Monday, November 5, 2012

Solitude and the City

A one-time Sex in the City woman writes about her lonely middle-aged life:
For me, the single girl lifestyle that I embraced and celebrated with so much enthusiasm in the Eighties and Nineties has lost much of its gloss, and is starting to look a little hollow.  I was part of the Sex And The City generation — successful, feisty women who made their own money, answered to no one and lived life to the full....

What none of us spent too long thinking about in our 20s and 30s was how our lifestyles would impact on us once we reached middle-age, when we didn’t want to go out and get sozzled on cocktails and had replaced our stilettos and skinny jeans with flat shoes and elasticated waists.  When I look around at all my single friends — and there are a lot of them — not one of them is truly happy being on her own. Suddenly, all those women we pitied for giving up their freedom for marriage and children are the ones feeling sorry for us....

Any man who didn’t conform was to be kicked to the curb until the next poor sap came along.  What I never considered, though, was that one day they’d stop coming along altogether. I really wish I’d known that once you’re in your late 30s, men are pretty thin on the ground. And once you’re in your 40s, it’s as though they’ve been wiped off the face of the Earth.
When one is young, it is very, very hard to imagine that things will not always be, more or less, as they are now.  But being more involved in athletics, men tend to be far more aware of the fact that one day, things will change and they will not be able to run and jump as they can now.  They know the price of age.  Every guy who plays any sports, even casually, knows the old guy who can't drive to the hoop or defend anyone anymore, but can still hit from three, and realizes that one day, if he's lucky, that will be him.  I remember being in my twenties, talking to the guys in their forties at the gym, and marveling at how they were still pretty strong despite never seeming to do very much in the weight room anymore.

They just laughed and assured me that one day, I'd understand.  In your twenties, you're at your peak and you don't need any recovery time.  In your thirties, you lose your speed and your ups, and it takes a day to recover.  In your forties, you lose your peak strength and it takes you two days to recover.  You can still do 90 percent of what you used to do, but you have to listen closely to your body at all times or it's going to break down.  You have to take it easy or you'll do nothing at all.  And now, twenty years later, it is so clear that they were telling nothing but the truth.  Fortunately, because I listened to them, I can still work out, I can still play soccer at a fairly high level, and I can still score goals with a strike rate of around .33 per game.  Not bad for one of the oldest guys on the veteran's team.

I don't know if older women have been responsible about telling younger women that their youth, beauty, and fertility are not going to survive their twenties.  It seems, from this article, that they have not been.  In fact, the younger women still appear to be receiving precisely the opposite message from the media and the older generation alike.  Ours is one of the first female generations in human history to actively spurn marriage and children in favor of education and careers, so it is very important for younger women to seek out middle-aged single women and find out if they are genuinely content with their solitary status in middle age and beyond, or if they regret their youthful priorities.

There are, of course, real societal issues that have arisen as a result of this demographic transformation, and they are important, but on the individual level, what will transform the mentality of the younger generation is the personal regrets of those who took the path that they were socially pressured to take.

81 comments:

Steve Canyon said...

Poor her. 46 years old and still refuses to settle. I'm sure if she could accept a guy who was a beta, she'd find plenty of men her age that could at least give her some companionship in her old age. Still, 46 years old, has learned absolutely nothing, ignores the fact her SMV has declined, and her scene that was "look at how fabulous I am" has been replaced with "look how pathetic I am".

The refusal to compromise about anything will go down in history as the defining trait of her generation.

Oh well. You plays the game, you takes ya chances.

Anonymous said...

"it’s an uncomfortable truth that the sort of high-flying alpha males we were all holding out for didn’t want women like us. All the successful men I know have married sweet, uncomplicated women who are happy to forfeit their careers to support their husbands."

She forgot(?) to add "and did not ride the carousel much," but there it is.

Bob Wallace said...

I've met several women like this one. They're not Alpha chasers, contrary to the fantasies of the Manosphere. They went out with lots of different guys. Dozens. Including me, and I'm not an "Alpha" (sic). They always thought they could be promiscuous party girls and still end up with home, husband and children. They didn't, because they didn't realize the day would come when no guys asked them out because they were too old and had too much of a history. Then they ended up hostile and contemptuous of men, living alone in an apartment with a cat, and on anti-depressants.

DaveD said...

"I don't know if older women have been responsible about telling younger women that their youth, beauty, and fertility are not going to survive their twenties. It seems, from this article, that they have not been. In fact, the younger women still appear to be receiving precisely the opposite message from the media and the older generation alike."

And God help the man that tries to explain it to them. I know. I tried last week to explain the concept that women have roughly 20 years to have kids but their entire lives to have a career...choose wisely. I now have fewer friends.

DD

pdwalker said...

Did you read the best rated comments? Apparently most think that being married is miserable too.

taterearl said...

"I don't know if older women have been responsible about telling younger women that their youth, beauty, and fertility are not going to survive their twenties. It seems, from this article, that they have not been. In fact, the younger women still appear to be receiving precisely the opposite message from the media and the older generation alike."

These middle aged women probably lie and tell younger gals to do the same...misery loves company.

And I don't know if a guy can tell them that either. Logic and facts don't seem to make a dent when the world is your oyster.

taterearl said...

Also check out the second comment from this article. I never though I would hear this from a woman.

http://www2.ljworld.com/onthestreet/2012/nov/04/are-there-any-advancements-youd-see-country-make-n/

A said...

I think as soon as these middle aged women let their bodies go it's over. I've seen women at my gym who were middle aged but were still in better shape than younger girls, which I would imagine would give them a gigantic leap ahead of every other middle aged woman with a mushroom cut, a 46 inch waist, a party aged face, and a snarky attitude.

The great thing about staying in shape in your middle and older ages is that you still stay sexy. Yes, you may not be able to play sports or do physical activities like you used to, but keeping muscle tone and curves makes the difference between you and every other frumpy slob your age who couldn't keep a diet or routine demonstrate a night and day difference.

Stickwick said...

