Friday, July 8, 2011

Marriage, love, and money

Many women, and not a few men, have taken great exception to my advice to not take anything that women say literally. To such people, I pose a simple question. If a man wishes to take everything that women say literally, how is he to reconcile two seemingly mutually contradictory statements?
Talk about a Catch-22: while being unemployed provides the free time many engaged couples trying to plan a wedding would kill for, turns out tying the knot isn't on the horizon for most recession victims.

According to a recent YourTango and ForbesWoman survey, 75% of women wouldn't marry someone who was unemployed, and 65% wouldn't tie the knot if they themselves were jobless. Ironically, 91 percent of single women say they would marry for love over money.
I have no doubt that a poor, overworked hamster will produce something concerning the inherent unlovability of an unemployed man, but the statistical fact is that if a man loses his job, there is an increased chance that he will lose his wife as well. Nevertheless, if one is genuinely marrying for love rather than money, what difference does a man's employment status make?

As usual, one has to ignore the literal words in order to understand the meaning. In the same way that women assume ALPHA status when describing the BETA traits they theoretically favor, women assume a basic level of employment and income when describing how love is more important than money. What they actually mean, of course, is that love is more important than wealth... so long as it is understood that an ability to provide for a basic standard of living is more important than either.

27 comments:

szook said...

"What they actually mean, of course, is that love is more important than wealth... so long as it is understood that an ability to provide for a basic standard of living is more important than either. "

I think a better term here is baseline rather than basic. It evokes a great mental image from the old trading game Mule.

Anonymous said...

This is a horrible example. The loss of a job is a huge hit to a man's self esteem and confidence. This erosion of the male ego can have a drastic effect on a man's personality, thus repelling the wife, thus increasing the chances of her looking for a more suitable (read: more alpha) mate. When a woman leaves her husband after his personality changes, she wasn't lying that she married for love, her feelings of love have simply changed.

This works with being unemployed too. A man's ability to provide contributes to his overall self esteem and self worth. For those of us who aren't naturally alpha, simply being unemployed can be enough to knock us down to a contemptible beta.

modernguy said...

There's a false dichotomy in asking women to distinguish between love and money. Money is a proxy for status, which is what they love.

Anonymous said...

And the hamster appears in the second comment. No surprises here.

Michael said...

"When a woman leaves her husband after his personality changes, she wasn't lying that she married for love, her feelings of love have simply changed."

Translation: He is to blame for my bad behavior.

Trust said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trust said...

@: "When a woman leaves her husband after his personality changes, she wasn't lying that she married for love, her feelings of love have simply changed."
_________

Most wives change more drastically than their husband. In fact, a woman's personalities change overnight after the wedding. It's "a woman's prerogative" or whatever cliche lets them off the hook, and a "real man" would accept it. Reverse it, and "why should she accept less than she deserves."

Similar to Michael's answer, the correct interpretation is whatever favors her.

Women should be thoroughly insulted that society treats them like children. That they are not is truly unfortunate.

rycamor said...

As Athol Kay would say, the bitterness doesn't help. Whether it's the woman's fault is moot; better to ask whether one can do something about it. Women can only do mitigate this in the short term by holding firm to their marriage commitment (and reminding themselves that this is temporary), not by magically willing themselves to feel attracted to unemployed hubby. If a man truly stays unemployed for more than a few months on end, I suspect the marriage will be over no matter what, unless a) the man is a complete alpha and b) they already have some source of wealth to rely on, whether that be the woman's job, inheritance, investment, whatnot.

Men can do something about it by *not giving up* and retreating to the basement to play Call of Duty. Any man who is the family breadwinner and goes more than 3 months without some form of employment simply isn't trying hard enough or readjusting his expectations downward. There is always some way to make money. A man wins in this situation by positively taking charge and explaining to his wife that the house and the boat will have to go, and the family will be living in a small apartment for a change, and the change will come now rather than when it is too late. The losing way is to keep pounding the same square peg into the round hole "I don't know what to do; there are simply no openings in the area for data analysts so I guess I'll just have to keep scanning monster.com until one shows up. I know, it sucks, but what can ya do? Hey, pass me the pancakes, wouldja?"

