A 4-year-old stray cat that was rescued from the streets of Rome has inherited a $13 million fortune from its owner, the wealthy widow of an Italian property tycoon. Maria Assunta left the fortune to her beloved kitty Tommaso when she died two weeks ago...One of the hardest things for men to understand or even recognize its significance is female solipsism. What this means is that most women view everything from their own perspective. And by everything, I don't mean everything that directly or indirectly involves them, I mean everything. This, for example, is where the Team Woman concept comes from. As most observant individuals recognize, women aren't team players and habitually sabotage their female friends and relatives.
(No, you're not fat, in fact, you're TOO skinny... have another piece of cake! It would look so cute if you cut all your hair off. And definitely break up with your CEO husband who used to be a pro athlete, you can do so much better than him!)
And yet, a man can't make a negative comment about lesbian Finnish women with PhDs in Mongolian Horse Milking without straight American women who never went to college leaping to their defense and taking great personal umbrage that anyone might dare to suggest that Dr. Piia-Noora Kiviniemi-Damdinsüren could be anything less than fabulous. This is because even though a woman has absolutely nothing in common with Dr. Kiviniemi-Damdinsüren and possesses absolutely no opinion whatsoever on Mongolian Mare Milking, she nevertheless identifies with the other woman and therefore feels that your negativity towards the doctor is actually somehow an attack on her.
This is, of course, insane. But it is the way women naturally think, which is why it actually makes a degree of sense for a wealthy, childless woman to decide to leave millions of dollars to a cat she picked up off the street instead of choosing to do something that might benefit at least a few of the 7 billion people on the planet. The important thing is to grasp that this solipsism isn't a problem once it is understood, nor is it something to be criticized or confronted. It is simply there to be utilized in various ways. For example, a solipsistic woman allows for some truly subtle negs, as she can't reasonably object to comments that quite clearly have nothing to do with her, even though she feels they do, thus making deniability is not so much plausible as complete and material.
31 comments:
This is interesting, but I wonder if you can expand a bit on its utility. I understand completely what you are referring to with solipsism, but I'm still a bit unclear on its utility.
You will never guess who is in need of alpha game. http://news.yahoo.com/women-mystery-british-physicist-hawking-135814776.html
If you can correctly predict reactions to certain inputs, you can therefore decide which inputs to provide in order to provoke the desired reaction. A solipsistic individual is very, very easy to manipulate without detection, because you know the perspective from which everything will be interpreted.
Dude, write THAT book!!!!! (apologies to Pablo...)
Vox, I wish I had more specifics on this. A friend, a number of years ago, told me that the Talmud referred to women as a nation ("am" in Hebrew). It doesn't refer to men the same way. In more modern parlance, you could put it this way: the sisterhood is real. The Talmud's early insight on Game (:-).
I've always noticed this. If there is one woman who Can't Understand Normal Thinking, and you call her by the appropriate acronym, even women who despise the aforementioned woman will cry about misogyny. Call a woman a bitch, and you hate all women.
Honestly, it's degrading to women. I don't get my balls in a twist if someone says, "that hitler guy was a real dick." how dare they offend men in such a way! I shan't stand for it!
Dr. Piia-Noora Kiviniemi-Damdinsüren? Oh Vox, now you just showwwwwwin' off. An umlaut? Someone's fabulous.
Speaking of Mongolian horse milking:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumis
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BLEQcEP7tU
Is there anything the internet can't do?! Eight mongolian maids a milking.
...And a yak eating a peony tree!
A light bulb just went on regarding a particular conversation I had with my FWB girl. Very enlightenting Vox.
@indyguy77@work
Truth is I'd read whatever book Vox wrote. No apologies necessary, brother.
This is hilarious: "This is, of course, insane. But it is the way women naturally think, which is why it actually makes a degree of sense for a wealthy, childless woman to decide to leave millions of dollars to a cat she picked up off the street instead of choosing to do something that might benefit at least a few of the 7 billion people on the planet."
Great, great stuff!