I don't know if older women have been responsible about telling younger women that their youth, beauty, and fertility are not going to survive their twenties.

I have a friend who just turned 30 and is headed down the same path as the SatC woman. When she was in her 20s, she partied like crazy (calling herself a "bar star") and slept around quite a bit. No surprise, her favorite show was SatC, and she clearly sought to emulate that lifestyle. Over the years, this once very pretty and sweet young woman turned hard-edged and miserable. I have tried for years to steer her to a different path -- talked to her, warned her, gave her books I thought would help, told her many times how wonderful marriage can be. The only result was that she spoke to me less and less. We chit-chat over FB occasionally, so I know she's currently in her first year of law school. If she manages to stay in this program, she'll be in her mid-30s by the time she finishes and goes on to a career. I don't see a husband or children in her future.

The problem is really her mother, who set a very bad example for her growing up. Her mom and dad divorced when she was young, and after that, mom had quite the exciting life and an endless parade of men through the bedroom. Mom is now in her 60s, alone, destitute, and miserable. Daughter is headed in the same direction and doesn't even seem aware of it. I pray for her, but I think childhood experience and cultural programming are too much to overcome for some women.

Whereas a young man may be open to the concept that he'll lose his physical edge with time, it's extremely difficult to impress upon a young, very pretty woman who's having the time of her life that the party will come to an end someday.

anolen said...

Thanks Alpha Game for another great post. You write with balance and wisdom; it's good to read.

You are right regarding older women being honest with younger ones about the downside of choosing a career over a family.

I was lucky; my mom didn't (for the most part) try to sugar coat getting older. She was always honest about women and their sell-by-dates; I'm lucky that I thought along those lines early enough to make (I believe) better choices.

But my mother is by far the exception, and sometimes even she slipped. Most older women don't want to admit that they are getting older, MUCH LESS talk to a younger female competitor about it. (Even if she is their own daughter!!)

These older women don't value being old, and in fairness very few people do (even outside of the West), so aging women avoid the topic. If we stick our heads in the sand, the problem isn't there... right?

Reverse of problem: Dad's don't talk to sons about the importance of looking for a wife, not just looking for a fling that's 'fun'. It takes time to figure out which type of women are compatible and WHERE they're at. Time whoring is time wasted.

I see a lot of younger guys getting into stupid relationships with someone they 'love' this week; without any self-knowledge or intent to find a wife. The result is that bad relationships 'just happen' to them. Poor parenting is partly to blame...

Stickwick said...

And I don't know if a guy can tell them that either. Logic and facts don't seem to make a dent when the world is your oyster.

Perhaps you're new here, but Vox has talked about the futility of trying to persuade a woman the way you'd persuade a man. If anything is going to work on a young woman (or just about any woman), it's rhetoric.

alexamenos said...

Highly related, I've spent a little time slogging through the ruminations and regrets of a 40 something childless single woman:

http://thebitterbabe.wordpress.com/

It's like slowly sifting through the remnants of a trainwreck.

SlartiBartFast said...

I am a 44 yr old single male. The women I date usually fall into the range of 7-10 yrs younger than me. One thing I have noticed is that while many women can maintain attractiveness into their mid-30s and beyond, it is their attitudes that suffer. I was trying to explain to a married friend how almost EVERY SINGLE woman I have dated in the last few years has been angry and bitter and somewhat humorless. Not anger at anything in particular, just a seething anger lying beneath the surface. These are all fit, attractive women. ( Even an old fart like me has standards) It has led me to date less, I just don't care to waste my time on these women, no matter how physically attractive they may be. If the anger is noticeable on a first date it's only going to get worse from there. I've noticed this anger in women as young as 28-30. I think the wall for women is as much mental as it is physical. They can still be physically attractive at 30 or 35 but if they don't 'have it all' or if they are not where they want to be at a certain age it warps them.

Anonymous said...

My sister's roommate, who is in her mid 30's and struggling to find a guy, refuses to let go of the image and life she had in her teenage years and early 20's. My sister has been giving her hell because she's rejecting perfectly acceptable guys, and then complaining she can't find anyone decent.

I made some comment about this, and my brother (blue piller of note) said he's going to remind me about this when I hit that age. I called him a dumbass and my sister actually agreed with me. Even she recognised that women have a far shorter "shelf life" that men.

taterearl said...

"If the anger is noticeable on a first date it's only going to get worse from there. I've noticed this anger in women as young as 28-30."

Me too...compare that to the girls I've dated around 22-24 and they have a much better attitude and are more fun.

Rollo Tomassi said...

From CH's Difficulty of Gaming by Age Bracket:
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/08/12/the-difficulty-of-gaming-women-by-age-bracket/

36 to 38 year olds

"She is at peace with her spinsterhood and her failure in the dating market. She will acquiesce easily and gratefully to sex with very little game, as long as you don’t look like a grandpa. Her expectations are so low, it will be a challenge to disappoint her.

If you are prone to guilt, you might feel it when you inevitably dump a woman in this age range. Don’t. Remind yourself that her past is littered with her insouciant dumping of many beta men before you. You are merely an alpha agent of righteous karma.

Stickwick said...

My sister has been giving her hell because she's rejecting perfectly acceptable guys, and then complaining she can't find anyone decent.

It's like there's a sort of insanity at work here. My aforementioned friend dated some very acceptable men, but disposed of them quickly. One in particular was handsome, wealthy, charming, came from a good family, etc., your basic dreamboat. She was very pretty at that time and still had some of her girlish charm, so he was quite interested in her. She dated him a few times and then inexplicably dropped him like a rock. Even her mother chewed her out for that. Her next guy was the opposite. He joined us for a vacation, and we were already thinking WTH? as he rolled up in a Greyhound bus. Ugly, no job, no personality. He wasn't even a charming bad-boy type, just a nothingburger loser. It made no sense. Here and there she'd date a few high-flying types who treated her very badly, which at least makes sense to anyone who reads this blog regularly; but the losers were baffling. Every single decision she makes about men is completely, utterly wrong, and almost seems calculated to maximize her misery. If she'd gone with Mr. Dreamboat, she'd be 30 years old with beautiful houses, clothes, and cars, a couple of good-looking kids, and a husband who loves her. How could she not see that?? It's just unspeakably tragic.

