Thursday, March 9, 2017

What women want

It's not a mystery. Just ask Amazon what books they are selling to them. If you're a wealthy Alpha Male Cowboy and she's fat, you're gold.


45 comments:

Midnight Avenue J said...

The "secret baby" books are a mystery to me. Why they're appealing, I don't know. The covers have nothing to do with babies but everything to do with ravishing hunks. Hmph.

The best lulz though are that women consider themselves so intelligent because they read these books. I suppose if that's your benchmark for intelligence-reading anything because words on paper? - then I'm a damn genius due to reading the nutritional values on a box of cereal at breakfast every day.

Midnight Avenue J said...

Some of these stories are so poorly written one cannot grasp the fullness of the Englis language. Fifth graders can construct better sentences. Pulp noir novels have better plots and more realistic characters. Some of the serial romances cannot even maintain consistency in characters or plot from one point to the next over only two or three books.

I know, it's all just soap opera in print, titilation, and all that, but please don't tell me you're a Very Serious Person because you "read" romance. I've read some well written romance novels that I think improved my knowledge on certain fronts, if only because I was intrigued by a concept or description of something and wanted to learn more. But I'd say such books are few and far between.

Koanic said...

The scarier aspect of this is definitely "Romantic Themes":

Love Triangle -> Secret Baby -> Second Chance -> Wedding

Functionally, this means that cuckolding is the most exciting female activity.

Githyanki said...

You know ....
Alpha male
Money

and secret babies to land the alpha provider. Oh, and wealthy is more than one standard deviation more popular than alphas. Sigh.

VoodooJock said...

At what point does the "Romance" genre cross the line and become the theme to the old tv show "Rawhide"?

Michael Maier said...

The best lulz though are that women consider themselves so intelligent because they read these books.

I stopped taking book recommendations from a guy at work after I realized the "really good" books he was pushing me to read were about a broad. Named Katniss.

Women read Harry Potter, Twilight and Hunger Games and act as though they're great art. They're not. They're crap. Double crap sandwiches, aimed at teens... and adult women made them all best sellers.

It's too strange. I don't remember adult women lauding Nancy Drew when I was a kid.

Happy Housewife said...

As much as I love my Kindle, the device is definitely to blame for the rise in this garbage. Women are able to read whatever they want, wherever they want, without shame, because the Kindle offers an obliqueness not provided by garish covers showcasing ripped abs. They can pretend to read Tolstoy while secretly reading 50 Shades.

tz said...

The culture affects everything.
even trad catholic homeschoolers

Marsh 01701 said...

Ugh. Every decade or so I get a hankering to read a romance (must be an intermittent short circuit). Was crap, is crap, will always be crap. Reading Vox's recent blog re pink SF, I have to confess I never consciously noticed, but it explains why I quit reading it years ago. Thankfully, there's a new sheriff in the publishing world.
:D

lowercaseb said...

Bah! Wealthy Vikings in the Workplace get the shaft again...

Days of Broken Arrows said...

Secret baby? Oh, they mean "secret human being" they plan on bringing into the world in shame and disgrace. I actually know a few grown-up "secret babies" and their lives are horror stories -- as are the lives of their mothers and thier various do-gooder boyfriends.

Have we gotten stupider as the decades wore on? Back in the '60s the Supremes got to #1 on the pop charts warning against this with "Love Child." Now the subject makes for best sellers like they're talking about taking a vacation, la de dah.

VFM #7634 said...

The scarier aspect of this is definitely "Romantic Themes":

Love Triangle -> Secret Baby -> Second Chance -> Wedding

Functionally, this means that cuckolding is the most exciting female activity.


@Koanic
I'll only add that it also means only a complete idiot would get involved with a fat chick.

Gunnar von Cowtown said...

It's all true. When I put on a kilt, cowboy hat and ride my Harley thru Krispy Kreme, all the land whales literally throw themselves at me.

Sean Carnegie said...

Secret baby? Oh, they mean "secret human being" they plan on bringing into the world in shame and disgrace.

Hey, at least they let those secret babies live.

bob kek mando ( Death To The Boor-geois, Keks To The Lol-etariat ) said...

i'll just note this:

BBW is the third most popular 'romantic hero' ... and the first adjective under romantic hero that would apply uniquely to the female protagonist. Alpha Males and Cowboys are, obviously, going to be exclusively men and the single most popular category, Wealthy, is also going to most often be an attribute of the male protagonist.

Secret Baby is the most popular 'Theme'.

skinny chicks can't have a "secret pregnancy". it's only the land whales ( BBW ) who can bring a child to term and never have anyone be aware that they were pregnant.

VFM #7634 said...

skinny chicks can't have a "secret pregnancy". it's only the land whales ( BBW ) who can bring a child to term and never have anyone be aware that they were pregnant.

@bob kek mando
Heh. I was wondering, how the fvck do you have a "secret baby," if the melon-size lump on your belly is rather difficult to hide from even a casual observer? Then I thought of those fat negresses who didn't know they were pregnant until they delivered. Oh... so, "cf. BBW".

