Friday, January 24, 2014

Betraying the Sisterhood

Lest you doubt that women are ruthlessly intrasexually competitive, notice how this woman admits that she is attacked by her so-called friends for the crime of attempting to appeal to her boyfriend's preferences.
The heinous crime I had confessed to? Not an affair, or neglecting my children — but simply dressing to please my boyfriend, Richard. I’d admitted to Sara that, at the age of 55, I have grown my short hair and swapped jeans and sweaters for skirts and dresses, purely and simply to please the man in my life. But rather than applauding my decision to put so much effort into improving my appearance — and thus my relationship — Sara and my other friends are treating me as a pariah. According to them, I have betrayed the sisterhood.
The problem is that even though she's well post-Wall, she's trying harder and she's realizing the benefits of her efforts. Notice that she even wonders if making a similar effort might have made a difference in her failed marriage. How is she betraying the Sisterhood? She's upping the ante, thereby forcing them to admit to themselves that they are slovenly, short-haired shoggoths by choice, that they aren't forcibly sentenced to a life devoid of male attention.

We've already seen signs of this in the reaction of some women to previous posts observing that short hair on women is unattractive, even a red flag. But the fact is that women who dress for other women should not be surprised when they consistently lose out to women who dress for the man in their life.

It's easy to distinguish a woman who dresses for other women versus a woman who dresses for her man. A woman who dresses for other women will talk about what is classy, what is in fashion, what is stylish and what is not. She will always has some plausible excuse for not wearing what her man prefers her to wear. Dolly Parton is the perfect example of the other extreme. She's got big blond hair, big breasts, she hasn't changed her style in decades and she makes it clear that she doesn't give a damn what any other woman on the planet has to say about it. It shouldn't be surprising to learn that she's been happily married for 47 years.

38 comments:

LP 999/Eliza said...

The sisterhood is a hideous henhouse.

Johnny said...

This is exactly the kind of shit that just makes me livid. Imagine you create a life with a person who believes it is demeaning personally to do anything to make you happy. Fuck this demented feminism. I refuse to invest anything other than dick into women who come from these cultures.

b1bae96e-6447-11e3-b6bb-000f20980440 said...

Women asking other women in their social circle what looks good on them is like a WR asking the CB what route he should run.

I recently told my wife she should lose that last 7lbs of baby weight from her pregnancy 18 mo ago and she is obliging, her coworkers are livid. They are all 25+ lbs overweight and already hated her for only being moderately overweight.

cailcorishev said...

Yep, she's telling these other women that it's not men's fault that men aren't hitting on them (at least for more than sex, if at all), but their own. Can't have that.

It's sad, because a short-haired, pant-suited woman, even if she's older and not very attractive, could make a big difference to her appearance and be relatively swarmed by men with a minimum of work. Just let the hair grow and learn to do a couple things with it, get a few dresses and skirts from a consignment shop, and practice looking demure. That would probably raise the average woman's SMV a couple points.

swiftfoxmark2 said...

@Johnny:

If you apply Game, then she won't give a damn about what her friends think, only what you think. In fact, she may even abandon her friends who do this.

swiftfoxmark2 said...

Older women who have long hair and wear skirts tend to be more pleasant to be around, at least that is what I have observed. I don't know if this is a symptom or a cause or just a bias perception on my part.

vartank said...

Love the WR/CB analogy.

Also, big difference here between the "sisterhood" and brotherhood. Every guy I'm friends with is helpful as fuck when it comes to advice on getting chicks, always encourages my self improvement and often they will give me stellar advice on what to wear. I don't know any tradition of guys encouraging each other to dress like shit, not work out, and get stupid haircuts.

Just recently I decided to switch up my hairstyle because a few guy friends told me that the "undercut" was a great look to sport, and I got tons of compliments on it within a few days.

Res Ipsa said...

I think this illustrates another point as well. If a LTR/marriage is an exclusive relationship, by definition your partner can not go to anyone other than you to have their needs met. If you hold a monopoly on the relationship you have a responsibility to full the other persons needs.

Ladies guys are visual. Expect to do things to meet his need to look at an attractive women. He'll be happier because he knows you are doing it for him. Which means he'll be more cheerful about doing stuff for you.

Guys your gal wants things that we would never do if left to our own devices. If your the only man she can be with, you have to bite the bullet and provide the relational support she requires.

I think as a rule guys are more willing to compromise and do stuff just because she wants it than women are. It seems women just hate it when another women decides to make her man happy by doing little things, just because it makes him happy.

cailcorishev said...

