Thursday, May 7, 2015

Alpha Mail: Graduating Gamma report

Z fills us in on his progress:
I thought I would report back on how things have fared since I've taken the advice presented in the Graduating Gamma series.

For a while, it was easy to follow the instructions. But you find yourself backsliding often, especially after the first week or two when the enthusiasm wanes. This is going to be a lifelong battle, I think. My uncle is an alcoholic, who struggles with his addiction. I used to find it hard to believe that someone couldn't just change their behavior and walk away from the bottle. But now I understand. It's that way for Gammas, too.

The hardest part is to stop the lying. Gammas are dishonest by nature. In time, you even start to believe the lies yourself. If I can describe being Gamma in as few words as possible, it would be just that: they are addicted to lies that make them feel good. No lie, however small, is safe for the Gamma, just as liquor is not safe for the alcoholic. So this is the hardest thing for me to change.

A few weeks ago I bought a fast car, something that, once upon a time as a child I had wanted to do. It is a car that has a good following among the muscle car crowd here in America. I went to the local car show/meet with my car and hung out with those people. Most of them were Deltas doing their Delta things. They would talk about car parts, engines, paint jobs and other such things. Of course, other car brands were disparaged (that, too, seems to be a Delta thing). It was very much a man's world, and very different from the computer geek crowd I'm more used to. Even the Alphas present were very gracious and welcoming.

I made a conscious effort to keep the lying under control, and represent myself honestly, as a new person interested in learning about the cars and learning about how to work on mine as well. This was a key point in Graduating Gamma 2. I wasn't entirely successful in the former. Old habits die hard, and some small lies came out before I could stop them (it is a common Gamma failing to speak before you think).

But it was much improved from before. And, I think, a small amount of BSing is considered normal at such an event. That's not an excuse -- I must do better next time -- but it is also true. I had a lot of fun, socializing with the Deltas. Truly, if you approach things from a humble angle, they will welcome you as one of their own. The Alphas and Betas will welcome you, too. They added me to their group, gave me a membership sticker for my car, and made sure to tell me I was welcome at next month's meet. My neighbor, who is also a member, helped me work on my car a few days ago, and taught me some things about it.

That got a little bit off track, but my point is that escaping your Gamma tendencies is neither simple, nor quick, but it is rewarding. I don't know if what I did will work for other Gammas or not. But I found that picking up a masculine hobby was helpful. And truly, when I was young, this was something I wanted to do. I'm not sure when I lost track of that, or why.

But drinking beer at the local dive, hood open in the parking lot, talking about muscle cars, was more therapeutic for me than anything I've ever done before. Please convey my thanks to the original author, and accept my own appreciation.
This is exactly the sort of thing I like to see. The information here is practical. Use it. Social hierarchies are dynamic and you don't have to remain what you are for the rest of your life. Every day, take a small step towards self-improvement.

By this time next year, you might be shocked to look back and discover how far you have come. Go to the gym. Bite your tongue on the lie. Ask out the girl. But above all, get in the game.

29 comments:

Rek. said...

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man. True nobility is being superior to your former self." Hemingway

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

That is awesome news. Taking up a masculine hobby or sport, and going to the gym and lifting, are key. He mentions that he lost track of his interest in muscle cars he had as a kid. I think a lot of guys are like this. Our natural masculine tendencies as Alphas, Betas, or Sigmas are "bred out" of us by family, society, Church, whatever. Reclaiming your masculinity and your rightful place in the hierarchy means becoming a dissident and a rebel.

Earl Thomas said...

I'd agree that being a pathological liar would put you on the low side of things socially.

liberranter said...

I'd agree that being a pathological liar would put you on the low side of things socially.

On the other hand, men who are pathological liars seem to induce tingles in massive numbers of women.

Matt said...

If theres one thing this series has taught me its that a small measure of pity is owed, if only for the next to impossible to control impulse to lie, s an instinct. I cant imagine being like that. It eats me up inside to lie.

Matt said...

Liberranter, not the way Gammas lie.

Earl Thomas said...

'On the other hand, men who are pathological liars seem to induce tingles in massive numbers of women. '

There's seduction...and then there is creating some alternate reality about yourself that even the biggest rube can see through.

verusconditio said...

