Lack of lust, when it creates emotional distress, meets the psychiatric profession’s clinical criteria for H.S.D.D., or hypoactive sexual-desire disorder. Researchers have set its prevalence among women between the ages of about 20 and 60 at between 10 and 15 percent. When you count the women who don’t quite meet the elaborate clinical threshold, the rate rises to around 30 percent.What is worse is that this doesn't even count the women with a lack of sexual desire that doesn't create emotional distress for them. However, it is unlikely that the pharmaceutical industry will be able to provide the answer; even if they do manage to artificially provide a sexual picker-upper, the potential for disastrous consequences should be obvious.
Game, and specifically Dread Game, are much more likely to be successful for men faced with sexually avoidant women. Consider this aspect of the connection between relationship length and the decrease of female attraction for their husband or long-term male partner.
It is very clear that attempts "to reach through the invisible barriers" erected by sexually avoidant women will not work. Closeness and intimacy is what is turning them off. Therefore, to increase sexual desire in a long-time female partner who has become sexually dysfunctional, a man will have to engage in his own avoidant behavior. This doesn't mean it is necessary to go out and have an affair, only that it is necessary to create space in the relationship and induce an amount of fear in the woman.All scientists really know is that the disparity in desire exists, at least after a relationship has lasted a while. Dietrich Klusmann, a psychologist at the University of Hamburg-Eppendorf in Germany, has provided a glimpse into the bedrooms of longtime couples. His surveys, involving a total of almost 2,500 subjects, comprise one of the few systematic comparisons of female and male desire at progressive stages of committed relationships. He shows women and men in new relationships reporting, on average, more or less equal lust for each other. But for women who’ve been with their partners between one and four years, a dive begins — and continues, leaving male desire far higher. (Within this plunge, there is a notable pattern: over time, women who don’t live with their partners retain their desire much more than women who do.)
Go on more business trips and don't bother calling in. Go to Vegas or Bangkok with your friends. Start living more like the single man you once were and who once attracted her. Don't be always available or always at her beck and call. And if she starts worrying about your loyalty, don't be quick to reassure her of it. Even if the thought of infidelity doesn't occur to you, she doesn't need to know that. She doesn't deserve to know that because the knowledge will only kill whatever budding desire her dread is beginning to produce.
Now, it should be clear that this is not advice for most couples; the 70 percent of women who are not sexually dysfunctional and avoidant don't merit such behavior anymore than they should be taking the drugs. But once a woman exhibits a regular pattern of going to bed early or finding various excuses to forestall sexual overtures, more serious measures are in order.
20 comments:
I'm guessing the "disastrous consequences" are her getting hot and heavy...for other men.
Correlation is not causation. One cannot assume that there is cause here.
I mean what percentage of men turn into giant vaginas between 1 and 4 years of marriage?
not being a pussy is a great way to reduce the odds of this kind of behavior.
Regardless of the truth of the matter... your wife should see you as a bad mother fucker. As long as she does... she will be attracted to you.
BDSM will keep her interested. There's millions of new potential sluts thanks to 50 shades of grey. Of course, like the poster above me said, you can't be a pussy. Power is a strong aphrodisiac, having it, losing it, or taking it from someone gets a lot of people excited. Even if she doesn't say she's into it you can usually lead her there slowly, a blind fold, a feather, hold her hands downs during sex leads into spankings, teasings, and bondgage. This is especially true in a marriage or relationship as the routine and mundanity of life can destroy sexual attraction.
Another fun fact which helps me feel better about avoiding marriage! I wonder how many of the guys married to these women actually care about their wives lack of a sex drive considering how many of them are likely overweight.
Dread game & dark triad, is THE goto technique for messed up chicks
BDSM can also be considered as a vital part of dread game
Dread game & dark triad fixes most messed up chicks in record time
BDSM should be used as a preventative measure, that is it completely erases the cause for a messed up chick
Chicks become highly unstable if they dont have strong alpha presence, to allow women to get in touch with their rational, balancing side
Dread game & BDSM instills a strong alpha male presence, ensuring she remains balanced & logical
This has to be prolonged preferably in their teens, as this is where their hormones are at their peak
& their imprint of hormonal behaviour, which shapes theyre behaviourial response at their greatest ...
Women dont internalise logic & rational, they externalise
That is they use feedback response from their environment to stabilise their behaviour
As women are sociological, they use their environment to generate logic, instead of their brain ... lol
This is one of those things that makes a lot of guys want to regurgitate the red pill, because they want closeness and intimacy. They'd rather stay home and snuggle with the wife than go to Vegas with the boys -- that's why they got married! The idea of having to consciously work this kind of overt game on her for the rest of your life is exhausting to them.