Res Ipsa, I think that's because of the herd instinct in women. Their instinct is to follow the woman who's charging off through the gate into new pasture. But they've been taught that doing anything to please a man is tantamount to selling yourself into slavery, and the rest of the herd isn't moving. So they're stuck, and the emotional level of their response reveals how much inner turmoil it causes them.

A man doesn't have that problem because his herd instinct isn't nearly as strong. A man might imitate another man he admires, but he also feels the urge to strike out and do his own thing. Also, society urges men to please women, so there's no herd telling him not to anyway.

SarahsDaughter said...

I've told the story here before about coloring my hair because my husband likes platinum blond. I should start keeping track of the comments I get. Women are very concerned about the long term health of my hair, bless their hearts. No, really, you should hear what should have happened to my hair by now - I should be bald, in fact. Alas, I haven't had to purchase a platinum wig yet. ;)

JCclimber said...

It really isn't that difficult to heavily influence whom your wife spends time with, provided she is a SAHM.

If you agreed that she will work outside the home, then you have conceded much of your authority and will over time reap the results. She will be steeped in the soup of workplace feminism 45 hours per week, and there is no way you are going to counteract that amount of daylight acculturation into the feminist BS.

SAHM, you can ridicule the women that seem to have toxic attitudes, and don't forbid her hanging with them or something similarly stupid. No butt hurt. And encourage her friendships with women who have good attitudes. Facilitate her spending time with that set of friends. She will be happier and you are doing a favor for her, yourself, and your family.

Don't expect instant results. This can take months. And the payoff is you don't have to become a girlfriend for her as an earlier commenter was suggesting. Yech.

JCclimber said...

SD,
I hope you have down pat your answer for their surface "concern" for your health. One of my favorite lines would be "I'm already saving up for my wig".
Other winners could be: (in a conspiratorial whisper) "I've found that semen counteracts the damage to my hair".
"I'm just doing a science experiment to see if blondes really DO have more fun. In true keeping with science, I'm alternating with my natural hair color every 10 years (or however long you kept your natural hair color before going blond)".
"I have a deal with my husband: I go blonde, and he gives me orgasms. So far, so good."

SarahsDaughter said...

Love it JC! I'll keep those comebacks in mind.

76a86186-641e-11e3-a4c7-000bcdcb5194 said...

calisorishev raised a very good point. Miss Average 5 can upgrade to a 6-7 easily with a flattering wardrobe and a pleasant manner. And a woman who does so can wrap a man around her finger.

CarpeOro said...

"SarahsDaughter said...

I've told the story here before about coloring my hair because my husband likes platinum blond. I should start keeping track of the comments I get. Women are very concerned about the long term health of my hair, bless their hearts. No, really, you should hear what should have happened to my hair by now - I should be bald, in fact. Alas, I haven't had to purchase a platinum wig yet. ;)"

I have asked my with to die hers darker, and she complies. I think the jet black looks better than black with a bit of brown. She also recognizes the value in keeping her hair long and advised her twin sister that she needed to grow her hair out.

javaloco said...

Sarah's daughter brings up that background go to...health. In Christian circles, that was the only allowable reason for a man to want his wife to do . To be fair, vice versa also applied. The implication was that one had to be attracted *no matter what*. Horrible mentality, I have concluded.

JDC said...

McRapey donning a dress, pouting at the camera, whispering in a husky voice, "That will teach you homophobes." Bitter women, butchering their hair while screeching to the world, "That will teach you misogynists." As their voices join the cacophony of other bitter, churlish hens, the elastic in their sweatpants cries for one sweet moment of respite, one brief pardon from the excruciating burden of too many carbohydrates.

Brad Andrews said...

What about after the children are out of the house JC? They do (or should) eventually all leave home!

Though my wife has never come home with such complaints. Other work issues are a pain, but the extra income is helpful enough that it is worth it. She did stay at home until child rearing was complete in our case.

Brad Andrews said...

SD, I am concerned about the dyes and junk in hair coloring, but I was the one who got my wife to start a long while back and it is a fixed part of the rotation now. Either that or she has salt and pepper hair to the extreme and looks much older. Red never worked out that well so we are on a more consistent brunette color.

Natalie said...

I did find it interesting that she said her first husband never seemed to notice or appreciate the difference between nice and frumpy, and so she just did what was comfortable. If your man never seems to notice when you're hot that's a huge disincentive (and pretty demoralizing). So again, lack of alpha on both sides ruined a marriage.

JCclimber said...

