Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Alpha Mail: Sigma spotting

Nate spots the shy and retiring sigma in the wild:
So I spent last week on cruise ship... hokey I know... but hey... the food was awesome and well... SEC spring break girls. Nuff Said. Anyway... during all the fun I came across something a true rarity. I ran into what I conclude is a true sigma in the wild.

Now I know that per game theory I am supposed to have some problem with Sigmas. Of course... I believe Game Theory is still in its infancy... and like so many other assumptions that one is wrong. I am not the least bit concerned about another guy getting a hot chick. God bless him. He's not a threat to me. Regardless... on with the story.

So there are bars all over the ship... and I have found a favorite. Its a bluesy type piano bar with a rowdy piano player that makes elementary school jokes at cute buzzed college girls. It was beautiful. I have 4 bama girls to my left... and to my immediate right are 4 UK girls... two of which can't decide who they want to make out with more... me.. or each other. Two bama girls are solid 9s... two are 8s. One of the UK girls is a 10 sent from Hell itself... two 9s and a 7. There was one other notable girl in the bar... a ginger 10 ... there with her sister...

Wait... what was I talking about? Sorry... the Sigma. Right.

So in walks this like... 350 pound... 6'1" lard ass. Pale as a ghost... introverted as all hell. He sits at the very end of the bar... and is quiet the whole time. He participates in the name that tune contest and such... but only in the most insignificant manner. My initial impression was... omega. Hard core omega... only here on a dare... He seemed shy... down right scared... I felt sorry for the guy.

Because he was so big... he was easy to spot on the ship. I ran into him several times and I remembered his name so I would always make a point to go see him and say hi. He remembered me... and every time met me with a smile and seemed to enjoy talking about the bar and the girls there. He was not what I expected... so I suppose this was the first hint I had that I was trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. Delta maybe?

So then... the third night of the trip... again I am in the piano bar... this time listening to the Bama girls complain about how slutty the UK girls are for making out with each other in public. (The bama girls only did that back in their cabin. cell phone cameras and facebook... you know...) when in walks the big man. And low and behold... he has with him the blonde 9 dressed like a stripper that nobody has ever seen before. And she is clearly.. with him.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

The Bama girls were mystified and the UK girls seemed genuinely offended.

They hang out for a while... then she leaves and he hangs out longer. He lets her go. Cool as the other side of the pillow. He's not fawning over her. She's fawning over him...and when she tries to lead him... he sends her away. None of the other girls show a ton of interest in him... but a few of them are shooting him glances which he seems totally oblivious too.

So omega, delta, and gamma are all out.... now what?

Later that night at the comedy show it was all tied up nicely with a ribbon and everything. The comedian pointed the Big Man out and asked what the wildest thing he ever did was... and he said "sex in a movie theater." The comedian said.... sure.. ok... respectable but nothing special...

Then Big Man pointed out... it was a Disney Movie.

See?

See... there you have your very own... "no it gets worse" story... Everyone was slightly disturbed. Sigma. All day long and twice on sunday. This is the only time I can think of when I've run into what can be genuinely described as a sigma. All that shyness.. wasn't. It wasn't shyness... it was "I don't give a damn and I still have the hot chick anyway." It was bizarre. I mean we all watch the fat dude with the hot wife in the cartoons and think.. "this is stupid." and yet here it is. Except in this case Big Man wasn't acting like an idiot. He had what many describe as "tight game"... be it adopted or natural.

By the way. A great way to know where you are on the list...

You're in a bar and the piano guy shouts, "everyone kiss the person to your left!" and the person to your left is a single hottie. You...

A) Kiss her.. and the girl next to her too... because he didn't say how far to the left. (this is the alpha answer)

B) Playfully punch her in the arm or hug her (beta answer)

C) Laugh and look awkwardly at her then quickly down at your drink when you make eye contact. (Delta!)

D) Safely at the back of the room alone you roll your eyes and act offended that anyone would suggest such a thing because you are way to cool for these stupid games. (GAMMA!)

E) Going to the bar never crossed your mind. (Omega)

F) You didn't notice because you were getting a bj in the theater during The Little Mermaid (Sigma)
This is precisely the sort of thing I was describing. Because he operates most comfortably and happily outside the social hierarchy, the sigma is at least vaguely unsettling to everyone, from alpha to omega. And that is a form of social domination all its own, and one to which women respond very readily.

The one thing that Nate is missing here is that an alpha isn't bothered by the sigma when the sigma scores a girl, but rather, when he refuses to submit to the alpha's social dominance. In the context he provided, there is no reason why he should have been anything but vastly amused by the sigma. And, of course, the fact that Nate is one of the most Dread of the Ilk tends to indicate that he's a bit more Sigma-friendly than the average alpha.