It's reality, though, so it won't do any good to ignore it. If you want the kind of woman who needs fear and drama to be happy -- and let's face it, they tend to be the hottest ones -- you're going to have to manage her emotions.
I guess the question is: if you're not the "dread" type, can you find a woman who doesn't need that? Or are all women susceptible to becoming too comfortable and losing interest, and 30% just happens to be the proportion whose husbands have been too beta?
30% seems a bit low after talking to many married men.
Only 30 percent of women are sexually dysfunctional? Besides sounding low by at least thirty percentage points, that depends on what you mean by 'dysfunctional' -- and I'll bet that these same womyn are never 'dysfunctional' when it's Alpha McGorgeous, Harley McBadboy, or Frank Fratboy who starts coming on to them, gives them 'da tingles', and gets them into bed.
@ TTRP
Similarly, few men need Viagra when they're around hot blondes with nice chests.
This is just an odd theory of mine, and I should caveat that I don't believe in the merits of evolutionary psychology, but wouldn't an evolutionary psychologist suggest that it is a good thing for LTRs to have reduced sexual activity over the long haul? After all, sex is primarily for procreation, and the human species has mostly existed without any form of birth control beyond child sacrifice. Therefore, you'd have to reduce sexual desire to reduce the number of offspring. In our hyper-sexualized culture, maintaining a high degree of sexual contact over time is important with the same partner in a way that it wouldn't have been when alpha males frequently bedded young fertile women instead of the same aging woman.
Well between the pill, many partners, the need for non-stop stimulation, and anti-depressants...I would put that number closer to 90%.
These posts are great- but do you have any advice for women who have husbands who refuse to have sex? In my case I am not a supermodel but an not overweight/blatantly unattractive and I exercise, wear makeup, dresses etc. My husband looks at a lot of porn and even pays significantly for porn sites monthly. He goes months without having sex and refuses to talk to me about it. I don't believe in divorce but don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions? Thanks
Grace, you want to visit MMSL and post in the Relationship 911 section. Athol Kay has plenty of experience in that problem, and can help. marriedmansexlife.com Just be willing to share all the nasty uncomfortable details so that he can help you. Do not let the elephant in the room go unmentioned.
The Shadowed Knight
A, infant and maternal mortality rates for pre-agricultural societies are very high, so it was a use it or lose it proposition. More than likely, any woman surviving to menopause was a genetic treasure, given the danger she faced. Keeping her barefoot and pregnant, so to speak, was the best use of her abilities.
The Shadowed Knight
"I guess the question is: if you're not the "dread" type, can you find a woman who doesn't need that? Or are all women susceptible to becoming too comfortable and losing interest, and 30% just happens to be the proportion whose husbands have been too beta?"
I've been LTR'd for a while with a woman who by all accounts appears pretty low on the dominance-required threshold and doesn't seem to value social power and status as strongly as what I think your typical girl does. This comes with it a lack of need to play many of the social games we discuss here. It's refreshing.
However, a couple weeks ago something happened where I was disrespected in public by her, and I immediately went to the dread game - communicating in emotional terms she could understand how insulted I was, and subtly planting the dread seed that if this is how she planned on conducting our relationship going forward, maybe it wasn't as serious a relationship as I had thought (the fact I was being hit on by another hot woman at the event was a big assist).
The effect of asserting my boundaries and being emotionally expressive, but also being under total control (I snapped back into calm immediately and didn't sulk, the hot-cold flash is part of the dread game IMHO) had a huge effect on her. By the end of the day he was eating out of my hand, apologizing profusely and offering some bold carnal pleasures.
Was this some crazy bar slut I had to manipulate? No, she's a high-quality LTR partner. But she made a big mistake, one I believed to be an isolated incident and thus a good learning opportunity, and I decided that the future of the relationship depended on my asserting myself and giving her a path to re-earn my affections.
I think there's a collateral effect of dread game that ties in with a key game teaching: women appear to find it very attractive when a man asserts his boundaries, it's like his ability to communicate the threat of walking away is his passing a very big fitness test.
But but, HUS says dread is evil and is for losers - that if you are using dread it's because your relationship is already toxic and degenerate!
False. The thing guys need to understand is that almost any woman is capable of the venality, solipsism and other ugly social traits for which male frustration at women is endless. It's not a moral knock that they are, it's just the way they can be as women. It's all well and good to screen for a woman who is low on the histrionics and the complacency - you're crazy if you don't. But if and when it does come up, you need to have a corresponding tool in your game toolbox to deal with it. You need to show it's not acceptable, because if she's acting badly she's probably influenced by the thought that she can get away with it.
