Saturday, September 21, 2013

Marital death by hypergamy

Delta's beware: it's not always worth it to outkick your coverage:
There was another problem at the heart of their relationship: Beverley did not love Colin. When they met in 1991, backstage at a Tears For Fears concert, she had found him funny, quick-witted and gregarious. Colin had fallen instantly for her: he confided to a friend that night that he intended to marry her. Beverley’s reaction was less fulsome.

'Colin wasn’t the archetypal good-looking bloke, but he had bags of personality,’ she says.

They began a relationship and, as it progressed, she concluded: ‘I thought I might not be in love with him, but I felt I could work on it, because everything else was in place.

'There was trust, understanding, fondness. I thought love might come eventually.’

But love was still eluding her when she became pregnant with Mollie. Colin, she believed, had the potential to be a good father, so she persevered with the relationship.

In December 1994, they were married at Culcreuch Castle near Loch Lomond, overlooking, appropriately, the Campsie Fells.... It saddened her that her divorce, finalised in 2011, descended into acrimony once lawyers were involved. She had to relinquish half of everything — her home, investments and pension — to Colin and still feels irked.
There was nothing wrong with that marriage that Game couldn't have cured. She married socio-sexually down, but despite having financial security and a family, she eventually blew it all up simply because he couldn't provide enough dominance of one sort or another to maintain her attraction.

If a woman has Hand in the sense of being the primary breadwinner, a man has to either be a stone cold alpha or a heartless bastard to give the relationship any chance of surviving over time.  This guy would have done better to bang every petty groupie in sight, disappear for weeks at a time, and been a disrespectful jerk to her than to be the dutiful husband who permitted his wife to regularly sleep with her daughter instead of him, went to couples counseling, and would never do anything so disrespectful as cheat on her.


GF Dad said...

From what I've seen, the wife being the major breadwinner never ends well. If he's a major douchebag, I've seen them weary of the abuse and hassle and if he's the dutiful husband, his beta characteristics are soon perceived as weakness as she grows resentful at the role reversal.

Unless he's an alky, meth head, ... that she thinks she can eventually fix. Then nothing will pry her away from him.

IrishFarmer said...

Agreed with GF dad. High powered, money making women are best avoided at all costs. There's almost no winning in the scenario, if you go the commitment route.

Conscientia Republicae said...

The obvious attraction is she is really hot, and since she was initially attracted to him, he was hooked.

JDC said...

I can't help but think that when a man, after meeting a woman - and instantly declaring his undying love and affection for her - has just sealed the death/divorce warrant on the relationship. In a sense, you have handed her your balls on the first meeting - and she will juggle them, toy with them and eventually feed them into the sausage press.

Trust said...

As a former gamma, I get how this contradicts everything men are taught about what women prefer. Since I'm still speak pretty fluent dork, perhaps I can translate for clueless white knights.

Men like blowjobs. Is that what makes a woman attractive? No. Men want blow jobs from hot girls. Now, the willingness to give them my make it worth it to a man to spend time with a woman far less attractive than he prefers. But it won't make him more attracted, will probably make him respect her less, but in the end he'd still prefer a Megan Fox.

Women are similar. They like being treated well, but it isn't hot. The willingness to pay for expensive dates may cause her to spend more time with him, marry him and get knocked up by him, but it won't make him more attractive and will probably make him respect her less. But in the she'll still prefer an aloof bastard, a glittering vampire, of a drugged up rocker with dirty hair.

This is contrary to everything taught, almost always by people who are experts in what women say but clueless about how they truly are.

Adam Lawson said...

"but in the end he'd still prefer a Megan Fox."

Bah. She had potential, but she's had some weird plastic surgery that makes her face look busted. I can't really think of a good replacement example because a lot of famous women now are androgynous sluts. (At least, the ones I'm aware of -- like Miley Cyrus, who is nearly identical physically to Beiber. My interest in hollywood has gotten so low I only recognize people insane enough to be on Drudge.)

Otherwise, you're spot on.

Jack Amok said...

So, I have to call BS on the article, specifically the part where she claims she was never in love with him. He was a frickin' singer in a band that had a handful of top ten hits. She got pregnant by him twice before they were married. She was tingling all over for him.

But like a lot of guys, by the time he was 40 he hadn't quite achieved his potential. She lost her tingle when his career couldn't keep pace with hers. She just made up the whole "was never really in love with him" bit to explain her selfish abandoment of her family.

Though frankly whe may not have been cut out for a maternal role anyway, considering she claims to have missed the dog more than the kids.

fc6cedc2-d6a8-11e2-b860-000bcdcb471e said...

At 50 she is more attractive than half the 35 year olds I see. Then again I suppose those are prop photos.

Its not really about her making more money. Its about the status of the man relative to her social group. Women that make millions of dollars don't need security but they still want the men their female peers desire.

And I have seen this. A girl I know pulls $200k a year and her boyfriend makes $90k a year, which means he out earns 90%+ of men. In short, together they are more than financially secure and can have all kinds of luxury. But the men in her social group (husbands of friends, coworkers, etc) all make 150k+ so her boyfriend ends up being low status even though 96% of women would consider him a top tier provider.

If the woman is going to out earn the man there needs to be some prestige in what the man does. Say for example

A woman could probably out earn say her emergency responder, military husband by 30%

Their regulatory agency husband 50%
Their university professor husband 100%

Their minor celebrity husband by 200% (this is risky because fame fades so the husband will lose prestige as his notarity invariably decreases).

Then the husband could pick up points by by being good looking and fit. Being able to do "manly" things. etc.

Dexter said...

Notice how this story has no pictures at all of the husband? It's all the wife and the daughters?