I have seen the unemployed (or massively downwardly employed) husband situation in my parents' marriage as well as mine, and thankfully I had a father who taught me to be willing to do any sort of work rather than sit idly waiting for the phone to ring. In fact, I was literally helping someone haul a truckload of horse manure in '09 when I got the call from a headhunter to begin my current long-term consulting gig.

Yes, a reduction in work status does affect the woman's perspective, and it does make the man feel a less manly, and it does affect your sex life. No two ways about it. But you can get through it. The way to talk to your wife is NOT to continually express your frustration and defeat. That is tempting behavior to any man south of higher Beta, and it is caustic. Instead tell her "I know it's tough right now, and we might have to give up some things, but we'll make it." and start forming alternate plans. Don't tell her all these plans in intimate detail, because you will just set her up for disappointment if they don't happen. Just tell her "Stick with me, baby. I'm working on something; I'll let you know when it goes somewhere. Meanwhile, I'll be out doing [handyman work, whatever]. One way or another, I take care of business."

In fact, going from white-collar office drone to blue-collar worker can have a very positive effect on your marriage if you choose wisely. For most men, office work for a typical corporation is a process of ongoing emasculation, unless they have the sociopathic skills necessary to move up into upper management. I imagine quite a few wives would rather see a husband come home sweaty and unshaven and macho with muscles aching from stacking logs than the sad-sack slope-shouldered cubicle dweller with a potbelly who sighs wearily from his sedentary travail and sinks into the kitchen chair while he sinks his teeth into a doughnut. In fact, I sincerely think one of the biggest problems with marriage in the modern west is the lack of hard manual labor, which is why every man with a white-collar job should get to the gym early and often, or work out at home, or have a hobby that requires serious use of sinew. It's not about having a perfect body. Women care about that less than men. It is simply about attitude and how you carry yourself.

IndyGuy77 said...

Good post, Rycamor.

The LP 999/Linda said...

Great post. Marriage vows still apply - for better for worse. A couple should stick together regardless of the ebb and flow of difficult economic times like unemployment, poor health and caring for aging in laws.

Badger said...

"In the same way that women assume ALPHA status when describing the BETA traits they theoretically favor,"

This recalls something I've been precipitating in my mind recently - you can only act as beta as you have alpha. Another corollary is that most guys today are too beta-comfort and not enough alpha-leader, so guys should on balance do the heavy lifting of developing alpha traits with light trimmings of beta-trait development.

SarahsDaughter said...

It should start with the raising of girls. God commands wives to respect their husbands. Girls need to be taught what respect is, how to give it, and given an example to follow. They should then be encouraged to search first for a man they respect.

Secondly they should be taught to never withhold sex within their marriage. That sex itself is a physical expression of respect.

Tell me guys, how long will a man remain unemployed/not earning money when their wife continues to respect them and continues to have/initiate sex with them?

Anonymous said...

http://www.damnlol.com/perfect-girl-you-can-only-choose-two-3052.html

Michael said...

"Tell me guys, how long will a man remain unemployed/not earning money when their wife continues to respect them and continues to have/initiate sex with them?"

Good point. If a woman wants to have a winner for a husband, then she needs to be the kind of woman who can have a winner for a husband.

Anonymous said...

"If a woman wants to have a winner for a husband, then she needs to be the kind of woman who can have a winner for a husband."

So, I guess that next you're going to try to tell people that actions have consequences?

rycamor said...

Tell me guys, how long will a man remain unemployed/not earning money when their wife continues to respect them and continues to have/initiate sex with them?

It's a question of whether the guy is worthy of respect. These things are a two-way street, no matter what. If the guy just decides it's not worth his trouble to keep up his end of the deal, no display of respect will change that. But if he is honestly working at it, then respect (and sex) goes a LONG way.

rycamor said...

This recalls something I've been precipitating in my mind recently - you can only act as beta as you have alpha.

To me the point is also about what kind of Alpha and what kind of Beta you want to be. There is good Alpha and bad Alpha, ditto with Beta.

