Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The unforeseeable future

Is apparently about 16 years:
We all wish we could return to the days when we were in our prime. When men did not look straight through us in restaurants, their reptilian brains discounting us as unworthy of note. When we were not just mothers and wives — invisible to all but our loved ones....

This is why women — especially those of my age — are so desperate to do everything to halt the rot. And why they — we — are so vulnerable to the siren call of the plastic surgeon’s knife.

When I was in my early 30s and liked what I saw in the mirror, I vowed that I would never mess with Mother Nature. I would grow old with dignity and grace.

I reneged on that promise several years ago. Not to any great extent — just a bit of help with those pesky frown lines.

But though I haven’t quite booked my first facelift, I’m not discounting the possibility either.

Because, you see, growing old is a bit like giving birth. People tell you how awful it is and you can look at pictures and read about it in books. But you never really appreciate quite how hard it is until it actually happens to you.

At which time you’d do almost anything to make it stop.
Now, consider how young women are making decisions that will have a significant impact on their ability to marry and have children with the same sort of self-insight.

What are the chances that the average woman of 34 is going to feel the same way about her perspective at 18 that the 48-year old Sarah Vine does about her 32-year old self?

45 comments:

verusconditio said...

invisible to all but our loved ones.

Ah, but . . . when one of those is a man you adore who still looks at you like you 20 . . . it's not nearly so bad.

~ Stingray

Earl Thomas said...

When it comes to perspective everybody has their own views about how life is. How women view their aging process is much different than how men usually view it.

Unknown said...

Her "thoughts" (if that what you can call them) beg the question:Why are you invisible to all but loved ones?

Because there is no substance to her (or any woman) in the absence of a man in her life? Because she spent the best years of her SMV/SMM life riding the cock carousel. instead of building a family and solid relationship with a man who'll view her with marriage goggles, as she ages, rather than the sharp-eyed lens of that bad boy alpha rock drummer, who only wants "younger-tighter" 20 yr. old women?

Yet, in her own mind she is blameless. Its society which demands she undergo such transformation, as she ages, badly, no matter how "plastic" and fake its results!

Earl Thomas said...

'Her "thoughts" (if that what you can call them) beg the question:Why are you invisible to all but loved ones?'

She's living in the current superficial world we all live in. Where her only worth comes from her outer appearance and her interior state doesn't really matter. As women age the interior state and attitude starts to take over when the looks fade...so they should develop them while they are in their prime. This is where older women can still be visible to people. But the majority of them get the opposite thought process and use their looks and sex to cash in for themselves while letting their soul go by the wayside.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

It's great to be an (older) man. Like fine wine, men get better as we age. Life is good.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

It's great to be an (older) man. Like fine wine, men get better as we age. Life is good.

Retrenched said...

Young women have tons of sexual power, which comes at the expense of older women.

No attractive young woman sheds any tears for her older, overlooked sisters - it's only when she ages and becomes the invisible one herself that she sees it a problem.

For men, getting older isnt this traumatic for us because most of us spend our whole lives invisible to the majority of the opposite sex anyway. Those rare moments of getting noticed by an attractive woman just become a little more rare.

Retrenched said...

Young women have tons of sexual power, which comes at the expense of older women.

No attractive young woman sheds any tears for her older, overlooked sisters - it's only when she ages and becomes the invisible one herself that she sees it a problem.

For men, getting older isnt this traumatic for us because most of us spend our whole lives invisible to the majority of the opposite sex anyway. Those rare moments of getting noticed by an attractive woman just become a little more rare.

Earl Thomas said...

Heh...yeah that puts it in perspective.

Women get nothing but attention from men from 13 to around 34. For most guys it's an every once and a while event that a woman notices you. Plus as men get older, they generally get wiser and don't do the same mistakes with women they did as a youth.

Hud said...

Her problem is vanity, not age. She's never gonna wise up, though.

Polynices said...

Her problem is being fat and homely, not old.

SarahsDaughter said...

Absolutely Stingray. A husband married for 20 years sees his wife unlike any other man can see her: the age she was when they married plus 20 years of loyalty.

hank.jim said...

Men don't get noticed at all, but its women with all these problems. This is female entitlement. They don't deserve male attention at all times. Besides, since when do women welcome male attention? It certainly don't seem to want it at the man's convenience. Women should take advantage of their attractiveness when they are young. Plastic surgery will not fix the aging issue. It just makes a more youthful looking old woman that fools no one.

Ximo Bravo said...

What can you expect from people whose paramount idea of "awful" is giving birth to their very own children?

badwhite said...

