Monday, February 11, 2013

The cost of hypergamy

A woman belatedly regrets her erroneous idea that she could do better:
Laughing and dancing with my fiance at our engagement party, I thought I might actually burst with happiness. Surrounded by our family and friends, I looked at Matthew and felt certain I had met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  Quite simply, he was my soulmate.  It all seemed so simple to my na├»ve, 19-year-old self. I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all.

So why, 20 years later, do I find myself  single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had?

Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989, I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me.  Only there wasn't.
The important thing here is to notice why she walked out on her dear, devoted, loyal soulmate.  It's less that she thought she could do better, that is obvious, but rather why she thought she deserved better.

"I still loved him, but I began to feel embarrassed by his blue-collar jobs, annoyed that, despite his intelligence, he didn't have a career. Then he bought a lurid blue and pink VW  Beetle.  Why couldn't he drive a normal car? Things that now seem incredibly insignificant began to niggle.  I began to wish he was more sophisticated and earned more. I felt envious of friends with better-off partners, who were able to support them as they started their families."

Hypergamy and entitlement.  Those are the female relationship killers.  Those are the characteristics of which men should always be especially wary.

36 comments:

Michael Maier said...

Yeah, blah blah blah she misses him. But he sounds like he was a pussy when they were together.

Pink on your car? Lame. Crying when she leaves you? Lame.

Sounds like he heaped on the Beta and next to none of the Alpha. She was right to leave, they'd probably have just divorced anyway.

She's over-romanticizing what they'd had because she has no one now. If she'd met better, she never be looking back with longing to this guy.

I just hope for his marriage's sake that "Matthew" woke up Blue-Pill-wise before he married and started spawning.

swiftfoxmark2 said...

This woman walked away from her husband and made all the typical mistakes an ex-wife makes afterwards, like comparing her current boyfriend to her ex-husband.

The moral of the story is to never let your wife have a career. She'll just think she can do better and ruin her life. It's good for her.

Brian said...

Read it and weep, boys: a steady job, a roof over her head, and intelligence aren't enough. They're not even close to enough. You have to convince her that you're the greatest thing to ever walk the Earth every single day for the rest of your life. If you can't do that, the next best thing is to prevent her fro husband-comparing with her friends. Perhaps only let her be friends who have husbands worse than you. If you can't accomplish any of these tasks, better off to stay single, or at least unmarried.

Pip said...

Life promises only pain. It truly is BYOB - bring your own bliss. This woman sounds incapable of happiness. Sucks to be her. Sucks to be the sucker that took her. *shrug*

rycamor said...

Modern women have completely lost sight of the idea of "building up your man" rather than constantly tearing him down. Not every woman can marry a super-confident, masculine man, but what do you think is going to make the regular guy more confident and masculine: building him up or tearing him down? Yielding to him or constantly making demands?

Cail Corishev said...

Modern women have completely lost sight of the idea of "building up your man" rather than constantly tearing him down.

Bingo. When I was young and naive, I thought someday I'd find a wife who would complement me and make up for some of my faults. Since I was socially awkward, she would take care of planning birthday parties, that kind of thing. The closest I got was one who nagged me about my faults, which wasn't quite what I had in mind.

The woman above talks about her husband's faults like they're a force of nature -- just something about him that sucks that she had to live with until they finally blew her house down. She might have pestered him about them, but I doubt she ever tried to build him up.

On the rare occasions that I see women talking about how they build up their husbands, it's an amazing breath of fresh air. When you've lived in the usual way, it's hard to imagine it could be like they say.

willneverpostagain said...

This should also include the label: "trainwreck".

He's a gamma, she's a slut.

tz said...

The difficulty is you need to banish most forms of media from the home. It only takes a few hours of Dr. Phil (earlier Oprah, earlier Joyce Brothers, or others) to make a woman reject her mate.

When they got married, he was ok. Blue Collar used to be sufficient, but then we got "free trade". The lurid beetle might have been affordable (I wonder how it was for her when she had to make a car payment and pay for gas).

The pill also changed everything. Not so much the actual invention - there were contraceptives before - but that it became acceptable to "conservatives" and traditional family types and still is. If the intention or purpose of marriage is children and a family, the wife and mother will have a very different outlook than if it is some kind of business partnership and children are delayed or optional. Children are a career which will span decades, especially the number common to our grandparents. If the woman has a job, the attachment to employer or duties have no real bond - and her husband just becomes another job.

Burkah or Brothel? Women who have rejected the traditional family structure and assignment end up as either whores or nuns.

taterearl said...

"You have to convince her that you're the greatest thing to ever walk the Earth every single day for the rest of your life."

Who cares about her...I have to convince myself I'm the greatest thing to walk the Earth. Then it will be easier to trick her.

Axe Head said...

She has the exact life she worked hard for. And now she cries about it. So like a woman.

Jimmy said...

She sure is a piece of work. She is completely obsessed with him after leaving him "for good".

Even if she did marry him, she would have left him anyways, and it is likely she will continue to be obsessed with him and it will be harder for him to move on.