It's a category error emblematic of betafied thinking to believe you can find the snowflake for whom you don't need to exert any emotional management.
BTW, it's also something of a category error to claim that if your woman is acting up it's because your game isn't strong enough or you aren't a big enough Alpha for her (You might call this the Keyboard Alpha Fallacy.)
Just as sexually successful men endure the same rejection as sexually unsuccessful men, men who are successful in relationships aren't by some magic entirely free of histrionics in the home - they are better at managing them.
However, a couple weeks ago something happened where I was disrespected in public by her, and I immediately went to the dread game
I don't think most guys have a problem with this. It just makes sense: she disrespects you, you react accordingly, as you would with anyone else.
I think what makes guys tired is the notion that they need to use dread game proactively, that it's not enough to knock down her tests when they come. For instance, things could be good and she could seem pretty content, so you'd like to spend lots of time enjoying that, but you should arrange a trip to Vegas instead just to top off her "dread tank." That goes beyond managing her current emotions, into anticipating her future ones and trying to manage those too in advance.
I know that's a cartoonish look at it, but I think that's the way guys see it when they object to how it sounds like you have to "constantly" game a woman for the rest of your life to be safe.
...what percentage of men turn into giant vaginas between 1 and 4 years of marriage?
...Regardless of the truth of the matter... your wife should see you as a bad mother fucker. As long as she does... she will be attracted to you.
The late20's-early 30's are a make-or-break time for a lot of men. When you're 25, you're the high-potential "kid". But there are usually more 25 year olds with potential than there are leadership slots for 35 year olds in today's corporate economy, and the ten years in between weed a lot of guys out.
A lot of guys get married in the middle of that time, and start having kids. They get distracted by their new domestic bliss, and get knocked off the fast track at work by their more focused colleagues. Or maybe they just lose out regardless, since someone has to. Regardless, the wife notices something has changed, and her husband is no longer quite the catch he was a few years ago. She married him for his potential, but he didn't realize it. Trouble ensues...
On top of that, there's the general notion that familiarity breeds contempt, no man is a hero to his valet, etc. Over the years of marriage, she'll see you at your weakest. I think I've said this before, but my wife has seen me when my back was so screwed up I had to crawl to get to the bathroom.
So you've got to make damn sure she also sees strength, lots of it, because it needs to balance out the weakness you can't hide from someone you live with.
The technology of dread-game is really just the flipside of playing to her hypergamy. Without both sides you don't have a coin.
People have positive emotions to you in relation to the value that you add to their life. So with a girl her emotions will be swayed in a positive direction the more you add value in any domain, such as;
1) Financial – if she is financially dependent on you that hand over her quality of life will translate into her loving you more
2) Social – if you and your social circle are a main part of her social life that hand over her quality of life will translate into her loving you more.
3) Sexual – if you fuck her the way no man ever has and likely no man ever will ever again, bringing her to emotional and sexual depths and heights beyond compare regularly, then that hand over her quality of life will translate into her loving you more
4) Your status – if your status is well above all her other suitors, because you exhibit many status markers, such as wealth, fitness, social circle leadership, business leadership, community connections, and so on, then you will have hand over her future quality of life, because if she lost you she would lose her close connection and even self-identity with your status position.
5) Romantic – if you manipulate the moods in your shared space, injecting some dramas but keeping the general tone warm, positive and sexual, then she will associate all positive emotions with you. This will give you hand over her, as she will fear losing you, the focus of her good life.
So those are some structural ways to add value to the woman’s life, such that you are her best possible choice. As long as you are, her emotions will follow suit. She’ll love you.
I think it is Dr. Laura's advice to women who complain that they're "just not interested", to just do it anyway. More than likely she'll find that she's interested after all, once she gets going with her husband.
First-hand I can attest to this. I've nicknamed her Pooh-bear for her "bother" attitude at times. But after a half hour in bed with Tigger, she's thanking me. :D
"(Within this plunge, there is a notable pattern: over time, women who don’t live with their partners retain their desire much more than women who do.)"
Ah! This is a key piece of information and confirms the old adages "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "familiarity breeds contempt". Another suggestion to add to Vox's list: get a job that requires you to be out of town several days a week, perhaps one that makes a small studio in a nearby city an economic choice (to save on commuting costs, of course). Or get a "man camp", a project out in the sticks that takes you away every weekend for months on end (*ahem*). Whatever it takes to put enough space between you to make her feel that old longing. If she says "I missed you" when you return, you're doing it right.
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