50 comments:

Stingray said...

I love the ease with which a Sigma will make others completely uncomfortable. The looks around the table to say "Is this guy being serious or did I miss something?" Then, when most others would let the crowd in on the joke, the Sigma let's it stand and simply walks away. It awesome.

Nate said...

I genuinely liked the guy and would notice his absence on the nights he didn't stop by.

And I still don't get this... submit to my social dominance thing. The fact that he's not playing the game doesn't mean I'm not winning.

The greatest literary example of sigma of all time: Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Anonymous said...

Bleh.

Southern girls love big, ugly goobers...

Ian Ironwood said...

Southern girls love everyone. That's why I love 'em.

This cat sounds cool, and he might be working an even greater, deeper Game here. From his reaction to his date at the bar, and her subsequent disappearance, I'd say it's possible that she was a paid escort designed to improve his SR through preselection ala "the girlfriend experience". And the fact that he didn't blow his cool after she left would tend to indicate he's got more experience at this than he's letting on. I mean, why would a dude on a cruise be in a bar when he's got a piece like that in his cabin? But fifty bucks to convince some hottie to treat you like her fiance for half an hour . . . well, that wouldn't be too hard.

And I betcha one of those slutty chicks hooked up with him, too. In secret.

Sigmas are strange ducks. But the do get laid. Some of the most intriguing Game I've ever seen came from a Sigma. Devious fuckers. You have to respect that.

Nate said...

Nah... chick was with him the whole cruise... saw them together several times... and I even saw her leaving with him in the parking garage. He was way to cool with her to be paying her. Paying a girl like that... he would be in the cabin with her most of the cruise.

Nah... that was a girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

I don't think what the goober did is really a game technique for a Sigma. I think Sigma wiring is just off-kilter social wiring, and when off-kilter gets rewarded with female attention or at work or elsewhere, Sigmas quit trying to conform and just get comfortable in their own freaky deaky skin.

Let me suggest a couple other possible Sigma characteristics and hear what all y'all think:
- bad in hierarchical organizations because the ass-sniffing doesn't seems inexplicable to them, not enough ROI and there's other ways to get laid & paid.
- good in "flat" organizations where creativity is at a premium, or in leadership positions involving the herding of others who do not like a strict hierarchy (is Sigma the Alpha of Omegas and Deltas?)
- Sigmas have a strong sense of other-ness, even when inside an in-group. Not a shallow concern that they are different, but comfortable knowledge that they are way out there, flappin'.
- Though they are a fish out of water in a hierarchy, Sigmas will be comfortable in a group because they ignore others' social rank, the usual social cues and grooming, or maybe the significance doesn't really register to them. When Yogi Berra met QE II and said, "Hi Queen, nice to meet ya" it was a Sigma moment.
- Sigmas are distinct from Omegas, b/c Omegas understand the rank structure and are profoundly uncomfortable with their role in it, Sigmas may not give the rank structure much significance.
- Sigmas are usually recognized in a group as likeable eccentrics, nutty, funny, marching to a different drummer.

Jeff Lebowski was a Sigma.

And FWIW, I'm pretty sure that for a Sigma, "wait, it gets worse" stories aren't a game approach, they are lasting evidence of commitment to a particular lifestyle.

DaveD said...

The way the Sigma/Alpha thing works in my head is really what I would have (and have) called two sides of the Alpha Coin. An Alpha isn't just a leader, he wants/needs to be the leader. As a result, those who will not follow him are viewed with distrust or even hatred. The Sigma just does what he wants to do. If others follow him or not, he's fine with it either way unless the followers keep getting in the way. He views anyone who tries to make him a follower with distrust or even hatred.

Both acquire followers and women. They just have different ways of getting them and views of them.

DD

Anonymous said...

In one word, Sigma = Indifferent.

Nate said...

DaveD.... Alphas don't have to try to acquire followers. Groups of people simply form around us. There are all kinds of social situations where I have no intention of become the center of attention... and yet its thrust on me in spite of that. Now... I don't reject it. I'm not Eddie Vedder.

Stingray suggested that there are people out there that just haven't met an alpha like I am describing. Maybe she's right. I've certainly not been around a lot of the guys that you folks describe when you talk about alphas either.

Its like this... There are Ray Lewis Alphas... all bluster and bullshit... and there are Steve McNair Alphas... quiet.. lead and inspire naturally through the course of their actions.

Mr. Nightstick said...

What is the Sigma's projected income? My guess is that his wallet had to have weighed at least 350 pounds too.

Anonymous said...

Escort or gomdigger.

artie said...

A cruise ship full of 8, 9 and 10s?