This writing of letters to him is sickening. She has harrassed him endlessly. Very weird.

She talks about kids a lot. If she wanted kids, she should have tried harder to find the right one, but her priority was her career. Just like men, she wanted her kids ready made. Life is a process. Time to live your life.

tinlaw said...

"'I will always be here for you,' Matthew promised. And I, arrogantly, thought that somehow I could put him on ice and return to him."

She admits to her hypergamy. She thought he would forever stay single just in case she might want him back some day? Who does she think she is?


kh123 said...

Hello Eve; how is that power and knowledge resting with thee?

Daniel said...

What? "Whoops" doesn't cover it?

But she's a girl!

kh123 said...

...Bottle of Carlsberg in the foreground of that one pic.

Daniel said...

Don't forget the solipsism. The fact that she sent a letter to his girlfriend based on a rumor that they had broken up was hilarious, but even funnier was when she itemizes everything he does in his current life as if it is an attack on her soul.

Or the fact that she finds it noble to confess this entire thing, complete with photo shoot, in a gossip magazine.

Matthew should come out with his own article titled: The Bullet What I Dodged, And The Birds I Banged After

Giraffe said...

Somebody ought to point out to her how fulfilling it can be to have a cat or six instead of a family.

Trust said...

We should be as honest to women about hypergamy as we are to men about promiscuity.

When a young hottie in skimpy clothes makes a move on me, I get turned on. But I understand that is my nature and it does not mean my wife is inadequate. Since I know it is normal to sexually desire beautiful women I am able to better handle it.

Not so with women. We teach that women are naturally monogamous. So when a woman's hypergamous tendencies appear, rather that understand it is their social/sexual norm, they instead assume that they are in the.wrong relationship, due.to their incorrect view of their nature.

When nature kicks in, men attribute it to their sexuality whereas women blame their husbands.

I think my 90 year old grandmother understood men and women better than most feminists today.

Jestin Ernest said...

OT - i'ma just leave this here:
http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/asian-woman-dating-asian-men-jenny-an

she's a chinese woman who won't date ANY chinese men because, Chinese patriarchy. so she says she's racist against chinese culture.

then she ends her column talking about 'white supremacy' and how it's greatest trick is convincing people it doesn't exist and how it offends her that people say that good looking asian women are 'exotic'.

*facepalm*

Jack said...

Nothing is more soul uplifting to me than a heartbroken, hypergamous slut.

Their anguish is the wind beneath my wings.

Will Best said...

[b]We should be as honest to women about hypergamy as we are to men about promiscuity.[/b]

My wife, who isn't a feminist, still has some knee jerk feminist reactions. So its hard to deprogram all those years of education.

For instance she felt my mom (widowed) had self-esteem issues because of how much she was willing to change to get her new boyfriend who "drinks too much" (3-4 scotches a day) and bum left leg.

I pointed out my mom was behaving rationally as 65+ single men outnumber 60+ single women by 20 to 1 so not abusive and doesn't need a nursemaid is a catch worth fighting for.

And its not that she doesn't understand sexual market place, its just that she wasn't thinking how much out of whack supply and demand favor men once other men start dying off.

bwanasimba said...

What blue collar worker buys a piece of shit Beetle? Sounds more like he is a hipster than a redneck.

That said, she sounds selfish, passive aggressive, entitled and bitchy.

Magister Wood said...

She has the eyes of a harpy, and is obviously a bit of a nutter. I know the type.

Duke of Earl said...

That said, she sounds selfish, passive aggressive, entitled and bitchy.

So a typical modern woman then?

Mike M. said...

Trust brings up a point I'm convinced of - that Miss 1963 had a hell of a lot more common sense and good judgement than her granddaughter, Miss 2013

Anonymous said...


Yes, Magister, the pix give it all away. She still has "entitled bitch" written all over her face.


A Man

Anonymous said...

Hypergamy don't care about her and neither do I.

jrl said...

This post/thread is a darn good primer on Alpha Game. Everything in a nutshell.

rycamor said...

Cail Corishev said...

Modern women have completely lost sight of the idea of "building up your man" rather than constantly tearing him down.

Bingo. When I was young and naive, I thought someday I'd find a wife who would complement me and make up for some of my faults. Since I was socially awkward, she would take care of planning birthday parties, that kind of thing. The closest I got was one who nagged me about my faults, which wasn't quite what I had in mind.

The woman above talks about her husband's faults like they're a force of nature -- just something about him that sucks that she had to live with until they finally blew her house down. She might have pestered him about them, but I doubt she ever tried to build him up.

On the rare occasions that I see women talking about how they build up their husbands, it's an amazing breath of fresh air. When you've lived in the usual way, it's hard to imagine it could be like they say.


This used to be the sort of thing older women taught younger women, and it still happens in certain very conservative, old-fashioned religious communities. Yes, it is obviously not innate behavior in a woman. It is a sacrifice for a sane society in the same way that man's sacrifice of commitment or monogamy allows for civilization.

dannyfrom504 said...

