Sunday, February 5, 2012

The declining female sex drive

Interestingly enough, it appears that it may actually be women who are the sex more bored by a lack of sexual variety over time than men:
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index," the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.

In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said.
While I am always very skeptical of studies that rely not only upon self-reporting, but self-reporting by the least self-aware group of people on the planet, namely, college undergraduates, this would be potentially useful information if the conclusions hold up over time.

This is because men tend to take it to heart as a wife's sexual interest in him declines over time. He might try harder, thereby annoying her, he might attempt to freshen things up, thereby upsetting her, or after meeting with consistent failure no matter what he tries, he'll eventually give up in despair and subsist on a guilty mix of porn, prostitutes, biweekly missionary sex and the annual birthday blowjob.

But if it is true that the declining female interest in sex is the simple result of proximity and familiarity, then a man in a long-term relationship has one of two choices. He can either remove proximity on an occasional basis - this could be seen as a gentler variant of the Dread approach - or he can simply do as men always did prior to the advent of the so-called love marriage and arrange to burn off his excess desire in other venues. The third option is not presently legally permissible in most Western countries, but the long-term trends suggest that some form of polygamy will soon be legalized.

But more importantly, men will be able to make much more informed decisions about whether or not they want to make themselves entirely dependent upon someone whose sexual interest in them is likely to decline regularly over time. While it is far too soon to take these findings seriously, if science does eventually collect a sufficient amount of material evidence to render it a reliable fact, this has the potential to be as significant a game-changer in intersexual relations as reliable male contraception.


stg58 said...

What a contrast between Munson's relationship and this article/set of findings.

If God has decreed that a man and woman shall cleave together and become one flesh, it is disconcerting that the woman we are supposed to pledge undying loyalty and love to will inevitable lose attraction for us. There has to be an answer somewhere.

Anonymous said...

Roissy and others have posted about the need for variety, mystery (secrets), uncertainty (dread), and other to keep long-term relationships from going stale.

Stickwick said...

I suspect some of this decline is related to a woman's tendency to slack off in terms of lifestyle over time, especially when she's confident her man's not going to leave her. When I got back on a serious workout regimen and permanently cut out sugar and starch, my desire for my husband shot up significantly.

Anonymous said...

I understand the need for frame control.
I understand the need for outcome independence.
I understand the need to be a man rather than some kind of slave.

But damn, why does it seem like every new piece of data reinforces the message that women need to be managed as if they had the self-knowledge and self-control of a child?

If they are supposed to be a helper then when I have to spend a significant amount of time and energy to keep them from hurting themselves or others that help becomes a hindrance. Does that situation in any way sound sane to you? Shouldn't an adult act like an adult?

Everything in my life up to the time I learned about game told me that women grew up to be adults, meaning a person that takes responsibility for their actions and takes other people into account in regards to their own actions. My parents told me this, society told me this, mass media told me this. Now I find out that it was all a lie.

My mother acted as an adult so why shouldn't I expect the girl I was to marry to act any different? I've seen that it is possible but now I find that it is exceedingly rare and getting rarer every day.

I tell you the red pill is bitter but I would rather see the truth than be blind to it.

Don't mind me. Sometimes the frustration needs to be let out.

Athor Pel

Markku said...

women grew up to be adults, meaning a person that takes responsibility for their actions and takes other people into account in regards to their own actions.

I think that it is a mirage of what could have been without The Fall.

RealMatt said...

"But damn, why does it seem like every new piece of data reinforces the message that women need to be managed as if they had the self-knowledge and self-control of a child?"

Because men no longer know it to be true. Only in this era would you spend money on studies and having it published. Time was, every man knew 99% of the women he would come across would need to be treated and reprimanded like a child. Studies exposing how ridiculously childlike women are should be treated like studies declaring that water is wet.

They're helpers and semen receptacles. Nothing more. If you want more, you've already lost the battle and are doomed to writing terrible poetry.

stg58 said...

The portrait of the Biblical wife in Proverbs doesn't jive with the helpless child image we are seeing with women.

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

All good, right?

In verse 10, however, the writer tells young men not to give their strength unto women.

VD said...

The portrait of the Biblical wife in Proverbs doesn't jive with the helpless child image we are seeing with women.

Except, of course, for the bit at the beginning about how rare such a woman is.

mmaier2112 said...

"I tell you the red pill is bitter but I would rather see the truth than be blind to it."

I think this is the main thing to take away from all this.

Women seem to often sink to their men's low expectations. I think dread, mystery and Game are the only solutions to all this mess that is male / female relations.

That, and never legally marrying in the first place.

Ian Ironwood said...

Oh, stop it.

Seriously, getting married -- to the right woman -- is a perfectly good way for a man to go, providing of course that he has found the right woman. Not "the One", but one he can work with.

It involves a lot of selection criteria, more involvement than simple Single Game, and then of course you have to learn Married Game all over again. But if played properly, the results can be very fulfilling.

But even if you don't, pure Game PUAs actually serve a valuable function for the more marriage-minded men: you guys screen out the losers pretty quick, and can sometimes keep the rest of us from making horrible mistakes.


mmaier2112 said...

Ian: so you can give me a concrete reason to involve the state in my marriage?

Yeah, I'm really doubting that. But please, present your best case.

CantBeJustMe said...

What's funny...funny odd not funny 'ha ha' (Well I guess that depends on which side of the cheap motel you live on) is that the "Studies" and "numbers" that show how many wives and husbands will cheat in their marriage. I think many times it's laziness on both parts. Women aren't perfect. Men aren't perfect. Not to mention love blinders...(the girl your dating who has to be talked into a blowjob is not going to turn into Linda Lovelace after you get married...just saying)

When I'm out I've started paying attention to couples who look (obviously) married. Couples that look to have been married for a relatively long time.

I see guys that look they somehow swallowed a bowling ball, sporting a comb over and walking next to a 40 something chick. A woman who walks by a group of teenage males and causes a penile version of the wave.

WTF? I bet this is the same guy who's bitching that his wife doesn't want to have sex anymore. Shit, with that belly he'd need a 12 inch tool just to attempt doggy style. What woman wants their man's belly RESTING on her ass as they go at it?

What woman wants to give her man a BJ and try to look up sexily in his eyes, only to see a belly blocking her view and more hair on his stomach than on his head.

Same goes for guys. It works both ways.

Just my 2 cents...

Sex Drive said...

This is really interesting take on the concept. I never thought of it that way. I came across this site recently which I think it will be a great use of new ideas and informations. Thanks a lot.

Anonymous said...

"... 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index"

When I read that phrase I realized once again that Western Civilization has jumped the shark.

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