Magister Wood said...

There is hope for the younger generation of women. I recently overheard one of my female students, a senior, tell some other girls she was going to get her four-year degree and get married well before she hits 30. After 30, she said, you lose your looks and your chances. Smart girl.

Feh said...

"being more involved in athletics, men tend to be far more aware of the fact that one day, things will change and they will not be able to run and jump as they can now."

Men who do not care much about athletics don't have to worry too much about getting old; "I am sedentary now, I'll be sedentary then, and since I'm not a sports star now I will not be bitter someday about losing athletic prowess I never had."

On the other hand, looks are far more central to a woman's existence than athleticism is to a man, and she is both unable to imagine life without looks and guaranteed to be bitter when they go.

Anonymous said...

Claudia honey- f**k off and die. Bwahahaha!

Anonymous said...



"It's like there's a sort of insanity at work here. My aforementioned friend dated some very acceptable men, but disposed of them quickly. One in particular was handsome, wealthy, charming, came from a good family, etc., your basic dreamboat. She was very pretty at that time and still had some of her girlish charm, so he was quite interested in her. She dated him a few times and then inexplicably dropped him like a rock. Even her mother chewed her out for that. Her next guy was the opposite. He joined us for a vacation, and we were already thinking WTH? as he rolled up in a Greyhound bus. Ugly, no job, no personality. He wasn't even a charming bad-boy type, just a nothingburger loser. It made no sense. Here and there she'd date a few high-flying types who treated her very badly, which at least makes sense to anyone who reads this blog regularly; but the losers were baffling. Every single decision she makes about men is completely, utterly wrong, and almost seems calculated to maximize her misery. If she'd gone with Mr. Dreamboat, she'd be 30 years old with beautiful houses, clothes, and cars, a couple of good-looking kids, and a husband who loves her. How could she not see that?? It's just unspeakably tragic.
November 5, 2012 6:59 AM"

This is why women need to have their mates chosen for them by their parents. Liberation failed and women can't chose properly. End of story.

rycamor said...

In your forties, you lose your peak strength and it takes you two days to recover. You can still do 90 percent of what you used to do, but you have to listen closely to your body at all times or it's going to break down. You have to take it easy or you'll do nothing at all.

Maybe so. I know one very fit 50-year-old (I mean chiseled and cut) at my martial arts class who has obviously overdone it because now he can barely do anything with his shoulders. Pushups are almost impossible for him, and even regular dumbell curls take their toll.

On the other hand, I think far too many middle-aged men have inhaled the anti-male vapors of our culture, which includes the purported idea that men decline faster than women. Really. I heard this notion being pitched ever since my early college years. "Men live shorter lives than women" and "Men reach their sexual peak at 17, while women reach theirs in their 30s.", and every other sort of male agism you can imagine. It really does seem like the cultural elite of our world engaged in a massive case of female->male projection, trying to completely flip the script on men. Younger men were made to feel that there was some sort of moral superiority--or even obligation--in pursuing older women. They were made to feel guilty for dating younger girls. The whole cultural mode of the 80s-90s made men feel that once they hit 40 it's pretty much all over, body worn out, brain less capable, testosterone half gone...

No wonder so many men are dispirited, and give up bettering themselves in middle age. Meanwhile, women have been told the lie that THEY are the men of society, that they hold the socio-cultural standard, and men are to dance to their tunes. You see it in this woman's article. She has been aping the alpha male, thinking that is what an alpha male wants. She is finally *just beginning* to understand that an alpha male might use a female like this, but will hardly settle for her in the lifelong commitment of marriage.

The fact is, if a man decides to put some serious effort into keeping his health, fitness, and attitude up, there is no need to feel like it is all over. I just watched a 53-year-old (a completely ripped, six-packed 53-year-old) man compete in American Ninja Warrior. While he didn't complete the course, most of the younger men don't complete it either. He held his own quite well.

I am no ninja warrior, but after a year or so of paleo diet and about 20 minutes a day of weightlifting, I feel like my old unstoppable self again. Was at a local fairgrounds with the family taking pictures in the pumpkin patch when I saw an especially large pumpkin. Without thinking I picked it up and hoisted it on my shoulder, holding it there with one hand. The old guy running the thing just about popped his eyes out "You know, I've had younger, bigger men in here who couldn't lift that. What do you think that thing weighs?"

"About 70-80 pounds" I guessed.

"Nope, that there is 120 pounds. Like I said, not many men can even get that thing off the ground." Not bad for a 46-year-old, if I do say so myself. So, men... quit throwing in the towel early.

Yes, women can be accomplished and interesting in middle age, and they can even be in great shape too, if they put some effort into it (and if married, they will have very grateful husbands), but remember that what applies to men does not apply to women. Single and middle-aged for women isn't the same as for men. Men may be attracted to a middle-aged-woman, but they won't value her for long-term commitment. Young women should understand that they need to make much of a time, or they may forever tarry.

RC said...

Larger families would help. Part of the problem is too many men without sons. They ignorantly mold their daughters into the sons they never had, spinsterhood the unrecognized price to please daddy.

Orion said...

Why aren't older women warning younger women? "Misery loves company" was a phrase invented by a woman as far as I can tell. The bitter ones hate to see someone else succeed by making the right choices, and most of the rest love to feeeeel like they are trendy by agreeing with the culture that has been foisted on us. Another reason I have no qualms about being "different" than the average guy.

Angel said...

I saw this yesteday and was hoping you would write about it.

Right now I have a Grandmother at death's door. She gave birth to ll children and only 9 lived into adulthood (the others died in a typhoid outbreak). She is surrounded by them and their families right now. She never worked outside the home, she never had a career, she never even got past middle school (they are from another country). Yet into the fourth generation now, we cook like her, clean like her and love like her. Our best memories of her as Grandchildren are her welcoming every single person into her home and feeding us.

