Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Acting boldly

I have found that acting boldly has an interesting effect. Being bold requires that I not be afraid; that I have to act without second guessing myself. As a result I find myself acting in ways and doing things that I did not plan or expect. Sometimes the effect is so drastic as to leave me wondering: "Did I just do that"?

A few weeks ago I was with a group of people who I had just met. I knew very little about them, yet they were friendly enough to put me completely at ease. I lost all anxiety. They were members of a small congregation that I was visiting with a friend. After the service was over I stayed and visited with some of them. While visiting some of us began fooling around with the instruments used for worship. Not feeling any fear, I joined them and began playing one of the African drums at the front. I should mention at this point that I have never played drums before in my life. Also, I suffer from stage-fright. I do play piano, so I have a decent sense of rhythm, but this was a new experience. I ended up playing in an impromptu band for about an hour with a group of people I had never met. All because at that time I was willing to act boldly, without fear.

Last week while doing cold-approaches I found that boldness allows me to act with very little inhibition. It freed up my mind to find new things to say and do that would help move the interaction along. My favorite discovery was a neg that I started doing without thinking. I have done it few times and reaction so far has been good. If the girl is short, I kneel so that I am at eye-level with her and say with a slight smile: "I believe in equality." When I did it the other day her response was: "That's a jerky thing to say!". But her grin and barely suppressed laughter indicated otherwise. The guys in the group I was with thought it was hilarious.

None of this would have happened if I had been afraid to be bold. Fear restricts your thoughts and responses and keeps you away from what you want. Boldness frees you up to act on your instincts and improves your responses. So act boldly, you may be surprised at what you can do.


IndyGuy77 said...

I think it was Stalin that said "Audacity is 90% of the battle."

I like the short / equality thing. I just might have to steal that if I ever think of it.

JCclimber said...

It's a jerky thing to say. And yet, her body language continues to belie her statement.

Have you ever heard "Fortune favors the bold"? I see you're discovering how it actually works....

Joseph Dantes said...

In terms of content quality this blog is trending towards failure, in my opinion.

I'm going to unsubscribe from the comments, and I'm already just barely skimming the posts.

It was an interesting social experiment and I suppose it may go on to help a lot of the clueless who are too prejudiced to try real Game. Of which there are tons.

But yeah, it's mostly watered down rehashes these days.

You can find 5 different "hey I did an approach" posts every day on the RSD forums, and I barely read them either.

Joseph Dantes said...

Here's a new law to describe the malaise afflicting this blog, most MRA sites and Ferdinand's site:

Dantes' Law of Game Blogging: Game fora in which sub-betas are not mercilessly repressed become wankfests.

Anonymous said...

So long, snowflake. We hardly knew ye.

Anonymous said...

No joke, Anon 6:02.

Joseph Dantes said...

...and effective amogging doesn't involve PUA lingo.

New name for defensive MRAsberger reactiveness: gaymogging.

Anonymous said...

Hey, we're not the ones that felt the need to announce our departure from the site in such a dramatic manner.

And with a double post, no less. You rock, Gamma-man.

Markku said...

I expect you to keep your word, JD. There will be mocking if you don't.

Much mocking.

Joseph Dantes said...

What I said was that I'd unsubscribe from the comment feed. I'll still comment whenever I like. Markku, I know you can read better than that.

I don't know why my criticism should be the least bit surprising to anyone but the completely benighted.

You give a delta, gamma and omega with no blogging cred a platform, and expect them to suddenly produce valuable insights 3x per week? One would expect it to be interesting at first but then rapidly taper off.

And I never read Susan before anyway.

It shouldn't be taken as a personal affront; it's just an observation on the varied nature of game blogs. A subject I happen to find interesting.

Markku said...

Who's the gamma?

Joseph Dantes said...

In fact, if I divine the intentions of the founder correctly, then the blog is succeeding as conceived, given the healthy traffic and engagement levels.

Some more observations on Game blogging:
The following vary inversely in descending strength of relationship:
Content quality and number of regular authors
Post frequency and quality
Popularity and quality

Joseph Dantes said...

Markku, I don't know if there's a gamma author currently blogging. That's another problem; the authors aren't sufficiently differentiated. There should be a byline at the top of each post with name and rank.

Off the top of my head, I can only think of two of the names of the people blogging here, and I'm only sure of the rank of the girl. Not good when the whole point is sociosexual differentiation.

Markku said...

the authors aren't sufficiently differentiated

Usually the Labels: (rank) at the bottom does that, but it seems that RM forgot it this time. RM being the omega.

