Friday, September 5, 2014

Why low-N matters

Alpha widows don't know they're widowed:
This goes against the premise of every single romance novel, but you’re not going to marry the best sex of your life. At least, not if you’re like most women. According to a recent study by iVillage, less than half of wedded women married the person who was the best sex of their lives (52 percent say that was an ex.) In fact, 66 percent would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than sleep with a spouse.

Amanda Chatel, a 33-year-old writer from the East Village, says, “With the men I’ve loved, the sex has been good, sometimes great, but never ‘best.’ It’s resulted in many orgasms and was fun but, comparatively speaking, it didn’t have that intensity that comes with the ‘best’ sex.

“I knew [my best sex partner] was temporary, and so the great sex was the best because the sex was the relationship,” she adds. “We didn’t have to invest in anything else.”
Just what every man wants to hear from his wife, I suppose. "You're not bad, darling, but you just can't compare to that drunk guy who ravished me in bathroom of that nightclub."

This also explains why higher N is less of a problem for Alphas. Even if she's experienced, she's less likely to be pining for his predecessors.


Ghost said...

That explains why the carousel riders will screw like rabbits before marriage, then turn into icy fortresses of solitude once the ring is on the finger.

Retrenched said...

That's why it's not a good idea to marry a high-N carousel rider, unless you're a high-N ALPHA yourself.

But if you're a high-N ALPHA, then you probably have better options than marrying such a woman. So these women typically marry low-N BETA men, who will never get the "best" from them.

The sexual revolution benefited women and a few men, at the expense of most men.

grendel said...

It's almost as if "Whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body," and against their future happiness.

T.L. Ciottoli said...

The sexual revolution benefitted absolutely no one. Not men, not women, and certainly not children.

T.L. Ciottoli said...

If you're a high-N Alpha, it's because you have have figured out that women in this day and age, even the hottest ones, are DTF when they smell the Alpha on you. Many on the first night, especially if you you're good looking and give off some signals that it's the only night they have a shot with you.

If you're a high-N alpha, you're really not marriage-minded anyway. You certainly don't believe in Christ or follow His Law, fornication is not a sin to you, so why stop screwing different cute or beautiful women? The 20 year olds are more aggressive these days in many parts than the 25 year olds... so if you have no sexual morals, if sex outside of marriage is nothing bad, then why not keep banging away? It's just more "fun", right?

Trust said...

Women also tend to put out upward on the social sexual scale, whereas men will go down just because it's easy and there.

In other words, women are able to bed men they aren't good enough to marry, whereas dependable men are able to marry women which they couldn't bed just for fun. And who they can't hardly bed when the state codifies her benefits.

My best female friend was good looking enough to bed two celebrities, but her boyfriends have not been able to match the appeal. She's 45 and regrets where her life has gone versus what it could have been.

PhantomZodak said...

amanda chatel is such a lying slut, i blogged about her last year:

Anonymous said...

In other words, women are able to bed men they aren't good enough to marry

SMV might be a big part of MMV but its not definitive. Case in point, nobody cares about fidelity in a ONS, and femininity is negotiable, but when you go looking for a girl worth marrying you will sacrifice a SMV point to ensure higher levels of both.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Ouch. Some grim truths there. This is the sort of thing, I imagine, that drives deltas, gammas, and omegas to suicide. For these men, swallowing the Red Pill and learning Game are essential.

Anonymous said...

I linked this in a post recently. This candid admission is one more manifestation of the social trend of women embracing Open Hypergamy:

Women have become so comfortable in their 'empowerment' and having the long term security needs side of hypergamy so well provided for (by state and indentured men) that any secrecy, prudence or discretion about the true nature of their hypergamy is now replaced by an open discourse about it.

Women are now proud to openly let men know that their sexual strategy means women expect them to be responsible to provide for them, support and love them and accept that they will need to qualify, perform and negotiate for a compromised sexual experience with them that will never approach the urgency, fervor and enthusiasm of the sexual experience they unconditionally had with more Alpha men during their peak SMV years.

You'll accept hypergamy / proactive cuckoldry because it's your social responsibility to do so 'as a man' and you'll like it.


Bike Bubba said...

There seems to be something very interesting going on with "best sex", as married couples ought to be learning what the other person likes and doing it with gusto. So those who are not having the best sex of their lives with their spouse are more or less betraying that either they are not learning to please their spouse, that they've had sex with enough people to run into a few "orgasm technicians", or both.

For those of us who do not want to emulate the selfish jerk/alpha, it would follow not only that one ought to desire a spouse with low N, but also that one ought to become unselfish in one's behavior, and pray/work to marry someone who is unselfish in their behavior.

Dark Herald said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rek. said...

