Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Where was the bear?

Last night, Spacebunny sighed and said to me: "Well, it's going to be a late night."

"Why?" I asked, falling for it.

"The Oscars are on!" she said brightly.

"Seriously? You're going to stay up to watch them?"

"No!" she snorted dismissively, then laughed.

Even the girls don't give a damn about the Oscars anymore. They can see the pretty dresses online, and let's face it, the only thing that was even remotely interesting about Hollywood this year was the fact that a major studio and a film director felt the need to make a public statement denying that Leonardo Dicaprio had been raped by a bear during the making of a movie.

That was more entertaining than the sum total of the movies nominated.
Social justice warriors have succeeded in ruining the entire movie industry. If you needed any proof, you just had to tune in to the 2016 Academy Awards ceremony.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point the Academy Awards went from being a celebration of the film industry to an opportunity to sanctimoniously lecture the American people on various social justice issues. The Oscars have a small set of recurring SJW hot buttons: white racism against blacks, the plight of gays or the gender confused, the plight of women, the plight of immigrants, the Holocaust, and global warming. This year I watched to ensure that all the SJW boxes were checked.

This year was really embarrassing for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences—they did not nominate any black actors. Spike Lee and Will Smith protested it as being racist and boycotted the ceremony. SJW heads exploded.

Now, it strikes me as odd that there must be some sort of quota for blacks being nominated. Why just have a quota for blacks? Why not also have a quota for Chinese and Indian actors? But consistency is not a strong suit of SJWs.
Whatever. I just think they should have given an Oscar to whoever first claimed Dicaprio had been raped by a bear. I don't think that will ever stop being funny.

33 comments:

Gordon said...

Host Chris Rock pointed out that there are no physical reasons to have separate categories for actor and actress. Thus they could just have an award for best black actor and actress. Problem solved! Shaun King and Rachael Dolezal win every year.

Anchorman said...

Separate, but equal.

That's progress....

Krul said...

"Exit, pursued by a bear"

Oliver Märk said...

That would be great fun! Hollywood is in big trouble if that is the best they can offer.

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Cataline Sergius said...

The most annoying part was that Leo finally won. Despite the fact that he can not act.

DiCaprio is a smirking little shit of a former child actor who gets by on his good looks and the fact that Jack Dawson left the theater seats of fifteen year old girls across the globe...wet. He is still coasting on that. His only acting talent is screaming. His performances have no believable depth. They never had and never will. Yet he is easily the biggest Oscar hound in Hollywood. He has been chasing that little gold statue for years. Studio's build their sales pitches to him on the basis of that. Martin Scorsese has ruined many of his own films casting this pretentious little turd. All despite the fact that he will never deliver an Oscar worthy performance. He is also a uber-SJW who jets to Davos on his own private plane, so he can bitch about climate change. But this year his constant, incessant, unending bitching is finally going to payoff. Everybody knows it's in the bag.


Sadly I was right yet again.

I can however take comfort in the fact that many, many other actors I can't stand didn't win.

Matt Damon, for instance, didn't win for best performance AS Matt Damon. This pleases me. Although he had to know he wasn't in the running at all. Science Fiction movies never win shit.

Jennifer Lawrence didn't win. This pleases me. Three Hunger Games ago she came across as the sweet, cute teenage girl playing dress up, whose boobs we famously had not scene, (Seth Macfarlane sang about that). Now she is the spoiled, rich, out of control teenager playing dress-up, whose butt hole we have all seen by now. She has gone full SJW. Hanging out with the likes of Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham. And whinging on and on about how it's travesty that while making many, many millions of dollars. It isn't quite as many millions as she wants.

So I'm happy she lost too.

But best of Will Smith didn't even get nominated.

All this effort, adulation and mega millions spent for a private industry awards ceremony that is functionally no different from the Tanner's and Furrier's Association annual Hot Pot Dinner Banquet and Award's Night.

Unknown said...

You missed the Disney/ABC group commercial advertising their new series about a good Irish Catholic family that divorce and find out their young son is gay. Their shit is getting old.

Rabbi B said...

Was the bear nominated for anything?

Durandel Almiras said...

As Gordon pointed out, if they create racial awards, what stops DiCrapio from claiming he's black on the inside?

And Spike Lee, Idris Elba, Will Smith...will someone with enough balls please tell them that their failure to be nominated has nothing to do with their skin? HollowWood nominates based on how well you supported their latest pet narrative. If Will wants to be nominated, he needs to star as a transgendered, transracial uh, thing! who is a super duper victim.

I got it! Will, let's have you star as Concita Wurst in a movie based on actual events!

Anthony DeMarco said...