Man, have fun playing "spot the solipsisms" in this one:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/randi-gunther/cougars-relationships_b_1178776.html
What is "utilility"?
I sometimes hate having my eyes opened to this stuff.
I just had a conversation with a few women today; I needed practical advice on dealing with a troubling family issue. And one woman there twisted everything said by anyone into how it related to... Her.
I was struck dumb once I realized this and saw a neon sign screaming "SOLIPSISM!!!!!"
I also had no idea what to say to relate to her just how annoying it was.
Indyguy,
Throw into this conversation with this woman something like the lesbian Finnish PhD in Mongollian horse milking only somehow tie it in with your story. Make it somewhat sarcastic in nature and if she has half a brain she will understand what you are doing. Embarrassment can be a powerful tool in dealing with woman, especially in a group setting.
How the hell is any man supposed to temper Alpha-esque qualities (which I want for its many benefits) with kindness?
I'm wearying of sarcasm in my life and I'm wanting to be more nakedly brave and kind. Certainly not a doormat either.
Game / Alpha-ness tactics work, with no doubt. But it often feels cold and almost cruel in its application. And I feel tempted towards this because it's rewarding and downright fun when you understand this stuff and pull it off and see its effects.
But I want to be a better, more grateful, more loving man to my friends and family and still be able to bag a decent wife and lead our family with love.
This seems like a near-impossible road to map out.
Game / Alpha-ness tactics work, with no doubt. But it often feels cold and almost cruel in its application. And I feel tempted towards this because it's rewarding and downright fun when you understand this stuff and pull it off and see its effects.
Learn it, use it, and master it. You can always tone it down if you deem it necessary. The point is not to crush people automatically, but to be able to when it is necessary.
I needed practical advice on dealing with a troubling family issue. And one woman there twisted everything said by anyone into how it related to... Her.
I have seen this happen to an extent that would sound ludicrous and simply not believable if described here.
Indyguy,
I've got a response for what you said but am on my phone and it's too hard to type out now. Check back later if you're interested.
I should just look at it like Judo, turning their manipulations back upon them.
Seems a more positive outlook.
Indyguy,
Yep. Here's the thing. You can be all those things you said you wanted to be and be alpha as well. When a beta is kind to a woman it feels as if he is not being kind for the sake of being kind but because he wants something in return. This not only turns women off, but leads her to somehow rationalize that it is therefore ok to do to the beta as well. She simply thinks along the lines of "well, I am giving him X (love, kids, kindeness, etc) so I am not really manipulating him because he is getting something he wants as well."
We don't think that way with an alpha. If an alpha is kind and/or generous (actual kindness, not dark game kindness just to get laid) to a woman it is because, on some level, she actually deserves it. We inherently know that if an alpha does give us something of himself it was because he truly wanted to. An alpha does not care enough about people who don't deserve it to give anything of himself at all.
That is why I don't have a much of a problem with the sarcasm in the situation I described (or calling women out in other situations). They just might change and for the better. Basically they have a choice: change or not get to spend time with the alpha of the group. It can be a powerful motivator. Roissy said something similar in the last part of his post from yesterday and I agree with him.
Thanks for pointing me to that Roissy post.
It's truly strange to think that Roissy's blog could possibly improve society if implemented, but there you go.
Hamster in motion.
I don't know, Stingray. When I think of the Beta kindness I received, I remember thinking it was genuine as well as repulsive ("you're a great guy, someday you'll find someone perfect for you") I couldn't even go down the manipulation road. OTOH, I completely agree with you about the inherent knowledge that if an Alpha is genuine, it is because of high value and all the more reason for a woman to maintain a high value behavior.
Vox, expand on this for me, if you will: My husband's late high school/early college years, he will admit, he was clearly exhibiting Beta behavior. His conquests were 5's at best. He quit college, started bar tending, and started down his Alpha journey dating/sleeping with 7-9's.
Over the last few years, the 5's (now 40+ year old 5's -ish) have been trying to get in touch with him and/or stalking him. Not once has he had one of his prior 7-9's try to get a hold of him.
