Friday, July 1, 2016

Alpha Mail: Growing out of Gamma

ER explains how he escaped it:
I was raised by a single mother who was deeply narcissistic and emotionally incestuous with her children. It was classic narcissism; externally, she was beautiful, stylish, charming, witty, well read, and well travelled. Inside she was a damaged, angry, reactive, frightened little girl in deep pain. The dozens of failed relationships strewn in her wake revealed someone incapable of empathy or emotional connections. She masterfully used rage and the induction of guilt as primary parental tools.

I should have become a full blown gamma (or gay, had the emotional incest taken a slightly different form). All the elements were growing within me; narcissism, lack of empathy, inability to ever be wrong, emotionally reactive, holding grudges, the belief that I was smarter, more talented, and better looking than I really was, etc.

But somewhere along the line as a young man I started realizing that I was profoundly screwed up. It was probably the grace of God that allowed me to see it. Most gammas are never able to see themselves truthfully. It's too painful. But as painful as the process became for me, I sought to fix it.

Neil Strauss has a new book called The Truth. It's a very dark story--I almost couldn't get through it, but ultimately it's a story of redemption. His mother too, was terribly emotionally incestuous. His descriptions of her hit very close to home.

What I do want to say to guys like Aaron, although most are operating on such a subconsciously reactive level that they are incapable of honest introspection, is that there is hope. The reality is, just like with alcoholism, you can never be cured. But you do learn to see with clarity and recognize when those old emotional triggers are misfiring. You learn to build new thought patterns, new habits, new pathways, and eventually, you can achieve emotional health and happiness.

Just as a man without confidence can learn "game", and eventually those patterns become more dominant than the old ones, the gamma can become a well functioning, healthy individual who is capable of emotional depth and strong human bonds.

But it starts with a kernel of recognition. And that, my friends, is the hardest part.
I have great respect for Deltas who have surmounted their socio-sexual handicaps and developed into socio-sexually normal men. Far too many young men are overly obsessed with becoming something they are not rather than the best of what they can be.

There is nothing wrong with being Delta. It is, for most men, a very psychologically healthy and satisfying place to be.

21 comments:

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Of course it can be cured. It's not a disease.

paworldandtimes said...

I'm of the thought that the ranks of healthy men (alpha, sigma, beta, delta) are immutable, in the sense that a delta can't become a beta because those are distinct innate neurowirings, just like the difference between an extrovert and introvert. However, the "damaged man" ranks (gamma, omega) have some potential to improve to whatever their healthy condition would have been, absent bad upbringing or abuse. Do you agree with that?

PA

elijahrhodes said...

Of course it can be cured. It's not a disease.

When healthy neurological pathways are blocked from forming starting at infancy, then I would argue that what results is in fact a type of brain disorder.

Plasticity allows our brains to literally create new neurological pathways as we bond in early life, or as we acquire knowlede or skills, so it's my contention that our minds can indeed become physically wired incorrectly. I would be surprised if brain scans of gammas match those of healthy individuals.

Can that ever be fully undone? I'm not so sure.

praetorian said...

Far too many young men are overly obsessed with becoming something they are not rather than the best of what they can be.

Yes. Most males can advance about one notch up the hierarchy, and they should do so, as self-respecting males, for it's own sake. The reality of the current sexual market is that mid-tier women are sleeping with men far above their pay grade because easy. Then hypergamy kicks in, and the mid-tier women become alpha widows.

This is brutal for the mid-tier men and it makes putting in the work to move up the hierarchy within that mid-tier not as useful sexually. That work should be pursued for its own sake, rather than for sexual access, which may or may not come along with it.

gnossoss said...

I had essentially no upbringing; my boomer folks basically left me to do whatever and did their own thing my whole life. As a result I ended up with the typical societal conditioning, and a gamma personality.

In college I watched my friend, a former nerd like me who had changed his way of doing things, basically coming up with the red pill on his own, plow through women who would never pay me a second's attention. I was angry that my way, pedestalizing, worshiping from afar, insinuating, you all know, didn't work while his way did. I was angry essentially that the world didn't work the way I thought it should -- being nice to women should make them want me, but it didn't. Being a jerk to them shouldn't make them want him, but it did. Now it's a little hard to see why I couldn't make the obvious connection, but then it was impossible.