A life wasted?

I consider it seeds planted. Untold generations benefiting.

And she had every right and reason to dump her POS Husband. But she stood her post, raised her children, took the good and fought off the bad.

As far as I am concerned, she is a mighty warrior. Had she left, most of us would not exist and none of us would love. Not one of us would love. It all came from her.

This is what younger women are missing. They don't see it, they don't believe it, they don't live it and they will die alone instead of being held by all the hands they held all their lives.

Saddness overcomes me.

jlw said...

Speaking of hitting the Wall unprepared and for what happens after, here is where the lifelong losers of both genders have an advantage. It’s almost like the old sit-com/stand-up trope of the person going to hell and being led around by the old timer. Except here, it’s the omega showing the newbie around:

“Hey there! Welcome to SMV Hell. I’m your guide, 42-year-old virgin jlw. Let me show you around. Here’s your room over here, just over that tributary of the Styx, the deNile. Here’s your cot where you’ll be sleeping alone for the rest of eternity. Here’s a group of people in similar shape, ready to join you in blaming others and wailing about lost opportunities. Here’s the chow hall where you can dine on self-help bromides likes “It’s what is inside that counts!” and such. Afterwards, you can sit around the fires of dispair and insult each other’s intelligence by claiming that there aren’t hopeless sexual omegas and that being fabulously single or using Game (for the men who had SMV and lost it on the tour) will help. Don’t worry – give it a few decades, you’ll get well used to it and have the evil burned out of you. Remember: the door to hell is general locked from the inside.”

SarahsDaughter said...

"held by all the hands they held all their lives." - Angel

Evidence of a life well lived. God's peace to your family, Angel, as He brings her home.

Cail Corishev said...

One thing I've noticed in a lot of these "where are all the good men?" articles is that the 30-something woman will complain that all the good men her age are chasing 25-year-olds.

They wouldn't be chasing if they weren't catching them a fair amount of the time. So that raises a question: are the 25-year-olds marrying these guys? If so, the tide may be turning, and this problem will be gone in a generation. Or are they just sleeping with them, taking their own turn on the carousel, setting themselves up to be making the same complaints in a decade, having learned nothing from the example of their spinster aunts?

The One said...

I've been seeing these posts a lot from Vox. Fasting+Not ejaculating slows down the aging process.

A new study by scientists at Graz University found that spermidine, a compound that is found in sperm, slows ageing processes and increases longevity in yeast, flies, worms and mice, as well as human blood cells, by protecting cells from damage.

• Scientists identify genes behind ageing process

Cell ageing happens when a natural process called autophagy – a sort of cellular cannibalism whereby damaged cells or parts of cells are recycled – goes wrong.

Spermidine concentration has been shown to decline with age.

Adding spermidine suppressed various processes associated with ageing, as well as reducing free radicals and increasing lifespan. Treated fruit flies lived 30 per cent longer than untreated ones, while worms lived 15 per cent longer.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/6267901/Chemical-in-sperm-may-slow-ageing-process.html

"Reduced serum glucose and insulin levels and increased resistance of neurons in the brain to excitotoxic stress."[5]
IF was found to "Enhance cardiovascular and brain functions and improve several risk factors for coronary artery disease and stroke including a reduction in blood pressure and increased insulin sensitivity" and that "cardiovascular stress adaptation is improved and heart rate variability is increased in rodents" and that "rodents maintained on an IF regimen exhibit increased resistance of heart and brain cells to ischemic injury in experimental models of myocardial infarction and stroke."[6]
May "ameliorate age-related deficits in cognitive function" in mice.[7]
Correlation with IF and significantly improved biochemical parameters associated with development of diabetic nephropathy.[8]
Resistance in mice to the effects of gamma irradiation.[9]
Lifespan increases of 40.4% and 56.6% in C. elegans for alternate day (24 hour) and two-of-each-three day (48 hour) fasting, respectively, as compared to an ad libitum diet.[10]
Rats showed markedly improved long-term survival after chronic heart failure via pro-angiogenic, anti-apoptotic and anti-remodeling effect

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intermittent_fasting

Angel said...

Thanks SD!

protagonist said...

"...so it is very important for younger women to seek out middle-aged single women and find out if they are genuinely content with their solitary status in middle age and beyond, or if they regret their youthful priorities."

you can't possibly be suggesting that a middle aged spinster who lived the Sex In The City lifestyle will tell that younger woman the truth, can you?

that would require an uncommon amount of self-awareness and honesty...

T14 said...

"Fasting+Not ejaculating slows down the aging process."

I'm sure trading Laphroig for tea would work wonders as well. But I'd prefer a well-lived 70 years to 100 devoid of pleasure.

Daniel said...

SatC does not have a male equivalent. If it does, it would be Halo or something like that.

SatC message: living single is the empowering shortcut to immortality.

Halo message: eventually, and sooner than you think, you are going to die.

Pop entertainment may trade in illusion, but some illusions are more harmful than others.

Jimmy said...

"If she'd gone with Mr. Dreamboat, she'd be 30 years old with beautiful houses, clothes, and cars, a couple of good-looking kids, and a husband who loves her. How could she not see that?? It's just unspeakably tragic."

It is NOT tragic for the Mr. Dreamboat who is better off with someone who appreciates him.

What people don't realize is dating is best for those who know its true function. You date to figure out what you want. She rejected him for any reason that she perceives as her priorities. The "Sex and The City" women are not marriageable. The guy was saved from a tragedy. She IS the tragedy. He is the Dreamboat who sails on with Mrs. Dreamboat, not Mrs. Tragedy.

Jack Amok said...

I'm sure trading Laphroig for tea would work wonders as well. But I'd prefer a well-lived 70 years to 100 devoid of pleasure.

I'm reminded of the fellow who turned vegetarian and gave up drinking, smoking, and women. He was the picture of health up until the day he killed himself.