I met several of the 7-9's, I can attest, they were beautiful. These women that are trying to reacquaint themselves with him now are...not pretty (and a couple are liberal feminists to boot).
I think I've figured it out from what I've learned here (certainly with the understanding of solipsism), but if you have any other insights, it'd be much appreciated. I've gotten to the point of telling my son to never settle for a 5, they only get psycho and stalking later on.
@Stingray: When a beta is kind to a woman it feels as if he is not being kind for the sake of being kind but because he wants something in return.
If an alpha is kind and/or generous ...to a woman it is because, on some level, she actually deserves it.
_________
And in neither case is the man's actual sincerity or intention a factor. You don't believe the beta because you don't want to, and you do believe the alpha because you do want to.
The decision is made, the reasoning follows. Any connection between the reasoning and reality is largely incidental. This is the hamster.
On average men have greater visual/spatial intelligence than women, correct? I'm wondering if that has anything to do with female solipsism. Men seem to have more ability to see things from a third person perspective, eliminating more of their own personal biases, feelings, and general self, and see the bigger picture. And read a map.
Maybe one of the most profound differences between men and women besides penis and vagina is the visual/spatial intelligence difference.
I don't know, Stingray. When I think of the Beta kindness I received, I remember thinking it was genuine
Yes, you are right. I must have typed that comment too late last night as my mind was on Roissy's beta not Vox's. I was thinking of lower Deltas and Gammas. I came on this morning to retract. Apologies. I do think Betas are genuine in their kindness and sincerity. I never found it repulsive but I was never attracted to them and used to kick myself because of this. I remember sitting around and wondering why the attraction was not there as I knew they were good people. It was very frustrating for me.
Anyway, I do feel that way when I encounter a Low Delta and Gamma.
You don't believe the beta because you don't want to, and you do believe the alpha because you do want to.
To some extent, I do agree with you. It might be even more than half the story, but I do not think it is the whole of it.
Also, Indyguy, if I offended you with my post, I apologize. That was not my intent. My intent was only to show that being alpha doesn't have to equal being an asshole. Actually, as an alpha, you have the world open to you to act as you wish nearly at all times.
I couldn't even go down the manipulation road.
I am not talking about overt, intentional manipulation. I am talking about the type where the women are manipulating and are not even fully aware they are doing it. They may have a niggling feeling that something they are doing is not quite right, but the outcome they are seeking seems right, therefore they ignore that feeling. In short, they are not revealing the whole truth to themselves in their rationalizations, as well as not explaining the whole truth to the person they are interacting with as well.
This comes so naturally to many of us that we are almost completely blind to it.
@Stingray said...
Actually, as an alpha, you have the world open to you to act as you wish nearly at all times.
_____________
I think that is a good point, and women find the "as you wish" ability very attractive. I think this is why vampires, ala Twilight and Vampire Diaries, have become so popular with women. There are power, dark, "men" with rarely any consequences for their actions (actions which would land a beta in jail).
Stingray: I can't even figure out which post it was that I could have been perceived as offensive.
So... none taken?
Trust: so as long as we act Alpha and her hamster is spinning, that's a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card?
Wow, that's going down a very dark road, if one chooses to take the wrong lesson from it.
No wonder the pump & dumps don't get more rape charges thrown at them. The girls are probably hoping there's a chance he'll come back... because she's just that "special".
Sometimes, I wish I weren't a Christian - yet.
@IndyGuy77 said...
Trust: so as long as we act Alpha and her hamster is spinning, that's a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card?
___________
I didn't say that. I was simply pointing to the fact that their decision as to how they will react to a guy is already made, and the hamster will work out the reasoning later. It's not a get out of jail free card for anything, it simply is what it is.
I, for one, wish it wasn't so, but what I want is irrelevant. As we know, "what should be" and "what is" are seldom the same, and pretending the former is the later is self defeating.
Sometimes it happens, I'm completely agree with you decision, it's a wise one.
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