Brad, I hear your concerns. Is there something that prevents her from working from home? Is she only suited to be a cubicle slave? Not being sarcastic here....

A SAHM returning to the workforce should be well inoculated by years of positive friendships, church membership (hopefully), interactions with a respected husband, a sense of abiding value from being a great and dedicated wife and mother, and plain ol' age gained wisdom.

You may also be able to arm her each day as she goes to work to be a force for positive, not negative. But really, each family will have to weigh the balance for themselves: If the workplace is poison for the woman's soul, turning her outlook on life toward the bitter feminist view and killing her relationship as a wife.....against doing without the extra income.

Brad Andrews said...

JC,

We are having trouble finding a church to hook into right now (various reasons), unfortunately. She is a pharmacy tech now, so not your typical cube job, though we hope to get her into my current employer in the future. She is not making much, but does not have the drive to run a home business.

Who knows what the future may bring though.

Brad Andrews said...

I should note that I am not all that worried about her. Fox News is more of a challenge than hard feminism now, though much of the softer aspects are definitely being worked on as I have noticed them! Not always comfortable, but she is slowly adapting to some of this thinking.

Marissa said...

SD, I am concerned about the dyes and junk in hair coloring, but I was the one who got my wife to start a long while back and it is a fixed part of the rotation now. Either that or she has salt and pepper hair to the extreme and looks much older. Red never worked out that well so we are on a more consistent brunette color.

Brad Andrews, if you're concerned with your wife's use of chemical dyes, a mixture of henna and indigo creates a lovely brunette dye which is great for hair. The ladies at longhaircommunity.com are very obliging and informative. There are hundreds of great threads on the issue (and many others regarding good long hair care).

cailcorishev said...

If your man never seems to notice when you're hot that's a huge disincentive (and pretty demoralizing).

True. Unfortunately, many men have been trained not to compliment their wives on such things, because too often it results in the woman doing the opposite out of spite. So they keep quiet, hoping not to upset the positive trend. If a woman who didn't used to care about her husband's wishes is trying to turn over a new leaf by working on her appearance to please him, she might need to let him know his appreciation is welcome.

That's ridiculous, but there it is.

SarahsDaughter said...

Unfortunately, many men have been trained not to compliment their wives on such things, because too often it results in the woman doing the opposite out of spite

Or this for example: Husband: "Your hair looks really great like that." Wife: "What, you don't like it the other way I wear it?"

Yeah...I didn't just make that up...

JCclimber said...

We aren't very well trained in giving compliments that result in the outcomes we want.

An example of the hair thing: Come up to her at some time when she won't hate you touching her (like when she's cutting up vegetables and needs to concentrate), give her a few seconds of neck massage, end with your fingers in her hair, and whisper "hot" as you walk off to do something else. Let her hamster spin on what you meant.

You reinforce while avoiding the negative implication that her previous hair wasn't as attractive. Don't let her reframe. Don't try to immediately capitalize on your positive reinforcement, as if you were trying to push button A to get reaction B.

Women see our compliments as manipulative. Perhaps because that is how they use compliments themselves.

PVW said...

With respect to this topic, I can think of a woman I know who likes to dress nicely. I can't say whether or not she dresses for her husband, so he might appreciate her nice clothes. However, she missed out on the rest of what could have become a possible trifecta (in addition to dressing nicely): looking attractive and being pleasant. She is too lazy to keep herself in shape, even though she LOST weight after she had her twins. In addition, she sees being pleasant and deferential as demeaning. Needless to say, she is married and at war with her husband: they always bicker. Funny enough, she recognizes the significance of weight to attracting a man. She once gave me a backhanded compliment; looking at me (the leaner gym rat), she said she was going to lose weight and get an "xyz" type of man. My husband is an xyz type of man; so she knows on some level, that if she wanted a man like him, she needed to have been slimmer.

therationalmale.com said...

This is similar to The New Thin dynamic:
http://therationalmale.com/2013/01/24/the-new-thin/

"What we’re observing however is a carefully constructed feminine social convention, and a feminine-combative one at that. By tacitly reinforcing the “good looks” of an obviously overweight woman with positive compliments, the latent message is that she doesn’t need to improve her looks to attract men. The truth of course is that she could be semi-fuckable after dropping another 15 pounds, but in telling her she’s hot ‘as-is’ the idea, in the form of an encouraging compliment, is to get her to relax and stay fat. Thus the complimenter(s) simultaneously feel relaxed in their fat.

It’s really a socialization attempt by less physically appealing women to regulate the sexual market in favor of themselves."