I don't know if older women have been responsible about telling younger women that their youth, beauty, and fertility are not going to survive their twenties.

Of course they haven't, but it's been a two-way street. Younger women don't want to hear it from the older women. That pretty little 22-year old with the perfect complexion and perky tits and a bazillion guys drooling over her doesn't think a 40 year old barfly with crows feet and a saggy ass has anything relevant to tell her. I mean, she's in a totally different league! Kind of like what jwl was saying above - the male equivalent would be some pimple-faced Omega giving dating advice to a 35 year old corporate executive.

Oh, and don't forget that for women, the special snowflake never thinks she'll melt.

On the other side, I think most of the post-wall spinsterhood prefer not to say anything because it means admitting they screwed up. Better, they think, to stay quiet, not call attention to their situation, and continue to wallow in self-pity by telling themselves it's everyone else's - meaning men mostly - fault.

I think it comes back to men needed to be the leaders. It's up to fathers to tell their daughters the real scoop. Of course, daughters are women too, so they are going to me more inclined to listen to Dad if Dad is Alpha.

Learn Game, it's for the children.



Stickwick said...

SatC does not have a male equivalent.

It doesn't have a straight male equivalent. SatC was really about the fabulous urban male homosexual lifestyle applied to single women. But there's only so far you can take a premise like that when you're appealing to a female audience, which is why the writers had 3/4 of the slags married in the end, with the main character unrealistically ending up with her dream man well past her prime. Message: Live the promiscuous party life of a male homosexual, until you're ready to hop off that carousel, and Mr. Right will be there to marry you. To say this conflicts with reality is an understatement.

She IS the tragedy.

Thank you, Captain Obvious. I thought that was already pretty clear.

Unknown said...

"I also think it’s an uncomfortable truth that the sort of high-flying alpha males we were all holding out for didn’t want women like us. All the successful men I know have married sweet, uncomplicated women who are happy to forfeit their careers to support their husbands."

That's my wife exactly. And I couldn't be happier.

We went to a dinner party recently where one woman there was basically like the woman described in this article. My wife and I now refer to her as 'the crazy cat-lady'.

spectator said...

Ot but interesting anybody notice the link about the kid at the Pittsburgh zoo falling to wild dogs at the bottom? How horrid All the more reason to conceal carry. (Yes I know that a vp topic). Nothing more dhv than killing a dangerous endangered species to protect your young.

Jimmy said...

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. I thought that was already pretty clear."

Wait, not quite. You said she missed the Dreamboat. You didn't say she wasn't a suitable partner, which makes all the difference. The one that rejects is the reject.

"How could she not see that??"

Huh? Do you have to ask? Some women have that thing about them. Best to not set them up on anymore dates. It is sad for you to keep having to ask that question.

T14 said...

I thought Entourage was the straight male equivalent of SatC

Anonymous said...

"I don't know if older women have been responsible about telling younger women that their youth, beauty, and fertility are not going to survive their twenties. It seems, from this article, that they have not been. In fact, the younger women still appear to be receiving precisely the opposite message from the media and the older generation alike."

The money quote. What women tell younger women is trash. The Girl Scouts (11-year old girls, for God's sake!) have abortion rights and feminism drilled into them by Planned Parenthood at the f**king UN. As much as I am angry at women these days, they have been victimized by their gender- and 2nd-wave feminist mothers, sisters, aunts and school teachers.

And this journalist is clearly not someone who ever wanted to share anything, leet alone her future, with someone else. If you can't let your boyfriend leave a toothbrush in a 3-bedroom house, you're clearly destined for a house filled with litterboxes. A wife she could never be. Not on this planet.

The One said...

I'm sure trading Laphroig for tea would work wonders as well. But I'd prefer a well-lived 70 years to 100 devoid of pleasure.

I'm reminded of the fellow who turned vegetarian and gave up drinking, smoking, and women. He was the picture of health up until the day he killed himself.
~Jack

Fasting is religious based and religious people are less likely to kill themselves. No ejaculation doesn't equal no sex, it equals more sex, but everyone has to make their own decisions

Retrenched said...

Stories like this remind me of a post Solomon once wrote where he said that a woman can be beautiful in the eyes of many men for a few years, or she can be beautiful in the eyes of one man for a lifetime. A lot of women choose the former, then later wish they had chosen the latter. Sounds like this woman is one of them.

Josh said...

I thought Entourage was the straight male equivalent of SatC

The key difference is that men know that entourage is fiction and escapist fantasy, not reality.

No men are living their lives using entourage as a guide, the same cannot be said for women and satc.

paul a'barge said...

Tall Trees In Georgia.

Google the lyrics to the song.

T14 said...

re The One

General Jack D. Ripper: Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No.

General Jack D. Ripper: But I... I do deny them my essence.

- Dr. Strangelove

lalady said...

I don't really see how any woman with even a modicum of life experience could envy the "Sex and the City lifestyle. Sure, when I first watched it as a teenager, before I'd had any experience with boys/men, I thought the women's lives looked glamourous and the show definitely had a negative influence on how I began my dating career- if you could even call what I did back then "dating." But after re-watching the show in my early twenties, I think the writers did a great job of showing the downside of casual sex/careerism/delaying marriage (aside from the clearly absurd movie ending where Big finally marries 40-year old Carrie- but at least she didn't miraculously get pregnant at that age!). The four leads are, underneath all their snarkiness, clearly miserable and bitter every time they are pumped and dumped, invited to a wedding/baby shower, or outcompeted by younger women. Maybe it's just because I've taken the "red pill", but SatC is entertaining to me now as a guide to what NOT to do, and I think most of my peers feel similarly.

Jack Amok said...

All the successful men I know have married sweet, uncomplicated women who are happy to forfeit their careers to support their husbands.

Oh, I totally forgot this little gem! Embedded in here is a whole host of crazy.

The "sweet, uncomplicated" bit? She writes it like sweet, uncomplicated women are somehow insignificant or unworthy. No better example of a woman thinking that what a man wants in a woman must be the same thing she wants in a man. A sweet, uncomplicated man isn't going to be very high on her tingle scale, so it's a shock to her that a man would want a woman that.

