Sunday, April 3, 2016

Why she's returning to her maiden name

A woman makes a decision:
I had to make a decision. Scribbling into my journal, I compiled a list, the good and the bad. The pros and the cons. My identity, my family connection — these things I felt I was losing. These things had been swirling around in my head, they weren’t a surprise. They were simply now on paper.

And then I wrote, “It doesn’t feel equal.” It doesn’t feel equal. That equality thing surfaced again.

We have always been a unit. Two whole people, more whole together, but always equal. Without him making the change too, it was out of balance.

I race through the list of alternatives. Keeping our own names, hyphenations, new last names.

Frustrated with no obvious solution, I step back a moment. Why am I getting married in the first place? We’ve been together 10 years. We’re practically married. Why did we decide to get married anyway?
Also why she's going to be returning to her unmarried status before long, one presumes.

36 comments:

paworldandtimes said...

Complementarity vs. "homo"sexuality

PA

Sunshine Thiry said...

This quote from the article demonstrates what a charming and thoughtful wife she is:

"May I introduce, “Mr & Mrs Rob LaFave!” My heart sunk. Wasn’t I supposed to be happy in this moment?"

Can you imagine how she would react if her husband wrote a piece in which he said that his heart had sunk at the very moment that they became husband-and-wife?

Mike said...

The swirling winds of equalism foretell the gathering storm of divorce ahead.

Russell Widhalm said...

"We’ve been together 10 years. We’re practically married. Why did we decide to get married anyway?"

Why, indeed. People who really want to be married don't take years and years to do it...unless it's the guy who wants to get married but the girl wants to keep her options open.

Her SMV > His SMV, at least for the last 10 years. Now, it seems that His SMV is about to eclipse hers, so she feels like she should lock him down. Except that she STILL doesn't want to marry him.

Good lord. What a mess.

Stickwick Stapers said...

She doesn't really want him, at least not the way a wife should want a husband. When a woman is enamored with a man, she wants him to leave his mark on her -- she wants to feel like she belongs to him -- and a big part of that is taking his name.

Happy Housewife said...

"I decided to take his name in the name of love and family. But looking back now, after making the change, that wasn’t enough."

Hope her husband is working on his escape plan once she nukes the relationship.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Marks can be left in other ways...

bob k. mando said...

Marks can be left in other ways...


that's not Stickwick's point.


if she's going to childishly reject using his name in this fashion ... something which nowadays is a VERY small and common act ... then the likelihood that she will accept him 'marking' her in any other way is very low.

it's also very telling that she's asking why they should get married after 10 years.

it's called 'matrimony' because it's for the benefit of the woman. commonly, the modern bride gets to design the entire ceremony to fit her whim with the only constraint being her father stepping in and saying that he won't pay for 'x'.

and SHE doesn't understand why they are tying the knot?

hope homeboy made her sign a pre-nup, she's looking for a chance to bail already.

b1bae96e-6447-11e3-b6bb-000f20980440 said...

Somebody should explain to these American women that it is cultural appropriation if they don't take their husband's last name.

I tend to note how odd it is when I run across women who don't change their names even if it is sadly running about 50/50 these days. Oddly, despite how prevalent it is, I have never gotten righteous indignation from such comments where I have on my stance that there are only two genders. I am still working on a theory as to why that is.

tz said...

Changing My Mind
Changing My Name
were two subheadings.
AFAIK she is still unmarried so can't "return" to that status. However it can be solidified.
Electron capture is one of the rarest of radioactive transformations. Beta orbiters take note!
Scratch one *itch.

Cataline Sergius said...

After two years, I’m changing my last name back to Olson from LaFave. No, this isn’t a story about divorce...

Ha Ha Ha (*gasp...wheez*) Ha Ha Ha

Bastiat's Ghost said...

You nailed Vox. Not yet

Daniel said...

Yeah, because nothing feels less equal than sharing the exact same family name.

John Williams said...

The two become 1 flesh. How can 1 flesh have 2 identities?

Michael Maier said...

Yeah... the moment a woman said anything about not taking my name in marriage, I would be cancelling the very thought of a wedding.

"Next", indeed.

If you have to convince her, you've chosen poorly and you're wasting your time.

EVEN IF she has the coolest last name ever.

liberranter said...