Bad Beta:

- complies with woman's sharp-tongued request while muttering bitterly.
- tries to impress her with the amount of dishes and other housework he has done, manages to fish for brownie points in every conversation for the rest of the night.


Good Beta:

- Guy grits teeth but has to admit wife's POV makes sense. Husband says "You bring up a good point, and you've changed my mind. We should do [her idea] instead." (Although, if she is right in 90% of their disagreements, then he just isn't doing his homework, and is most likely behaving like a pouty child.)
- Just does the frigging dishes if he doesn't have something more pressing, doesn't make a big deal about it.

SarahsDaughter said...

"These things are a two-way street, no matter what. If the guy just decides it's not worth his trouble to keep up his end of the deal, no display of respect will change that." - rycamor

Do you know of a real life example of a man whose wife has respected him, initiated and never withheld sex with him, who still bows out of being an earner and instead chooses "Call of Duty?"

And if you do, tell me what this kind of loser should be protected from in divorce court.

SarahsDaughter said...

I'm suggesting you're presenting a straw-man argument. That notwithstanding, God never once said to respect your husband "when" he's worthy of it. It's a command, one that, in my experience, has ever disappointed when followed. The nature of men, no matter his social/sexual status remains the same, just as the nature of women, whether a 10 or a 2 remains the same.

indyguy77@work said...

"The woman who can learn to read her man, to see when his confidence is shaken, and assure him that even if he cannot believe in himself at the moment, she still does, that woman will inspire loyalty that would shame a dog."

Read more: What men want http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=38098#ixzz1RoGadaCx


Huh ... that was cool. The link came automatically when I tried to copy and paste that quote.

Great old Vox piece I keep bookmarked to send to women that just don't get it.

rycamor said...

SD, I was not saying it should be conditional, just that it is not an ironclad guarantee. You can't make a man worthy of respect just by respecting him. If he has a temporary setback, the wife's support is of course crucial. But a man can set himself up for failure in ways that a wife cannot fix. At that point, her best bet is to pray that he will come to a realization and at least avoid making things worse. Maybe God always answers those prayers, in which case our argument is moot.

SarahsDaughter said...

"Read more: What men want"

Excellent! A great one to share...repeatedly.

TobyTemple said...

what does love got to do with marriage?

rycamor said...

Athol Kay's latest post is about a woman dealing with a jobless man who won't get off his butt. A verrry interesting read.

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

Rycamor, your posts are probably the best here.

I personally hated Athol's words to the woman wanting her husband to work.

Pussy-ManiaGirls: http://goo.gl/w9Oepq said...

watching my collection, we have upload more video at here:

Collection Part 1:

Doggy Style and In Missionary Position

Hot Sex Anal With Amazing Girl Friend

Sex Under Hot Lights Bad Girls

Give Me The Cum

Cum In My Panties

Nude Amateur Teen Girls

Sexy Brunette Girls

Young Kinky Sluts

Busty Tattoo Chick On Car

Young Asian fucked anal

Latina Havana Ginger gets

Teen Threesome Porn

Hot Blowjob

Amateur Pulls Down Tanga

Sweet girl amazing hot

Sexy japanese babes getting their tight

TEEN BLONDE ANAL SEX ORGY




Collection Part 2:


Hot asian blowjob and pussy creampie

Sucking dick, Audrey put vegetables in all holes

Blonde love fuck

Naomi Russell And Her Royal Ass

Sexy blonde gives blowjob in the car

ASIAN XXX PORN VIDEO

JAPANESE XXX PORN VIDEO

ARABIC XXX PORN VIDEO

HARDCORE PORN VIDEO

GAY XXX PORN VIDEO

WATCH STREAMING PORN VIDEO

USA CELEBS XXX PORN

LATINA XXX PORN

LESBIAN XXX PORN

Hardcore Porn Celebrity

HOT TURKEY PORN MOVIE

INDIAN NUDES CELEBRITIES VIDEOS

UZBEKS Fuck PORN VIDEOS

HOT RASTA GIRL


100% MAKE you satisfy......








































Reply Delete

Post a Comment

NO ANONYMOUS COMMENTS.