@ Trust "She's 45 and regrets where her life has gone versus what it could have been."

What is it that she hopes her life could have been? What are those regrets? Why can't she just be happy about the life that she has, which most probably is quite good?

Women are such futile creatures, they keep on showing their incapability to ponder serious issues and create a meaningful life. Worrying about such inane insignificancies as their "best sex ever", regretting some chance encounter with an alpha male, years ago. I mean at some point you have to stop shooting yourself in the foot and make your life of the happy type. Afterall isn't it what mumbo jumbo Eat, pray, love philosophy is all about.

Rek. said...

@ Bubba Bike

"For those of us who do not want to emulate the selfish jerk/alpha, it would follow not only that one ought to desire a spouse with low N, but also that one ought to become unselfish in one's behavior, and pray/work to marry someone who is unselfish in their behavior."

You stand no chance. This is such blue pill crap. You can be the christian type of alpha.

"The central part of attraction is that you are more invested in yourself and your opinion of yourself than you are in other people's opinion of you." Mark Manson. I find this to be quite true. Low value males are too eager to please, be unselfish. Stop worrying about this. Start living those values with 100% conviction, women will follow.

Dark Herald said...

From the article:

Sex therapist Sari Cooper says many women come to her troubled that their husbands aren’t ideal sexual partners.

Where, oh where do I start?

This is of course the classic result of the Beta-bucks conundrum. This is the future of Leonard and Penny.

Poor thing, you were actually making a rational decision when you chose a your Beta provider. It was your first such decision and you barely realized you were doing it. You chose a wonderful husband, over a sexy husband.

Doubtless you convinced yourself you could fix him. Except you were trying to create the feminist chimera of the perfect husband, the one that only exists in Cosmo.

And every time he discussed his feelings with you, every time he attended to your needs submissively, every time he did you that special chick movie favor of, crying in front of you.

You lost more of what little interest you had in him, in the first place.

Cataline gets the fact that it bothers you, that you don't want your husband sexually. He can even sympathize with you.

You've been lied to all your life by unhappy woman, who are in positions of power in the New York City Women's media. They promised you an amazing rocket sled of a life if you followed their advice.

You did.

Following their advice you shit-tested your husband until their was nothing left of a man in him. And you want a man.

“Your best sexual relationship has likely been with the person who was most unstable and most volatile, but was very passionate,” Cooper says.

Cooper, one suspects is dealing with her own Alpha widowhood issues.

Okay, this is way beyond suspects, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever that she is dealing with some very frazzled Yin Energy. She spends her nights semi-stalking her Alpha-X on social media with one ear cocked for her real time husband. Sending cute gifs and messages and getting a secret thrill every time he responds to her every sixth or so message.

Her future will be ruled by the alpha widow formula of two cats for every ex-husband.

“That’s like riding a roller coaster. That’s passion. But if you have a family, riding a roller coaster isn’t that great for kids.”

"Do it for the kids," shrugs Cooper who is a liberal feminist. "Accept a dull life with no sexual desire on your part for your husband because (and this is critical)... I am a liberal feminst , I've got nothing else in the bag. The things you would need to do stoke your man's Yang Energy...

...are a horror to me. I would rather we both be miserable for the rest of our lives than have either of us do that!"

mike said...

"You certainly don't believe in Christ or follow His Law, fornication is not a sin to you, so why stop screwing different cute or beautiful women?"

Except Jesus never forbade sex outside of marriage...

But please, come back at me with a condescending comment about how wrong I am.

Puzzle Privateer said...

"Except Jesus never forbade sex outside of marriage...

But please, come back at me with a condescending comment about how wrong I am."

Prohibition of adultery covers this shitlord.

Bike Bubba said...

Rek: perhaps, if indeed LAMPS overcomes a lifetime of fidelity and such. I vote "no" on that one, having seen too much evidence to the contrary.

Mike; take a look at Matthew 5:27-8 for Jesus' denunciation of adultery, and extension of the same to even looking at a woman lustfully who is not your wife. See also John 4 & John 8. Yes, Jesus did denounce sex outside of marriage.

SarahsDaughter said...

The things you would need to do stoke your man's Yang Energy...

...are a horror to me. I would rather we both be miserable for the rest of our lives than have either of us do that!"

Exactly. It's not like men are actively refusing to do those roller coaster crazy bad things. The article also says: "As we grow up, hot and sweaty takes a back seat to kind and sweet." Again - I've not known many men who make this decision, most will take whatever they can get but would be beyond thrilled if their wives took the initiative to encourage a more exciting encounter.