Koanic said...

Several people are missing the point of secret baby.

At the risk of opining beyond my literary wheelhouse, I suspect it's merely an occult pregnancy metaphor, and hence very thin on the logistics side of things.

Jed Mask said...

*WEALTHY* alpha males are what women want.

Plus "secret babies" from Alphas in a women's "beta" partner relationship "cuckoldry" is a woman's fetish choice.

Mountain Man said...

And don’t forget the "Love Triangle "that involves "Secret Babies” followed by Second Chances

GAHCindy said...

What does "secret baby" mean? I guess I'll go find out now. Maybe it's better if I don't. I've been happy without that knowledge thus far.

bob kek mando ( Death To The Boor-geois, Keks To The Lol-etariat ) said...

GAHCindy said...
What does "secret baby" mean? I guess I'll go find out now. Maybe it's better if I don't. I've been happy without that knowledge thus far.



Women Ruin Everything.

including, it would appear, Romance novels.




Koanic said...
I suspect it's merely an occult pregnancy metaphor,



no, you're more on point with the cuckoldry aspect.

cuckultry?

Ez said...

I can't even believe I'm admitting this, but I met a mom on my kid's soccer team who makes over 300k a year writing romance. After spending a season hanging out with her I started to look into writing Romance and joined a bunch of forums. The reason it's such poor writing is that a) it's just porn for women and has I imagine the same quality comparison to literature that exists between porn and regular movies. b) you have to write a TON of it in order to make any money because the market is so saturated and you can get so much of it for free or 99 cents. c) amazon kindle allows women to read it guilt free which makes it an enormous revenue machine. And like Vox said, that's why they're trying to put it in SF and Fantasy... to game the system.

And the "secret baby" storyline usually means that the heroine doesn't tell the hero she's pregnant because she doesn't want to burden him or make him feel like she's trying to extort him for money and support (because she's a strong woman). So she puts on a brave face and tries very hard to make it on her own but eventually caves to the badboy/player hero who has proved he really does want to settle down with her.

Honestly, all men should read at least a few romance novels. The shock of it would red-pill a delta a whole lot faster than anything else.

Koanic said...

Perhaps you didn't understand my point, Bob, but you're wrong and I'm right.

"I love the forced intimacy caused by sharing a child."
http://www.heroesandheartbreakers.com/blogs/2012/11/keeping-tiny-secrets-the-secret-baby-trope

"Secret baby" is analogous to how gamma sci fi / fantasy authors construct unrealistic situations in which they are morally absolved from sleeping with one or more hot girls.

In real life, women act out the "secret baby" impulse by forcing or faking pregnancy to control a desirable mate.

It is all part of the ancient evolutionary occult pregnancy exploitation female emotional subroutine.

"Occult" here means hidden. As Lady Gaga would say: "Bluffin with my muffin."

Ceasar said...

"Alpha Male Cowboy"..lol. I suppose fatties figure these guys know a thing or two about cow tipping. Moo

Bob Loblaw said...

$300k writing romance novels? I thought that was pretty much minimum wage work.

Tatooine Sharpshooters' Club said...

"Workplace" makes a pretty strong showing. Is that a new "feminist" romance trope: the mousy, chair-destroying hambeast receptionist banging an office alpha AND the handsome, suave but caring alpha lawyer who eventually wins her multimillion dollar "sexual harassment" lawsuit?

Maybe I should try writing that story.

David The Good said...

Strange that "Garden Writers" don't make the list. My guess is Amazon has simply overlooked a hot sub-genre.

X said...

Secret baby = she's so fat she doesn't know she's pregnant.

SirHamster said...

Strange that "Garden Writers" don't make the list. My guess is Amazon has simply overlooked a hot sub-genre.

The hottest compost brings all the boys to the yard.

Unknown said...

There are books you read to learn virtue, and books to justify your stupid behavior ...

Snidely Whiplash said...

I think the "secret baby" thing is simpler. Women want babies, and having a baby with the alpha male is pure estrogen fuel. But, they don't want to be the sort of bitch that would blackmail a man into taking them in by getting pregnant. Even if they have actually done so. So, she doesn't tell him she's pregnant. But ... a pregnant woman absolutely needs to be secure and taken care of, so the alpha loves her for who she really is.
She's wonderful and even more wonderful and she has a baby and the alpha and all is right in the world.
And to get there, all the drama in the known universe. Posing piteous heroine sacrificing her own future and happiness for the sake of her man. Except, of course, she doesn't, because he finally notices her wonderful inner qualities and accepts her.

Pure, distilled, wish fulfillment.

Otto Lamp said...

In order:

1: Wealthy
2: Alpha Males
3: BBW
4: Cowboys
5: Royalty & Aristocrats

Big drop off to #6, but if you combine "Criminals & Outlaws" and "Bikers" (which are essentially the same thing) they would be at #5 above "Royalty & Aristocrats".

Other than the BBW outlier (which is a big surprise), it confirms red-pill thinking. Women fantasize about rich males (Wealthy, Royalty & Aristocrats), Alpha Males (AM & Cowboys), or thugs (Criminals, Bikers).