Besides, the "complicated" implied in that sentence is a euphemism for several other words, chief among them being "difficult", "argumentative", "dysfunctional" and "disorganized." And "sweet" is the opposite of "bitchy."

And I've never undestood this whole "sacrifice her career" deal. The women didn't sacrifice their careers to support their husbands, they sacrificed them to have a family. The idea that the Corporate VP succeeded because his wife was just the bees knees at planning a social calendar to impress his bosses... Yeah, riiiiiight.

willneverpostagain said...

In a tangential note, what about "Girls Night Out"? I would venture to guess the last people one would want his wife to be with are these SatC types. "Bad Company corrupts good morals" and all that.

Stickwick said...

Wait, not quite. You said she missed the Dreamboat. You didn't say she wasn't a suitable partner, which makes all the difference.

I didn't say she missed the dreamboat, I said she inexplicably dumped him. And what on earth about my description of this young woman would lead anyone to believe that she was in any way a suitable partner?

The one that rejects is the reject.

Not by definition, no.

Huh? Do you have to ask? Some women have that thing about them. Best to not set them up on anymore dates. It is sad for you to keep having to ask that question.

Who said anything about setting this woman - or any woman - up on any dates?

Anonymous said...

" And what on earth about my description of this young woman would lead anyone to believe that she was in any way a suitable partner? "

The part about what she would gain from the marriage of convenience.

Cail Corishev said...

Yes, that word "uncomplicated" speaks volumes. After all, a special snowflake must be complicated by definition; otherwise you couldn't tell it from all the other snowflakes.

By "uncomplicated," she means ordinary, probably not too bright, lacking intellectual curiosity, and not encumbered by all the options she had in her fascinating life (like choosing wallpaper for the second empty guest bedroom). She'll never consider the possibility that those women have families because they were more virtuous and smarter about striking when the time was right. No, it must be that her own life was just too "full" to allow her to set aside the time for marriage before now; so it's a sad irony, not just desserts.

Anonymous said...

Do any of the readers here actually consider that the life-choice of fucking lots of alpha's and then holding out for 1 to marry her is actually preferable to a slut rather then marry an alpha early or settle for a beta?

Of course she will complain about her sad loneliness to her friends (or anyone who will listen) but that's just to give her ego a boost. We're all being very masculine here because we try to solve the "problem" of her unhappiness. Just leave it, don't gloat, just tell her "That sucks" and then forget about her

Stickwick said...

The part about what she would gain from the marriage of convenience.

Irrelevant.

Remnant said...

As with many such articles by bitter women admitting some degree of fault, there are sparks of insight and truth in what she says. But then something like the following makes you realize that her frame is still "off" and she still doesn't get it:

"once you’re in your late 30s, men are pretty thin on the ground. And once you’re in your 40s, it’s as though they’ve been wiped off the face of the Earth."

No. Once a woman is in her 40s, it is if SHE (the woman) has been wiped off the face of the Earth. It is the woman who has become persona non grata; the men are there, it is just that women like her don't exist for them anymore.

Mike M. said...

This subject fairly begs for a treatment like "A Christmas Carol". The Ghosts of Dates Past, Present, and Future visit a 30-year old woman.

Mike M. said...

And "Sweet and Uncomplicated" should be read as "Faithful and Undramatic".

KN said...

What rycamor said, plus, young guys, look after your joints - you can fix fat easily with paleo, and muscle with weights, but once your knees are gone there is only so much glucosamine tablets can do for you. (Said from the perspective of a 41 year old who has better aerobic fitness now than when he was 20, but the knee … )

rycamor said...

KN--not to turn this into a fitness forum but:
weights, not aerobics, and forget glucosamine. Lots of fresh eggs (pastured organic eggs preferably). And, an interesting idea I got from Mercola.com: peel out the membrane from inside the eggshell and blend it in your smoothies or protein shakes. My 46-year-old joints haven't been better since my 20s.

TFH said...

Two points :

1) Women simply do not understand cause and effect very well. Their brains are just not wired for this. The evidence is endless.

2) A bunch of lonely spinsters means they will turn to the state, and will work day and night to transform America into a socialist hell. Getting out before bitter old spinsters turn this country into a socialist hell, would be wise.

Jack Amok said...

By "uncomplicated," she means ordinary, probably not too bright, lacking intellectual curiosity...

I'm sure that's what she thinks she's saying. But what guys hear when you say a woman is uncomplicated is:

-well-adjusted
-emotionally mature
-responsible
-has her shit together
-can take care of herself
-will not weight your life down with buckets of unnecessary and pointless drama.

Funny, all told, the "uncomplicated" woman is a lot closer to an independant woman than the "complicated" feminists.

Exurban said...

I'm down with the general trend of thought on this thread, but commenters are unjustly critical of the woman who wrote the Daily Mail article. Yes, she sounds like a piece of work for sure but she does (1) admit that she screwed up (2) doesn't blame others (3) understands that short-term gain can lead to long-term pain. That's already a lot more truth than most bimbini can handle. Note the comments in the DM, many of which are knee-jerk emissions about the horror of loveless marriage. As posters note, in our time older women no longer tell younger women anything. At least this one is trying to pass on something.

Anonymous said...

The women commenting on the article are deluding themselves. They can enjoy the freedom and wealth all they want, but one day they'll realize that money, careers, and shopping trips to Milan can't love them.

Nothing and no one loves or cares about you more than your own family. No, not even your many many cats will love you so much. If you trade that for the world, you'll end up a lonely husk of what you were. No one will care whether you live or die, no one will sit with you on your deathbed as you take your last breath, no one will care about what wisdom you have to pass down, and the nurses will look at you distantly and too, too professionally as they give you your last dose of morphine in the utilitarian-world that you helped build with your obsession over money and things and the cold, calculated way you have discarded others for your own vain self-interest.

What goes around comes around, and we all reap what we sow.

