Over at Hooking Up Smart, I've got a post up in response to a female reader who had sex the first night she met a guy, and would now like to go back to square one and "not be that kind of girl." With the same guy. Fail. Unfortunately, I believe her dilemma, as well as her misguided notions, are very common among young women today.
When Putting Out Means Losing Out
8 comments:
The big city makes an appearance, no surprises there. Here's to ladies making better decisions for the future...
she's gonna sing ♫ if only i could turn back time ♪
This is Jen
Come on! Was this a real letter? How could anyone think they could undo something like that??
Anon:
The hamster wheel spins....and spins....and spins....
Putting out quickly is a good way to secure the attention of a flighty man with options temporarily; but then you've gotta be extremely agreeable and integrate well into his lifestyle and be patient to see if he comes around to something long term.
Oh and calibrate your level of commitment to slightly below his, while remaining faithful, to give him incentive to chase.
While remaining monogamous.
So your reasons for withholding max commitment should be fear of getting hurt, to force him to qualify his feelings for your as sincerely deep.
OT
Joseph, sorry if I'm missing it, but was that sarcasm or real advice? The one-foot-out-the-door posture might work for a man, but I don't think it would work so well for a woman unless all she wants is a boyfriend or a 'friend with benefits' or maybe an ex-husband.
I feel kind a sorry for you. I am in my 50’s and grew up in a college town. I was around at the start of feminism – the free love thing. I was all in favor of free love, as long as I didn’t have to pay for it. I frequently heard from older guys the expression, “Why buy the cow if the milk is free.” I agree, for the cost of some time, attention, and some meals, you can get laid. Not too bad an exchange. After I started to grow up, I realized that I really didn’t want to marry a woman who had only been driven on weekends and was low mileage. There was no telling what they’d do when they were in an emotional state – and later on pick up a one night stand or boy friend on the side. Lots of lovers = lots more risk of her future infidelity.
If you want to have a chance at a good life, then you need to stop giving it away for free. You need to go see a good doctor and make sure that you haven’t picked up a sexually transmitted disease, something like Chlamydia – you will end up sterile. Almost no man wants to marry a woman that cannot give him children. You will end up, divorced, old, and alone.
Then you need to strategize on how to meet a man that you want to marry. This is marketing – as one of my younger friends in senior management told me when we were looking out a window at young (probably under 30) woman who was well dressed, made-up, and very pretty, “She wants a nice house, health insurance, good vacations, a pension too! She wants the option to stay home and not work and maybe have children.” Because of what we do, and where we were, she had to have at least a bachelor’s degree. She’s looking for an annuity. You have a short shelf life. If you want to have a husband, you need to work at it. And, when you go to law school, make it a point to bait the hook each day. Men absolutely love dresses. I’ve had kids from 16 to guys that are in their 80’s say that it is very difficult to keep their eyes off a woman that can fill out a dress (curves); make sure you are height and weight appropriate.
Oh one more thing. Don’t admit to being with any man who is not from your race. Most guys don’t want to go where folks like that have been.
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