Monday, November 3, 2014

Stop telling women to smile

The fierce moral urgency of telling men when they may, and may not, speak:
I created "Stop Telling Women to Smile," a street art series, to speak back to the men who harass me. The work began as way to tell my story, but it has grown to reflect the stories of many other women.

While I think that the law has its place in helping keep women safe, I don't think this is an issue that will be solved by assigning it to the police. Because police sexually harass women, too. Some women are wary of bringing the police into their communities because of fears of brutality and profiling.

We don't want to criminalize men. We want simply to walk down the street, and live our lives without the constant verbal harassment and abuse. We want to be treated as people who are outside because we have lives to live and business to handle – not as decoration. This will happen when men acknowledge their privilege, pay heed to the realities of women and begin to police themselves.
So, some women want to criminalize men talking to women in public, while the more moderate women merely want them to voluntarily lose their voices. Meanwhile, in #GamerGate, women are angry because other men don't want anything to do with them.

It's almost as if there is no pleasing them.

I have to admit, I have never in my life told a stranger to smile. I can't imagine giving a quantum of a damn whether some woman I don't know smiles or not. For the most part, I ignore women in public entirely; in general, it has been much more common for them to approach me than the other way around. As this poor, abused gentleman found when he tried to simply walk around New York City minding his own business.

34 comments:

Tommy Hass said...

Please don't tell me you were hit on by homos like that too, Vox...

Vox said...

Please don't tell me you were hit on by homos like that too, Vox...

I played in a techno dance band on a gay record label. You have no idea. But it wasn't a problem. I just viewed the various invitations as compliments and politely declined them.

Conscientia Republicae said...

Headhunters pile up in my inbox offering all kinds of sales director jobs. I have no intention of moving, so I could consider it harassment, but sanity reveals that I'm merely in demand by companies across the country.

Michael Maier said...

Now they're bitching because someone tells them to smile?

They really will bitch about anything.

IIRC, I've had better results from telling a woman to smile, rather than asking her to do so.

Usually I prefer to make a women smile by saying something flirty rather then just telling her to do so.


Semi-on-topic: What's an effective way to tell a woman to knock it off with her annoying fake laugh? Seriously, that stuff grates.

Krul said...

I have to admit, I have never in my life told a stranger to smile.

Me neither, but I have been told to smile by both men and women at various times. I ignore them, understanding that they're just trying to start a dialogue in which I normally have no interest.

Although, I admit that when you're trying to concentrate on something and some class clown abruptly belches "Smile!" in your face, with no appreciation for what's on your mind and as though your feelings were somehow their concern, it can be infuriating. The response in these cases would be to politely inform the clown that his or her merry interjections are counterproductive and unwelcome.

Or you could sue for harassment. Either way.

Rabbi B said...

"It's almost as if there is no pleasing them."

There is no almost about it. It is empowerment through victimhood. These types of women want it both ways and always, and they know exactly what they are doing. They want to be the revered hero and the center of attention and are more than happy to play the victim role if the attention that they ought to be receiving is deemed deficient or is not the type of attention they were hoping for. They hate not being the show.

Many will deliberately dress provocatively and walk down the street in order to turn men's heads, while reveling in "you can look but you can't touch' because ATTENTION, and yet at the very same time, they can on a whim, indignantly castigate the 'offenders' as perverts and misogynists if it happens to suit their purposes because LAW and OBJECTIFICATION and yes, more ATTENTION.

These women certainly don't need us to objectify them, they're doing a fine job all on their own, and since there is no pleasing them and we can NEVER win, ignoring most women in public is the most prudent course and ultimately in the best interest of these insecure attention whores.

Rabbi B said...

BTW

My oldest daughter works in a bank where she is 'hit on' and asked out multiple times a week. She simply does what I have instructed her to do: smile politely, hand them my card with my name and phone number on it and tell them to give me a call if they're truly interested. No one has called me yet.

Vox said...

What's an effective way to tell a woman to knock it off with her annoying fake laugh? Seriously, that stuff grates.

Agree and amplify. Laugh harder and faker. Then, when she demands to know what you're doing, tell her that you thought pretending to think something funny was "our thing".

She might do it again. But she won't do it a third time. "See, that's our thing, right? AH HA HA HA HA!"

Women HATE it when they're trying to be dismissive and you insist on taking it as them declaring you to be an equal.

glavinwife said...

One has to wonder if Bill Burr reads game blogs

Bill Burr - Woman Want to Ruin the NFL!

de ti said...

“telling men when they may, and may not, speak”

That’s the point right there. The entire so-called “street harassment” “problem” is all about women demanding the right to govern the public conduct and thoughts of all men, everywhere. It’s also about telling the so-called “low value” men to shut up so that the “high value” men can approach them, and so that women don’t actually get accurate assessments of their sexual market values.