Notice there are no college professors, engineers, or sensitive guys on the list.

Midnight Avenue J said...

Interesting you mention Nancy Drew, Michal Maier.

I was at the library the other day and saw Nancy Drew books in the juvenile fiction section. They were not the ND I remember. The stories have been updated to reflect even more YGG! than before. The characters aren't exactly sexualized to a great extent but they seemed more forthright, less feminine, less in need of their beaux to help out. The girls do it all, no fathers or boyfriends needed.

I rather liked the original Nancy Drew stories. They were set in a time and place just distant enough from my own decade to be a bit, hmmm, nostalgia-inducing, I guess. I would want my girls to read those originals, not the new jazzed up versions, which are more Sweet Valley High than good mystery stories for preteens.

If you've never read Sweet Valley High...well, just praise the Lord above you didn't.

Midnight Avenue J said...

Ok I just downloaded a secret baby book on KU and skimmed it. Oh man, sleeping with stepbrothers, lesbian sex, sleeping with housekeeping attendants at hotels...and the book doesn't have any resolution, no ending, nothing.

Pure trash. Porn. Like a stream of psychotic babble coming from a woman who can't control her sexual impulses.

About right.

Matt@Occidentalism.org said...

Don't forget amnesia, which is rape fantasy by proxy.

Cataline Sergius said...

Just ask Amazon what books they are selling to them. If you're a wealthy Alpha Male Cowboy and she's fat, you're gold.

What today's women want days is lot darker than that.

I discovered something recently that I didn't really want or care to know. The BDSM crowd rather dislikes the Fifty Shades books because they find them, "touristy."

But it's a tourist industry that is doing great business.

Maya Banks writes romance novels and she makes a decent living at it. I admire her ability to reliably deliver her books to her publisher on time as contracted for. She started with historical bodice rippers with a Scottish Highlands bent. Then when that market shifted she moved to thriller romances. Her KGI books are kind of like Tom Clancy books but with better porn. And again she made major bank. I doesn't matter what you think of her novels, you can't say the woman doesn't know her market.

Here is a cover from her latest series of books.
(*picture not provided*)
It's called the Enforcer Series
and no, there aren't any cops in it.

Aeoli Pera said...

The scarier aspect of this is definitely "Romantic Themes":

Love Triangle -> Secret Baby -> Second Chance -> Wedding

Functionally, this means that cuckolding is the most exciting female activity.


Excellent perception there. 10/10 nobilids.

wreckage said...

So, they want an alpha male cowboy to get them pregnant?

That seems like basic biological drives to me.

SQT said...

My husband has a client who makes 500k+ a year writing romance novels. She cranks them out. The smartest thing she does is have them translated into numerous languages so she has other markets to sell to and doesn't have to write as many books as she would otherwise have to do. She was one of the first big indi-writers. Profiled in the Times any everything.

liberranter said...

How about a story where a fugly landwhale lands an alpha stud (Alcohol? Roofies? A gun to his nutsack?) who somehow, magically, fucks all the extra pounds off of her and turns her into a hotty who dumps him for an even better alpha model?

SciVo said...

So basically, the ultimate female fantasy is to be a fattie who lands a rich cattle rancher and then cheats on him with an aristocratic outlaw biker, producing a baby that even her corpulance can't hide forever. And then the great provider with muscles is so sad at what he almost lost that he takes back the cheating deceiver what cucked him. Because at least he threw himself on that Cluster B grenade so that a genetically superior man wouldn't have to deal with baby mama drama.

I suspect that isn't how the readers perceive it.

Unknown said...

It's too strange. I don't remember adult women lauding Nancy Drew when I was a kid.

I don't remember adult men reading comic books.

Read one romance novel, one particularly recommended to me. Norman noblewoman whose husband was killed fighting Saxons lives in a captured Saxon castle with her brother-in-law who has the hots for her and is pressuring her for marriage. Displaced hunky Saxon nobleman lives in the caves and woods nearby, and yes, there's a "good-rape" scene. Only made it half way through the book.

Otto Lamp said...

Read several romance novels a while back for research. Notice a couple of themes not mentioned yet.

* Rich Widow Theme

Husband dies, usually before book starts and in heroic manner. Wife gets his wealth and her freedom. He is a non-person the rest of the book.

Clearly a version of women's real life divorce fantasies.

* Plain Jane Theme

Ever wonder why the female lead in 50 Shades was so bland looking?

Otto Lamp said...

Read several romance novels a while back for research. Notice a couple of themes not mentioned yet.

* Rich Widow Theme

Husband dies, usually before book starts and in heroic manner. Wife gets his wealth and her freedom. He is a non-person the rest of the book.

Clearly a version of women's real life divorce fantasies.

* Plain Jane Theme

Ever wonder why the female lead in 50 Shades was so bland looking?

fajar msy said...

*WEALTHY* alpha males are what women want.

Plus "secret babies" from Alphas in a women's "beta" partner relationship "cuckoldry" is a woman's fetish choice.thanks

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