The sisterhood is very good in its social efforts to depreciate women's collective SMV as a perceptual means of keeping the herd on as level a playing field as possible. The truth however is that this leveling is really a method of limiting the sexual selectivity power of the more attractive sisters – it's really intrasexual combat keyed on optimizing hypergamy for the less attractive sisters.

It's sort of 'a rising tide lifts all boats' gestalt consciousness – when no one sister can overtly outshine another from the gestalt it becomes a form of SMV price fixing, at least within women's local peer group. When one sister goes rogue and attempts to raise her SMV above the baseline of the gestalt, the sisterhood then admonish and ostracize her from the collective. She's not playing by the unspoken "keep the field level" playbook.

Shaun said...

I've got a good random question.

So I've noticed this cultural habit that's developed as the result of a behavior pattern. I think that men are a lot more used to hearing about what they do wrong. You know, when they "mess up". And we're used to dealing with it, much to the point that it doesn't really even matter anymore. We're okay with being wrong.

When it comes to women, it's like the idea of a woman being wrong or doing something wrong evokes an emotion within them that is much greater than what we experience. If a woman is wrong, it's results in emotions that are amplified to an extreme degree.

Our churches aren't pointing out the obvious bullshit. A.) Feminism is anti-biblical and B.) Women have sin that needs to be addressed that is REALLY not being addressed.

Why is it that the preacher has absolutely no problem full out YELLING at men in the pews, but is unwilling to address the sin that women experience in a similar way? This is extremely problematic.

standingagainsttheworld said...

"You reinforce while avoiding the negative implication that her previous hair wasn't as attractive"

Women and their fragile egos. They can't really accept the truth about themselves can they?

cailcorishev said...

Shaun, preachers do that because A) the men will take it, and B) the women wouldn't. Not only that, but many of the men wouldn't stand for too much scrutiny of women's sin; they'd rather hear more about their own than see women "picked on." So if he wants any credibility as a preacher who actively opposes sin in his followers, the men are the only safe target.

Many preachers are probably manginas or white-knight enough that they really don't see the women's sinfulness. Many modernist Catholic priests are this way because they themselves are effeminate and like women better than men, seeing women as superior while men remind them of the nasty brutes who used to pick them last for kickball.

Others do see it, but know that speaking about it would be dangerous. Same result either way.

RobertW said...

Unfortunately men have to battle both the "sisterhood" and the feminized modern church (and synagogues) who demand the suckers ... I mean guys ... just "man up" and accept whatever crap is dealt to them. That is how I lived most of my adult life. I thought eating crap was the essence of a man's lot in life. But now as a man in my late 50's who brings a tremendous amount of value to the table - I don't waste any time with someone who doesn't exhibit appreciation for that value. (And I don't mean in a fawning, subservient way.) I think more and more men are beginning to understand the crap sandwich this society gives them to eat and even demand the men act like its caviar. For more and more women it will be "enjoy your cats".

FedUpWithManBashing said...

This is a perfect example of why so-called girlfriends should be kept at arms-length from a monogamous relationship. They're like disgruntled restaurant employees who spit on your food content with the thought of you consuming their filth and becoming ill. A potential mate who pushes back with "my friends come first" is instantly reduced to a disposable cum dumpster; sat on the curb the very next day for disposal

blogster25 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blogster25 said...

Let's be honest, the crabs-in-the-bucket mentality of female social groups has always been there due to instinctive intra-sexual competition. I don't think he has fully fleshed it out, but the aloof guy (aloofguy.blogspot.com) has an excellent exposition on this. He points out that intra-sexual competition is not only about sexual dynamics, but also politico-social dynamics within social groups. He provides several examples which gave me 'Eureka!' moments when looking back on my own experiences with an ex-girlfriend, whose friends would go out of the way to denigrate and criticise me behind my back despite barely having spent any time with me or me having done anything objectively negative. In short, they couldn't have my girlfriend being happy - it would mean that their ranking in the social circle would be threatened. She was ranked as one of the 'lesser' ones in the group (was feminine, dressed liked a woman, was not aggressive etc.) and her having a boyfriend upset this for the others who while physically attractive were loud, aggressive and lacking style.

But feminism has exacerbated it. Feminism has several objectives one being primarily based on the SMV of its biggest proponents. All the big name feminists are inevitably unattractive, snarky, lacking femininity. Based on their own negative position in the SMP they seek to change the world in their favour rather than change themselves (remember the picture of Amanda Marcotte and feminist friends that heartiste posted late last year?).

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