I also disagree with the sentiment that a wild sex life "isn't that great for kids." You're children should know that you're hot for one another. They should see the flirtatious looks and non-X-rated touching and as they enter their teen years, should be well aware that the X-rated stuff occurs often. This develops a healthy understanding of sex and "the marriage bed undefiled" - ie crazy sex is for marriage!

mike said...

Adultery is defined as cheating on your spouse. If a person is not married, then it's not adultery. There goes your first argument.

John 4 deals with a woman who has five husbands, which is Jesus' implicit criticism. He never talks about being unmarried and yet having sex.

John 8 also deals with a woman who cheated on her husband, so this is another fallacious example. When you can find a verse where Jesus straight up condemns sex even when unmarried, let me know.

mike said...

"Prohibition of adultery covers this shitlord."

Adultery and sex while unmarried are two different things, you stupid fucking dumbass.

Isn't it interesting that I anticipated your type of reaction, you clearly saw it, and still responded in that manner? You just couldn't help yourself, could you? Goddamn, you people are predictable. Go try to be hot shit with someone else, fuckstick. You're out of your league here.

Puzzle Privateer said...

"Adultery and sex while unmarried are two different things, you stupid fucking dumbass."

Wikipedia could have show you that not only are you a shitlord but you're also a faggot.

"According to the New Testament Greek Lexicon, it is defined "illicit sexual intercourse", which is then further defined as "adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.", "sexual intercourse with close relatives", "sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman" and "metaph. the worship of idols""

Bike Bubba said...

Mike, if looking upon a woman to whom you are not married counts as adultery, as Matthew 5:27-8 points out, don'tcha think that having sex with her would as well? I guess you could theoretically blindfold yourself before meeting a girl, and then discover that you want to have sex with her, and you wouldn't have technically looked upon her with lust, but if that's what you're going to try to do, you're missing the point.

And you could wake up to some NASTY surprises, I think, as well, if this was your policy, if you catch my drift.

Regarding John 4, note that our Lord says to the woman "and the man you have now is not your husband." It's clearly referring to fornication. Really, while gentile Greeks might parse things out in the way you do, the Hebrews (see the Prophets) who wrote the Gospels used the words for adultery and fornication somewhat interchangeably, and these terms in their usage tend to mean "any sex outside of marriage."

Plus, the epistles--written at the direction of Christ by the apostles and others--also clearly point out the dangers of fornication. Yes, I guess you can try and parse things out and restrict 'porneia" to only prostitution and "moichea" as just adultery assuming that both participants are married to someone else, but that's simply not how the Jews used the terms.

BTW, Ephesians 4:31-32, as well as Jude 9-10, have something to say about how you're treating those with whom you disagree. Put gently, I am not convinced that you are a Bible believer or Christ follower.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mike,

It would help if you read the source material for defining sin, the OT law, which you can clearly see in Matt 5:17, Jesus is not going to change anything (mainly because He was also the author). The relevant portions to study are Exodus 22 and Deut 22. These two define the remedies for sexual intercourse for women and men.

While there is no civil penalty for fornication (sex outside marriage), for women, it placed them outside the protection of the law. Find in the OT law where there is a punishment for raping the unmarried non-virgin. Get back to me. :-)

mike said...

Puzzle Privateer, adultery is a type of fornication, but not all fornication is adultery. Your grasp of informal logic is appalling. Like I said: you're out of your league, cocksucker.

Bike Bubba, that woman in John 4 being with that man who was not her husband is only a problem because she was married to someone else.

And regarding Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus was clearly referring to married men, because otherwise it wouldn't be adultery, just visual fornication.

And I don't accept the epistles as binding on me, so citing them is meaningless.

mike said...

TacticalToolBox, the OT law is not binding on us, but if you think it is, then knock yourself out.

Bike Bubba said...

Mike, Christ said that He had not come to destroy the law, but to fulfill it. There are parts we do not hold to today, but we ignore it at our peril.

And regarding your exegesis, it's worth noting that a core linguistic principle is that usage determines meaning. He does not say "if a married man looks upon a woman", but rather "if a man looks upon a woman". Hence He is using "adultery" with the Jewish habit of referring to all sexual immorality as adultery. Same thing with John 4; He does not say "you have had four husbands, have one, and have a man now who is not your husband." He rather says "you have had five husbands". Note the past tense; she is not married at that point, and she still knows she is in sin.

You seem to be one who wants to pick and choose what parts of the Bible to listen to, and you want to impose your own definitions on His Word. Sorry, it's one Book, and you need to repent.

Anonymous said...

I'm basically with Bubba on this one.

Mike, can you show us where the law is that might govern you?

mike said...

My understanding of fulfillment vs. abolition is different than yours, so we'll see on the other side who was right.

Re your second point, how do you know that he was referring to all sex outside of marriage as adultery?