I’d also observe that when a woman dresses in skin tight clothing designed to provoke and arouse male interest, and designed to attract male attention, then she is bound to attract the attention of unattractive men as well as attractive men.

I have little sympathy for a woman who attracts the attention of both attractive men, and unattractive men. She’ll have to do what countless women before her have had to do. Deal with it. Deal. With. It. Or, don’t dress in ways specifically designed to attract male attention.

Crowhill said...

Modern men are expected to care about what women want but modern women aren't expected to care about what men want. Rather, they're supposed to mock and ridicule what men want.

It wasn't this way just a generation ago.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

"some women want to criminalize men talking to women in public"

That's pretty much what it amounts to.

Of course, the jerks, assholes, and guys who just don't give a shit will continue to approach.

It's almost as if some of these feminist campaigns are giant shit-tests.

Trust said...

I've never met a man who expected to have his feelings codified into law, but I've encountered many women which think being fondled is fine and being smiled at is a violation based solely on their feelings toward the source.

Nataliya Kochergova said...

"While I think that the law has its place in helping keep women safe, I don't think this is an issue that will be solved by assigning it to the police. Because police sexually harass women, too. Some women are wary of bringing the police into their communities because of fears of brutality and profiling."

It's surprising to see this. Usually, they think the state is their friend, and cops can solve everything. It's refreshing to see at least some rationality. Time after time, calling the cops to solve a private dispute has proven to be dangerous and stupid.

dalrock said...

This hypersensitivity goes beyond men's speech. What really drives them nuts is what men are thinking. This is the genius behind the "I'm silently judging you" T shirt. Women care about this stuff far mor than men. Pretty soon they will be trying to outlaw the smirk.

alphaisassumed said...

Rest assured that if this latest crusade succeeds and men stop talking to random women, we'll see a slew or articles about how cold everybody's become. "What's Happened to Friendliness in America?" "Why Are People So Reserved in Public?" with quotes from women about how isolated and lonely they feel in large cities in which everybody acts as though everybody else is invisible.

~Martel

jimmy-jimbo said...

They are issuing an empty threat. They don't want to bring the police into it and they don't want to criminalize men. It's just that they would want to if the conditions are right.

By not speaking to women, you already preemptively silenced yourself. So whatever.

There should be a law against women who ask for favors from strange men. I'm certainly tired of that. Asking for directions is a terrible thing. Asking to change her tires is worst.

therationalmale.com said...

Meanwhile, in the 50+ SWF demographic…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arlene-schindler-/women-feeling-invisible_b_4151551.html

"As a woman in my 50s, walking down a city street, I feel invisible to almost any man walking past me. I've been that unseen woman over and over again. Friends have echoed this experience to me as well."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2588812/Women-feel-invisible-age-51-Confidence-plummets-hitting-50-says-new-study.html

Yes, it's still those horrible men's fault for not checking her out on the street too.

JCclimber said...

funny how most of the harassers in the other video are.....men. Gay men, who are some of the most direct, in your face, rude and annoying harassers on the planet.

As a decent looking straight man living near San Francisco, you learn to accept it as a compliment. Believe you me, they are NOT harassing men who are not attractive. My former co-workers who were homosexuals said that straight men or at least straight looking and acting men were by far more attractive to most gay men.

One of them was a former model, and it was hilarious to our entire team how much blatant sexual harassment he had to put up with......from women. One waitress in North Carolina (business trip) was so blatant and persistent that several us, myself included, did the whole "drink coming out the nose" thing happening. That was the only time I saw him lose his temper. Probably because we were laughing so hard, and he was an introvert and just wanted to be left alone.

de ti said...

Good looking men having to put up with harassment from women? I believe it. Most women are acting more and more like men – working like men, talking like men, comporting themselves like men, and fucking like men. Many women also believe that the good looking guy should have sex with them at the drop of a hat, because hey, men will have sex with anything that moves.

It’s also clear that women are in this primarily for the sex. I saw three comments at another site recently that made clear that AFBB is very much a thing, and is very much alive. One of those women is in a casual sex relationship with a man she doesn’t really like, but stays with him because the sex is so good. So it’s pretty clear to me that more and more women are approaching sex and relationships more as men do – as the assertive, even aggressive, partner; seeking to control all parameters of the encounters; etc.

Rabbi B said...

Thirty times in three hours?!!?

Ten times every hour, once every 6 minutes??!!!

We have an epidemic on our hands! Somebody needs to notify the CDC.

Help! Help! Mayday! Mayday!

Crowhill said...

@therationalmale.com's comment about the 50+ women, there are some women whose response to "I'm not feeling the way I want to feel" is "somebody come fix this for me."

Doom said...

I do tell women, who want a man, and are worth it, to smile. Especially if that man happens to be me. I do it as general advice, broadly, as well as personally. No pun, probably, intended. And, usually, picked well. Most good women will smile when told to do so. You don't have to do it verbally, always, either. But it works.