That got a little bit off track

It didn't. All that you said is entirely relevant. People know a gamma when they socialize with one. They might not be able to explain it, but they know. And people, most especially women, do not like gammas. The fact that they were inviting to you, screams wild success. Don't poo poo this. It's a big deal.

~ Stingray

Bodichi (0031) said...

Typical non-reformed Gamma at a car show.
Gamma: "Yah your car is all right, but I used to have one that went way faster."
Normal Guy: "Really? What was it and how fast did it go?"
Gamma: "Oh, it was a Dodge Mustang, it had fuel injection and a 6 barrel carburetor, and 4-wheel drive!"
Normal Guy: "Huh? What was your best quarter mile time?"
Gamma: "Like 5 seconds, it was super fast."
Normal Guy: "Why would you get rid of that, I would love to see it."
Gamma: "Oh, well, my friend got sick, with some really bad type of cancer and I had to sell it to pay for their treatment."
Normal Guy: "Man you must be a good friend, how much did that thing sell for and how much was your friends treatment?"
Gamma: "Oh man I sold it for over 100K, but I had to use all of it to pay for my friend."
Normal Guy: "Is he hanging out with you today?"
Gamma: "Not so much, he isn't really cool anymore, so I stopped hanging around with him."
Normal Guy with very strange look on his face: "Alright man see you later."

Corvinus said...

By this time next year, you might be shocked to look back and discover how far you have come.

Even with my "Facebook friends", I've noticed that the girls at the top of the list have gotten hotter and hotter in the past few years. (And no, I don't look at other profiles so as not to bias the list.)

Liberranter, not the way Gammas lie.

Right. Bill Clinton wouldn't usually be called a "lying little shit" or some such put-down usually applied to Gammas.

hank.jim said...

Gammas are liars? What a remarkable thing to realize. You might want to not hang out with liars. The car show is not the place to find honest people. One step removed from car salesmanship.

Corvinus said...

The car show is not the place to find honest people. One step removed from car salesmanship.

If I'm reading things correctly, this is a sort of club where car hobbyists go to show their prized cars to each other and swap advice on how to make them better, rather than to hawk lemons.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Motorcycle shows are the same way. Bikers [not just the weekend warrior types] are some of the nicest people around.

Matt said...

The 3 bikers ive worked with were the most talkative bitches I ever met in my life. Real bikers, in clubs their whole lives, tats, the whole look. Absolute yentas. Not even Betas. Deltas through and through.

Jack Amok said...

But it was much improved from before. And, I think, a small amount of BSing is considered normal at such an event. That's not an excuse -- I must do better next time -- but it is also true

I think this is a very important realization. Yes, you have to do better, but it wasn't a catastrophe that you weren't perfect either. I think that is probably the biggest driving factor in a Gamma's tendency to lie - they're afraid the slightest failure will ruin them socially. But now you know that's not true - you can stumble, admit it, and carry on. And still have fun.

Good for you. Keep it up. There are four phases to mastery. In the initial phase, you're enthusiastic but unskilled. In the second phase, your enthusiasm starts to wane and you haven't yet acquired enough skill to feel successful, so you start to doubt. A lot of people give up here, but if you keep going, you'll get to phase three where you're actually starting to be successful, but you still lack confidence. Finally in phase four, you have skills and confidence - that's mastery.

And at that point it's time to start learning something else, but that's a challenge for another day. Keep it up. It can take a while to rewire some brain circuits, but you can in fact do it.

Good luck.

johnnesteutes said...

@Bodichi: I don't know how gammas who talk like that avoid being punched in the face.

I know a compulsive liar. He's so compulsive it's almost cool. You can never tell when he's lying. (Low SMV guy, predictably with shockingly high SMV woman albeit with B cluster type problems.) Gammas think they lie like he does. Sadly, the rest of smell their nonsense a mile away.

A fellow recently asked me, "How come when I do things that are alpha, it doesn't work for me, but works when [insert mutual friend of ours who is an obvious alpha with N>100 partner count]?"

Besides pointing him to the Vox gamma guide, I don't know what to say other than "it just feels wrong when you do it". Convincing him he's a gamma is the hard part.

It seems once a gamma knows he's a gamma, he's basically halfway there to not being one anymore.

Meanwhile the typical gamma I know and try to help tells me about how he "acts pretty alpha" despite no current girlfriend, low or zero N count (not by choice), and enough gamma tells to make me cringe every 5 minutes.

