Spacebunny and I were out at dinner last night, a few tables over from one where four couples were sitting. They were just a little bit obnoxious; Spacebunny admonished me for raising my glass in a sardonic manner when one gentleman was toasting something so loudly that it seemed as if he expected everyone in the restaurant to be involved. The interesting thing was that the guy who was toasting was shorter and balder than his friends, slightly overweight, wearing glasses, and was probably the least attractive man at the table. He was also the most outgoing and extroverted by far, as when the table full of young women on a bachelorette party were raising their glasses to the bride-to-be, he rather loudly called out to them and then got his entire table to join them in saluting the young woman.
The four women at the table were a mixed bag, only one was even remotely attractive. She wasn't what I'd call pretty, but she was tall, slender, and stylish, and stood out from her three friends who were short and conventionally round hausfraus. We had no idea which woman was with which man, but needless to say, it didn't surprise me in the slightest when, as the four men were going outside for cigarettes, the loud, balding guy with glasses leaned over and kissed his wife, the tall woman, before joining his three friends.
The lesson? As Roissy has pointed out, women may not necessarily like men who are asses, but they are attracted to them. As is the case in many other aspects of life, who dares wins.
17 comments:
I witnessed the same truth last night going out. One guy was there with his gf, but was hitting on other girls and even lifting up and carrying a girl he didnt know. His gf wanted him no less, and this guy was balding, ugly, dressed douchy white gangsta. Another guy seemed like he must have been dating 2 girls, randomly dances with this other one. Nothing special looks wise. I was so depressed after going out last night. Ive been working out a lot and working on my Game, but didnt do well last night at all. I dont know whats wrong with me.
Be desireless.
Be excellent.
Be gone.
Be STEVE.
Well i have no idea how to be "gone" or "STEVE", but i suppose the answer is in continuing to learn Game, and work out, and be bolder. I have been bolder before, and this was a bar a rarely visit/didnt know anyone. Plus i still had some flirty banter with a couple waitresses, and a cougar rubbed her ass on me so it wasnt a total loss. I kind of ignored the cougar so her and her friends jetted off. Maybe i should have hung with her for social proof? I really feel like i was missing that the whole night.
"Spacebunny admonished me for raising my glass in a sardonic manner when one gentleman was toasting something so loudly that it seemed as if he expected everyone in the restaurant to be involved."
Love that one... I feel ya.
If you don't understand the Tao of Steve then it's obvious why you failed.
Forever a Stu
What was Spacebunny wearing?
Sane societies have mechanisms for dealing with those who 'presume too much'...like dueling and sumptuary laws. In our society, a large fraction of what your status actually IS is determined by what level of status you presume by how you behave. Lots of perverse incentives all around.
Mentally, it's important to be a pirate. Stand tall with your shoulders back, look people in the eye, speak firmly, and when you see a vessel you'd like to take, pull up alongside, fire a broadside, then attempt to board if you want. If you don't get that one, so what! Move on to the next. There's other treasure out there. *Every day* is Speak Like a Pirate Day. A tactic that sometimes works is to approach the uglier of a pair of women, work on charming her, completely ignore her hotter friend. The hotter friend is very likely to get competitive, then you're in business. Try to figure out how you're going to close ahead of time though. Nothing is worse than getting to a slight pause in the conversation and you not knowing what you want to do with it.
And yes, it works for married guys too. Be bold socially - be friendly, flatter, joke with mild negs and move on, then watch your wife get slightly nervous then competitive over you.
What was Spacebunny wearing?
dude, that's weird
Yes, all sorts of sanctions on behavior collapsed in the late '60's, early '70's, and the sanction on "being a boor/asshole in public" was one of the first to go. That's one of the reasons going out in public is so much more unpleasant than it used to be. Even after the demise of dueling, as recently as the early 1960's, you might get punched for being an obnoxious ass in public - just watch any old movie made between 1932 and 1965. Today, you can get sued for that. So, yeah, lots of guys act like jerks these days, and why not? Some chicks dig it, and there is very little downside.
In some countries you can still get punched out for being a jerk in public. In Finland, for instance. You go there and observe that not a single adult is obnoxious in public (unless it's 4 am when everyone's blitzed). There is an unspoken code of conduct that is enforced by threat of violence. The only down side is that the atmosphere is often a bit tense; but you can at least go out and not be bothered by loud windbags, or my personal least favorite, the table that perpetually erupts in explosive laughter.
That being said, Vox is right. The Finnish guys considered to be the most obnoxious do tend to bag the babes at the end of the night. But in Finland, 'obnoxious' has a different connotation than here or perhaps in central Europe. It's not being loud* that makes you desirably obnoxious, but demonstrating in any other way that you're confident of yourself, since humility and self-deprecation are the norm in Finland.
[* Finns regard anyone who smiles, laughs, or is loud in public to be either hammered or insane. Any which way, the guy is usually not considered a prospect.]
Women... like the future... belong to those who show up.
Well, I'm not sure I'd like to go down the Finnish route - I mean, no smiling in public - how messed up is that? - but we could certainly go back to the codes of behavior prior to the late sixties. I mean, people back then managed to have a good time without being obnoxious buffoons, or pounding each other stupid for smiling. I guess I'm a moderate on this issue.
You misunderstood. Finns don't punch out anyone for smiling or laughing; they just avoid such people, because they're probably either drunk or insane. (Or tourists.) Finns are only motivated to punch out people who are disturbing the peace by being loud or who are otherwise deemed boorish.
That Finns are taciturn and gloomy by nature is not necessarily causally connected to their old-fashioned sensibilities about public behavior. Unlike Americans, Finns can afford to be old-fashioned, because there is no social stigma against punching out a boor, nor is there a severe legal penalty (maybe a small fine by the court, if the police get involved).
The most amusing aspect of this old-fashioned sensibility is that if a woman is being a boor in public, it is extremely unlikely that a man will hit her. However, an annoyed Finn will likely punch out the man she's with. It's great incentive for men to avoid obnoxious women, or to at least control their behavior.
Spacebunny admonished me for raising my glass in a sardonic manner when one gentleman was toasting something so loudly that it seemed as if he expected everyone in the restaurant to be involved.
LOL Damn funny.
Californio says:
So Finland sounds like it has the threat of violence - like a latin country, but with tacturn non-smiling peoples. Sounds charming. The Finns can stay out of my part of the world and I will stay out of theirs.
Interesting. Now divorced. But years ago went out to breakfast in Laguna Beach with another couple - great people and the wife was/is "peal the paint off the walls hot" - the waitress had checked in with us, and immediately after I ordered turned to hot-babe and said "and what will your wife be having?" Needless to say my sour-puss wife did not appreciate that....
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