Finally one day we were assessing women in a food court, and he asked me -- what do you think of that one? I said that she was alright, but if she did her hair better and dressed better she could be quite attractive. And he asked me, what do you think one of them would say about you? And I finally made that connection: I wasn't special. Looking at myself from their perspective I saw the same -- my hair and clothes weren't very good, and I didn't carry myself in a way that would make them feel attraction for me. I finally realized that if I found someone more or less attractive based on various factors, then I could change those things about myself and it would have the same effect for them. And if my way of doing things didn't work and his did, maybe he was right and I was wrong. Maybe I should try to learn what he was doing that worked rather than sulking and feeling sorry for myself that my way ought to work.

With that circuit finally closed, he helped me improve my wardrobe and encouraged me to show more confidence. I found some red pill stuff and that gave me a lot more info, and I applied all that to become a far superior version of myself.

So yes, it can be done. Like he said, the hardest step is the first one. You have to learn to see what's in front of your face -- not explain it away, not rationalize it, but really see it and understand it. It's extremely hard, and I'm not sure I could say why I finally got it when I did.

Aeoli Pera said...

There is nothing wrong with being Delta. It is, for most men, a very psychologically healthy and satisfying place to be.

Many schools today are literally trying to get dicks cut off. We'll be lucky to see any Deltas coming out of that environment at all.

Ceasar said...

From AA, "How It Works". Read and see if anything sounds familiar. Anything you cannot say no to is your master whether it is alcohol, drugs, anger or something else.

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do
not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which
demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the
capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and
what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to
any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we
could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough
from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was
nil until we let go absolutely."

Tom K. said...

Years ago I used to opine that if I could see myself on video interacting with people I would instantly understand why they reacted to me the way they did in spite of my trying so hard to be relatable.

The years have just confirmed this belief. Since recording some public appearances I have also been able to see what people like about me when I communicate successfully.

When a piece of video stupidity goes viral I often wonder if the BoobTuber has looked at that video, seen how deplorable they are, and started making changes to their life. I doubt it.

If you wonder why people react to you the way they do, start recording yourself in candid situations. You may be amazed.

Tom K. said...

Years ago I used to opine that if I could see myself on video interacting with people I would instantly understand why they reacted to me the way they did in spite of my trying so hard to be relatable.

The years have just confirmed this belief. Since recording some public appearances I have also been able to see what people like about me when I communicate successfully.

When a piece of video stupidity goes viral I often wonder if the BoobTuber has looked at that video, seen how deplorable they are, and started making changes to their life. I doubt it.

If you wonder why people react to you the way they do, start recording yourself in candid situations. You may be amazed.

Sokrates said...

To overcome the mother complex so many men nowadays show more or less clearly is a very tough job. Nonetheless there is no alternative. Such stories of guys who overcome it are precious to the whole community.

From: http://freedompowerandwealth.com

dc.sunsets said...

I still don't get it. So much of all this appears to me as mass-minded men and mass-minded women playing each other (including parents & their kids.)

Mass-minded people take their cues from the herd, and often behave as badly as the system allows (see "feminism" and BLM for examples of enabling systems) but exceptions always exist. These are the few people whose behavior is guided from within.

Honor is a choice. Honorable people of both sexes exist. Or is my experience unique?

Revelation Means Hope said...

This difficulty in viewing the truth about yourself, is the biggest obstacle to people choosing to follow Jesus. They refuse to see how utterly lost they are without him, because they are unable to correctly perceive the sin within themselves, nor are they able to correctly judge how despicable those sins that they allow themselves to perceive actually are.

Here is the thing that is most reprehensible to me about Churchians - they are blue pill by refusing to participate with the Holy Spirit to go deep within themselves and see how lost they are. And that blue pill makes them into weak, nice Ned Flanders parodies of what they could have been.

No courage. So they can't really improve. They cannot challenge the feminist indoctrination in their church, their leaders, their schools, their families. Because they keep rejecting the painful truth, they vex the Holy Spirit. Unable to face the man in the mirror and accept the deep truth about themselves, they cannot therefore stand up in church or the community or the home and challenge with a calm, rock-solid assurance in themselves.

After a few times of getting shouted down or shamed, they quickly learn to avoid the pain of confrontation, and squelch the niggling doubt in their minds that the crap that is being preached and said is in fact crap, and they begin to go along. Their body language reverts to that of a subservient lickspittle. Because over time, their body will conform to what they really are in their mind and spirit.

And who would turn to such a man when crisis strikes? His mind and body both reveal to everyone at the subconscious level that he doesn't have what it takes to lead when the SHTF. His woman won't really respect and admire him, and is much more likely to frivorce him, or make his life miserable. His children will not listen and obey. They will move away from home and not look back.

Revelation Means Hope said...