Some days I think women have things right with their base instincts to try to keep these men from breeding.

JP said...

A real watershed for me was when I started admitting I didn't know things. I'm also quite into the car scene, though I prefer turbos and 4WD. I used to think I MUST know more than everyone else or else they'll think I'm stupid. But now I'm much more relaxed and I just admit when I don't know something. You get a lot more respect that way. I did however attract some rabbity aggression from one of the resident "experts" when it became clear that I knew more than him about a very specific topic. But that just gave me an insight on how it looks from the other end.

Tank said...

For a while, it was easy to follow the instructions. But you find yourself backsliding often, especially after the first week or two when the enthusiasm wanes. This is going to be a lifelong battle,

The most difficult period for changing any behavior is in the short term, after the initial excitement. Then it SLOWLY gets easier.

I say this as someone who lost 50+ pounds and kept it off, and changed behavior towards women (although I'm no Alpha for sure).

Bodichi (0031) said...

@John

Most people that I know in real life would rather just walk away from that person and never talk to them again. It is easier to remove them from your life that to waste another second in thinking about them.

Trust said...

A man from my church posted an article on fb titled "ten things a man needs from his woman." At the top of the article, there was a link to an articled titled "ten things a woman needs from her man."

One of the first comments on the post was from a woman: "Why does it ALWAYS have to he about the man's needs? Newsflash: women have needs to! Maybe if you would pay a little attentions to a woman's needs FOR A CHANGE you would get your needs met too. :) :) :)"

Of course, that's complete monkey shit, but gammas will lap it up and share it. Note the use of ALWAYS to describe an exception.

Earl Thomas said...

"Why does it ALWAYS have to he about the man's needs? Newsflash: women have needs to! Maybe if you would pay a little attentions to a woman's needs FOR A CHANGE you would get your needs met too. :) :) :)"

Whenever I see a maybe statement from a women followed by a demand...I assume that means 'not happening'.

Because I have yet in the history of my life ever seen a maybe statement from a woman turn into a yes when she gets the demand she wants.

SarahsDaughter said...

Note the use of ALWAYS to describe an exception

All that exists at this moment when reading about something other than me, is "at this moment". At this moment, I am reading about a man's needs, therefore it is ALWAYS about a man's needs. When, during a different "at this moment" I read about a woman's needs (me) my brain doesn't come up with "ALWAYS about a man's needs", it comes up with "FINALLY, for ONCE, because USUALLY it is ALWAYS about a man's needs."

To recap, when it is about ME - "Finally, for once because usually it is always"
When it is not about ME - "it is always about someone else"

Got it?

And don't get all sexist and bring up the definition of words. Especially when it's that time of the month - see next post!

Trust said...

Spot on, Sarah. No arguments here

hank.jim said...

"Maybe if you would pay a little attentions to a woman's needs FOR A CHANGE you would get your needs met too. :) :) :)"

Notice the smiley faces. She is kidding of course. This argument flies in the face of a taboo that women's affection cannot be a transaction. If you do something or anything for a woman, don't expect it to be reciprocated. She never does because it is against her beliefs or just too icky. She's not a whore, although she is.

A man should just demand his needs be met. Or nothing.

Mr.MantraMan said...

If he has white knight issues he can consult this youtube video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPpfgqXe0QA

Patrikbc #0344 said...

I'm pretty sure I know what an Alpha is, but I been wrong before, but what in the blue F&@k is a beta,delta,gamma etc.
What are the characteristics....lol, is here a test?

techdouchebaggery said...

I want to congratulate "Z." Working on cars is a fun pastime and it's a "guy" thing. I'm glad he had a good experience meeting the Deltas. I've found that car guys are generally friendly with "n00bs" but they get turned off fast if the n00b turns into an arrogant douche who doesn't really know what he is saying (as per Bodichi's comment).

One point for "Z" - car guys always give each other shit. It doesn't matter if you have a convertible Plymouth Barracuda: somebody will rib you for it. Just be aware and don't let any Gamma tendencies ruin the interaction. You can joke back and laugh it off. I knew a guy who had a 1978 Trans-Am. Somebody with a bigger HP car was giving him sass. The guy just smiled and said something like "Burt Reynolds never chose your car." Maybe a silly comeback, but the guy was happy with his car choice. Be happy with your car and don't let somebody's opinion ruin it for you.

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