Alec Rawls said...

Re: "I've noticed this anger in women as young as 28-30."

The reason is not that they spent their 20's as promiscuous party girls (a rare type), but that they spent their 20's with boyfriends they loved HOPING THE BOYFRIENDS WOULD MARRY THEM. Instead their boyfriends dumped them for somebody younger, or the girls finally realized the boyfriends weren't going to marry them and gave up.

They are angry going forward because they know they will be in the same fix with any other boyfriend they hook up with, except now that they are running out of time to have children they are both more desperate and less marriageable.

So they have every reason to be pathologically angry. The problem is that their anger is misdirected. Instead of being angry at men they should be angry at the moronic feminists who exploded the institutions that directed male energies to marriage and family. Such institutions, said the feminists, were oppressive TO WOMEN. Holy cow, could anyone actually be that stupid?

No, it wasn't just stupidity. There was a lot of maliciousness involved, hatred of women--of heterosexual women--by the lesbian feminists who formed the activist center of the "feminist" movement. They hated marriage because they hated men and hated the idea of women being with men (instead of with them).

So the destruction of female-protective institutions wasn't just a dumb mistake by chicks who mistakenly thought they were empowering women. Much of it was intentionally destructive of what heterosexual women needed, perpetrated by lesbian step-sisters who did not have heterosexual women's interests at heart.

"...compare that to the girls I've dated around 22-24 and they have a much better attitude and are more fun."

How nice. They don't yet realize that the "feminist" ideology they embrace has doomed them.

Anonymous said...

Fact is, the older you get the more set you are in your ways, the more unlikely it is that you manage to bond strong enough to form a functional couple.

There are as many lonely middle-aged men as there are middle-aged women -- if those oldies have young partners it'll be because they are solvent, not because they have beautiful, fit bodies and wonderful personalities.

Old partners also appeal, because going out with them isn't committing the young partner to a real relationship, since it's somewhat 'time-limited'.

And, so the circle sadly turns...

Some musical advice by Randy Crawford -- so it's not like women do not warn other people, enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnNyxy7XPfs&feature=player_detailpage

Anonymous said...

The reason is not that they spent their 20's as promiscuous party girls (a rare type), but that they spent their 20's with boyfriends they loved HOPING THE BOYFRIENDS WOULD MARRY THEM. Instead their boyfriends dumped them for somebody younger, or the girls finally realized the boyfriends weren't going to marry them and gave up.

...riiiiiiiiight

You're not familiar with the realities of the modern dating market, are you?

Micha Elyi said...

Your HTML cannot be accepted: Tag is not allowed: BLOCKQUOTE
 

<blockquote>...if she could accept a guy who was a beta...
--Steve Canyon</blockquote>

If she could find a doctor who'd prescribe her the tranks necessary, she'd be unacceptable to a beta.

She's stuck between Scylla and Charybdis - unless she's one of 'em herself, of course.

 
<blockquote>And God help the man that tries to explain it to them. I know. I tried... I now have fewer friends.
--DaveD</blockquote>

But as a consolation prize, your friends now have a much higher average IQ, much more common sense and much increased ability to learn.

Rejoice!

 
<blockquote>This subject fairly begs for a treatment like "A Christmas Carol". The Ghosts of Dates Past, Present, and Future visit a 30-year old woman.
--Mike M.</blockquote>

correction: a 22-year old woman.

Anonymous said...

"...riiiiiiiiight

You're not familiar with the realities of the modern dating market, are you? "

Well, I notice that the market has introduced an antiques section, but other than that, humanity is still as ruthless and mean as it can get away with.

And that is exactly the problem -- the selection mechanism no longer matches the competent with each other, but has enabled the dysfunctional to pose as competent, allowing predators to harvest the youth and/or money of their marks.

Desiderius said...

RC,

"Larger families would help. Part of the problem is too many men without sons. They ignorantly mold their daughters into the sons they never had, spinsterhood the unrecognized price to please daddy."

This is the driving dynamic.

Women tried to be men to be the sons daddy didn't get. Being, naturally, bad at it*, they acted like bad men. Naturally seeking a man more manly than themselves, they've gone after worse men.

The anger is at the fathers, which is why, for instance, the word Father has been stricken from the worship service of my otherwise outstanding mainline church.

* - an alternative explanation is that being taught that women were good and men bad, they understood manliness to be bad but felt compelled (by their fathers) to pursue it regardless.

Desiderius said...

RC,

"Larger families would help. Part of the problem is too many men without sons. They ignorantly mold their daughters into the sons they never had, spinsterhood the unrecognized price to please daddy."

This is the driving dynamic.

Women tried to be men to be the sons daddy didn't get. Being, naturally, bad at it*, they acted like bad men. Naturally seeking a man more manly than themselves, they've gone after worse men.

The anger is at the fathers, which is why, for instance, the word Father has been stricken from the worship service of my otherwise outstanding mainline church.

* - an alternative explanation is that being taught that women were good and men bad, they understood manliness to be bad but felt compelled (by their fathers) to pursue it regardless.

Desiderius said...

"...riiiiiiiiight

You're not familiar with the realities of the modern dating market, are you?"

The "modern" (i.e. present) is a response to what came before, but hook-up culture itself is rapidly becoming outdated too.

Hook-up culture was a reaction to the serial monogamy Alec Rawls describes. That was a bad deal for women as it locked them up during their prime years. They didn't know what they wanted or what they had to offer since they'd experienced a relatively low number of men.

Yes, of course, sex with several men is problematic, but my grandmothers, for instance, each had several suitors at the time my grandfathers offered the ring. That was the price of exclusivity with a woman in her prime.

It was the change to a sex-positive (outside and above marriage) norm due to the Sexual Devolution that made serial monogamy seem necessary to the "good" women setting the norms. They figured out it was a bad deal, but they weren't willing (yet) to give up the sex-positive norm, so hook-up culture naturally emerged.

The rising generation is already figuring this out and dropping the sex-positive norm.

Elena said...

