Usher/david.htm

http://www.heretical.com/costello/13gleftb.html

"He seems too much like our own husbands. If he could betray his wife of 38 years and 23 moves and a decade of constant war, what hope do the rest of us have for fidelity? "

omg finally it's not the stuff of fiction.

http://www.veteranstoday.com/2011/07/16/the-story-of-major-linda-jane-dupree/

Cail Corishev said...

That woman's an idiot. A 22-year-old out dancing with a bunch of sailors? Good grief, that's like the definition of Really Bad Idea. Even if she's the most virtuous girl in the world and would never, ever cheat, there are roofies and rapists, you know. Is basic prudence really that much a thing of the past?

. said...

"He seems too much like our own husbands. If he could betray his wife of 38 years and 23 moves and a decade of constant war, what hope do the rest of us have for fidelity? "

Are you a frumpy, obese, gray-haired beast? If so, then you do not have much hope. If you keep yourself trim and attractive, your hopes are much higher.

stg58 said...

WESTPAC WIDOWS are alive and well. In the 90's, the slutty ones would put brooms outside their houses when the MEU's left. That let cruising horny Marines know who was available and amenable.

stg58 said...

From the Article:

"I watch them and I am suddenly aware I look less like the buxom nurse in “Operation Petticoat” and more like Mr. Grant’s co-star, Tony Curtis, every day. And not the young Tony Curtis, either."

And whose fault is that?

Höllenhund said...

LOL. You have to check this out. I posted two comments at HUS that were basically the reworded versions of these below, containing no profanities or personal attacks:

alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-challenge-of-intersexual.html?showComment=1352403885865#c3122154355434572259

alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-challenge-of-intersexual.html?showComment=1352429395684#c6444982137024260717

Both got deleted without explanation. That place is a gynocentric Pravda, sinking lower and lower.

Hammer6 Actual said...

WESTPAC WIDOWS - it was an open secret that the easiest hunting grounds around were officer clubs during the week. The BOQ was usually just across the street.

Wives go with friends and other wives, young guns go pick from the tree. You pretty much had to say no or you were going to get a ride.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, the truth hurts.

But, always, the truth sets you free.

I like to believe that for every betrayal out there, there was something true-blue somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

The way someone looks or behaves has no magic power to turn assholes into decent people.

Best not to sit at the table with them, even if it's bolted down.



werewife said...

New here via Instapundit. As a very traditional wife/mom w/a pink collar career, watching an unemployed son and very pretty daughter trying to make their way through the dating gantlet, I'd say you guys are truly onto something here. BUT. Think about it when you complain that if wives kept themselves looking young and pretty for life, husbands would not stray. Be serious! No amount of dieting, exercise, makeup, hairdressing, designer clothes, and plastic surgery can make a 60-year-old look 20. It can't even make her look 40. Any couple who haven't found other reasons to love each other are shallow fools. I have warned my daughter to look for a man who would love her even if he were blind, and my son to look for a woman whose looks are not the most beautiful thing about her.

egoist said...

I don't know if cheating is more prevalent with powerful [men] than in the general (no pun intended) population, and if we simply hear about it b/c of their stature. But, my unrefined observation is that there is a correlation. Young chickies flocking to old farts with power (and often money) against the average Joe-smoe that lacks confidence; it's a recipe for trouble.

Anonymous said...

Leonard Cohen said it best, "If I were ever untrue, it wasn't to you."

Anonymous said...

If you think it's okay to screw around on your partner you're going to do it no matter how much you are getting at home. Daily blow jobs and sex didn't save this girl.

"Recently, I was formally engaged to a commanding officer as part of a three year relationship that included his entire command at sea. I relocated to Guam because he repeatedly asked me to, against my objections. He told me he had orders to go there after his command. A few days after I arrived on island to begin my new job and on the night before his Change of Command ceremony, he emailed me that he was in love with someone else and cut off all contact. He, of course, did not ever go to Guam. I later discovered that he was deceiving yet another woman, who lived elsewhere, during the same three years. He was also planning to marry her after his command ended until, in her words, “he pulled a cowardly breakup.” One may try to dismiss this because a sailor has “a girl in every port” but who can actually respect a commanding officer who shanghaied the girl and sent her to a remote port while he stayed ashore for a desk job?"


from:

http://www.usnwc.edu/Publications/Naval-War-College-Press/The-Conference-Room.aspx

High ranking military dudes are not necessarily alpha. It's pathetic that you need to cling to several chicks because you're scared & lonely during a WESTPAC deployment. Dude was crying on his boat for the girl he then threw overboard. Ran off with someone who wouldn't given him the time of day until she found out his rank. And remember the douche this summer who faked his death because he knocked up his girl? These COs are beta. No wonder their community is closing ranks around them. If everyone understood how beta they are, chicks wouldn't believe that the rest of them are alpha.

Anonymous said...

OT, When I last visited my family, I heard a few versions of this story, drifting guy enlists and right before deployment meets girl, gets married and then is greeted with divorce papers upon returning home. It seemed obvious to me that the chicks were scamming for benefits from a fatality. Are "Grave Diggers" common or am I just way too cynical.

Edward said...

@Anon: You are not too cynical;
He is lucky she did not talk him
into a joint checking account and
leave him broke when he came home.

Joe Blow said...

You find many more Alphas in the enlisted ranks than the officer ranks. The hard living jock thing is generally frowned on in the officer community, outside of SoCom, airborne unit & some combat arms units (infantry, armor, cav). Even the vaunted fighter jocks are more mildly geeky engineer types as a rule - Top Gun played on much older stereotypes. Greater Beta is the commissioned norm, and the ratings system, conservative social milieu and demands of 'duty first' (in a feminized military) quickly beats young potential Alphas into Betas, or their career quickly ends. Four star military Alphas tend to be contextual Alphas = with some exceptions. The Marines generally do a little better at not beating the manliness out of their officers - but tgen they dont spend as much effort trying to make the Corps friendly to 20-something women.