"Absolutely Stingray. A husband married for 20 years sees his wife unlike any other man can see her: the age she was when they married plus 20 years of loyalty."

Bullseye. Its sad to consider how all these unmarried middle aged women traded eternal youth for a decade on the carousel and a merciless ejection once they hit the wall. You wanna be young and hot forever? Marry when you're young and hot, stay married, and don't radically alter your appearance. He won't be able to tell the difference between 21 you and 41 you.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Whenever I read stories like this I'm always reminded of the Bowie song 'Boys Keep Swinging':

'Heaven loves ya / The clouds part for ya / Nothing stands in your way / When you're a boy'

'Clothes always fit ya / Life is a pop of the cherry / When you're a boy'

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

men don't get noticed at all

Speak for yourself.

badwhite said...

If you're not getting noticed, you're probably a gamma or low delta and women know it.

LordSomber said...

Wasn't there a Greek philosopher who stressed the importance of a woman to develop character so she had something to fall back on when her looks faded?
Anyway, age-old advice forever being ignored...

deborahann15 said...

I'm speaking for myself. I'm like a very fine wine. After 20 years of marriage, you can just ask my husband!! When it comes to cosmetic surgery, to each her own. I've never even dyed my hair. I know women who are in their 50s to 80s and they're beautiful inside and out. They are strong, courageous women. I plan on emulating them.

Brad Andrews said...

Her hair is far too short. Takes everything else done several levels.

Brad Andrews said...

Her hair is far too short. Takes everything else done several levels.

Earl Thomas said...

'Wasn't there a Greek philosopher who stressed the importance of a woman to develop character so she had something to fall back on when her looks faded?'

It's in the Bible.

'Similarly, women should adorn themselves with proper conduct, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hairstyles and gold ornaments, or pearls, or expensive clothes, but rather, as befits women who profess reverence for God, with good deeds.' 1 Tim 2:8-10

Jeremy VanGelder said...

"While on the way from the living room to the kitchen to help Mom, I remembered something Dad had told me one day when I was going around our barnyard with a big scowl on my very freckled face. This is what he said: 'Bill Collins, you're making the same face while you're a boy that you'll have to look at in the mirror all the rest of your life...'

"My Mom has the kindest face I ever saw, and her forehead is very smooth, without any deep creases in it -- either going across it or running up and down. Just for fun one day I asked her if she had been ironing it, it was so smooth, and do you know what she said?

"She said, 'I've been ironing it all my life. I've kept the frowns and wrinkles off ever since I was a little girl, so the muscles that make frowns and wrinkles won't have a chance to grow"-- which they will if they get too much exercise." Sugar Creek Gang-The Chicago Adventure

collisioncat67 said...

.

JDC said...

It's great to be an (older) man. Like fine wine, men get better as we age. Life is good.

Life is good. My wife is good. We older men also tend to repeat ourselves.

collisioncat67 said...

The young women squeal with delight as they go round and round,...up and down on that colorful, musical carousel.
Without a concern in the world, the girls think that the ride will be lifelong.

Then the are flung off and smash, face first into the retaining wall.

Now, instead of carousel party-rock thats the soundtrack, out come the violins; and the wailing.

"Why can't men be attracted to accomplished, strong, independent women like me? Why does it always have to be about looks?;...she fumes. Why do those G-d damn men have to be so backwards and animal-like?"

The violins are now accompanied be meowing and hissing.

xxxx said...

According to psychology, every kid is a narcissist and he progressively experiences the fact that the world does not revolve around him.

Imagine you are not able to have this experience. You will remain a narcissist forever. They are constantly praised for everything they do and they are giving a huge privilege only for being cute/pretty/hot. This goes from age 0 to 34 and it is greatly amplified by white knights, pedestalizers, the media, feminists, fathers and everybody.

Could you blame them if they end up as self-obsessed b*tches? Have they had any other kind of experience that being treated like royalty? When they get to 40, they are terrified that this being treated like princesses is over. Then, they have lost the beauty they have based all his life on. Forever. It's too late to do something with their life. It's too late to change her personality so they are provided a set of rationalizations and delusions to mitigate the pain.

Traditional society prevented this outcome because older women were able to give advice to young women. But boomer women, where they were young, rejected this advice and, now that they are old, are unable to give good advice to young women because it is too painful for them to admit that they have screwed their own life.

When you are young and are treated like a servant by these b*tches, you think they have it pretty. But, when you are older, you wouldn't switch places with them in a million years.

Noah B said...

"If you're not getting noticed, you're probably a gamma or low delta and women know it."