She doesn't really want him, at least not the way a wife should want a husband.

And she has probably made this obvious in attitude and action for a looooooong time. "Rob LaFave" must be a hopelessly thirsty Delta-minus to put up with such blatant disrespect. He should have jettisoned this bitchy, selfish gash ages ago.

ThirdMonkey said...

It makes no sense for irreligious or agnostic people to take part in a religious institution such as marriage. There is no benefit to them, and it clearly dilutes the meaning of marriage for those who are religious.

ThirdMonkey said...

It makes no sense for irreligious or agnostic people to take part in a religious institution such as marriage. There is no benefit to them, and it clearly dilutes the meaning of marriage for those who are religious.

Jon M said...

For those who are curious to see what kind of guy would put up with this silliness, Thirsty Rob has a twitter account:

https://mobile.twitter.com/roblafave

dalrock said...

On his Twitter feed he links to a video where she is looking at him with contempt. https://t.co/mPvvlV6l1l

Dalrock said...

Here is a link to the specific tweet. The picture speaks volumes: https://mobile.twitter.com/din/status/700015131208495104

praetorian said...

SF is *fucking brutal* for straight guys.

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/4089686/images/n-EM-LAFAVE-OLSON-628x314.jpg

This guy is a reasonably good looking and fit CEO, and he has to put up with this square-jawed A-10 warthog publicly name-cucking him.

Unbelievable.

Timmy3 said...

There's nothing wrong with a woman keeping her last name as other patriarchal cultures do allow a wife to keep her name. She is blaming everyone for social conventions. It makes no sense to fight it. Ultimately all names trace to a male. Not caring about lineage, she should be alone.

Sir Thermite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sir Thermite said...

To state the painfully obvious, her unmarried last name which she so cherishes and loathed to lose would have been completely different if her female ancestors all acted as stubborn and self-absorbed as she is. Her last name would either have been completely different, or it would be just one small part of gigantic multi-hyphenated named...or (most likely of all) she wouldn't exist because her male ancestors would have had the sense not to marry such women.

Kona Commuter said...

It was a deal breaker if my wife didn't take my surname.

Sir Thermite said...

It was a deal breaker if my wife didn't take my surname

The flip side to that is, how many women are turned-off by a man who's willing to take her surname? The tingles can be so old-fashioned and intolerant...

dc.sunsets said...

Come on. This was a layup, obvious from inception.
Live in San Fran: check.
"Wife" has "equalist" listed first on her twit account: check.

Both man and woman are phenomenally self-absorbed SWPL's: check.

Chalk this one up to "don't give a shit." After all, someone has to fill prescriptions for anti-depressants in a few years.

dc.sunsets said...

Watching that video of this couple was quite instructive. He has the soft, melodious voice of a low T male, she has the seated posture of a man with balls the size of coconuts.

That's a man who *never* gets laid, a woman who carries his nuts around as a souvenir, and a couple whose business will crash and burn as the centripetal acceleration of her crazy-bitch inevitably overcomes whatever cohesion exists from a shared interest.

Rabbi B said...

She's going to buck the patriarchy by taking her maiden name, er, her father's name back.

Priceless.

CarpeOro said...

One comment there:
"I LOVE this. My husband is Wrobel, and I’m Worthy — I have wanted all along to become the Wrothys, but he still isn’t going for it. Sigh."

Somehow, I think that while she may be a Worthy in her mind, she isn't worthy of marriage yet.

Natalie said...

When you aren't a feminist the solution is obvious. If you love your father's heritage you bestow his name (given or surname) on one of your children. It's fairly common in the South for a son to have his maternal grandfather's surname as a middle name (at least, where I live), but that implies things like motherhood and passing down culture and messy and unegalitarian things like that.

subject by design said...

Won't her mother think it is unequal for her to take her father's surname rather than her mother's maiden name?

Aeoli Pera said...

Also why she's going to be returning to her unmarried status before long, one presumes.

Ten years of courtship suggests they were both holding out for something better in the first place.

dadmarten said...

A woman can either honor her husband by taking his name or disrespect him by keeping her father's name. But, in our civilization, all surnames are men's names.

dadmarten said...

A woman can either honor her husband by taking his name or disrespect him by keeping her father's name. But, in our civilization, all surnames are men's names.

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