Thursday, August 23, 2012

On cooking

"A response to any fat girl who claims she can cook better than your skinny girlfriend."

That may be true, but you see, with her I'll actually get the chance to eat some of it.

When some women discover that Spacebunny is a very good cook and an excellent baker despite having the body of a slender fitness model, there is a brief spark of shock in their eyes which rapidly fades into a hollow look of despair. I tend to find this amusing. It is probably a character flaw.

But in fairness to them, I will admit that I was a little surprised to learn that she was such a good cook too. Okay, a lot surprised. But these Turtle Cake Brownies with the caramel drizzled on top are seriously something else. Throw in a glass of cold milk and they're like chocolate-caramel crack. I think they're illegal in something like 37 countries as well as New York City.


Carlotta said...

I think my comment did not go through...

Basically, your a jerk Vox!

I am on hard core paleo and doing high intensity training while my children laugh hysterically at how I keep turning purple here. Those brownies sound awesome. Any chance you could post the recipe?

Pablo said...

You never stood a chance, Vox.
Well played, SB. Well played.

Michael Maier said...

To steal from Pablo yet again: "Write the book, Vox!"

But not the one on how to deal with women... the AWCA Training Manual.

I really want that tome ASAFP. And if you actually READ the Bible, it's not even un-Christ-like!

Stickwick said...

My stepmother is very slender, and only eats about 2 oz of food a day, but she is an outstanding cook. Her whole life she has refused to eat fowl of any kind (as a result of a childhood trauma involving a pet chicken), but she cooks an unbelievably good chicken or turkey dinner. Proof that you don't even need to like food to be a good cook.

Athor Pel said...

Do they have pecans in them?

Bob said...

This is an important debutant gamers need to learn. DHVing and peacocking be damned, we needs ourselves some cookies!

rycamor said...

Yeah, just about the time I decide to go (mostly) paleo, my lovely 12-year-old daughter decides she is going to check out every Martha Stewart book on baking, one by one. It has taken some serious willpower on my part (to stop at just one piece). I realized to my embarrassment that I had never before had a souffle. Amazing.

I finally laid down the law that for every yummy baked thing she cooks, she has to cook one serious meat and veggies meal.

Giraffe said...

Everything is illegal in New York City.

Mrs. G is a decent cook, and weighs less than 100 lbs.

Josh said...

Being good in the kitchen ranks in the upper half of effective girl game.

Women, if you want to increase your ltr smv, along with working out, dressing femininely, get thee to a cookbook and start practicing.

Spacebunny said...

Martha Stewart's Mac and Cheese - best. Mac and Cheese. EVER.

Heh said...

"My girlfriend can learn to cook faster than you can lose all that blubber. Once she learns how to cook she will always know how to cook, but if you lost weight, you wouldn't keep it off."

Stickwick said...

I'm a serious sugar junkie, but I, too, am on paleo. So I do the Sam Malone thing and sling sugar to other people -- mostly my husband's hockey team. It's actually kind of therapeutic to bake copious amounts of sugary treats and then give it all away.

Speaking of Martha, I've been working my way through her Baking Handbook, and she has a fab recipe for something called Torta Sbrisolona, which is apparently a speciality of Mantova. It's a giant cookie covered in streusel that you serve with grapes. Wowza.

Tim said...

You may also hear that fat women: "have good hearts."

But that's not true as their hearts are full of cholesterol.

contentwithlife said...

It's funny that you posted this since I recently had a conversation with a another woman who couldn't believe how much I loved cooking (and was very good at it). She had the same mindset: you're so skinny, you must must not eat or cook. I explained to her I eat very well but I do so moderately. For example, I LOVE bread, especially fresh baked bread, warm from the oven. I have no intention of giving it up even though it is fattening. My trade-off is I don't eat cake, pies, pudding, mousse, etc. I do cheat with an occasional mini-cupcake but they are far and few bewtween. I believe in discipline, not denial. I have never understood women who think that being "beautiful" makes up for not being able to cook.

Trust said...

I guess I see it differently. Women on great shape are often good at cooking foods that are much healthier than the crap out of shape women cram in their mouths at restaurants and fast food joints because they.can't or won't cook anything that is better.

Daniel said...

I'm pretty sure even the Neandertal man made a dietary exception for brownies.

Michael Maier said...

No joke! I cringe at listening to most persons talk about how they "cook". If you open a box and pop steam holes in plastic seal, you are not "cooking".

rycamor said...

Since learning about the high protein/fat part of my diet, my daughter keeps teasing me with pages in the cookbook: "Look at this one, Papa. It's got lots of eggs and it's full of butter and nuts..."


Spacebunny said...

I learned to cook and bake from my grandmothers. All of my kids are in the kitchen with me and as a consequence, they eat MUCH better than I did at their age. My cousin was visiting from the US and she couldn't believe how varied my kids' diet was. And not just that they ate it, but that they LIKED it.

Aleph One said...

The comments here made me LOL. We men really are simple creatures, aren't we? As someone smarter than me once said, all it takes for a woman to keep a man happy is to keep his stomach full and his balls empty.

Lulabelle said...

I am still longing for Spacebunny's eggnog recipe. A few years ago, she posted a link to it but the link didn't work.

Hermit said...

My wife's a good cook, but I'm a great cook, which makes it rough sometimes. I learned from my mom, who learned from her mom. My wife learned wrong from her mom, so I've had to reteach her everything, which isn't always easy on her ego.

I eat Paleo too, which is good and bad. I have amazing recipes for baking and sweets, but I only ever pull them out for the holidays. I found out the hard way that eating gluten-free sugar cookies is significantly worse than depriving myself. Some things just cannot be faked.

Being a good cook is useful because I can usually convert most recipes. They usually taste better without all the fake ingredients anyways.

SarahsDaughter said...

Not sure if this flour would be okay for Paleo, however, Cup 4 Cup gluten free flour from Williams Sanoma has allowed me to bake every family favorite without sacrificing taste. I use it in place of wheat flour for our lefse, pie crusts, sugar cookies, potato klub, and this year I might attempt krumkake and fattigmann. It does contain gums (xanthan and guar) but acts and tastes the most like wheat flour than anything else on the market.

rycamor said...

It's amazing what you can get kids to eat if you don't take the standard American defeatist attitude: "I can't get them to eat anything but Tater Tots, hot dogs and Cool-aid". My response: "How about NOT giving them what they whine for when they refuse the good food you offer? Gee, which behaviour are you rewarding?"

I actually have my kids eating (and liking) fresh kale and collard greens from the garden, as well as some more exotic stuff like Moringa leaf,

R. Bradley Andrews said...

I wish my son and daughter-in-law would figure that out. He also thinks Sprite is just as good as water and that snacks that say "whole wheat" on the package are healthy.

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