Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The Year-Long Proposal

JM asked me to address it:
Please-oh-please! write on the year-proposal guy: My wife said "gotta see this, so romantic". I couldn't stand it, it drove me crazy - A YEAR? Are you kidding me? Makes no sense any which way to me. Wife was eventually amused but otherwise flabbergasted by my reaction.
Actually, I'm not inclined to criticize a man for this sort of thing. Is it "so romantic"? I suppose. It tended to strike me as a bit of what the Brits call "taking the piss", especially if he was occasionally doing it right behind her back.

It's a bit narcissistic and passive-aggressive for me, and is both sillier and more time-intensive than anything I could ever imagine myself doing, but if the guy is a cheeseball and she's going to marry him, she's probably got more of an appetite for that sort of posturing cheese than the average woman.

It's a bit delta-gamma in that there is a little martyr complex in it that puts an amount of pressure on the young woman to say yes, but if that's where you are, that's where you are. Not every man can pull off grunting "here" and tossing a ring box at his bride-to-be, and not every woman can handle the sort of man who isn't inclined to dance on romantic command.

And this is the social media generation, after all, and what girl doesn't want something she can post on Facebook and Twitter.

34 comments:

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

I'm with JM on this one. WTF?! There's something instinctively distasteful about this spectacle. Ugh. I need to go now and wash my eyes out with some tea.

hank.jim said...

If she thinks its romantic, then it is.

scatyb said...

I kept waiting for her to say "no".

MATT said...

Couldnt get last the first 10 secondS

macengr said...

The worst part is, everyone will expect proposals to get fancier and fancier. Look at weddings.

grendel said...

This is the kind of crap you only get in a dysfunctional postmodern society where people shack up for years before they marry. The video doesn't disgust me or anything; the guy doesn't come across as a superfag and the girl is attractive. But it's a symptom of the disease.

Earl Thomas said...

I always figured the marriage was the crown of acheivement...not the proposal or the wedding.

Quadko said...

I thought the video was too long a proposal, the year lead up waiting... crazy. But if she said yes, and her family's involved - at least it worked. But I swear he could have saved the year and done it that first day/week/month. What was he trying to prove?!? But no rush if they're living together, I suppose.

I hadn't thought about her bragging rights; that's something that adds more apparent value.
And is it just me, or did he up his weightlifting, tanning, and start wearing contacts over the year? :D

dw said...

The sex doesnt lie. If she loves him and sleeps with him after this then its probably a game and she was amused by it.

Doom said...

Oh, well, I've been dragging my feet on that very front. But it hasn't been for some weird reason. Not sure... it's the best. I don't worry about his reasons or what it means to or for him or her. All I know is I couldn't deal with that time span. If I find she is indeed interested, and spend some time making sure she... grasps some things and is on the same page about what marriage means and that there is a common enough plan for the future, I will ask almost immediately after deciding to ask. Days might go by, dragging feet some more. But not a week, and maybe not even those days. I think she is already a bit put out, if I read women at all (questionable, but it's what I've got), by my not asking... or at least advancing... already. Not a happy young lady at all. Still smiled greatly, last time I saw her, though, if almost through tears at times. Loves them dames, crazy as they are. Hopefully just one more.

A year? I'm thinking he is hoping he dies before he commits, or she does? I can't call that romantic. Asking midflight, on a parachute jump, sure. Or even having a skywriter write the thing, maybe. Then again, I'm not sure I always know romantic. I'm still pretty sure that isn't it, save to already married women having second thoughts, or trying to slow the world down enough to remember their "big day"? Dunno on that score.

Corvinus said...

Here's Roissy's take on this kind of thing.

AmyJ said...

It's sweet, but I did skip until the countdown was at 10. However, her reaction showed how much it affected her. I sincerely hope she is worth his effort.

Guitar Man said...

I asked my then 19 year old girlfriend by taking a day trip to NYC. We walked in Central Park, I got on one knee (in a private part of the park) and asked her. No ring (yet). She said yes, and we celebrated by getting dirty water dogs. Yep, I'm a romantic by nature. She absolutely believes it was a very romantic day, 15 years and 5 kids later.

Natalie said...

I'm with guitar man :) Botanical garden and then smooching then until my lips went numb. Simple is good.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

For all we know, this guy prepared 365 cards and filmed it all in one day, with the cooperation of the dog and cat (who obviously enjoyed the intrigue). And what's with the bow ties? Must be a Southern thing.

When I proposed to my wife [now ex-wife] I kept it simple and spontaneous. The only hiccup was that I tripped and fell over a large rock on the beach, which made her burst out laughing. A bunch of onlookers applauded.

Guitar Man said...

Fogey, there's nothing wrong with the bow tie. Especially if you're a certain Austrian economist.

Noah B said...

I was planning to ask my wife to marry me on top of Angel's Landing in Zion, which is how I found out she is terrified of heights or anything resembling a scenic view. She was trembling and in tears by the time we reached the end of the switchback trail leading to the peak, so it didn't happen that day.

Dystopic said...

"Not every man can pull off grunting "here" and tossing a ring box at his bride-to-be..."

This is exactly what I did, excepting what when she opened the box, I added "you know what that means."

Dexter said...

I don't listen to voice mails that last longer than five seconds. If you can't get to the fucking point that fast, too bad for you.

Noah B said...

I would have gotten a ring, but thousands of African children are enslaved every year to mine for blood diamonds. So I just grunted.

mmaier2112 said...

I'd prefer the direct approach as well. And screw getting down on one knee.

And I think making it public is just rude. I'd prefer she thinks she's the only one that knows I'm asking to get a more honest reaction from her.

Markku said...

I can't help but notice that in this particular strategy, had he decided to ditch the bitch during that one year period, he could have just deleted the files and she would have been none the wiser.

Markku said...

On the other hand, if he indeed decided on that one year mark that this is the woman he wants to keep, then he'd have an excellent way to grandstand and get publicity.

MATT said...

What he should have done was spend 365 days learning and practicing sleight of hand and pickpocketting, on the 366th day kissed his gg and slipped the ring on her finger without her noticing, then saying something clever when she stares at it, tears welling up.

liberranter said...

I would have gotten a ring, but thousands of African children are enslaved every year to mine for blood diamonds. So I just grunted.

Rings also seem to cause women to pack on several dozen pounds of lard over the course of a year (or less) while simultaneously killing their sex drive. Surely there's gotta be an alternative that communicates the same intent while not causing so much long-term destruction.

Markku said...

What he should have done was spend 365 days learning and practicing sleight of hand and pickpocketting, on the 366th day kissed his gg and slipped the ring on her finger without her noticing, then saying something clever when she stares at it, tears welling up.

Or get her so drunk that she passes out, then put the ring on, and when she wakes up, go "RINGED, BITCH!!!"

Markku said...

Just to be sure, I need to stress that this is a joke. Don't you go out there and give that much alcohol to your girlfriends. Sleeping pills are safer.

MATT said...

Convince her that rings are trash and she doesnt need it, then when she least expects it, BAM! Diamond ring. Of the non blood variety of course.

pdwalker said...

Men are the true romantics.

Hendra Prasetyo said...

N I CES

Pirran said...

Yup, nothing pays like persistence. Particularly when you're a poetry reciting adolescent boy.....

http://youtu.be/X0Mt8b0JJCI

agalltyr said...

So, am I to assume there's no sex going on during that year of patience? Because if there is sex, then the engagement (and the marriage itself) is a pretty meaningless and empty gesture.

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