I understand the Zaphod reference now.

Nate said...

It wasn't even close to full of 8s, 9s, and 10s. It was spring break for a few SEC schools so there was some talent on board. I didn't bother describing the other 50 or so folks in the bar... almost all of which were 5s and 6s... and God help you if you wandered around the decks during the daylight... the whales were out in force.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

I call bullshit.

Escort.

Yohami said...

"An Alpha isn't just a leader, he wants/needs to be the leader. As a result, those who will not follow him are viewed with distrust or even hatred."

Nope.

Toby said...

Sigma with a hot blonde?

It seems like Vox and Spacebunny are playing a fast one on you, Nate.

DaveD said...

Nate and Yohami, I have never met a "leader of men" that didn't NEED to be the leader. I'm sure you two precious snowflakes are different. While there may be times when they don't want to be the center, when a need arises they not only want to be the leader, they EXPECT you to follow them. When you don't, they will exert pressure on you to make you follow or to drive you off.

DD

Blackburn said...

I wonder is part of the difference between Alpha and Sigma is extrovert vs. introvert? You can google around the manosphere on this. Very basically, extros get energy from being with other people, intros get energy from being alone.

MendoScot said...

Since we're Sigma-spotting, Doug Casey out himself, but calls it gamma:

I have often described myself, and those I prefer to associate with, as gamma rats. You may recall the ethologist's characterization of the social interaction of rats as being between a few alpha rats and many beta rats, the alpha rats being dominant and the beta rats submissive. In addition, a small percentage are gamma rats that stake out prime territory and mates, like the alphas, but are not interested in dominating the betas. The people most inclined to leave for the wide world outside and seek fortune elsewhere are typically gamma personalities.

Anonymous said...

BTW, this was one of the better reads that I've read here.

And if I had to guess, I'd say that Sig was an ex-bouncer at that size.



"There are Ray Lewis Alphas... all bluster and bullshit... and there are Steve McNair Alphas... quiet.. lead and inspire naturally through the course of their actions."

I like the Ray Lewis example...but would prefer Joe Montana to McNair here. Although a very nice tribute to Steve Mac, RIP.

Less than a minute to go in the Super Bowl and down by 5. Montana says to Harris Barton: "Hey H, isn't that John Candy up there?" - Score Sigma!
{Always indifferent to what is on everyone elses mind.}

The One said...

This is a 100% false. I lead all the time and I don't want to lead, I want to be left alone. It took my pastor 1 yr before I would agree to lead a formal small group though I had been informally leading one on and off for months. Sigma's want to be free which includes freedom of the heirarchy

Nate said...

Honestly its never occurred to me to think about it and I don't believe I've made a statement about needing to lead one way or the other. I said I didn't consciously try to form groups to lead. These are two totally different topics.

Yohami said...

Come to my kindgom, I'll show you.

Anonymous said...

One thing that annoys me about some of these blogs is that they tend to put you in a box. You're either alpha, beta, or sigma, when most people have a variety of these attributes. Clearly the guy is fat and ugly and just doesn't give a shit, but whatever he's got it's enough for a super hot girl to be interested in, whether it's money, power, his don't-give-a-shit attitude, or a huge dick we'll never know.

Nate said...

of course it was one of the better reads here. That's because I wrote it.

Nate said...

It is necessary to recognize the boxes so one can understand his current position that he may improve on it if he wishes.

Anonymous said...

Alpha!

Anonymous said...

Has there ever been a discussion or an analysis of alpha/beta/et. al. and the Myers-Briggs personality test?

Josh said...

yeah, some game blogs have written about it

Desert Cat said...

Anon, you're forgetting Delta, which is the majority that don't fit the outlier categories. If you have "a variety of these attributes" you are almost certainly Delta.

Samson J. said...

I AM NOT CLAIMING TO BE A "SIGMA". But I will say that as my game has improved over the past several years, it has conspired with my introversion and my Christian values (held in spite of a manifestly non-Christian social environment) to produce a certain number of these moments, in which I say or do something that I can tell is unsettling to the group - including the group alphas - but also tingle-engendering to the women. I believe this tridental combination can be very powerful (game, introversion, and traditional values in the face of SWPL friends).

Nate said...

Not claiming to be Sigma? Hell... seems like you're the only one...

Scintan said...

I don't think what the goober did is really a game technique for a Sigma. I think Sigma wiring is just off-kilter social wiring, and when off-kilter gets rewarded with female attention or at work or elsewhere, Sigmas quit trying to conform and just get comfortable in their own freaky deaky skin.

I don't think you appreciate the level of "I don't give a shit" that some people have.

Nate said...

Amen.