Such pictures would not be hard to find.

But the man, as always, is irrelevant. It's all about the women and her feeeeeeeelings.

"‘My biggest sadness is the years I’ve missed living with the girls. I hadn’t expected to be away from them for so long,’ she says. ‘I said to them “You can come and see me whenever you want,” but I wasn’t insistent because I didn’t want them to feel pulled in different directions. And in true teenage style, to begin with they were very much wrapped up in themselves."

Oh, and YOU are NOT very much wrapped up in yourself??? So much so that you ditched them and their father?

"Beverley’s case is unusual: she was the breadwinner, main child-carer and home-maker. It’s impossible to hear her story without feeling sympathy for her."

Actually, it is easily impossible. I'm feeling no sympathy for her right now.

"Mollie, 21, in the final year of a French degree at Nottingham, is due for lunch. Brenna has just started studying events management at Bournemouth university and sixth-former Connie — a performer and song-writer like her mum — hopes to study music."

Two totally useless degrees, and one kid that doesn't have a hope in hell of getting rich like her mum. Yaaay!

Stickwick Stapers said...

She just made up the whole "was never really in love with him" bit to explain her selfish abandoment of her family.

Not necessarily, Jack. Women have a bizarre tendency to rewrite history in their own minds when things change. There's a good chance she can't remember ever being in love with him, simply because that's the way she feels now.

I've seen proof of this. I have a black friend who had absolutely adored and respected her white, Southern father in-law, even though he was rather un-PC, and he loved her just as much in return. He passed away a few years ago, and in the interim she's gotten very sensitive about race (ever since Obama was elected). Now she insists that she always felt uncomfortable around her FIL, because that's the way she feels at this moment. Her feelings have extended 15 years back into the past and have rewritten history in her mind.

It also works in reverse. Ever wonder why women who fall in love with men they once despised say goofy things like, "I guess I must have loved him all along"? They really think that. The feeling have rewritten history.

Jack Amok said...

Not necessarily, Jack. Women have a bizarre tendency to rewrite history in their own minds when things change. There's a good chance she can't remember ever being in love with him, simply because that's the way she feels now.

Isn't that exactly what I said? She made it up. I never said she didn't lie to herself about lying to every one else...

Stickwick Stapers said...

Isn't that exactly what I said? She made it up. I never said she didn't lie to herself about lying to every one else...

To me, "she made it up" sounded like she's aware it's B.S. and is consciously being disingenuous; it didn't imply self-deceit.

artisanaltoadshall said...


One sees this quite often in divorce, in which the woman re-writes the history of the marriage in her own mind as justification for frivorcing her husband and destroying her marriage. It doesn't matter if it's a case of consciously being disingenuous or unconscious self-deceit- the hamster knows no limits.

Trust said...

Ex post facto rule changes and goal post moving are female tendencies. This fact doesn't change with marriage, and certainly not with divorce.

Ghost said...

my wife is the bread winner for now, until I finish school. It works because we maintain the captain/first mate dynamic. Also, she is an avid reader of mmsl, and so she understands how a marriage should work. I have been blessed with a Godly woman who hasn't fallen for churchian bullcrap.

I am convinced that it would not work if I was a little beta female dog.

Andrew said...

The whole point of that article to me is..."shut the fuck up, bitch. Did you really require a bloody article to assuage your hamster of any guilt for being a shitty mom?"
What would have been the point in saving a marriage with this wench? She has a problem with contributing more to the relationship's finances even though she earns the most. Seems like this one would be unhappy anytime she isn't able to put in less, keep the most and think only of herself. If he earned the lion's share she would be unhaaaapy because he worked all the time, or he oppressed her true nature through "financial abuse". Screw her, he made out alright. He ditched the witch, kept the house, likely doesn't pay support and probably gets it.
And she is "dating a man she met on the internet"? As if he is likely to out-earn her. She repeats the same crap. It's nothing to do with "frame" or "alpha", this is just a selfish twit whose hamster is on steroids.

Samuel McNamara said...

Someone has an ego problem.

Trust said...

Rules of debate. Insulting is covered.

JCclimber said...

Mister Brainy up above, despite his superior intelligence, hasn't yet grokked the fullness that on a manosphere blog, especially one about Game.....
.....that being called a fuckwit can be seen as a compliment.

Fuck - Having sex
Wit - demonstrated ability to outdo the competition.
= fuckwit implies you are a superior Don Juan.

Also a display that he comes from one of the asperger hangouts.

JCclimber said...

Also seems to have some difficulty understanding a little thing called timezones and sleeping patterns.

Matamoros said...

Notice that all except the youngest are overweight. Probably because of the emotional trauma from mommy.

Weouro said...

Judging by the article she sounds pretty submissive and he sounds passive and disinterested. She moved into the smaller bedroom and out of the house so he controlled his own space evidently, but didn't feel like extending his dominion far enough, which he probably could hve done with little effort.

Bob said...

@ Weouro

Victimhood must be maintained at all costs.

Awoman said...

Girl I know had last two guys at least 3 points above her...
(She used washed out photos in her profile)
Both relationships, the top complaint is that her guy doesn't want sex as often as she wants it...
I just don't understand why women would want to date above her, then continue to be cheated on, frustrated, and neglected by a man who knows he could do better.
I'm much happier in an "even" relationship where we both think we've hit the jackpot, both wake up grateful every day.
(I know, I know, it is not a good way for a guy to wake up if he thinks he needs to "game" a woman...but once a guy and girl are well-matched, the game is needed only to keep thenp girl from going on her hamster wheel every now and then if/when she starts to spin...

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