I am a reader of your blogs, and some others. What advice would you give me as an early-20s woman from an Indian Christian background looking to marry? I’m currently in graduate school. So far, I haven’t become serious about finding a husband but I feel now is a good time for me to start looking.The obvious challenge here is the INTJ personality. Women with this personality type tend to find it very hard to meet men because they naturally incline towards what is almost the unconscious female equivalent of MGTOW.
I’m part of a church and play in an orchestra. I’m physically healthy (BMI hovers around 21, height 5’7), although my hair is somewhat temperamental. I know many guys through these activities, but have never been asked out. (I don’t know if this is an age thing or a race thing - I’m not what the typical white Christian guy is looking for, but I know exactly 0 Indian Christian men around my age - not in my social circles anyway). I’m still a virgin and have never had a boyfriend. If you know anything about Myers-Briggs types, I’m an INTJ, and so I’m a natural loner. I do know how to clean/cook.
If I want to start attracting men who would be interested in marrying me/ I would be interested in marrying, what steps should I take to towards this? I’m hesitant about online dating at this stage. I have no idea what I should be doing.
My suggestion would be to start going to the gym, spend her time there lifting free weights, and force herself to talk to men who talk to her. Her INTJ inclination will be to focus on her workouts, so she has to keep in mind that the reason she is there is to meet people.
Since she has no idea what to do, her objective should be to mirror the behavior of others. Don't think about it, don't analyze it, just do it. A man smiles at you, smile back. A man says hello to you, say hello back. That's all most men are looking for, a positive and open response.
(Which, of course, is why naturally friendly and open women are often accused of leading men on; because they are, according to the rules of social behavior, whether they intend to do so or not.)
Anyhow, her main goal has to be meeting and talking to men; she's a high achiever and yet she has put zero effort into her primary objective of getting married. This is the great conundrum of the modern woman; she spends absolutely no time or effort on achieving her primary goal.