Generally don't comment here, but I'd have to agree with Desiderius (above). For girls (and I guess guys?) my age (under-25 set), serial monogamy is a trap for the unwary. My mom always told me and my brothers if a guy (or girl for them) isn't willing to put a ring on it within 18 months to two years, they're never going to. As a proxy, there's nothing wrong with casually dating a couple of guys - as long as "casual" means group dates and movies, not sex.

I generally see the successful path to marriage in my age group and my brothers' age group as casual dating --> pairing off into more serious stuff once you realize you're compatible --> making the final comittment to each other in a relatively short time period, which is pretty much what my mom always told me.

So serial monogamy may be an imperfect solution to sleeping around - but I feel the best solution to the issues with sleeping around is not sleeping around!

happycrow said...

Elena: yup. NOT passing yourself around like a party favor is DEFINITELY the best way to solve the issues relating to passing yourself around like a party favor.

:)

Alec Rawls said...

"You're not familiar with the realities of the modern dating market, are you?"

Is anonymous saying that after he's been with a girl she doesn't want to stay with him? Hmmm. I've never experienced that one.

I do, however, have some advice for guys and gals who want to be able to have fun with lots of different individual members of the opposite sex without the pre-mature complications of having sex: go ballroom dancing (or more generally, partner dancing, club or ballroom style).

Thanks to the near-miraculous functionality leading and following, once you have learned how to do it (a big investment for the gentlemen, much smaller for the ladies), zero additional investment is needed to dance with any particular partner. Guys, if you know how to lead, you can lead any woman, even if she has never danced before. You just show her how the lead creates her steps and she'll be able to dance at a basic level her first dance.

The problem is young people aren't learning to do it, which is disastrous because it takes a critical mass of social dancers. Once enough people are doing it, then everyone can go there to meet people and the fun of it makes it a natural draw, but it is hard to get a critical mass going because it takes a lot of investment in learning from the men, who have to learn their steps, the lady's steps, and how to head the lady's steps. (Learning the different ways you can move to different rhythms while leading the lady to move with you is like learning a language.)

The payoff for the men is huge. You can have one beautiful woman in your arms after another all night. You just put your hand out to her and she'll smile and come to you, and the dancing itself is the most gorgeous kind of fun imaginable. You can FLY together.

Unfortunately, our society has totally dropped the ball on this one. The public schools hardly teach kids to dance together at all. People don't know what they are missing and the places that attain a critical mass of social dancers are few and far between. If you know somebody who can partner dance there are still ways you can do it. You can go to any stupid-loud non-partner dance club for the two hours before the drunkards take over the floor. That doesn't work as a way to meet people. You have to go with a partner and can't switch partners all night, but its still a blast.

So put it on your radar screen. Maybe there is a place near you that is developing a critical mass. There aren't enough fun ways for guys and gals to do meet and do non-monogomous stuff together AS INDIVIDUALS, and here is the best thing imaginable.

Guys, since you are the ones who have invest the most, I'll make my pitch to you. If you get any good at all at this you will be a very in-demand commodity, and best of all, the girls you meet will tend to be GOOD GIRLS. Plus, you can work up a ridiculous sweat (just take an extra shirt or two) and nobody ever gets hurt. I got into it because I knew I couldn't keep playing basketball. Somebody got hurt every week and I hade already blown out an ACL. Dancing is good aerobically, and you'll be able to do it until you die.

realmatt said...

I've noticed this anger in women as young as 28-30.

Teen girls are just as angry. They're living a lie and they know it. They know they should be home making cakes and doing lunges. WOuldn't you be miserable if you were convinced you're supposed to be incredible and capable but deep down you know you're pathetic and incompetent? Also, women need good deep dickings and thorough slapping a few times a week to be happy. Lions know this, but modern men have forgotten.

Frat boys and other douchebags don't know how to give the Dickens the way it needs to be given.

Cail Corishev said...

Unfortunately, our society has totally dropped the ball on this one. The public schools hardly teach kids to dance together at all.

Out here in the sticks, they still did a little square dancing thirty years ago. I'm not sure they teach any dancing at all now. It's really sad; everyone my grandparents' age knows how to get out there and dance the basics. Thanks to the next generation deciding that stuff was square, and using their music to accompany getting wasted and stumbling around in a haze instead, people my age (especially guys) can't do a basic two-step, so we sit on the sidelines at every wedding reception while the girls dance with each other. Stupid.

Anonymous said...

No sympathy.

Marry the Democratic Party, bitches. It'll be there for you in your old age, if not with love, then benefits at or just a little below subsistence level. Who needs men? You are party girls, and you've got a Party.

Unless there's some other interest group that it makes more sense to pander to at the time, which is likely given its all-out effort on behalf of illegal immigrants.

BTW, that pie-faced little chunker Lena Dunham is not going to age well at all. Just sayin'.

Markku said...

But what guys hear when you say a woman is uncomplicated is:

-well-adjusted
-emotionally mature
-responsible
-has her shit together
-can take care of herself
-will not weight your life down with buckets of unnecessary and pointless drama.


Exactly. I didn't even come to think that "uncomplicated" might be a bad word until someone pointed it out.

gauthijm said...

hahahahhaahhahahahahah
Good riddance
I am soo happy she'llend up alone, after what she did by living such a selfish life; her "rules" , of kicking nice guys to the curb....
I am enjoying the Schadenfreud of the ruin of her boring and unfulfilled life; and as, for me ?

I will getting married to a wonderful eastern european lady, have maanged to become a millionaire (not boasting , just a fact) who will be retiring in 3-4 years (at 55);

and here it comes...

I personally would not touch a mid-40's selfish harridan like her with a 10 foot barge pole; I hope she enjoy the Life she's built for herself, it's a doozy !

love it!

Jean-Michel

marian callaghan said...

God I've never read so many angry bitter remarks...what incredibly angry misogynistic men there are here.

marian callaghan said...

God I've never read so many angry bitter remarks...what incredibly angry misogynistic men there are here.

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