When I was a younger delta, I believed I had strong convictions about waiting for marriage for sexual intimacy. This was the result of my many years of churchianity morality training. Some of it was Biblically correct... other parts not so much. What I have come to understand is that this was more than a belief, it was a convenient mask for my delta ways.
I am reminded of a specific church affiliated camp experience with exciting speakers. They pounded home the idea that monogamy was inherently good and waiting till marriage was equally important. Made perfect sense to me, I was shy with girls and waiting was good, because those cool guys up front didn't wait and later regretted it. This and other experiences helped me create what I thought was a solid fact based conviction in sex is best saved for marriage.
Conviction: a fixed or firm belief. Convictions are not so easily tossed aside when a tasty opportunity comes along. They also contribute to the makeup of ones backbone which is necessary for manhood. You will see from this account that two root causes of my young deltahood were self-deception about what I believed, and having Jell-O for a backbone.
When the first opportunity came along to break this "conviction" everything that had been driven into my head was conveniently forgotten. That high school relationship with a train wreck ended two years later. Fast forward to the next opportunity, I am dating my now ex-wife. Magically my strong conviction disappeared again but with the following additional twist.
Early on while dating, the discussion of number of partners came up. In typical style I was honest, on the other hand she...due to a hamster impaired rounding error arrived at the same exact number. Tied to this discussion I mentioned how I wanted to wait for marriage. In case some of you readers missed it I will repeat in clear uncertain terms:
As the male party in a relationship I clearly defined and communicated my decision to remain celibate till ring swap ceremony had taken place at a church of our unified choice complete with the socially required family members delivering wrapped things from Target in exchange for dinner.
Because this discussion happened before we were intimate, it changed the dynamic. Sexual intimacy had now became a s-test. I had purposefully drawn a line in the sand which now stood as a signpost of male spiritual and household leadership. She crossed that line flippantly. Was I a willing participant? Absolutely! It was not date rape. However, I set a standard and didn't hold to it breaking both IV and XV of the 16 core game maxims. As I look back at the years and how my marriage unraveled in terms of game, this was the first big s-test I failed.
In my journey to understand game I have come to believe that sex with ones spouse is designed by our maker to be a "gimmie" in natural manhood. (my take on core maxim XIV) When a man marries and beds his wife he gains certain alpha credibility free of effort with her. Even greater cred. if she hasn't spent years riding the ALPHA carousel. In a perfect world, even the weakest of married men would receive this gift on his wedding day.
Certain observations now lead me to believe that I am not alone. When I look around church on Sunday morning I see a large contingent of BETA men married to whales. (a majority of these women were not bloated when they donned the expensive white dress) Tie that observation to the statistics on premarital sex among American churchgoers: while many believe it is wrong to have sex before marriage they also continue to do so in large numbers. These statistics and my personal observations point to a reality that I am not the only one who has created and failed this specific s-test. Coupled with this loss of status for the husband is the additional burden of guilt laid on by the social organization of the church which I will not go into detail here. Suffice it to say, a very damaging one two punch for the church attending married man.
If you failed this s-test but are still trying to be an honorable husband my advice is simple, learn game and save your marriage. As for me, my old understanding of churchianity marriage has been replaced with a Genesis 24:67 definition. In a tent, without a rubber chicken dinner, and most importantly, lacking any government licensing fee.