Anonymous said...

True Sigma spottings are just a step away from a Yeti sighting.
I'd equate it more to a Bigfoot sighting.

"I know we saw one...but then it was gone."

The Old Sarge said...

Just out of idle curiosity.... Can anyone define the difference between a Sigma and a Lone Wolf?

Nate said...

Sigma is one of the classifications in VD's system. Since he didn't use "Lone Wolf" in his system I see no reason to define a difference. Sigma appears to be Vox's way of describing a lone wolf type that is very successful.

Anonymous said...

I used to always think of myself as the Lone Ranger...that is, until Airheads came out.

Although my nickname was the X-Man, unbeknownst to me for the longest time, ironically. I think it had sumthin' to do with the 80's, some guy named Pablo and my local chemist possibly?

DaveD said...

Yohami, not to be a jerk, but a self described narciscist and a singer (read: frontman) telling me he doesn't need followers is a little like a fish denying he needs water.

DD

Yohami said...

DaveD, I thrive on followers, my objection is to the "disliking / distrusting people because they dont follow your lead" angle. Which is a reactive frame = the opposite of Alpha.

So of course there are people like that, and alphas like that, but it's simply not an alpha trait.

modernguy said...

Yeah, before you try and characterize Yohami, ask yourself if your understanding of his personality fits with the archetype of new age ubermensch. If not, discard your theory and re-evaluate. Because that's what he's doing with himself.

modernguy said...

The difference is that alpha is an established and easily observed phenomenon. Sigma is a concept being forced into the discussion by one man's snowflaking rationalizations: Vox's.

R. Bradley Andrews said...

The flaw in this is that it is so focused on sexual conquests and only then on other things. Perhaps that is the whole world to many today, to the detriment of our society, but a few definitely have strong moral convictions against that kind of lifestyle.

I don't know if I am the gamma some here claim, but I would never want to aim at an N greater than 2 if I ever did lose my wife. It may be the problem with using any one factor to define people, it will ultimately fail as we are far more complex than that, even if we can fall into broad groups at times from at least some perspectives.

modernguy said...

Really, the tell that the whole concept of Sigma is nothing more than a pointless exercise in snowflaking, useless to almost anyone else is that there is nothing to describe the personality besides the usual nut licking mythmaking attempts of Vox's spineless and gullible prole army.

He's totally indifferent
He's outside the heirachy
He walked in with an HB10 and blew us all away!

It sounds like the nerd's ultimate fantasy. He's above everyone else and he doesn't care. L O L.

Get a fucking grip. At least Roissy is doing a service. Alpha may incorporate many different traits but certainly charm is one of them, at least where women are concerned. If "Sigma" is on the same plane, why don't you describe to us the exact techniques that one might incorporate into his pick up strategies to score the HBs? Scowling perhaps? Disdain in conversation? A haughty air of superiority? How many HB number closes could one expect on a typical night out as a Sigma vs HB number closes during a night out as an affable, center-of-attention, charming (small a) alpha?

Markku said...

The Lone Wolf category includes omega.

Anonymous said...

I would still point to the Sigma's indifference as one of the big keys.

For example, I lived with a former Stars stripper off and on for a couple years. She was easily still a 9 and a very skilled one at that. She knew I wasn't interested in committing to her from the beginning. They all do. So this was all her. Once we went camping with a friend of mine and I wanted to sleep up top alone in peace that night. So she had to sleep down below with my friend. She got him to bounce the bed with her below. Like they were getting it on. But I didn't care, indifference. Finally at probably her most frustrated point in the relationship. She made the mistake of saying that "I cared about my dog more than I did about her". I of course answered truthfully, "yeah so". Guess where she was that night? Ask me if I care?

In a bar, even at my over 40 age, I'd put my HB number closes up against any other guy's. And I'd take one home with me that night too, just so you know. But really, I don't care, it's just the reality and history. It feels weird to write this, even anonymously. Comes off so braggart. In fact, now I'm a bit annoyed with it all.

So figure it out on your own if you haven't got it yet. Try a cruise ship with a few college hotties...I hear an occasional retiring Sig can be watched carefully on those.

Daniel said...

Why do you object to being put in a box? It's going to happen to everyone eventually. Otherwise, you end up just rotting and stinking up the kitchen table or wherever they lay you out.

Daniel said...

Make that two: I'm the happiest Omega you'll ever meet. Got the fancy crawlspace and everything.

Bocaj6487 said...

Sigmas are definitely real. My buddy is one for sure. In high school (and after) he was banging every attractive chick that wasnt held back by her values. He was fucking every Alphas girlfriend. Hes fairly introverted, no sports, no prom king, nothing like that, but he was making it happen.

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