And I wish people would stop pushing the idea that moving from delta to beta, and beta to alpha, is "improving" yourself. You think the 300 men who followed Gideon into battle with only torches and trumpets were unhappy with their lot in life? How about the faithful members of David's small army? How about the 7 or 8 disciples who are rarely mentioned, with most attention given to Peter, James, John, Judas, and maybe Matthew?

The journey described in the original post is the ideal, not because of "climbing the ranks", but because he was willing to face painful truth and make changes. The rank is just a label. It requires comparing yourself to others rather than continuing your own self-improvement climb. Useful now and then, but it is not the destination itself.

Becoming the best delta, the best beta, the best alpha you can be is perhaps a better concept. We were created with different bodies, personality types, and circumstances. Too much comparison to others is too self-absorbed in your own pride of how you rank, and will be self-defeating if you put too much into your "rank".

praetorian said...

Honor is a choice. Honorable people of both sexes exist. Or is my experience unique?

I don't think it is unique, but it is increasingly rare.

Young men growing up in todays society, in most cases, have very few footholds to work with. Some will figure things out by luck or by nature. But consider porn coupled with "rape culture" for your average guy. If, when you were a young man, you had instant access to unlimited pornography and the threat of regret-rape jail hanging over every sexual encounter with a female, would it have been harder to follow the path that you did?

I don't think older guys understand how much things have changed for younger males, and I don't think that will change quickly. Given the inter-generational socio-sexual competition (ie. the sugar-daddy phenomenon) which amplifies the normal winner-take-most male socio-sexual competition, and the "back in my day" attitude most older males naturally have, why should it?

Aeoli Pera said...

OT: Women Interviewing For Tech Jobs Actually Did Worse When Their Voices Were Masked As Men's

dc.sunsets said...

I concur, praetorian. Free on-line porn is utter poison for young men, both by dissipating the energies into literally useless self-flagellation and by corrupting the expectations about real women & real sex.

I now believe it is entirely incumbent upon parents to inoculate both sons and daughters against the saturation level vices that now surround us all.

Mr.MantraMan said...

Aspiring to be one of the nine who make the battle is not too much to ask of yourself

My Dead Gramps said...

@dc.sunsets
Considering most porn is 3rd person POV, it's no surprise actual cuckolding is on the rise.

dc.sunsets said...

Feminism, BLM baloney, porn, "everyone should go to college," frankly I can't begin to wrap my head around all the ways people now may select to destroy their own happiness.

I remain committed to the view that the greater the gauntlet, the greater the accomplishment in surmounting it.

VFM #7634 said...

@paworldandtimes

I'd have to agree with your idea, after a lot of observation of innate human behavior. Gammas are damaged deltas. Some (but not all) omegas are defective sigmas. Lastly, I suspect some deltas are defective alphas, betas, or sigmas, depending upon their temperaments. An apparent rise in rank happens in the context of a man undoing the various brainwashing, bad advice, sin, lack of masculine guidance, and weaknesses he had growing up.

Scott C said...

"I'm of the thought that the ranks of healthy men (alpha, sigma, beta, delta) are immutable, in the sense that a delta can't become a beta because those are distinct innate neurowirings, just like the difference between an extrovert and introvert."

Some of these men (not sure if they are alphas or sigmas - perhaps you'll know what I'm talking about in a second) go through life unopposed by other men (or at least by men within the same sociosexual rank). Most men defer to them, because they are bigger, or well-liked by others for some personal quality (charm + attractiveness). Because they are unopposed by men of equal sociosexual rank, some of them develop an invincibility complex and begin abusing men whom they perceive to be beneath them on the social totem pole. It doesn't matter if what they do is objectively wrong - they have this defense mechanism whereby they paint anyone who resists their treatment as resentful. "You're just jealous of me 'cause I get all the chicks and you don't." I've observed men get away with illegal stuff, just because they were popular. Their sociosexual rank is a license that can be abused.

Just because men are admired by other men does not mean they are admired for the right reasons. Men and women liked Hitler (sorry to invoke Godwin's Law!), but Hitler was a genocidal dictator. Che Guevara was admired by men and women too. I would argue that some of the men who fall into these subgroups are mentally unbalanced, but the ones in the upper echelons (alphas and sigmas) are unbalanced in an advantageous way. Some of them may have psychopathic personalities, just like omegas may be suffering from Asperger's Syndrome or avoidant personality disorder.

The psychopathic alphas use their sociosexual rank as a cloak of invincibility. They get their toadies to cover up for them. If someone close to them objects to their behavior, that person magically becomes a "resentful beta" or some other.

All of these subgroups contain members who are damaged (organically and developmentally), but some are "damaged" in a way that actually elevates them in our society. It may actually be advantageous to be a psychopath.

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