There's a big difference between not getting noticed, and not noticing that you're getting noticed. An awful lot of guys are in the latter category. Women notice them, and would respond favorably if the guy made a move, but the guys are shy and inexperienced enough not to be able to tell. This is especially aggravated by the fact that so many young men are taught that there are no behavioral differences between the sexes, even though all that we see tells us otherwise. The more that young men believe the crap they're taught in public school, the more likely they are to miss the subtle indications of interest that women give to those who are not the very highest alphas/sigmas.

davidcollard said...

I don't mind short hair, but the woman is carrying some extra weight, which she is attempting to cover with her baggy clothes. (If a man like me can see this, it is pretty bad). She also has a kind of "attitude" about her which is unattractive, as if she is judging. A receptive attitude is more attractive.

As for Sarah's Daughter and Stingray, absolutely agree. I see this from the other side. A husband does have "wife goggles" and sees his wife (provided she still has some of the lineaments of her younger self about her) as the young woman he found attractive 20 or 30 years ago.

Eric said...

Absolutely Stingray. A husband married for 20 years sees his wife unlike any other man can see her: the age she was when they married plus 20 years of loyalty.

There's something to this. I'm not even married, but a few years back I ran into my high school sweetheart from 30 years ago. We're pushing 50 now, but somehow my eyes were showing me her at 16.

Eric said...

The more that young men believe the crap they're taught in public school, the more likely they are to miss the subtle indications of interest that women give to those who are not the very highest alphas/sigmas.

It doesn't help that young women can not be seen to be doing anything wrong when it comes to sex and dating. Winding up men they have no interest in is all in good fun for some gals, and a young man doesn't have to be played for a fool very many times before he decides IOIs are all corrupt and he won't respond unless a woman is very forward.

Earl Thomas said...

Yeah it's not so much missing the subtle indications screwing men up...it's women playing men when they don't have those true feelings for them. I've seen that way more than missing the signals. You know...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...

hank.jim said...

I wrote "Men don't get noticed at all" in full knowledge that some men do get noticed. They don't get noticed in the same sense that women get noticed. IF this is so hard, then this just shows that people rather be argumentative than prove a point.

"subtle indications of interest" Women don't ask men out. That's the final word.

Earl Thomas said...

The being noticed part is easy to see with online dating. A woman could have an inbox stuffed full of interested men within a couple of days...a guy might be lucky to get one or two a week.

Corvinus said...

Winding up men they have no interest in is all in good fun for some gals, and a young man doesn't have to be played for a fool very many times before he decides IOIs are all corrupt and he won't respond unless a woman is very forward.

Yeah it's not so much missing the subtle indications screwing men up...it's women playing men when they don't have those true feelings for them. I've seen that way more than missing the signals. You know...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...

@Eric @Earl Thomas
Nah, I think it's likely the women are interested but lose it due to beta behavior. If they're not interested at all, they will refrain from flirting with him, either by acting purely friendly (if he's a Delta or a [lowercase] alpha she's not interested in) or by avoiding the man completely (if he's a Gamma or Omega). Conversely, alpha behavior will cause them to ratchet things up.

"subtle indications of interest" Women don't ask men out. That's the final word.

@hank.jim
Corollary: women aren't offended if men ask them out.

Ron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ron said...

@collisioncat67

It sure seems that way.

obat herbal glaukoma said...

nice post

1sexistpig2another said...

Could you blame them if they end up as self-obsessed b*tches?

I'm not blaming them. I just want to help them wake up. Unfortunately from their point of view that makes me a sexist jerk. I'm okay with that.

Retrenched said...

The experience that the author talks about, how men "look through" her in restaurants.. for 80% of men that's the default setting in life -- most women look right through them as a matter of course, as if they aren't there at all. The point is that unless a man makes a specific effort to get attention from women, it's rarely going to happen. Whereas a young, fertile woman cannot avoid being noticed by men unless she never leaves the house. So men never experience anything like the drop-off in attention from the opposite sex that women do.

Retrenched said...

"The being noticed part is easy to see with online dating. A woman could have an inbox stuffed full of interested men within a couple of days...a guy might be lucky to get one or two a week."

Surveys on these dating sites show that women rank about 80% of the men as "below average", while men rank about 50% of women as such. Men rank women against all other women; women rank men against alpha males, the only ones visible to them.



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Joshua Sinistar said...

It all comes down to,"Lifes not FAIR!" Why are some people old? Why are some people attractive? Why are some people smarter? Why can't EVERYONE BE THE SAME?
Because that's apparently diversity. Everyone is exactly the same.
Noah Webster has lived and died in vain...

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