DJ said...

@Dantes, One of the problems with modern men, and their beta-ization. They talk and talk and talk... when you call them on their talk they proceed to split hairs, and most importantly they rarely do what they say.

Say, kinda like a woman...

If you can make a better contribution than RM, Susan, Nate, or I? Type one up and email it Vox as a submission.

RM said...

Oops. The label is up. My bad.

Joseph Dantes said...

DJ, I made my application and was declined for being too esoteric.

Markku, I know they're at the bottom. They need to be at the top. So you know what you're reading before you begin, not after you finish.

Anonymous said...

I rarely take direct stabs at people in comment threads but damn, Dantes, you're a winner, I mean, a whiner.

Mean what you say and say what you mean. To do otherwise is to be a big fat pussy.

Are you a pussy?

Athor Pel

zoegirl said...

@Dantes, You know, you could scroll down to the bottom of the post before you read it and see who it's written by a long with their rank.

zoegirl said...

But your first complaint was pretty bold....good work!

Joseph Dantes said...

Yeah I know people COULD scroll down... I don't think they usually do. It's certainly a pain in the RSS reader.

Anonymous said...

Hey JD, when you decide to leave a boring party, do you just leave? Or do you stand in the doorway for hours telling everyone who will listen why you're leaving?

Anonymous said...

Gamma is as gamma does.

Desert Cat said...

Frankly I thought the "equality" neg was pretty good. Don't be dissing an Omega who is beginning to get the basics JD. He can help other Omegas with this stuff.

You have your esoteric spiritual approach that works for you, but it is not for everyone, nor for most, from what I've read of your material. You may have something of value (and I haven't studied it enough to really say) but I sure wouldn't steer the Average Frustrated Chump in the direction of the Joseph Dantes Method.

Some people need this basic "go out there and do basic interaction like this" stuff.

Joseph Dantes said...

Desert, just reverse the spin on my comments and you'll see my point is exactly the same as what you're saying.

And I'm not comparing the quality of this blog to my own, I'm comparing it to the other Game blogs I read regularly.

The LP 999/Linda said...

I am w/ MK on JD - there is knowledge and learning in that mocking :).

The 3rd day of the blog I wrote VD with my positive take on it. JD wrote a few hopes for it at the 12th comment down. All I say is chill, it will all be fine.

On the topic: Fight and say 'no' to fears/social anxiety. Even us women suffer from that. I am sitting on pictures, material and other things due to anxiety/insecurity/irrational concerns. Send it, post it, act upon it, is the best approach. There is no need to fear in many social situations if she is beautiful ignore her beauty, etc.

I think fear lessen w/ age or maybe they increase in seveity...note sure. But either way, present yourself w/ irrational confidence it impresses women :).

I did get a esoteric vibe on some of the game theory materiel, its kinda fun that way.

The LP 999/Linda said...

Equality is hilarious. I regularly make jokes about that and get away with the most insane comments w/ my friends at the gym.

All the men understand the deception of equality and there is always a baby boomer female who believes that equality cures all and she comments to her heart out. It is alot like the posturing men do on hierarchy posts claiming they are alpha or this or that.

zoegirl said...

@RM - Your neg on equality did make me laugh. I'm very short and my comeback is that I don't want equality - I want somebody who can reach the top shelf.

Landon Whitespear said...

At a rock concert this past summer, solo, a cute girl approx 10 yrs younger than myself rolls up on me, she is solo, too. Unusual I thought. She was all smiles. I was positive, upbeat and cocky during this brief interaction. She rolled off, and moved ahead in the crowd. After a couple minutes went by and without even so much as thinking about it, I started to come up behind her. As I am doing this she pulls out her phone and puts it to her ear. I did not care. I came up behind her and put my hands on her waist, my chest against her back, my johnson to her ass, pulled her into me and said two words into her other ear, "Let's go." She immediately put her phone back in her pocket and complied. She didn't even look to confirm it was me at first. Somehow she just knew, or didn't care. She gave me a two hour lap dance during that show. I went home with her after the show. This was a small town, and I was rolling through town just for this show on my way somewhere else. I left her place about 4:30 AM. I never got her name, never told her mine. I learned something that night. There is a time and place to be bold. More often than I realize. Learn to recognize those moments and go for it. It's highly effective. Given a couple solid IOIs, its totally possible to smash through so much bullshit, nonsense, and tactics by just owning it. I call this rock concert game.

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