And not a single fuck was given about this woman's outcome. Enjoy your cup-o-soup for one, feeding the cat, and enjoying the cobwebs growing in your womb.

Had a girl flake on me when she was 24. Then I started dating a girl. 24yo went batshit. Ran into 24 yo a few years later after she had her MBA, and she suggested we get together- BWAHAHAA!!!!!! I asked her what made her think I'd be willing and she brought up that "I'd always been into her".

I told her I'm doing fine with my 23 yo stripper, whom I'll replace when I decide I want to upgrade.

She's invisible to men now. She's no longer the cutie in the workplace. She's the competition. I don't feel an ounce of pity for her. I even set her up with one of my readers. Lol.

Hamilton said...

Man, the comments section of the article is just full of horrible advice. None of the readers seem to have learned anything from the slut's decisions. Can't tell women shit.

PVW said...

Yes, hypergamy and entitlement, when she needed more modesty and humility and fewer neuroses. What woman divorces her husband and then hounds him for years trying to get him back? An entitled neurotic woman would.

She was a pretty young woman who might have started off as a modest type, but she began to run with a more high class crowd and wanted to fit in with them. Then she got divorced and joined the carousel of extraverted women, believing that is where she would find her ideal man. She found him, alright, the singer she never could trust. So once again, she remembers what she gave up...Silly (w)itch!

LP 999/Eliza said...

Yep, the costs of HG are eventual poverty due to HG stupidity.

Perhaps I would rename the entitlement factor as the princess syndrome, they are the kind of people who say, "I won't be denied."

Carlotta said...

Bingo. When I was young and naive, I thought someday I'd find a wife who would complement me and make up for some of my faults. Since I was socially awkward, she would take care of planning birthday parties, that kind of thing. The closest I got was one who nagged me about my faults, which wasn't quite what I had in mind.




This is an excellent comment.

My generation has been taught to see males as competition in the workplace. Therefore we don't see ourselves as complimentary in marriage. We see a fault or a weakness in a co-worker who isn't carrying their weight on the "project". LOL. I know, ludacris but true.

After YEARS and YEARS of finally getting my head on straight, and my Husband being worked on seriously by God to let me stay home and homeschool and parent our children, we are begining to meld as a team. We just easily take over for each other when the other is either not as strong or not interested. We both work hard, we work for the benefit of our family unit though and not for me personally or him personally.

Him getting a promotion benefits us and I am more then willing to do whatever it takes to assist him with that. It is a goal we share.

Homeschooling our children is a benefit for this generation and the ones to come, he is willing to work hard and make sacrifices to do that. It is the part of our goal that I work on the most, but a goal we share. We quite simply could not do it without each other. And we are finally grateful for that.

It can be done. It is sad how much is wasted though because of the lack of seeing and being taught this.

I am truly vulnerable. There is no way on this earth I could have the life I live nor enjoy the comforts I enjoy without my Husband. We are safe and provided for. We are very, very grateful for this. I am quite seriously convinced that even on His worst day, He is incredibly important to the happiness and well-being of our children and to my safety and provision. This is a good thing!

I was ashamed of this for quite awhile. Felt I wasn't pulling my weight and kept trying to outwork him, but with housework. I didn't ENJOY what he provided. I felt like I had to earn it.

What a joy after we had a serious conversation where he told me he wants to provide these things and it is a pleasure for him to see us enjoy them. Sweet Freedom!

I know this is long, I hope it helps someone else. I was a hardcore feminist and the Good Lord has truly redeemed me.

JustPassingThrough said...

I'll be the Devil's Advocate here and give her a little sympathy.

Yes, she was a fool. But she didn't screw up all on her own, she had an enormous amount of assistance. Women in her position are constantly being told how wonderful they are and how they all deserve only very the best. Almost no one talks about what their partners deserve from them.

And I like her article, it reads to me as an honest attempt to warn younger women who are headed down the same path. They need warning.

That said, I have more sympathy for her ex-husband. But since she was the high earner in the relationship at least he (probably) didn't get trashed in the divorce.

One interesting comment:

Ah, the lovely legacy feminism has left for women. Nobody wants to say it but if she didn't have a fancy career she would probably have had everything she wanted by now. The truth is, when the woman makes more money there is a significantly increased chance the marriage or relationship will end. The more women move up in the economy, the more unhappy they become. Experts here in the states are baffled that women supposedly "have it all" yet from every angle their happiness has been declining over the last 40 years relative to men's. I don't work. I've never had a career. I'm one of those "deadbeat" housewives out there that "doesn't do anything" (or at least that's how modern society has come to view those like me thanks to feminism the truth is I do a lot). This story really made me want to cry but I know there are millions of other women just like her out there. I think hopefully my generation is slowly catching on that the feminist movement has been bad for us

- heathertwra , Atlanta, United States, 18/1/2013 21:12


JustPassingThrough said...

Should read "they all deserve only the very best". It's late.

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