At this point it should be clear that the 2016 Oscars were the biggest SJW hoax to date. Black woman president of Academy engineers result such that no blacks are nominated for awards, creates controversy. She has Chris Rock host, to "heighten the contradictions" (heh), and makes sure then entire night is about Prog virtue signalling. Spike Lee, Will Smith, and Rev. Al all oblige her. The poor downtrodden victim... using her cultural power to shove it right in the faces of white American men.

Millions of people at home were fully exposed to the hatred their elites have for them. I imagine more Trump voters were made last night. Just in time for Super Tuesday. Heh.

Quizzer W said...

Has anyone checked on the poor bear since being forced to film the scene? Is it traumatized? Has it received counseling? Where is PETA on this?

Nobody cares about the bear. My faith in humanity grows weaker every day.

Anchorman said...

The truth is, film makers have gotten very lazy.

Every now and then, I hit a blog/video series called, "Every Frame a Picture" (or something like that. The guy is really good at showing how simple scenes can have layers...if the director puts in the time/effort/talent.

Too often, films are single shot of character delivering dialogue. After watching a number of his reviews and critiques, it's hard to un-notice some of the things he notes (like how most films are shot with a single character delivering dialogue on screen and it cuts to another shot of a single character delivering dialogue on the screen).

Of the recent movies, the only one I thought was really imaginative, well acted, and engaging was "Birdman." The director is really talented. He made it look like a "oner" using slick scene editing. It gave the movie a fast, frantic pace, which mirrored the main character's mental state.

Anchorman said...

Was the bear nominated for anything?

People's Choice Award for Best Romance Scene.

Bill Henry said...

Its awards they make up themselves to give to themselves.. ridiculous.

Daniel said...

There is such a culture of bear rape denial in Hollywood, I can't even.

sigbouncer said...

I read a link where Stacey Dash showed up with her statement on black history month that saw the elite seat fillers heads explode in confusion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYcgdo3F70I

paworldandtimes said...

Who's driving?

OMG bear's driving!

Res Ipsa said...

given an Oscar to whoever first claimed Dicaprio had been raped by a bear

You can't rape the willing.

ray said...

Take all the toys away and put the spoiled little brats out on agricultural tracts for five years. Ten hours a day labor, no cameras and no electronics.

No future awards for Smith and all the others who make millions of dollars for doing almost nothing, and then scream they are hard done-by. No role offers. Not even a gig as an extra in a crowd scene.

Noah B said...

Movies have gotten so bad that it's no longer even worth downloading the new releases when they're free.

One Fat Oz Guy said...

And Mad Maxine: Furiosa Road cleaned up. Still trying to show what a (god aweful) awesome movie it is.
Someone in SJW land REALLY wants that movie to hold a special place.

Cataline Sergius said...

@Res Ipsa

You can't rape the willing.

Man are you behind the times.

JDC said...

Was the bear nominated for anything?

The bear's handlers found themselves in a conundrum. Although forced cultural assimilation is wrong, the bear did have to undergo training on what is permitted and what is not permitted in a polite and ethical society. Even though Leo did dress and smell provocatively (skimpy bear coverings and elk feces), that is not permission to hold him down and sodomize him on the mossy, frozen tundra.

Noah B said...

The idea of bears being able to rape people is silly. Bears have historically been oppressed so it isn't possible for them to rape.

Unknown said...

The worst thing about those SJW-themed movies is that they are so dull! The Danish Girl getting fisted or a close-up of Kate Blanchette getting a rim job in Carol, would have made them much more palatable.

Noah B said...

With SJW film I find myself wanting all the characters to hurry up and die.

Aeoli Pera said...

Was the bear nominated for anything?

No, but I hear he's getting a 50 Shades of Gray spinoff on HBO.

Aeoli Pera said...

With SJW film I find myself wanting all the characters to hurry up and die.

I'm reading Scalzi's Old Man's War and having the same experience. But aside from the characters it is surprisingly good. Damn good even.

Noah B said...

50 Shades of Gray? Surely a creature that eats that much raw fish belongs on Girls.

Aeoli Pera said...

I bow before your superior lulz.

Jon M said...

@Aeoli: Yeah, early Heinlein is so good his stories even make Scalzi seem like a great writer.

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bob k. mando said...

VD
Whatever. I just think they should have given an Oscar to whoever first claimed Dicaprio had been raped by a bear. I don't think that will ever stop being funny.



i never understood how a female bear was supposed to rape a man in the first place.

the story was, however, sufficient to buffalo ol Crazy Eyes into believing that Hollyweird was now supporting bestiality. i would link the post, but Barnhardt seems to have deleted it.

gordonsson said...

You're not here for the the huntin', are ya, boy?

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