Anonymous said...

Stumbled on to this from instapundit. I had to snicker at the woman in the opening story "Please, please, promise me that won’t ever happen to us!”...and - "I was a 22-year-old girl who thought it was “no biggie” to go dancing with a bunch of naval aviators. “It was just dancing,...What are you so mad about?” What a airhead.

I'm a navy wife, married 10 years, 4 deployments, 8 moves. About this whole Real Housewives of Centcom thing we joked that if he wants to mess around with a busty biographer or socialite, then I need a muscular young hottie to help out with housework. Tit for tat, quid pro quo, and all that. It's only fair. ;)

Loved this sentence - "The wife who treated her husband respectfully when she was the hot young thing will usually be treated respectfully by him in return. The wife who didn't, well, she may not be." It's so true.


Melissa said...

I don't understand this post - is the implication that Holly Petraeus acted improperly at some point in time? I certainly haven't seen any reporting of that anywhere. How disgusting to think she deserved her husband betraying her.

And as to the idea that Holly Petraeus is to blame because she's not Grandma Barbie, thank goodness to for the only voice of reason on this thread:

"No amount of dieting, exercise, makeup, hairdressing, designer clothes, and plastic surgery can make a 60-year-old look 20. It can't even make her look 40. Any couple who haven't found other reasons to love each other are shallow fools."

Amen.

VD said...

I don't understand this post - is the implication that Holly Petraeus acted improperly at some point in time? I certainly haven't seen any reporting of that anywhere. How disgusting to think she deserved her husband betraying her.

No, you don't. And no, it isn't. If such thoughts disgust you, I would encourage you not to think them. I didn't say anything at all about Petraeus's wife except to cast doubt on the implication that she is the sole victim.

Anonymous said...

If you behave as if you own a person (as the married are wont to do) you don't bother TRYING. When someone else comes along who does, it is more powerful than inertia, more powerful than oath.

We don't know victims, except obviously the children. A partner can easily turn away, and become a mooching room-mate. where's the victim there? It's so soft, like poison vs. the knife, that most people don't see a victim.
Involve another person, OTOH, and there is a reality to it, that shows a victim.

Dunno who are real victims here, since none of us were there. I can see an utter lack of self posession on the part of multiple people, coupled w/ foolishness.
I don't think Patraeus is an Alpha, but a beta with a structure around him that guaruntees his primacy, but it hardly matters. He needs to free himself from broken trust... And he will prolly have no problem finding skirts to chase if he wants them. His soon-to-be-ex too, is a powerful woman. I'm sure she can dom a gamma.
Lets accept for argument that these are adults who make choices, and victimhood become irrelevant.

rycamor said...

"No amount of dieting, exercise, makeup, hairdressing, designer clothes, and plastic surgery can make a 60-year-old look 20. It can't even make her look 40. Any couple who haven't found other reasons to love each other are shallow fools."

Yes, but. Love and desire are not the same thing for men. It's one thing to resign oneself to being 60 and quite another to leave behind a whole marriage of frumpiness because "he shouldn't care about my looks." I suspect Mrs. Petraeus did the latter. A man is a lot less likely to to want to stray if his wife kept herself up during the middle years, and especially if she puts reasonable efforts to stay fit and feminine in her older years.

Compare with the 60-year-old Kathy Smith, if you want an idea what I'm talking about.

Yes, a man should keep his vows, and robbers should not rob, and rapists should not rape. Meanwhile, the potential victim should make reasonable precautions to avoid disaster, no?

A look at the young Petraeus couple
Now, which of those two put more effort into keeping themselves together over the years?

Anonymous said...

As a Junior officer in a combat arms branch of the Army, I think some things are worth pointing out.

1. most officers I know of all branches and ranks try very hard to live up to the west point motto (I commissioned though ROTC) of "Duty, Honor, Country". yes single LTs are shameless flirts and try to have sex with anyone who can be persuaded, myself included. that said, I cannot think of a way to be ostracized in our social circle then to take advantage of your position or to cheat on a spouse. It is not something that is acceptable. The only thing worse is to cheat with a married women who's husband is deployed. you forget male officers are just as worried about cheating spouses and Girl Friends cheating while we are deployed as female wives. my old Platoon Sergeant made it a point to tell all my soldiers to call home a day before we got out of the field to make sure their wives knew they were coming back so no one got caught.

2. most officers ARE Alpha on the job. we may not all look like Patton or tom cruise but when bullets start flying, there is no doubt who is in charge. treating those who you may order into a position to be killed with respect is not weakness. Also there is an extreme emphasis on PT in the officer corps. lastly so fighter pilots are geeky, so are a lot of artillery infantry and armor officers. they are good at their job and that job is to accomplish the mission and bring as many of your men home alive as possible. not be "cool". I had a stereotypical Alpha CO and I would not follow him to the latrine if I had chronic dysentery. my very "beta male" 2nd CO was worshiped by every single person in my unit. Why? because he meant it when he said he would do everything he could to bring us all home and knew his job. Was he always nice, no and his ass chewing's were awe inspiring. he was absolutely a leader and in charge and unquestionably a old fashioned man. not being a alpha male does not mean you are not an old masculine.

3. cheating is cheating, it is a betrayal of your spouse, that's all it is. I don't care the reasons you may use to justify it like she let herself go ect. being a couple is being a team and takes effort. yes being in the military makes it particularly hard but that's no excuse. Most men in the military say they would die to protect the women they love as would I, well then you can keep it in your pants for a while.

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