Re your third point, given what Jesus taught about divorce, it could very well be that He still saw her as married, and therefore committing adultery by living with her current bf.

Picking and choosing is what YOU are doing, since I doubt you follow the OT prescriptions on animal sacrifice, so don't project that onto me, thank you. And I need to repent? Please. Save the holier-than-thou language for somebody else.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Oh great. More theological discussions.

Really helps our cause.

I do wonder at times why Vox bothers with you guys.

mike said...

TacticalToolBox, Jesus' teachings are the only things that govern me. This belief system is called Jesuism (Wikipedia does a decent job explaining it). My subset of Jesuism holds that only Jesus' teachings are binding on believers and that the apostolic epistles, along with the OT law, do not.

mike said...

Laguna Beach Fogey, nobody said you had to participate. Go cry somewhere else.

Anonymous said...


Ah, so you're one who calls Jesus a liar. Cool. Go with that.

mike said...

^Ah, shaming tactics. Nice. Never seen those before. Not to mention the fact that this particular shaming tactic is built upon one's own assumptions regarding Jesus' teachings.

Damn, the solipsism...

MichaelJMaier said...

OK, Vox... colour me confused. These women seem to know VERY well they're Alpha Widows, even if they don't view it exactly as such.

Why do you say 'they don't know"?

CostelloM said...

The alpha isn't going to care because innately he doesn't care if she leaves him so her pleasure or lack thereof is irrelevant. He likes it and it serves his needs so that is what matters. Alphas don't have a need for love where they require their partners respect or admiration or low N as they have confidence innately, they are self contained and don't require a woman's validation. Also they tend to always have 2 or more women in rotation (even if married) so if woman #434 who I happened to be married too doesn't think I'm the best well... I'm sorry what were we talking about? I am busy with woman #574

MichaelJMaier said...

Hey Vox: do you still take guest columns here?

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Stg58/Animal Mother said...

So Mike regards the gospels as reliable sources of information, but not the epistles. Jesus didn't physically write the gospels, men inspired by Him did. How are the gospels trustworthy but not the epistles, which were also written by men under the inspiration of the Spirit?

Brad Andrews said...

No room for Scripture Laguna?

Mike, you are an idiot, though you do fulfill the things that trashed Israel in the days of the judges quite well.

[Jdg 21:25 KJV] 25 In those days [there was] no king in Israel: every man did [that which was] right in his own eyes.

Keeping living by your own standard instead of his. Your chickens will eventually come home to roost. And maybe you can ultimately hook up with one of the "treasures" you helped make that didn't confine sex to the marriage relationship. That should work out great for you!

insanitybytes22 said...

That's the spirit Vox, just convince men to marry woman with no experience at all so she is incapable of ever noticing how lousy you are in bed.

Do you guys all have such low opinions of yourselves and such performance anxiety?

MichaelJMaier said...

You're kind of a stupid bastard, aren't ya?

Bob's Blog said...

Can anyone explain for me what is low-N and high-N? I Googled both, to no avail.

Anonymous said...

N refers to the number of sexual partners a person has had.

Sentient Spud said...

That's the spirit Vox, just convince men to marry woman with no experience at all so she is incapable of ever noticing how lousy you are in bed.

Do you guys all have such low opinions of yourselves and such performance anxiety?

If you turn to page 324 of the manual, it will instruct you on how to safely remove your head from your ass. If you cannot see, on account of rectal blinding, Amazon has an audio version on sale this weekend for $2.99.

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Glen Filthie said...

I'll handle this one, boys.

Insanity - there is a bit of truth to that, but what a high N means to me - as an old world man who looks on the modern woman and her dating game with utter contempt - is that such a woman is a bad investment. Yes, it would break my heart if my wife coldly told me her best sex was with another man - and then went back to reading a book rather than having sex. Doing stuff like that is why these women are high N in the first place.

It would also tell me that she doesn't value me or my company - and that my best bet would be to put down the dogs, sell the house, divide up the RRSP's, hop on the motorcycle - and go find a woman that wasn't a heartless slut.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Maybe this is why French couples have lovers

Stg58/Animal Mother said...


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Unknown said...

"Except Jesus never forbade sex outside of marriage..."

This is would seem to be correct something I have also always felt was true. Check out this link for a more detalied explanation why most modern Christians have it wrong.

Dewave said...

Defining adultery as 'illicit sexual intercourse' is simply begging the question and deprives the term of meaning entirely.

If that is the definition of adultery, then Jesus condemning it provides no ibformation to the hearer: he essentially would have said "illucit sexual intercourse is illicit" which is simply a tautology.

Attempting to define adultery in this way is of no use whatsoever in attempting to determine what types of sexual activity are illicit.

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