As to pleasing women, are you kidding? No, you can't. But, as a right, or not, man, that isn't your job. If you want a little dove on your hand, you don't do that by pleasing her. First, you can't. Second, she can't be pleased. Actually, if you go into that, displeasing her will not only catch her, but keep her. Why? Fuck if I know, or care. It just works, that's all I know. You simply can't concern yourself with her pleasure, as a rule. You keep her attention focused, whatever it takes. It's a pain, really, but if you want a dame, you gotta do the dirty work.

Most likely, this woman is a miserable wretch. She might have a man. For a while. She has probably had others and will have more. Dead, dull, empty, love, worthy of no more than moving on to the next, because she isn't commanded or won't take instruction. If she follows her own advice she might even become miserable enough to just turn to other women. Misery and company. Oddly... when women become miserable about a man who makes them smile when they don't want to smile, and other stupid pet tricks, she actually becomes rather pleased in life.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I played in a techno dance band on a gay record label. You have no idea. But it wasn't a problem. I just viewed the various invitations as compliments and politely declined them.

Seriously. I always figure if someone really got put out by a simple invitations or catcalls then they doth protested too much. Spending my 20s and early 30s in NYC, I got the same thing from time to time (guess some gays have a bear fetish) and responded much like you did. Insecure people lash out, confident people don't display that sort of weakness.

As far as telling women to smile, I don't even get it. I figure if a woman's giving off a non-smile vibe (maybe with arms folded and shoulders forward) it's nature's warning to stay away. Perhaps it's only because of a transient issue, or perhaps she's a raging cunt, I don't really have a lot of spare fucks to give.

Matamoros said...

Here's another walk around NYC - http://www.dailystormer.com/is-the-funny-or-die-parody-of-the-harassed-street-woman-mocking-the-theory-of-white-privilege/

jimmy-jimbo said...

We are all harrassed while walking on the streets. Men get harrassed in different ways.

The parody didn't show the solicitation from pimps or prostitutes. Get a coupon for a free drink. Get a pornographic flyer for strip clubs. There's the bar barkers trying to get you to visit their clubs. Once inside, you'll regret it. Upsell everything. A lap dance for just a little more.

Many stores and restaurants specifically hire women to attract men to visit. I'm sure a pretty face is more capable as hosts to get a man to enter. The constant pleading.

The highly aggressive pan handlers. Surely they focus on everyone, but they know men have more money to part with.

The only harrassment that women care about is their own problem. Yet they still don't dress for the occasion. That's too much to ask. So changing men's behavior is preferred over common sense.

Doom said...

Dr. K. N.,

Yeah, they seem to like bears. Pique their interest. Offer to tell them your private name for your willy. Tell them it's name is "secret". Strong enough for a man, made for a woman. Those with a sense of humor will chuckle off. Those with out it can fuck off. Good to be a bear.

Duke of Earl said...

I don't tell women to smile. Most of the time I just give a half smile and a slight upwards nod and they smile back.

If they don't, well I've expended the effort needed to move two muscle groups. I'm hardly out of pocket.

Akulkis said...

I played in a techno dance band on a gay record label.

Aren't they all?

Akulkis said...

Semi-on-topic: What's an effective way to tell a woman to knock it off with her annoying fake laugh? Seriously, that stuff grates.

"You are so rude and uncivilized."

Akulkis said...

And then do NOT reply to her rage-filled response.

Be the tower of inperturbably silent strength.

The more she tries to get you to react to her yapping, the more idiotic she looks and the better you look to all observers.

Akulkis said...

Many will deliberately dress provocatively and walk down the street in order to turn men's heads, while reveling in "you can look but you can't touch' because ATTENTION, and yet at the very same time, they can on a whim, indignantly castigate the 'offenders' as perverts and misogynists if it happens to suit their purposes because LAW and OBJECTIFICATION and yes, more ATTENTION.

To which the proper response is: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you're an ATTENTION WHORE [spoken loudly...but not yelled]. In that case, you can shut up until you learn how to behave like a civilized lady."

Akulkis said...

It's surprising to see this. Usually, they think the state is their friend, and cops can solve everything. It's refreshing to see at least some rationality. Time after time, calling the cops to solve a private dispute has proven to be dangerous and stupid.

When I was an infant, my father was taking classes at Wayne State University in downtown Detroit. My mom would pick him up after class in a little red convertable. She says she was routinely pulled over for no reason(*) by the cops...which in itself didn't surprise her...what surprised her was even while I was in a baby-seat in the passenger seat, how many cops proceeded with hitting on her.

"You forgot to use your turn signal while changing lanes" or some other thing that was both minor enough to be not really worth righting up a ticket, and completely unprovable with regard to falsity -- as opposed, say, claiming a tail light was out.

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